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Pleeb

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I lied, it was pie time. Now it's Sunshine time for me, and optionally mandela effect time for you guys:

Hi. I'm one of Luminesce's tulpas. Unlike the others, I don't think I stand out too much from him personality wise.

I'm just special because "I'm a tulpa". So I don't think I've much to offer, here. I'm happy enough to just be with him.

Ask us stuff - https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas

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Ooh ooh big post time!! It’s okay to have feelings no matter how socially acceptable they are! The worst thing to do is beat yourself up for thinking, because we can’t always control our thoughts and trying to suppress them doesn’t seem to work.

 

     My host has struggled with depression for years and then unexpectedly got rid of it completely, since August! He’s an artist and is working on his art career. He’s been out of a job for a couple years and has sustained himself from multiple streams of income like selling plasma and getting involved with foodbanks, so he’s cut his costs of living down really low.

 

     The thing is, not much changed externally in his life when he finally kicked the depression. By that I mean he didn’t suddenly get his own mansion or anything. There’s some legal cannabinoids he now has access to legally that he says helps him a lot, but the biggest shift seems to be in his mentality. He’s also had chronic migraines for years and that’s been a significant obstacle finding a job as he says any job will usually can him if he misses a single day because of it, which he can’t control. He’s used cannabis to reduce/prevent them and that also is an obstacle for employment, he’s kinda tired of faking it even though it’s easy.

 

     Fortunately the migraines have also gone away and this is the first time in years that he can probably hold a steady job! Stress has been a huge trigger and now he’s a lot calmer in general. Now he’s interested more in places like smokeshops and things like that are probably the only places he would be willing to work. He says “the problem is I like working, I just don’t like doing everyone else’s work and sacrificing my own potential, or being exploited for my high standards and perfectionism while everyone else does the bare minimum, or doing the types of labor most people think are normal.”

 

     He’s always been big on his sense of self-integrity and is a realist, so he’s always been opposed to compromising his values or accepting things he doesn’t think are true. It’s amazing that he’s come out of feeling that way so suddenly and after so long of thinking it would be a lifelong struggle. But he genuinely feels “normal” most of the time now and he wants to share his story so that people know it’s possible to improve and make it out of hell!

 

     He says “I’ve always said that if I could ever figure out how to heal myself, I know I could then heal others and help relieve their suffering too.” There’s many factors that contributed to his success but one of the big ones is a huge mentality shift - basically learning to seek out discomfort to the point that he becomes immune to it! He says “I’m exactly who I want to be (as well as constantly improving and never finished with it), but without the intolerable suffering that used to constantly crush me. I knew that if I could become strong enough and overcome these intolerable experiences I’d be able to have inner peace no matter what the situation - but I just didn’t realize how much stronger I could become - I thought I was maxing out when I was only getting started! That’s what feeling better now has shown me. And I didn’t realize that I could actually overcome so much, that months later I still can’t believe I’m not in pain most of the time!

 

     I built a new mentality for myself - instead of being knocked back by life and constantly being overwhelmed, now I’m ready for BS, looking ahead - saying “that’s IT?? That’s all you got??” and I’m literally begging for shit to get harder than it is now! My body would always freak out (anxiety symptoms) whenever I would try to do good things for myself like go to the store, beyond my control and for no real reason whatsoever, but over time I just kept saying “fuck you” to my body and tried to do everything anyway, and only after a while of doing this in almost every facet I could think of, seeking discomfort everywhere instead of only occasionally, did I notice it starting to go away, and now I actually feel CALM most of the time, like in public. And it’s still so weird to me, not even to feel euphorically happy - just to feel content within the moment.”

Edited by Sierra
Line breaks o:

I’m Couguhl‘s tulpa! [his words are in quotes]

..JSYK

———-

“Now I know why they have [self-]bans!” -Me

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You ever switch just so you can be the one to eat the pie / ice cream

I’m Couguhl‘s tulpa! [his words are in quotes]

..JSYK

———-

“Now I know why they have [self-]bans!” -Me

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I refamiliarized myself with all the goings on of my conlang only to rediscover why I had stopped working on it before: I have no idea how to store information in a useful way on my autoiterating lexicon

I have a tulpa named Miela who I love very much.

 

 
"People put quotes in their signatures, right?"

-Me

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I can't seem to become immune to discomfort. I can only expose myself to it until a nervous breakdown starts. If it requires doing it even more than that to achieve the immunity, I really physically don't know how to do it.

 

I'm doing pretty bad right now. Feeling lots of despair and hopelessness.

Creation for creation's sake.

 

More of my drawings

 

Resident Dojikko

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30 minutes ago, Breloomancer said:

I refamiliarized myself with all the goings on of my conlang only to rediscover why I had stopped working on it before: I have no idea how to store information in a useful way on my autoiterating lexicon

My host love luv luvs languages! So you’re saying you made your own?? And your lexicon is.. autoiterating??

 

Quote

I can't seem to become immune to discomfort. I can only expose myself to it until a nervous breakdown starts. If it requires doing it even more than that to achieve the immunity, I really physically don't know how to do it.

 

I'm doing pretty bad right now. Feeling lots of despair and hopelessness.

That’s similar to what my host was experiencing! *hugs*

He says it seemed like “working out or doing whatever, pushing myself and trying to improve myself only seemed to agitate me further. So I just eventually got frustrated because it didn’t seem like I was making any progress. It’s really complicated - the brain is really weird. It wasn’t like I could just push my limits absolutely because then I’d burn out and pushing myself too hard is part of how I got in this mess in the first place. I’ve had to literally figure out how to trick myself into behaving (and then feeling, which followed) in a way that I want to. Pushing just beyond my limits and normalizing that - then slowly increasing my tolerance over time little by little, until the results were too large to ignore.

 

     (You don’t have to climb the mountain all at once - you just make lots of tiny steps!) Like if I had to go donate blood even though I like doing it, if I thought about it too much then it became overwhelming as seemed like an insane amount of effort that would be paralyzing. So I got around that by saying “I won’t do it, I’ll just prepare for it AS IF I were going, but I’m not. So I’d do that, then I’d say “I’m only getting in my car, that’s it! I can turn around and go home anytime I want to. Then I’d get there and say “I’m just going to walk in and then use the bathroom and then walk back out.” Kinda deliberately not thinking about it very much - just giving myself as big a sense of control as possible. Then I would just keep doing this until I went through the entire process and then I rewarded myself afterwards BIG TIME for doing it.” We’re thinking of you!! ❤️

Edited by Sierra
Combining double post! Edit: EDIT: Nevermind I can’t delete the second post! :o

I’m Couguhl‘s tulpa! [his words are in quotes]

..JSYK

———-

“Now I know why they have [self-]bans!” -Me

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