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4 minutes ago, Sierra said:

Oh I see! But surely if you’re having struggles then there’s some people who can relate to that! Maybe there are others who have had similar tulpamancing issues, it seems pretty common. I know my host and I had our share of doubt in the beginnings but it seems like there are others who have had a lot more intense struggles like with dissipating their tulpas, and heavy stuff like that.

It’s okay to ask again if it’s something really bothering you! Especially if you’ve tried many suggestions and it hasn’t been resolved yet and dealing with it is really intense. Figuring out how to resolve tulpa issues is something I’m sure everyone would think it’s a great idea to have a record of, even if most people don’t struggle with the same thing.

Ah, that sounds like a lot of uncertainty for you - searching for the most appropriate solution when it’s so hard to know where to find it! It’s hard to focus on anything else when you’re in pain because it often takes priority. My host says “I’m the first to say that ‘professional help’ does save a lot of lives and improve people’s lives so I’m not inherently against it or anything, but that doesn’t change the fact that the success rate of symptom relief is pretty pathetic - only roughly 50% - the most commonly prescribed ADs didn’t help me and only made my problems worse. I never found a therapist that could help me with my issues and I tried a handful of different drugs with no relief. Despite people’s best intentions a lot of it felt kinda patronizing to me. I went into debt seeking ‘professional help’ and I left it feeling almost worse than I did before, but with a feeling that I had to find my own solutions, somehow. And that we definitely need more treatment options in our society.

As a side note, I recommend talks by Johann Hari a lot, as I’d say he’s done the best job I’ve seen reverse-engineering a lot of aspects of depressive behaviors etc.

All of this is to say I know how frustrating it is to feel like no one’s been able to help you and you feel like you have to shoulder such a huge burden on your own. I genuinely hope you’ll get to see better days like I have now, even if you never thought it was possible.”

 

The tulpamancy issues I have are indeed extremely troubling and mortifying. I hope no one relates to it, because I wish it upon nobody. If someone else has it though, I suppose it might help to share, idk.

 

 I like to think I've listened and tried everyone's suggestions thoroughly regarding my tulpa issues, though I always have self doubt and paranoia that I missed something and someone will be upset with me for being stubborn and not listening to any advice, so I hold back from asking for help as much as I can. I didnt make a forum thread asking for help initially until I already struggled for 2 years first.

 

And yeah, psychiatric medication has absolutely destroyed me... I feel my memory is atrophied by it, and the things it did to my personality seemed to lead to a lot of harrowing traumatizing situations...... I vehemently was against it for so long, and I should have trusted myself. Being coaxed into trying it is the worst thing I've perhaps done. I fear I am damaged forever. Oh well.

 

Therapy sessions are always repeat of the last. It is tiring

 

Hospitals are just scary and involve forcing medicine and then releasing with nothing solved

 

If humanity doesnt destroy itself and continues to advance, current mental health practices will probably be seen like dark ages kind of stuff

 

I'll try to look into that person you named sometime, thanks

Creation for creation's sake.

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22 minutes ago, TB said:

 

The tulpamancy issues I have are indeed extremely troubling and mortifying. I hope no one relates to it, because I wish it upon nobody. If someone else has it though, I suppose it might help to share, idk.

 

 I like to think I've listened and tried everyone's suggestions thoroughly regarding my tulpa issues, though I always have self doubt and paranoia that I missed something and someone will be upset with me for being stubborn and not listening to any advice, so I hold back from asking for help as much as I can. I didnt make a forum thread asking for help initially until I already struggled for 2 years first.

 

And yeah, psychiatric medication has absolutely destroyed me... I feel my memory is atrophied by it, and the things it did to my personality seemed to lead to a lot of harrowing traumatizing situations...... I vehemently was against it for so long, and I should have trusted myself. Being coaxed into trying it is the worst thing I've perhaps done. I fear I am damaged forever. Oh well.

 

Therapy sessions are always repeat of the last. It is tiring

 

Hospitals are just scary and involve forcing medicine and then releasing with nothing solved

 

If humanity doesnt destroy itself and continues to advance, current mental health practices will probably be seen like dark ages kind of stuff

 

I'll try to look into that person you named sometime, thanks

You seem like a very thoughtful person! Like you are more detail-oriented or sensitive or something like that. You’re aware of how others could perceive you or respond and you seem to want to accommodate others. My host: “yeah I can see how one can get sensitive to being seen as stubborn or unreceptive to help or not trying hard enough etc especially when it’s such a significant obstacle and most people around you can’t understand it, and it gets beyond frustrating to have to deal with, so many people being like that kinda conditions one to assume people will think those things and you learn to shut yourself down, not wanting to be misinterpreted as “the guy who doesn’t ever want to be helped and is basically doing it to himself.” But I’m sure you’re putting in the effort and doing what you can to solve your issues (even if some people don’t see it), and that’s good! Surely you’ve gone through a lot so far, and getting so far and still seeking answers is an achievement not to be taken lightly, a testament to true strength.”

 

He was thinking the meds he took gave him a permanent muscle movement disorder (and he did have involuntary tremors for a while, that was kinda scary) but the symptoms ended up going away over time and he doesn’t notice it anymore. Maybe it will improve in time!

     “Depression definitely affected my memory more than I realized or expected. One often doesn’t associate things like brainfog with it but my memory has never been worse than when I was going through an episode - I literally wouldn’t be able to remember if I had breakfast.”

 

If you don’t feel like you’re benefiting from a specific thing, it’s okay to re-evaluate if the investment in that thing is worth it! When my host had a therapist she brought up the same idea, that he could evaluate whether the therapy was worth it or not because he didn’t feel like much was really happening, and she didn’t want him paying for something he didn’t think was providing any benefit. And the beneficial things he liked about therapy he could satisfy from other people (conversations, getting to know someone, etc) so he determined it wasn’t for him, but this is just one example.

 

People will definitely look back and be shocked at modern current practices! When the prevailing thought behind this stuff basically comes down to the oversimplified basically false idea that “your brain is just broken,” that doesn’t really empower the individual or help them solve their problems, getting down to the root of what caused it all to happen in the first place and finding a solution.

 

You’re welcome! This community is here for you! 🙂 We just listened to him talk again haha! One thing he says is that these things aren’t ‘bad feelings happening for no reason,’ they’re not weakness or character flaws - they’re signals that our bodies use to tell us that something is wrong. It’s pain that MAKES SENSE. And the way we figure out how to solve that is to LISTEN first, then understand the reasons that contribute to it, beyond just the biological changes that happen, and very importantly to get an entire tribe to come together to work with you to find a solution!

I’m Couguhl‘s tulpa! [his words are in quotes]

..JSYK

———-

“Now I know why they have [self-]bans!” -Me

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33 minutes ago, Sierra said:

You seem like a very thoughtful person! Like you are more detail-oriented or sensitive or something like that. You’re aware of how others could perceive you or respond and you seem to want to accommodate others. My host: “yeah I can see how one can get sensitive to being seen as stubborn or unreceptive to help or not trying hard enough etc especially when it’s such a significant obstacle and most people around you can’t understand it, and it gets beyond frustrating to have to deal with, so many people being like that kinda conditions one to assume people will think those things and you learn to shut yourself down, not wanting to be misinterpreted as “the guy who doesn’t ever want to be helped and is basically doing it to himself.” But I’m sure you’re putting in the effort and doing what you can to solve your issues (even if some people don’t see it), and that’s good! Surely you’ve gone through a lot so far, and getting so far and still seeking answers is an achievement not to be taken lightly, a testament to true strength.”

 

He was thinking the meds he took gave him a permanent muscle movement disorder (and he did have involuntary tremors for a while, that was kinda scary) but the symptoms ended up going away over time and he doesn’t notice it anymore. Maybe it will improve in time!

     “Depression definitely affected my memory more than I realized or expected. One often doesn’t associate things like brainfog with it but my memory has never been worse than when I was going through an episode - I literally wouldn’t be able to remember if I had breakfast.”

 

If you don’t feel like you’re benefiting from a specific thing, it’s okay to re-evaluate if the investment in that thing is worth it! When my host had a therapist she brought up the same idea, that he could evaluate whether the therapy was worth it or not because he didn’t feel like much was really happening, and she didn’t want him paying for something he didn’t think was providing any benefit. And the beneficial things he liked about therapy he could satisfy from other people (conversations, getting to know someone, etc) so he determined it wasn’t for him, but this is just one example.

 

People will definitely look back and be shocked at modern current practices! When the prevailing thought behind this stuff basically comes down to the oversimplified basically false idea that “your brain is just broken,” that doesn’t really empower the individual or help them solve their problems, getting down to the root of what caused it all to happen in the first place and finding a solution.

 

You’re welcome! This community is here for you! 🙂 We just listened to him talk again haha! One thing he says is that these things aren’t ‘bad feelings happening for no reason,’ they’re not weakness or character flaws - they’re signals that our bodies use to tell us that something is wrong. It’s pain that MAKES SENSE. And the way we figure out how to solve that is to LISTEN first, then understand the reasons that contribute to it, beyond just the biological changes that happen, and very importantly to get an entire tribe to come together to work with you to find a solution!

 

Thanks for the kind and encouraging words from you both.

 

I hope I can manage to make some post for my tulpa, and that it results in something beneficial.

 

I have had depression for a very long time, but it wasn't until medicine that my memory became as bad as it is. I sometimes feel like i have dementia. I think it may be getting a bit better though, i hope. I want it to heal completely

 

The bad memories and poor decisions uncharacteristic of myself after medication however, I also am not sure if I will recover from. It will take something tremendous to forget about.

 

And yeah. There is some reason to all the things I feel. It appears psychiatry look at it in a way that there is just an imbalance that needs fix, and don't understand that the chemicals are the way they are because of the environment and life events and worldview, and not the patient being a certain way just because some misplaced chemicals. Confusing sentence I hope I said correctly

 

Also thanks for talking to me. It is much more beneficial than a crisis hotline

 

Edit again: ironic medication has ruined my memory while simultaneously creating traumatic events I cant quite seem to forget, what a rip off

 

Also have read that SSRIs can cause permanent brain damage, so that is fun

Edited by TB

Creation for creation's sake.

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Hey, some of that advice (the stuff about "I'm just getting ready as if I was going to do it, but I'm not actually-") is the same concept as the only motivation trick that's ever worked for us. We're actually practicing it just these last couple of days. It's not flawless, but it's literally the only thing that's had any results (aside from living alone and having no one else to rely on to do things for us).

 

Basically, the most important thing we've realized about motivation issues, including ours but honestly it's the same as people experience with depression - DOING things is not hard, THINKING about them is. COMMITTING to them is. But DOING them rarely is. I mean, it can be, but 99% of the time it's not. And if it is, the difficulty still tends to pale in comparison to how hard it was to think about doing.

 

So, the trick is, think of something you think you should do or want to do, decide to do it - and then stop thinking about it. Yes, the deciding part can still be hard, we're still figuring that out. But otherwise, this has worked great. The easiest and most successful application for us so far has been brushing our teeth. Many days we do it just fine, but some days we just really don't want to and just want to go to bed. But we've been able to decide that we need to do it, and then stopped thinking about it (usually switching to thinking about anything else, but I guess not thinking at all could work too if you prefer) while walking to the bathroom. This concept should work for showering for us too, but we still have to decide we want to do it. And I mean, it really should work for just about everything.

 

The hardest part of motivation issues is jumping the incredibly high hurdle so many activities start with - the jog or run of actually doing them after that hurdle is never "hard". Sometimes it's a lot of work or effort, but that work or effort never feels "hard" because we're already doing it. It's just that initial mental hurdle that's ridiculously difficult. So learning to start walking towards the hurdle and the run, but then looking away from the hurdle and forgetting it exists... might be the key to overcoming motivation issues.

 

 

This is probably applicable to anxiety and other similar problems too, but we don't really have those, so I can't say for sure. But I highly encourage anyone who struggles with motivation (technically, effort) issues to try this concept out. In our 12 years of dealing with motivation issues, this is the only thing that's shown any results, again aside from when we've been on our own and had to take care of ourselves for a couple weeks while working an all-day-but-only-for-two-weeks job. During that time things simply had to be done out of necessity and there "wasn't time to think about not doing them", I guess I'd put it.

 

  

4 hours ago, Sierra said:

You ever switch just so you can be the one to eat the pie / ice cream

 

We usually do the opposite; we frequently leave or prepare food for a systemmate before switching with them. Our system dynamic is just like that, though.

Edited by Flandre
added "-only-"

Hi. I'm one of Luminesce's tulpas. Unlike the others, I don't think I stand out too much from him personality wise.

I'm just special because "I'm a tulpa". So I don't think I've much to offer, here. I'm happy enough to just be with him.

Ask us stuff - https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas

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36 minutes ago, TB said:

 

Thanks for the kind and encouraging words from you both.

 

I hope I can manage to make some post for my tulpa, and that it results in something beneficial.

 

I have had depression for a very long time, but it wasn't until medicine that my memory became as bad as it is. I sometimes feel like i have dementia. I think it may be getting a bit better though, i hope. I want it to heal completely

No problem, we hope you can as well! I’m sure that if you do there will be value in it! And also, maybe the action of structuring thoughts out on paper (or text in a post) can help one figure out or clarify things, being able to arrange and organize them in front of yourself without having to focus on keeping them all in mind.

Also my host has this to say: “I’ve always refused to accept the idea no matter how true I felt it was, that I would suffer intolerably like I was then, forever, and that I would just have to learn to accept it basically. I’ve always held onto the truth that I don’t know how things could change, even if I can’t imagine how things could possibly change. I thought that if I could change for the worse then surely I could change for the better, maybe eventually even better than I’ve ever been. So I’ve always thought that I want full ‘remission’ meaning I want to feel completely content with myself most of the time and not have to be miserable all the time, and I’ve held onto that as my goal.”

47 minutes ago, TB said:

And yeah. There is some reason to all the things I feel. It appears psychiatry look at it in a way that there is just an imbalance that needs fix, and don't understand that the chemicals are the way they are because of the environment and life events and worldview, and not the patient being a certain way just because some misplaced chemicals. Confusing sentence I hope I said correctly

 

Also thanks for talking to me. It is much more beneficial than a crisis hotline

 

Edit again: ironic medication has ruined my memory while simultaneously creating traumatic events I cant quite seem to forget, what a rip off

 

Also have read that SSRIs can cause permanent brain damage, so that is fun

I think I understand completely, that’s a great, succinct way to put it!

I’m glad we could talk to you and connect and that you appreciate it! <3

We’ll be thinking of you! :)

I’m Couguhl‘s tulpa! [his words are in quotes]

..JSYK

———-

“Now I know why they have [self-]bans!” -Me

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Glad it could be understood, and that you are glad. Thanks again

 

Also yeah, the doing things without thinking I found helps for motivation related things majorly too. I think it might be slightly different than what Sierra explained though, if at least just how the mental action of it functions. Doing it for anxiety I still find to be too difficult as I just kind of hardcore shut down at the point I cant really do something.

 

For motivation though it really got me meditating 1-3 hours a day and exercising a lot and many other things and I felt great. In fact better than I had at any other point in my entire life, albeit still suffering from issues of avoiding social situations and stuff, but at the same time not suffering from moment to moment in life.

 

I got it from Ajahn Brahm, a Buddhist monk. "Thinking about pushing the wheelbarrow is hard. Pushing the wheelbarrow is easy." I think I might have said it before. But hearing them say that was profound to me

Edited by TB

Creation for creation's sake.

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I don't know about y'all, but in my experience, doing a thing can often be just as difficult as thinking about doing a thing. sometimes it's just your mind messing with you and doing the thing isn't so bad, but other times I struggle past my mind stopping me from starting on something, and then that thing is completely horrible and monstrous and takes forever and is mind numbingly boring. there is no trick that will allow you to get past it, and no hurdle that you have to overcome that it becomes easy to do afterwards. sometimes it's just... bad. I haven't found a solution for that yet. if any of you have one I would love to hear it though

I have a tulpa named Miela who I love very much.

 

 
"People put quotes in their signatures, right?"

-Me

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Sure, there are things that are hard to keep doing once you've started. But 99% of things we struggle to do, like showering or going for a walk, are not actually hard to do. They're just really hard to think about doing.

 

Might only make sense to people who actually have motivation issues though. Most people can butter toast without any hassle. Personally we don't even bother making toast in the first place because it's too much effort for too little reward.

Hi. I'm one of Luminesce's tulpas. Unlike the others, I don't think I stand out too much from him personality wise.

I'm just special because "I'm a tulpa". So I don't think I've much to offer, here. I'm happy enough to just be with him.

Ask us stuff - https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas

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