Miyisan

Miyi's Tulpamancing Log.

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Well, lack of a better title since everyone else seems to have taken every idea that my mind thought of ;=;. None the less. I'll keep it short - I'll be posting here every day, hopefully at around 22:30pm GMT+1. Logging each and every day. I'm open for people to help me and people to comment!

 

So whats happened so far, I discovered Tulpas in July from a friend who had one, and then decided a month later to begin. However I didint start off to well as I was doubtful and unmotivated - Unsure and such. It wasnt until around 15/9/14 that I started really focussing on my Tulpa. So far, I have a name, Honesty, a form for her, and most of her personalty. (For the record, i've said she can change ANY Aspect of herself according to her desires rather than mine, I wont judge or be sad.)

 

I hope i'm not boring with text, it's a bad habbit >.<.

 

(NOW ON WITH THE ACTUAL LOG! I'll start form yesterday as that is when things really kicked off.)

 

20/09/14 - Saturday.

 

I was rather worried this day, as the entire day I had struggles thinking about Honesty, and keeping her on my mind - I got worried and upset I was neglecting her. That day I had only done passive forcing... I was listening to music and trying to tell what music she liked. (I discovered she probably does not like Nightcore or Rock. Possibly something slow and methodical.)

 

So... for the first time, I took her someplace new, the beach, A place i've never been to in so long, we looked around the rockpools, finding crabs, shellfish and some actual fish, I sat in the peaceful evening light with her looking out to the ocean too. I felt happy, and hoping she did too.

 

Afterwards - Returning home feeling good about myself, I layed down, and Acitvley forced. Now it's worth saying i've had a lot of trouble concentrating - I keep having intrusive thoughts and keep swaying away from what I was doing, but that night was different, literally - Narrated to her about my day, thoughts and worries and her personality for an entire half hour. (I usually spend about 10 minutes because i'm just getting used to it.. sorry ;~; )

 

So far i've had no real big responses, i've been relying on head pressure and judging movement from her form in our wonderland, yet i'm still not sure if its her or me puppeting her. I have no real way of telling.

 

Thats about it, really, if the format of paragraph after paragraph is hard to read and boring, suggest something! Because I have no-where else to vent my progress than here.

 

Thanks! Have a good Morning/Afternoon/Evening! ^_^

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Guest Anonymous

Hey, welcome to the site.

 

Afterwards - Returning home feeling good about myself, I layed down, and Acitvley forced. Now it's worth saying i've had a lot of trouble concentrating - I keep having intrusive thoughts and keep swaying away from what I was doing, but that night was different, literally - Narrated to her about my day, thoughts and worries and her personality for an entire half hour. (I usually spend about 10 minutes because i'm just getting used to it.. sorry ;~; )

 

So far i've had no real big responses, i've been relying on head pressure and judging movement from her form in our wonderland, yet i'm still not sure if its her or me puppeting her. I have no real way of telling.

 

Intrusive thoughts? For me, the best way of getting past them is acknowledging them and then refocusing your mind to something else. Suppressing them usually makes it worse, as with trying to shift your mind to something else the moment you see them - they'll just pop up a bit later. The more attention you give the thoughts the longer they'll be with you. And relax, y'know? The first bit of tulpas is just making it a habit of spending time with 'em. Make the process fun, not something to pull your hair out over.

 

As for 10 minutes -- make an effort to add a minute or two each time. Gradually work yourself up. You can do that, or do multiple 10-minute sessions throughout the day. See what works for you. I'd recommend setting goals for each week, like say, actively force for 5 hours total over the week. Certainly helped me.

 

Puppeting, parroting... ignore it. You can't tell if it's her or not, so it's not worth worrying about. Roll with it, if it isn't her, it'll be her someday.

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Thank you for replying!

 

To reply to some things... I'm a very worrying person - No matter what I think I can't shake some things off my mind. And I know... people say with time it will get better and doubts and worries will go away. But they're so potent in my mind and i hate them >.<

 

I concern myself with Parroting and Puppeting because I often daydream, when I'm listening to music. I think of situations to fit, action, sad, disappointment - Depending on the music. And I often make up my own characters ect.

 

I've been roleplaying for a good few years now, and I'm good at putting images into my head, but when it comes to focussing on this... Sure, I can remember my wonderland vividly, I could explain every nook and cranny in the entire world, from the dirt to the cracks and seams in the walls. I've even Tulpaforced some things for Honesty, like books of my past memories and hopes+dreams, a log book with my name on it where everything i've ever said to Honesty gets written on, and she has her own to write whatever she wants.

 

Furthermore, I have a void in the House Honesty lives in, like a door leading to a big open void room, with a computer in the middle. It has a folder with thousands of video files, they're all videos of my past memories, dreams and a visual perspective as far as my mind will let me remember.

 

It's safe to say I have a large amount of things to do in my wonderland, well, for Honesty, but when it comes to me and her doing something together, I find it hard to visualize myself with her...

 

Thanks again - I'll add another note of my past 3 days tonight (Since Tulpa.info was dead for a few days :c.)

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H-Hey! It's time to update! (Since Tulpa.info was down I guess I'll start from today.)

 

23/09/14.

 

Starting off, The morning was uneventful, and I kinda just went about it... talking to Honesty here and there, getting ready for a full day - I told myself i'd try and think of Honesty most of the day like I was able to before, I wrote her name on the back of my hand, and I was set.

 

Now... Nothing really happened... The day went about quietly, I tried talking to Honesty during the day but I kept getting distracted by other things, people and events around me.... my instinct made me feel so so bad about this... I felt horrible... and once the day was done, I ended up flopping on my bed, and trying to Actively force with her... and I got frustrated, Intrusive thoughts and my mind wandering annoyed me. So I consulted to a friend for help... sure enough... it helped. He said I should just explain to Honesty what is wrong and go from there... So I did...

 

I explained to her the trouble I had, Visualization, configuring my mind to tell the difference between her movement/speech and Parroting and Puppeting... Once I was done, she Nodded... and I hugged her... Thats when I felt it - A sudden wave of happiness down my body and into my stomach, I sat there are held the hug, thanking Honesty... I could tell this was her, no way it couldnt be, I knew it was her. And I can say for sure - It cleared all doubts I have. She's there and she knows how I feel. And thats the most comforting thing about this...

As I write this, I have yet to go on an active force, I will edit it once i'm done later on.

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24/09/14

 

I FORGOT ABOUT THE 24TH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

Okay... So... only one big thing happened. The morning, I was speaking with Honesty, and how bad I felt just... not doing enough for her, and again... I experienced a great sense of happiness in my stomach... As if she were saying 'It's okay'... And that was good... At this helped... A lot... I knew it was her, I /felt/ it was her... so... I just... I went with it, and I promised i'd do something special. I would... But I didint...

 

So that night... I was frustrated, again, I couldnt focus, nor could I get into the Mood to Force... eventually, I did. And I sat down, and spoke with Honesty. After a while. I decided to do something fun. A water Balloon fight... it got out of hand, I guess since I havent put many physical boundries... so... Honesty levitated a huge bundle of waterballoons... and dropped them on me. I lost, far to say, but something cool happened... the water, from the balloons... the ground sunk a bit down the hill, and the water filled it, and there spawned a clear water pond. With shiny fish to inhabit it... Afterwards... We went to look at it... it was nice. Seeing this in front of me, and knowing I didint will it, but Honesty, she wanted it. I know she did. Because I never thought of it.

 

Later, I guess we just cuddled and dried off in blankets.

 

I lost concentration then. And got super frustrated.

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I FORGOT ABOUT THE 24TH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

uh

 

 

 

Really nice log. Lots of voice in your writing, I guess.

I'm interested to see more from you.


H-Hey! It's time to update!

 

Hey! Listen!


PR

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26/09/14

 

I don't know what happened to the 25th... but I guess i'll be short here.

 

Well... I got a new charm - To remind me of Honesty, since i've worn it i've hardly kept my mind off Honesty, throughout today I just kept thinking of her each time I looked or felt it. I knew she was there. And I could feel it... For the whole day I was working away at School. I knew she was there. And I spoke to her every so often, I practised the 'Ping Pong' Method. It worked, until I thought I was just tiring Honesty out with it, so I stopped for a bit...

 

Then - I hate myself for it - I stopped for a few hours to let her rest... and to this point i've done very little... And I felt like complete shit, I tried talking to Honesty, nothing. I tried going to the wonderland we made and try there. Still nothing...

 

So i'm assuming Honesty doesn't feel like chatting or anything at the moment... so I guess later on i'll read her a book I was intending on reading, 'Doctor Sleep' by Stephen King. It seems... slightly fitting. I'll do it till I fall asleep... and that'll be that. I'm worried about Honesty, I always am...

 

Let me just say here - I am NOT going to give up on Honesty. I promised to her and to myself, Swore on my Fathers Grave I would never give up. Only killing me would stop me - I am not trying to make Honesty perfect either, i've said to her she can Change her name, Form, Personality to however she likes, rather than what my Sub concious desires. I want to make sure I can understand Honesty fully - This means until she is fully Vocal. Or somewhat... whenever I can comprehend her in a decent sense. Right now - It's just me hoping I don't screw up and she disappears somehow...

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Puppeting, parroting... ignore it. You can't tell if it's her or not, so it's not worth worrying about. Roll with it, if it isn't her, it'll be her someday.

 

Awesome feedback. Certainly helps me.


Chance, an anthro husky, wolf or fox.

Birthdate September 20, 2014.

Sentient October 1, 2014.

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Welcome. And welcome too to Honesty. You might find that imagining Honesty standing just out-of-sight behind you may make it easier to feel her with you. It really helped Kevin get used to my being with him all the time. *Smiles*

 

Everyone, and I mean everyone gets some of that frustration at not being able to concentrate. It's o.k. Honesty will understand. Tulpas always do. *grin*

 

And, a word to Honesty directly, be patient with 'Miyi'. This is all new for you both. There's a beautiful world here on this Earth, and you'll have much to look forward to.

 

Be well.


Please consider supporting Tulpa.info.


 

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Sarah: [Nobillis always has excellent advice.

 

Miyi, I want to let you know that you shouldn't be too hard on yourself for having trouble concentrating or forgetting to force sometimes. These things happen and we tulpas absolutely understand. It's a continual learning process for both tulpa and host.

 

Honesty: I know this can be a confusing time, and can be frustrating if you can not easily communicate with one another yet. This will get better with time, so like Nobillis said, I would also encourage patience. I look forward to talking with you eventually!

 

Good luck with everything, to the both of you.]


Host: Sakura

Tulpa: Sarah (began June 5th, 2014), Alyx (Began July 23rd, 2014)

Our shared tumblr

note: usually browsing on mobile, so cannot quote properly

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