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I haven't had PE in 8 years. 

 

You know, it's so weird because, it's been years since anyone's really told me stuff about my birth defect. I didn't walk until two. I was told in no uncertain terms at points, "You can't run." And I could not, at least it was a good way to eat dirt. But I can run, I still can run like physically possible, but I can do all sorts of physically possible things I shouldn't do. How do you tell being a shitty runner because you haven't run, from "There's a good chance you can rip the tendons off your legs and the reconstruction is a nightmare", which what I was told as a child? Part of me wants to go, "look at all these athletes, I know it's still shitty but they tear things all the time, then they recover and go back to their sport." Is there really a risk? 

 

Part of it was that my PE teacher in elementary didn't believe I couldn't do a cartwheel, and so she just flipped me and I smacked against the tile and I came home with purple bruises all up and down my side which lead to big hullabaloo that almost went legal. That's how I ended up with a 504. So of course my mom was pretty strongly telling me as a child, "You CANNOT do XYZ in PE, you are NOT ALLOWED to do that, and you should REFUSE to do those things, don't let anyone convince you." My dad was on that side, even. I went (indoor) rock-climbing once with friends when I was perhaps 6 and scrapped my arm up and admittedly it was pretty nasty/bloody but it didn't even scar, but my dad got super duper mad at my mom for letting me go. 

 

Gavin had an exercising kick some months ago and went running a few times a week for a couple months. It hurt every time and it never stopped hurting, and we never got better at running, and fell and ate the road many times, and it was shitty, but of course there's always this nagging feeling, "Maybe you're just still that bad! You haven't run basically your entire life, it's not like other teenagers getting into running!" 

 

I remember I always emphasized with Colin from The Secret Garden, if anyone remembers that book. The moral being "you aren't actually broken, you've been neglected and when we put work into (the garden, your health, etc) it'll flourish and grow and be fine!"

 

It's important to me because I wonder if I'm "really" disabled or if I could fundamentally un-disable myself with work. Most people with femoral anteversion grow out of it and it really doesn't matter, but I was told "You are in the 1% that gets worse with age, you won't get better, and you are the worst case I have ever seen in 40 years." But I was like 11!

 

Now when I go to the doctor, the only thing she does about all that is make me stand on one foot, and make me bend over and she runs her hands on my spine and hips, I don't... quite no know what for. 

 


 

New favorite song lately

I knew a few of their songs from my childhood, haven't really looked into them though.

Edited by Jamie

The world is far, the world is wide; the man needs someone by his side. 

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I feel like this might be a good situation to trust your doctor. if she has been doing this for over 40 years, she probably knows what she's talking about, even if you were 11

 

 

I was given things from my family to celebrate that I was born 17 earth orbits around the sun ago today. one of those things was a pocket staff. now I have a staff that I can carry in my pocket

 

I don't know if having a pocket staff makes me cool or lame. maybe it makes me cool around lame people, and lame around cool people

I have a tulpa named Miela who I love very much.

 

 
"People put quotes in their signatures, right?"

-Me

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Happy birthday. You have 1 year before 18, spend it wisely but also, turning 18 isn't that dramatic. 

 

If you meant what I think you mean by pocket staff, don't bring it to school. Not that we're going to have in-person school for a while. 

The world is far, the world is wide; the man needs someone by his side. 

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it is technically a weapon, so yeah, I guess it's probably not a good idea to bring to school. if I just keep it in my backpack then there probably wouldn't be any trouble though. it won't matter for a while though, since school will likely be all online for the rest of the year

I have a tulpa named Miela who I love very much.

 

 
"People put quotes in their signatures, right?"

-Me

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