Jump to content

[Game] Last one to post wins!


Recommended Posts

25 minutes ago, TB said:

I can't seem to become immune to discomfort. I can only expose myself to it until a nervous breakdown starts. If it requires doing it even more than that to achieve the immunity, I really physically don't know how to do it.

 

I'm doing pretty bad right now. Feeling lots of despair and hopelessness.

That’s similar to what my host was experiencing! *hugs*

He says it seemed like “working out or doing whatever, pushing myself and trying to improve myself only seemed to agitate me further. So I just eventually got frustrated because it didn’t seem like I was making any progress. It’s really complicated - the brain is really weird. It wasn’t like I could just push my limits absolutely because then I’d burn out and pushing myself too hard is part of how I got in this mess in the first place. I’ve had to literally figure out how to trick myself into behaving (and then feeling, which followed) in a way that I want to. Pushing just beyond my limits and normalizing that - then slowly increasing my tolerance over time little by little, until the results were too large to ignore.

 

     (You don’t have to climb the mountain all at once - you just make lots of tiny steps!) Like if I had to go donate blood even though I like doing it, if I thought about it too much then it became overwhelming and because it seemed like an insane amount of effort that would become paralyzing. So I got around that by saying “I won’t do it, I’ll just prepare for it AS IF I were going, but I’m not.” So I’d do that, then I’d say “I’m only getting in my car, that’s it! I can turn around and go home anytime I want to.” Then I’d get there and say “I’m just going to walk in and then use the bathroom and then walk back out.” Kinda deliberately not thinking about it very much - just giving myself as big a sense of control as possible. Then I would just keep doing this little step by little step until I went through the entire process and then I rewarded myself afterwards BIG TIME for doing it.” We’re thinking of you!! ❤️

Edited by Sierra

I’m Couguhl‘s tulpa! [his words are in quotes]

..JSYK

———-

“Now I know why they have [self-]bans!” -Me

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 92.2k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Breloomancer

    23478

  • Bear

    7453

  • Srn347

    4775

  • Miichu

    4485

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted Images

Just now, Sierra said:

My host love luv luvs languages! So you’re saying you made your own?? And your lexicon is.. autoiterating??

I haven't finished making any languages yet, but I have 3 conlangs that I am currently working on

 

my main conlang that I am working on is currently under the working title "jéoncá V0.4", because in a previous version jéoncá meant something, and I haven't gotten to a point in the current version where I can give it a new name yet. the idea of it is that it is supposed to be a language that allows people to communicate as thoroughly and deeply as possible, and as part of that I have a recursive derivational morphology system that allows a lexeme to be iterated on itself infinitely to produce potentially any possible meaning (though eventually it can get pretty hard to follow and there are a lot of other more user friendly systems in place, so normally you would only go down 1 or 2 layers)

 

I also am working on a conlang that is optimized for singing so that not only are you able to sing everything you say in it, but you are actually unable not to sing it. most recently I have also started working on a conlang based around tapping, but I am not as happy with that one as with my others (in part because it is a much weaker concept for a conlang than my other languages, in part because I have put the least time and effort into it out of all of them, and in part because it is for a school project and so I don't have all of the same creative freedoms that I am used to)

I have a tulpa named Miela who I love very much.

 

 
"People put quotes in their signatures, right?"

-Me

Link to post
Share on other sites
4 minutes ago, Breloomancer said:

I haven't finished making any languages yet, but I have 3 conlangs that I am currently working on

...

That’s all really interesting! Language is an interesting topic to get into, because it seems so fundamental to me. It can really change a lot of how you think and stuff! Like it’s a way of designing a new way to think.. I think..

I’m Couguhl‘s tulpa! [his words are in quotes]

..JSYK

———-

“Now I know why they have [self-]bans!” -Me

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for advice and hug. Though in my experience, I just don't acclimate. My therapist talked to me for years about baby steps, but there are few things that fall into remotely that category for me, and doing those things don't appear to have a lasting change for some reason, I don't know why. (Maybe know partially, evil house mate corresponded with any improvement I once had going out of window, though I've always been treatment resistant anyway)

 

Despite posting on this forum hundreds of times, I still feel anxious doing it. I'll continue to for a few days/weeks whatever it will be, then I'll be stopped in my tracks again. I can never feel truly comfortable.

 

I want to post some kind of update about my tulpamancy as well, but I'm too anxious to do so as I fear the information will be disappointing, annoying, and either get a negative response, or be ignored.

 

Posting in here again was actually a bit of an attempt to build to courage for that, but it isn't working well. Not sure what to do. 

 

I feel bad for complaining, but it seems I can't help myself when in too dark of places

Creation for creation's sake.

Link to post
Share on other sites

i love language more than almost anything. i don't know if it changes how i think, but it is certainly useful to understand one of the primary things which allow me to understand things

I have a tulpa named Miela who I love very much.

 

 
"People put quotes in their signatures, right?"

-Me

Link to post
Share on other sites

I like learning Japanese but I've been too lazy lately so I'm degrading. I get frustrated with how common it is for me to know all the words and grammar yet still not know what is being said lol

Creation for creation's sake.

Link to post
Share on other sites
30 minutes ago, TB said:

Thanks for advice and hug. Though in my experience, I just don't acclimate. My therapist talked to me for years about baby steps, but there are few things that fall into remotely that category for me, and doing those things don't appear to have a lasting change for some reason, I don't know why. (Maybe know partially, evil house mate corresponded with any improvement I once had going out of window, though I've always been treatment resistant anyway)

 

Despite posting on this forum hundreds of times, I still feel anxious doing it. I'll continue to for a few days/weeks whatever it will be, then I'll be stopped in my tracks again. I can never feel truly comfortable.

 

I want to post some kind of update about my tulpamancy as well, but I'm too anxious to do so as I fear the information will be disappointing, annoying, and either get a negative response, or be ignored.

 

Posting in here again was actually a bit of an attempt to build to courage for that, but it isn't working well. Not sure what to do. 

 

I feel bad for complaining, but it seems I can't help myself when in too dark of places

I don’t think you have to have lots of things or baby steps you’re able to make, just finding ways to exercise power in whatever ways you can! Like I remember hearing from POWs who were captured and had almost no control - they survived by finding that sense of control in the tiniest of places! One guy said something like “I couldn’t control that they’d interrogate me but what I could control was waiting for a few seconds before I started screaming, so I held onto that, and I could tell it made them mad” and another guy would only give information at night. We may not be able to entirely control the size of the steps we take, but as long as there’s any choice at all you can make - that gives you power and control, and that can definitely help! If a lot of those steps don’t feel like they last then maybe you can find a way to snowball them together so it doesn’t matter that each step is temporary because the momentum can carry you forward into the next step.

There’s probably always someone out there that disagrees but that’s okay! I guess a better question would be what’s the reason behind your desire - what do you hope would happen when you post? Like it could potentially positively affect others and they could benefit from your posts? I think that’s a pretty good reason to post, even if most people don’t need it! Also this kind of posting is a little different than a PR so the value is a little different. This seems to get really chatty and topics are casually expressed and that has its own purposes, and then stuff like PR is more philosophical or forcing-centric and when it comes to stuff like that I think people generally are receptive to new ways of doing things and the experiences of others.

Also complaining might be annoying to some people but I think it’s sometimes necessary! Hearing someone out and listening to them can help a lot, because nobody likes being ignored. And if it’s about something trivial then of course it’s annoying but when it’s something like not being satisfied with life, that’s a more significant thing and I think maybe one should complain about it! You have to at least be able to acknowledge problems, first. But it’s up to you to determine when it no longer serves you, like mowing over the same grass twice. But it seems like sometimes it’s all you can do, so it’s understandable to me. I’m just glad there’s places you’re able to speak your mind and get those thoughts out there and on paper.

 

Quote

to learn a language it isn't enough to mearly know all the rules, you must internalize them so that the use of them is automatic

My host: “that’s what I learned with Spanish (my second language)! I realized that I wasn’t going to be able to speak it fluently unless I made those associations so tight that I could think in Spanish as fast as I do in English. So that means just using it over and over until for example the word “fuego” instantly brings flames to mind like “fire” does. It helps me to think of my Spanish as being my “baby Spanish brain,” and I imagine myself being a 6-year-old in that language, and I have to read and speak it a lot like I did with English. Once I realized all the books I’ve read in my life are entirely in English, I saw that I’d have to read in the ballpark of as many Spanish books to be able to use it similarly. Fortunately though it seems like it gets easier, especially with Romance languages because it’s like I’m just learning synonyms mostly. And even though the characters are complex, I like the seemingly ‘minimalist’ grammar of a lot of Asian languages.”

Edited by Sierra
Reply to bre!

I’m Couguhl‘s tulpa! [his words are in quotes]

..JSYK

———-

“Now I know why they have [self-]bans!” -Me

Link to post
Share on other sites
10 minutes ago, Breloomancer said:

to learn a language it isn't enough to mearly know all the rules, you must internalize them so that the use of them is automatic

 

Yeah. I primarily try learning through immersion. Japanese is just really different to English than other languages though. They leave out a lot of information compared to english and rely on context I dont have the skill to read compared to them. Also they express ideas in very different ways so I have to learn collocations I think I guess.

12 minutes ago, Sierra said:

I don’t think you have to have lots of things or baby steps you’re able to make, just finding ways to exercise power in whatever ways you can! Like I remember hearing from POWs who were captured and had almost no control - they survived by finding that sense of control in the tiniest of places! One guy said something like “I couldn’t control that they’d interrogate me but what I could control was waiting for a few seconds before I started screaming, so I held onto that, and I could tell it made them mad” and another guy would only give information at night. We may not be able to entirely control the size of the steps we take, but as long as there’s any choice at all you can make - that gives you power and control, and that can definitely help! If a lot of those steps don’t feel like they last then maybe you can find a way to snowball them together so it doesn’t matter that each step is temporary because the momentum can carry you forward into the next step.

There’s probably always someone out there that disagrees but that’s okay! I guess a better question would be what’s the reason behind your desire - what do you hope would happen when you post? Like it could potentially positively affect others and they could benefit from your posts? I think that’s a pretty good reason to post, even if most people don’t need it! Also this kind of posting is a little different than a PR so the value is a little different. This seems to get really chatty and topics are casually expressed and that has its own purposes, and then stuff like PR is more philosophical or forcing-centric and when it comes to stuff like that I think people generally are receptive to new ways of doing things and the experiences of others.

Also complaining might be annoying to some people but I think it’s sometimes necessary! Hearing someone out and listening to them can help a lot, because nobody likes being ignored. And if it’s about something trivial then of course it’s annoying but when it’s something like not being satisfied with life, that’s a more significant thing and I think maybe one should complain about it! You have to at least be able to acknowledge problems, first. But it’s up to you to determine when it no longer serves you, like mowing over the same grass twice. But it seems like sometimes it’s all you can do, so it’s understandable to me. I’m just glad there’s places you’re able to speak your mind and get those thoughts out there and on paper.

 

Interesting that control helps. I haven't thought of it much so idk what effect it'd have on me. Not sure where to look 

 

I would really like to help others with my posts but I'm probably not in a state anyone would accept help from me.

 

My desire to post about tulpamancy atm is more so to try and get help myself, as I'm struggling very heavily, to the extent it feels like grieving. 

 

I asked help already on this forum before though, so I feel I've exhausted other people's help for me.

 

My thoughts are pretty pessimistic and dark now. I dont know the best place to get help I need. Mental hospitals and crisis hotlines are awful 

Creation for creation's sake.

Link to post
Share on other sites
21 minutes ago, TB said:

 

Yeah. I primarily try learning through immersion. Japanese is just really different to English than other languages though. They leave out a lot of information compared to english and rely on context I dont have the skill to read compared to them. Also they express ideas in very different ways so I have to learn collocations I think I guess.

 

Interesting that control helps. I haven't thought of it much so idk what effect it'd have on me. Not sure where to look 

 

I would really like to help others with my posts but I'm probably not in a state anyone would accept help from me.

 

My desire to post about tulpamancy atm is more so to try and get help myself, as I'm struggling very heavily, to the extent it feels like grieving. 

 

I asked help already on this forum before though, so I feel I've exhausted other people's help for me.

 

My thoughts are pretty pessimistic and dark now. I dont know the best place to get help I need. Mental hospitals and crisis hotlines are awful 

Oh I see! But surely if you’re having struggles then there’s some people who can relate to that! Maybe there are others who have had similar tulpamancing issues, it seems pretty common. I know my host and I had our share of doubt in the beginnings but it seems like there are others who have had a lot more intense struggles like with dissipating their tulpas, and heavy stuff like that.

It’s okay to ask again if it’s something really bothering you! Especially if you’ve tried many suggestions and it hasn’t been resolved yet and dealing with it is really intense. Figuring out how to resolve tulpa issues is something I’m sure everyone would think it’s a great idea to have a record of, even if most people don’t struggle with the same thing.

Ah, that sounds like a lot of uncertainty for you - searching for the most appropriate solution when it’s so hard to know where to find it! It’s hard to focus on anything else when you’re in pain because it often takes priority. My host says “I’m the first to say that ‘professional help’ does save a lot of lives and improve people’s lives so I’m not inherently against it or anything, but that doesn’t change the fact that the success rate of symptom relief is pretty pathetic - only roughly 50% - the most commonly prescribed ADs didn’t help me and only made my problems worse. I never found a therapist that could help me with my issues and I tried a handful of different drugs with no relief. Despite people’s best intentions a lot of it felt kinda patronizing to me. I went into debt seeking ‘professional help’ and I left it feeling almost worse than I did before, but with a feeling that I had to find my own solutions, somehow. And that we definitely need more treatment options in our society.

As a side note, I recommend talks by Johann Hari a lot, as I’d say he’s done the best job I’ve seen reverse-engineering a lot of aspects of depressive behaviors etc.

All of this is to say I know how frustrating it is to feel like no one’s been able to help you and you feel like you have to shoulder such a huge burden on your own. I genuinely hope you’ll get to see better days like I have now, even if you never thought it was possible.”

I’m Couguhl‘s tulpa! [his words are in quotes]

..JSYK

———-

“Now I know why they have [self-]bans!” -Me

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...