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2/16/15: I asked RD about the void. She said that there wasn't a transition between her being there and being imposed, and that, despite it being dark, she'd possessed proprioception. I wondered if my first act as a beginner tulpamancer had been unintentionally putting her there, which would make our relationship the product of something like Stockholm Syndrome.


[*coughcough* Bullshit.]


{It's unfalsifiable. She says you didn't, you don't remember if you did or not...}


I saw what Fluttershy thought was a bag of Pop Rocks, but it was really a Milky Way. She told me that she'd seen Pop Rocks in a memory of mine, and my enjoyment of them had rubbed off on her.


Fluttershy: I blame mirror neurons :).


I thought about the "conditioning" idea that had been brought up yesterday. I wondered if this meant that tulpas were just habits, and Shou said that Fluttershy's existence disproves that. When I thought about writing fight scenes, Keystroke said "I think that the rule of thumb is 'short, sweet, and to the point'."

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2/17/15: when I looked up images of Rainbow Dash in SFM form, she wondered why several images showed her kissing or about to kiss ponies. I felt tired, so I tried using this to my advantage; when I closed my eyes, I told her to impose herself somewhere, and I saw her sitting in the chair next to me. I looked at her and focused on getting the lighting right. When my friend talked like Yoda, Dash declared a surprise light saber fight in the wonderland.

A few forcing-less hours after this, I asked her if she saw things from her own perspective when imposed. She showed me the time I'd tried to astral project to indicate that she did. When I watched some SFM pony videos, RD said that pony faces looked weird. I tried to figure out how a tulpa could hypothetically have their own body, while still being connected to the host's senses.

In the song I'm writing, my usual tactic has been to figure out the original key, and transpose it into Dash's key. She suggested I ignore the original key, and try to find what sounds good in her key. Shou recommended going to bed. I suggested we get some last-minute tulpaforcing in by exploring our wonderland; Fluttershy reminded me that there was a whole forest to explore.


[it's more of a "park" size.]


I tried to purposefully make Shou mad, since I didn't notice him be anything but calm/composed around me. A weird image of him and Keystroke popped into my head. I asked if this was him trolling me back. He laughed and said, "it is if you think it is." At first, he was in a human form when he said this, but then he said it again in his chimera form.

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2/18/15: I'd hung out with Nina this morning. RD said that during that time, she'd been getting marriage counseling from Fluttershy, coming up with "go[ing] on a date in reality" as a way to get the spark back.


Ideas for things we can do without onlookers wondering why I'm physically alone: see a movie.


Later, RD and I were bored, so we watched some videos about the Illuminati (the comedy comes from the idea that the poster legitimately believes in such a conspiracy).

After a read a paragraph of German aloud to myself, RD read the next few words.

I wasn't able to tune out chitchat outside my bedroom, so I had RD hypnotize me, sort of. I did my best to not think of anything, and she put me in a light trance just by saying it. The trance wasn't deep enough for her to keep me from hearing the chitchat, but I was able to fall asleep.

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2/19/15: I had some trouble speaking German, and I knew that there were memories from my semester of German in my subconscious, so I came up with a plan: I study new German words, while RD or whoever helps me remember the German I already know. I wondered if parrotnoia was pointless, considering that people don't know if human beings have free will. When I heard there was an open mic night, I thought this would be a good cure for Keystroke's performance anxiety, but he opted out. RD volunteered in his place.


[i can belt shit.]


{...Ehhh, Mistress, you're using his voice and his vocal chords.}


[Dash here. We used an astral projecting-type thing for possession :). I'm pretty good at it; I got everything down. My voice is coming from the back of his head, but it's "louder than his". Yeah, that's good. I'm trying to write in a "stream-of-consciousness" type style to help with possession.]


Fluttershy: You're also rambling. Kind of a lot.


[Heh. *noogies Fluttershy*. I dunno what's up with me. I think it's some kinda possession-euphoria.]


*about a minute later*


[i just scratched his nose. And pushed his glasses up. Goddamn muscle memory. Weird; there's a head-pressure in my area, but I'm not really acknowledging it as mine; this isn't classical conditioning, like with the slippers and my adorable Flutterpet speaking through him. I gotta say, the feeling of needing to push his glasses up is f***in' [i]annoying[/i].]


{...You ramble when talking like this...}


Fluttershy: Meet me in my office, maybe? Or maybe talk to his counsellor.


[i scratched an itch on his head, then it came back. Seriously, Krueger, how do you even deal? [i]so many itches[/i]. ...that damn itch is back again.]


When she tried to speak through my mouth, she sounded sort of like herself. Her mindvoice and physical voice were out of sync.


[Okay, so I found a thing on Instructables.com. Here's a link for everypony: http://instructables.com/id/How-to-Sound-Like-Your-Favorite-Pony/. Ooonly problem is that my "rasp" or whatever it is shoots my host's throat. It's more of an annoyance than anything, but I should probably ask a doctor about it.]


She clapped along when two people did a duet of "Me and My Broken Heart".


[i just reviewed the video (someone recorded it 'cause Krueger asked 'em to), and it didn't really sound like me. But then again, different parts of the brain [i]are[/i] involved in speaking and singing.]


Fluttershy: You did great, Mistress ^_^


Me: I'm having trouble getting across the lack of a stressed "m", and the fact that she said that in such a way that her use of "Mistress" didn't stick out to me until after she'd said it. It's not weird when they say it, but it is to type it. I'd post the video, but it shows my face, and my odd (likely recognizable) gait. I think I'm paranoid due to that time I talked to a stranger online, and my mom said that he was trouble--he'd put his fursona's name as his Facebook name; she sees that this guy offered sexual favors to a guy he'd never met (me); she Googles what she thinks is his real name and finds a bunch of men who are decades older than me, with the middle initial "g" (which apparently means "this person is a pedophile"). Although I did naively give him a big hint as to where I lived (because the average middle-schooler's brain isn't fully developed).

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2/20/15: RD and I sang a duet of "Tubby Wubby Pony Waifu". She also sang the Dazzlings' chorus of "Welcome to the Show". I sort of worried that she would become "corrupted"/get a big ego due to the song last night, and she blamed that on my choice of song.


[it's pretty much the same thing as the Walter Mitty Routine. Euphoria, a rush. Showboating's not really my style. *irritated* At all.]


I envisioned any potential big-headedness as water in a bottle/tray of sake (the Jspanese drink that people overfill to symbolize abundance), running through a tube to a separate sake bottle (the potential/perceived ego boost going from RD to Keystroke, as a cure for his performance anxiety).




[Annnd we're good.]


Some time later, we worked on possession:


[This "OBE" thing's pretty good. I think I don't ramble so much as I just have a lot to talk about. Like all these itches. Eyebrows, bridge of the nose, one on his sole...]


{Huh. Y'know, maybe it relates to the whole "tulpas notice a lot" thing. It's...it can be considered normal until that idea is refuted.}


[We've done possession before.]


{And the possess-ee's rambled before, when given the chance.}


Am I limiting your--


Fluttershy: No!


Me: --freedom of speech?


Fluttershy: Like I said, no.

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2/21/15: I once had a dream where I'd had my neck snapped, and I felt it. I told my tulpas that we should try to get that level of sensory input in our wonderland.


['Cause then we can use that to enter his dreams! I don't think it'll accomplish much, other than being cool.]


I didn't do much tulpaforcing today. RD became annoyed when a "Blank Space" parody was stuck in my head. I thought about looking up "Babadook parody" on Youtube, but Fluttershy advised against watching it after midnight.

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2/22/15: I saw RD sitting in my bed, in SFM form. I'd estimate that she was as tall as the distance from my waist to the top of my head.


[Maybe a bit more.]


I watched reruns of Fullmetal Alchemist to try and figure out how Shou would move. I came to the conclusion that he "should" move similar to a big cat (in quotes because physics doesn't apply to tulpas). The only places I've really visited in my wonderland are one ambiguous room in Shou, Nina, and Sarah's house, and a small, generic part of Fluttershy's forest.


Fluttershy: We could make it [the forest] a soundstage.


[There was that one time Keystroke and I curled up on a bed. Our place has a bedroom in it.]


Shou: I think the problem is that you're stuck on...Sims-type stuff, really. That's the only real experience you've had with designing houses. Basically you're having trouble wrapping your head around tulpas don't have physical needs li...hang on. In the first version of your wonderland, it was just Sugarcube Corner with a bedroom on top.


Nina: You wrapped your head around it back then.


Me: I felt several head-pressures in Shou and Nina's area. Shou said that this was due to them working on their house.

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2/23/15: RD said that she was bored. I wondered what there was for her and the others to do for fun in our wonderland, and saw an image of Keystroke in a grey room, reading a red book. I asked him what he was reading, and he said "I think it's a compendium of generic random shit."


[*cough*geek. I'm just messin' with ya.]


Later, I asked how they were doing, and saw RD and Keystroke on a date. RD said they were killing time until I could go to Starbucks. When I read about Fifty Shades of Grey, Fluttershy ranted against it.


Fluttershy: I wouldn't say it was really a rant; it had the intensity, but not the length. It was more a short burst of WTF-ery.


Me: after she'd calmed down, she referred to it as "the ultimate expression of sex and violence. It's horror packaged as romance."


[Released on fucking Valentines Day.]


After I watched a few minutes of www.youtube.com/watch?v=LW1WO7c14dA (Fanfic Critic: the paradox Alchemist), Shou said "I can't believe I'm watching this with you. I'm out."

I closed my eyes and tried to enter the wonderland. I appeared outside Shou, Nina, and Sarah's house, which was square with white walls and a reddish-purple roof. There was a path from the front door to a glowing shaft of light (portal to different areas of the wonderland) behind me. I knew that there were two right triangle-shaped areas of lawn on adjacent sides of the house.

When I watched "Doctor Whooves and Assistant ep.1", Keystroke wondered why Derpy was so famous.


{I suppose Derpygate would help, but other than that she's just a mare with the eye thing...why'd the fans make her a mailmare, anyway? Plus, Derpygate happened after she'd gained some popularity.}


He later said, "On the topic of Doctor Whooves and Assistant, I'm feeling, kinda...I don't know. I know there was that 'running off' thing I did once, but other than that I...don't really express that many emotions."


[As far as Krueger knows.]


{For the most part, I'm...I don't really know what the word is. Do I try to fix that? Should "fix" be in quotes; is this...whatever really a problem...?




I think I've figured it out, it's that same thing Mistress went through, the "sounding unsure" stuff. I dare somepony or some-mera to piss me off.}


What pisses you off?


{Oh. Ehhmm...I'm not sure really. I guess we should start with politics, religion, something controversial.}


I looked up "Amazing Atheist politics" on Youtube, figuring that this Youtuber's usual angry/swearing delivery would help. Keystroke said "Maybe I'm just the kinda guy who does 'irritated' more than 'angry' (I'm defining angry as outbursts and rage). I'd say my main two emotions are 'unsure(?)' and 'chipper'. Keikoandgilly called it 'whimsical', but I think it's pretty much the same thing."

When I said that he was pretty chipper most of the time (and that his faith in humanity was very, very, resilient) he said that he wasn't repressing any negativity like that cat from The LEGO Movie. When I got to the part of The Amazing Atheist's video where TAA read a death threat letter sent to USU, Keystroke said, "Just get to the angry part already."


Fluttershy: Strike one for irritation instead of anger.


{Now hang on, we don't know if it's that I...I said that "I don't really express many emotions"; would someone care to comment on that? One of our long-time readers?


There was that one time where I played Call of Duty; I angrily muttered a bit; maybe I do do anger, but not vocally.}

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2/24/15: I asked Keystroke if there was anything he was afraid of. I don't remember how, but we got to the topic of his first day of existing (on which I'd wondered if I should let him exist). He said that he "hadn't really been afraid so much as pissed (that I would contemplate getting rid of him simply because his creation wasn't intended)." I tried to envision a memory palace, and saw a cubical room with three large doorways (Languages, Visual, and Lyrics). I imagined my tulpas' reactions to an imaginary video about how Rainbow Rocks is full of occult symbolism.

I wondered if a protest song's chorus would work better with a head-bopping bass/drum beat, or a faster, excited beat. Fluttershy said that the head-bopping one would be less expected and therefore more memorable

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