Guest amber5885

The black shoe diaries. (Amber and Toby)

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Guest amber5885

So here I am taking a break from writing by doing more.... writing.....

 

Hmmm....

 

So I have been wanting to start imposition but I fail.... on a grand level so that's not actually going so well HOWEVER I have been able to sense where he is PERFECTLY over the last few days. It's been nuts actually and If touch imposition is a thing which I think it's a thing then we have been working on that subconsciously.

 

Example 1) Yesterday was an awful, no good, rotten day at work and I was beyond angry. Like I was ready to just clock out and go home I was that fed up so I called Toby during a particularly hectic moment and he showed up next to me, leaning back against the dressing table with his arms crossed and smiling. (Keep in mind this is all open eye visualization.) Like immediately his face changed, he put his arm around me and kissed my cheek and told me it would be alright, it was almost over and it was like insta better mood.

 

But what struck me was I could feel the weight of his arm around my shoulder, I could feel his breath on my cheek and the stubble on his chin as he kissed me and my face even felt warm. (Not to the touch but you get the idea)

 

It's been like that for the last few days. When I was going to sleep last night I could feel him kind of playing with my hair. I was traying up burgers at work and I heard him laugh behind me and he kind of poked me on the side in my tickle spot and my body actually reacted like someone was trying to tickle me. I almost dropped a whole box of burgers.

 

I can feel him rubbing my back when I'm stressed at work and this is actually cool you know how when someone rubs your back or your feet or something you can kind of feel it when your body releases those feel good endorphins and you just relax? That's been happening over the last couple of days so I may not be getting an actual back rub but I am getting the little shot of endorphins that comes with it which in turn relaxes the hell out of me and has put me in an awesome mood over the last few days.

 

His form is starting to become a little more solid too. Like I'm having less and less trouble keeping him in focus and my mind isn't wondering as much when we force.

 

Anywho!

 

In other news I have finally come out of the closet as it were about being asexual. ....Well actually I don't think that's so much coming out of the closet.... I wont take that away from gay people but it does feel nice to finally be open and honest just the same.

 

Although in doing so I had to define it to Toby which he didn't really understand too well at first.

 

I was married for 6 years and I have been in a few long term relationships and this seemed to confuse him. He also thought that by coming out I was ending the psudoromance that we have and I had to explain all of that to him as well.

 

I'm honestly like 98% sure that the closest I will ever come to having another relationship will be what I have with Toby. I'm happy just having my close circle of friends and my cats.

 

Anywho that's my jumble for now. I was SUPER EXCITED about the touch imposition thing. I can't wait to keep working on that. It's helped alot with my spacial awareness to Toby and it's helping me to feel him more as a real person and less of a mind mate.

 

Till next time.

 

XOXO

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Wow, so cool that Toby showed up for moral support on a bad day! Jess says of course he would :-) The other day she sat in the front row during one of my class lectures--I could feel her presence SO strongly! Hopefully the students didn't notice :-) If you felt actual touch that's way beyond where we are now!

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Guest amber5885

Okay so first off I changed the name of my PR because old dog new tricks was getting in my nerves.

 

Anywho. Today marks my first full month without cigarettes and to celebrate Toby and I went to DQ for pumpkin pie blizzards :D

 

His idea, totally awesome.

 

So we have, as of today began working on visual imposition.

 

Another user sent me a PM with a delightful tip.

 

Look at a chair, stare at it until you have it memorized.

 

Close your eyes and try to visualize Toby sitting in the chair and hold onto the visual as you open your eyes.

 

Is he sitting in the chair? If no start over and repeate.

 

So we just tried it for about 20 minutes and suprisingly nothing happened. I'm not nieve enough to think anything would happen on the first try but I'm still a tad disappointed :(

 

Lol im going to do this a few times a day and I will definitely keep y'all updated

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The only time I felt breath on me was during a lucid dream where Red XIII was breathing on me. A powerful experience.


Chance, an anthro husky, wolf or fox.

Birthdate September 20, 2014.

Sentient October 1, 2014.

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Guest amber5885

It is insanely powerful and really cool when your tulpa begins to effect you. We have touch imposition down really well and I still remember the first time I felt his arm around me. It was amazing!

 

Now it's just a part of our day to day.

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Guest amber5885

It's not tulpa related but I'm gonna meet my dad today! :D

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Guest amber5885

Yes and he got held up so first thing in the morning :D

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Guest amber5885

Long story short, I know I mentioned my schizophrenic mom. She had an episode, decided that my dad was evil and took off with me when i was three, changed our names and told me he was an alcoholic that beat us.

 

When I found out about her condition I decided to fact check everything she ever told me and it turns out that my dad is a really nice guy, I finally found him three years ago. He's not easy to find and we've talked pretty much every day since.

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