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39 minutes ago, TB said:

Hopefully something positive before I make things too neurotic.

 

I did make a new thread for meditations if you were interetsed at all.

 

Also good morning. Yeah Ranger has it

Oh cool what forum is it under?

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Yeah, lounge as Brelomancer said. I hope you find it interesting

Creation for creation's sake.

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(edited)

Yup. I guess my next step is to make Rena an account. I guess conclusion from the talk the other night was everyone else has same problem as me and experience their tulpas the same way? And I just have to get over it and just have her anyway, even if it feels like pretending or any other millions of reasons I can find fault with the logic of it?

Edited by TB

Creation for creation's sake.

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Million might be an exaggerations but the ones that are there are pretty crippling for me. For one, I just have no idea how to verify anything she says is actually her. I always thought an alien feeling associated with their voice would do the trick, but it seems in modern times that is believed to not exist anymore. My internal dialogue is also cartoon and I use the dialogue of other characters for jokes, so hearing a thought that is in a different voice does nothing by itself to lend credence that it isn't mine. I also know thoughts just spontaneously happen. They come and go. I don't seem to have a mechanism to tell how which ones would be hers. I also suffer from intrusive thoughts badly. So she'll say something horrible, but then immediately will say that wasn't me don't worry. But I don't know if that is just a trained response my mind does to make me feel better and the mean things she said is true. This whole thing can feel like just talking to another voice in your head you generated, and I can't be sure where any of the sentience comes from or if it is true. I still have a sliver of hope because I have heard her voice before and have seen outlines and shadows of her, and she gives headpressures. I do talk to her in mindvoice or outloud as well, but just a basic amount and anytime she wants to say a complicated thought it just feels like I"m taking the roll of talking for her. I don't know if I am normal, or if I messed up somehow and am lagging behind while everyone else is having a grand time. So I'm either right where I"m supposed to be and disappointingly I think many things about tulpas were exaggerated or perhaps I misunderstood. Or I am missing all the really good stuff.

 

Sorry for wall of text

Creation for creation's sake.

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13 minutes ago, TB said:

I don't seem to have a mechanism to tell how which ones would be hers.

work on making such a mechanism. something that marks your thoughts and her thoughts differently, so that you can more easily tell who is who, of course intrusives will still probably be able to make themselves appear as the thoughts from anyone, which leads to

15 minutes ago, TB said:

I also suffer from intrusive thoughts badly. So she'll say something horrible, but then immediately will say that wasn't me don't worry. But I don't know if that is just a trained response my mind does to make me feel better and the mean things she said is true.

if you aren't certain if something is really her, just ask her, and take her response at face value. if she didn't mean the response, she will tell you

 

you can't know if your experience is the same as other's experience, but you can know if your experience is the experience that you want, and if it isn't the experience that you want then change your experience so that it is what you want

I have a tulpa named Miela who I love very much.

 

 
"People put quotes in their signatures, right?"

-Me

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Thanks. Yeah I've gotten use to how things are with her, but I still find in unsatisfying. I have to figure out how to fix it. Any advice is welcome. From what I know, I think reaching very high states of meditation is only way to have tulpas be experienced the way they were sold. I don't know how many people on this forum can actually see and hear there tulpa not using their minds eye. People also talk about tulpas having a kind of flavor to their speech or tulpish. I"m not sure if Rena does or not. I'm not good with subtle things like that.

Creation for creation's sake.

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