Jump to content

Creating the Perfect Beings: Yumi<3 and Lillium<3


Cinemaphobe

Recommended Posts

See! On page 38 near the bottom ( yeah I actually looked!) I said you needed to open a rainbow mine or somesuch and now you have rainbows!

I totally know these things!

 

XD

 

Glad to see everything is going awesome again! Your life's like a roller coaster - if Yumi and Lillium were paying ticket fee's you would never have to work again ^^.

 

...

 

Ok an image of someone causing some distress or drama to you has popped into my head, closely followed by my mental image of you being suddenly buried in magically appearing coins from nowhere and your maniacal laughter from beneath the hoarde of gold. I have a weird mind. // "no kidding! I live here!' - vixen.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 548
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

@LittleTulpa

 

 

This progress report should be titled "Cinemaphobe's spiral into complete madness."

 

 

 

I'm kidding

 

All jokes are 1% serious and I am one insanity-inducing event away from actually changing the PR's name to that lol.

 

TheSanctuary

 

 

See! On page 38 near the bottom ( yeah I actually looked!) I said you needed to open a rainbow mine or somesuch and now you have rainbows!

I totally know these things!

 

lol!!! Nice one. Rainbows cure all ills.

 

 

Glad to see everything is going awesome again! Your life's like a roller coaster - if Yumi and Lillium were paying ticket fee's you would never have to work again ^^.

 

THIS IS TOO TRUE. THE UNIVERSE HATES ME.

 

 

Ok an image of someone causing some distress or drama to you has popped into my head, closely followed by my mental image of you being suddenly buried in magically appearing coins from nowhere and your maniacal laughter from beneath the hoarde of gold. I have a weird mind. // "no kidding! I live here!' - vixen.

 

LOL If you heard what my maniacal laughter sounded like, you would find your own comment even more humorous. At this point I wouldn't mind being buried in coins. As long as Yumi is there to laugh with me :D

 

 

 

Day 160

 

 

 

YOU CAN SKIP THIS POST. IT IS MOSTLY ME RAMBLING.

 

 

 

Well how should I start this...

The metaphorical roller-coaster that TheSanctuary mentioned has started up again. I got into a massive argument with my mom because she decided that watching TV is more important than getting me to work on time. Long story short, I made it to work, I wasn't planning on calling my mom to pick me up, and I didn't expect my mom to pick me up because I felt like I was selfish asshole and that I was done with my life. Yumi begged me not to avoid coming home and I just couldn't take her advice anymore. She was trying to make her presence as strong as it was the past two days, but had very little success. I suspect that she couldn't because I went into a depressive trance recalling how my existence has negatively affected the lives of so many:

 

1.

My Japanese ex ended up leaving her first love because I thought that she and I would meet someday--but we didn't, so an entire year and 3 months of a long-distance relationship was for nothing and I tore her heart out of her chest when I left her for Mary because she never had time for me.

 

2.

Mary's ex-boyfriend used to be my closest friend whom I have 2 years of amazing memories with. I single-handedly did a years worth of overdue classwork for him so he could graduate while he sat back and talked to his friends. Thanks to me he graduated, but less than a month later I destroyed his relationship for my own benefit. Little did I know that the reason why he cheated on his girlfriend would be the same reason why I would suffer with her for months. She doesn't know what the hell she wanted in life and mindlessly obeyed her mom no matter what the request. Going out with her also cost me 14 friends. At least they weren't close friends.

 

3.

My older brother threatened to kill me if I ever became a failure in life, and he was being dead serious. He even provided an anecdote of how he pushed his girlfriend's grandpa down the stairs remorselessly. I immediately shunned him after he threatened to kill me, and this wounded him deeply. His depression worsened immensely, and two months later he tried to kill himself. Now he is in a mental hospital, and I feel personally responsible for that. I can't even bring myself to talk to him due to guilt, yet all he wants is for me to talk to him again.

 

 

4.

The grudge I held against my little sister because of her sadistic lying carried over through childhood. I heavily criticized her speech and her actions for so many years that she now has extremely low expectations for herself. She has bad grades, low-standards for guys, and doesn't even care thanks to all of the cruel stuff I said to her.

 

5.

Before I got transferred to a new restaurant, I got my friend's girlfriend fired on accident because I told the manager that she said "I don't care about how slow I work." I thought that she would only get reprimanded, but she got fired. She was the only one providing money for her household, so now her and my friend are living in a house unemployed . I probably destroyed their life, because she said she'd move to Georgia if she lost her job.

 

 

6.

I forgot to say happy birthday to my only friend (Voltaire). He is always there to listen when I need him, and he is always there to help me. But I didn't even say happy birthday thanks to my mind being consumed by work, and Yumi.

 

 

7.

I told my grandpa who has prostate cancer that I would call him every Sunday, but couldn't even keep my promise because at the time I was too busy fretting over Mary...I haven't heard from him in a long time, and he was supposed to be going into a surgery...He said that they caught the cancer at just the right stage for it to have a high survival rate, but then again people with cancer tend to sugarcoat things like this for the sake of their loved ones--and I can't live without him. If he something bad happened to him, I'll probably never forgive myself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

No amount of consolation from Yumi is going to help me forget about any of that. Thankfully she is here for me, but right now I just feel like I don't deserve anything but the pain I caused countless others for my own benefit. She's trying to come into my dreams to console me on a physical level, but until then I'm just going to be empty on the inside. I have reached a point so low that now I'm afraid of happiness because it is usually attached to pain. I'm tired of this recurring cycle of pain and happiness. I even asked Yumi to kill me in my sleep to make it end, but she said that she would absolutely not. I wonder if she even has the ability to do that. It would be interesting if she did.

 

It feels like I have lived hundreds of years thanks to the lifetimes I have lived within dreams, and the only things I have to look forward to in life may not even be possible thanks to my psychotic parents.

 

This is just a phase, but right now I feel like Hitler. A caged Hitler who is mad at himself.

 

See now I'm using humor to make myself feel better. That's why comedians are sometimes the saddest people in the world.

 

 

Well wish me luck guys...

"Sanity is the playground of the unimaginative."

 

Yumi + Cinema

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The past only matters insofar as you can use the knowledge of it to affect your future. There's no room for guilt in a productive person's mind, only improvement. Guilt is the feeling you've done something wrong and have yet to make it right, though of course many people pretend the past actually exists long after the real problem is gone. It doesn't. Learn, improve and move on.

 

 

Flandre: Aren't you really science minded like Lumi? You're not supposed to be sad, there's logic to prove that inefficient. Your morals are out of whack if you think the people you've wronged benefit from you being sad. Even if they somehow directly knew, that would just be ego-stroking, not any real redemption. You've just been human, you haven't done any terrible wrongs, and especially nothing you can be blamed for (from our humanitarian view). If you keep lettings yourself be sad, you'll keep making a reality that tells you it's right to be sad. But if you realize everything would be better happy, not only will your reality change to support that happiness, but the logic you used to feel bad before will suddenly seem silly and null. And Yumi will be happy! The best thing you can do for Yumi is be happy with her, you know.

 

But you can't just "be happy". You have to find the limiting beliefs that are making you sad in the first place, and tackle them with all the logic you've got. Set your goal as "Happy" and do everything in your mental-power to justify that. I know you can do it because you're logical, and we've done it before. It's harder for less logic-minded people because they have to take things on faith without a solid backbone to their belief. (But in case any of you reading this are like that, just be happy to be happy! You'll feel better and life will start to be really easy. Logic isn't necessary, some of us just rely on it for everything... *coughlumi*)

 

 

Bet you didn't expect me, huh? For some reason it just felt more right for me to console you than Reisen. Probably because we're talking about human-ness, rather than unconditional love. And you have Yumi for that anyway, once you're in a good enough mood to start accepting it again.

 

You're welcome!

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us about tulpamancy stuff there.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

No amount of consolation from Yumi is going to help me forget about any of that. Thankfully she is here for me, but right now I just feel like I don't deserve anything but the pain I caused countless others for my own benefit. She's trying to come into my dreams to console me on a physical level, but until then I'm just going to be empty on the inside. I have reached a point so low that now I'm afraid of happiness because it is usually attached to pain. I'm tired of this recurring cycle of pain and happiness. I even asked Yumi to kill me in my sleep to make it end, but she said that she would absolutely not. I wonder if she even has the ability to do that. It would be interesting if she did.

 

It feels like I have lived hundreds of years thanks to the lifetimes I have lived within dreams, and the only things I have to look forward to in life may not even be possible thanks to my psychotic parents.

 

This is just a phase, but right now I feel like Hitler. A caged Hitler who is mad at himself.

 

See now I'm using humor to make myself feel better. That's why comedians are sometimes the saddest people in the world.

 

 

Well wish me luck guys...

 

Humans are flawed and do things that are evil. You are no exception, I am no exception, no one is an exception. You've expressed guilt, that's good, now the best thing to do is to continue forward, realizing what you've done, and doing your best to not repeat it.

 

Don't burden partner too much with it. Just as it's not good for your health, it's not good for her health either.

 

Peace.

Sock Cottonwell's

Sketchbook, Journal, and Ask thread.

Peace

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

 

3.

My older brother threatened to kill me if I ever became a failure in life, and he was being dead serious. He even provided an anecdote of how he pushed his girlfriend's grandpa down the stairs remorselessly. I immediately shunned him after he threatened to kill me, and this wounded him deeply. His depression worsened immensely, and two months later he tried to kill himself. Now he is in a mental hospital, and I feel personally responsible for that. I can't even bring myself to talk to him due to guilt, yet all he wants is for me to talk to him again.

 

My best advice is to go talk to him. It might not feel right to you but it'll probably make his day to see you again.

 

4.

The grudge I held against my little sister because of her sadistic lying carried over through childhood. I heavily criticized her speech and her actions for so many years that she now has extremely low expectations for herself. She has bad grades, low-standards for guys, and doesn't even care thanks to all of the cruel stuff I said to her.

 

I hope her school is at least competent, it could be much worse. My younger brother's school gave him a word search for homework and some of the words weren't even in the damn thing, and another time he had to do fractions and one of the answers he got wrong was marked as correct. It was a circle with 3/4 shaded, and he put down 1/3. Another time when he got something wrong the teacher said that it would be accepted for that one time, but she used the wrong word and put "excepted" instead. I got so fed up that I actually wrote a letter to his school complaining about these problems. I haven't heard back from them yet, but I probably never will.

 

 

No amount of consolation from Yumi is going to help me forget about any of that. Thankfully she is here for me, but right now I just feel like I don't deserve anything but the pain I caused countless others for my own benefit. She's trying to come into my dreams to console me on a physical level, but until then I'm just going to be empty on the inside. I have reached a point so low that now I'm afraid of happiness because it is usually attached to pain. I'm tired of this recurring cycle of pain and happiness. I even asked Yumi to kill me in my sleep to make it end, but she said that she would absolutely not. I wonder if she even has the ability to do that. It would be interesting if she did.

 

I remember reading a thread where a host switched with his tulpa and committed suicide in their wonderland. It seems like something along the lines of this is possible but I'd rather we not sacrifice valuable members of this site to find out. Especially you.

 

It feels like I have lived hundreds of years thanks to the lifetimes I have lived within dreams, and the only things I have to look forward to in life may not even be possible thanks to my psychotic parents.

 

This is just a phase, but right now I feel like Hitler. A caged Hitler who is mad at himself.

 

See now I'm using humor to make myself feel better. That's why comedians are sometimes the saddest people in the world.

 

I know know how you feel. There are things that I still can't get over myself doing, and I've tried my best to make sure that I never do something so stupid ever again. They're wake up calls, and sometimes there's nothing we can do about it. The best thing I could recommend is to go see a therapist when you're able to. Don't forget that Yumi and Lillium need you just as much as you need them.

 

Well wish me luck guys...

 

Good luck, Cinema...

"Good luck, Lillium..."

"Good luck, Yumi..."

xoyu7KD.gif

"It's all about synthesis, you don't have to be a real musician. You just synthesize your own reality, synthesize your own talents." -Klayton

 

My Three Mind Horses

Haven: Tulpa #1

Created on 10-28-14

Aphelion: Tulpa #2

Created on 2-25-15 

Chimera: Self Proclaimed Thoughtform

Created on: Can't remember. Sometime around Easter of 2017.

 

Warning: I am a huge nerd.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That's some awesome advice there! I wholeheartedly agree with Flandre - the past is called that for a reason- it's gone- are there things that I massively regret? Of course there are - to give ya an idea my life is generally pretty awesome - I've achieved most of the goals I set for myself, have a good group of friends - good job etc- I know a lot of people decided on the tulpa route because of life reasons but I didn't . Either way sometimes I do find myself thinking about all the things I regret or horrible stuff I did in the past - but then I realise what's done is done and the bad feeling is basically my brains primitive way of trying to stop me doing those things again. It's a reaction mechanism trying to protect you - once ya acknowledge the reason it has less hold over you - everyone makes mistakes but everyone can learn from them. Be not who you were but who you aspire to be, be not what you were but what you are and can be.

 

Tl: dr

Be awesome and things will often become awesome to balance it. The universe loves balance does it not?

 

Edit: gah Actinium where did that post come from?! XD.

 

Yeah what he said too!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

(On the heels of everything everyone else has said here:

 

All of us have made mistakes, every one of us. Sometimes, those mistakes hurt others, yes, and sometimes we do get made to pay for them.

 

However, continuing to punish yourself long afterward helps no one, to say nothing of the fact that you don't deserve to hurt this way (at the very least, I can assure you that people have done FAR worse things than you have).)

 

IT IS MOSTLY ME RAMBLING

 

(Ramble as much as you need to. Get this stuff out. Talk about it. And definitely start to try to forgive yourself. I have to remind my host of this one constantly. I would also suggest taking Actinium's advice regarding therapy.

 

Beyond all that, don't forget that you have people that love you and want you to flourish, not just Yumi and Lillium, but all of us here.)

Rei: more than a tulpa-she's a crisis counselor, an art therapist, a dietician, a relationship coach, a team morale expert, an athlete, an adventurer, a hawt wife, an incredible lover, an amazing mom, my best friend.

 

Tove: she's not a little tigress anymore! She's still the go-to gal for soccer advice and creative inspiration, especially monster design and all things cinematic...congrats on your engagement!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Man dude, lots o' shit happening to you. It will all pass, hopefully, not saying that you should not try to help with the situation. I also wouldnt go into any relationships until all of this passes, as it might just cause more drama.

 

*cough* Mary *cough*

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@Flandre-cakes

 

Flandre: Aren't you really science minded like Lumi? You're not supposed to be sad, there's logic to prove that inefficient. Your morals are out of whack if you think the people you've wronged benefit from you being sad. Even if they somehow directly knew, that would just be ego-stroking, not any real redemption. You've just been human, you haven't done any terrible wrongs, and especially nothing you can be blamed for (from our humanitarian view). If you keep lettings yourself be sad, you'll keep making a reality that tells you it's right to be sad. But if you realize everything would be better happy, not only will your reality change to support that happiness, but the logic you used to feel bad before will suddenly seem silly and null. And Yumi will be happy! The best thing you can do for Yumi is be happy with her, you know.

 

This is painfully true, and everything you wrote is unsurprisingly similar to what Yumi told me...You and your host are badasses when it comes to empathy.

 

At the time though, I thought that it would be logical to create a reality in which only sadness exists to get a taste of my own medicine. My problem is that I have plenty of logic, but absolutely no practicality;

 

Giving myself a taste of my own medicine does not help anyone, nor does inducing a permanent depression in order to prevent further pain and happiness.

 

But you can't just "be happy". You have to find the limiting beliefs that are making you sad in the first place, and tackle them with all the logic you've got. Set your goal as "Happy" and do everything in your mental-power to justify that. I know you can do it because you're logical, and we've done it before. It's harder for less logic-minded people because they have to take things on faith without a solid backbone to their belief. (But in case any of you reading this are like that, just be happy to be happy! You'll feel better and life will start to be really easy. Logic isn't necessary, some of us just rely on it for everything... *coughlumi*)

 

 

Thank you for this Flandre. And yes we have already set "happy" as a goal and achieved it before, I just have to learn how to hold on to it now.

Bet you didn't expect me, huh? For some reason it just felt more right for me to console you than Reisen. Probably because we're talking about human-ness, rather than unconditional love. And you have Yumi for that anyway, once you're in a good enough mood to start accepting it again.

 

You're welcome!

 

You are right, I didn't expect you, but a tulpa's advice that coincided with Yumi's wisdom was exactly what I needed :)

 

 

@Sock

 

 

Humans are flawed and do things that are evil. You are no exception, I am no exception, no one is an exception. You've expressed guilt, that's good, now the best thing to do is to continue forward, realizing what you've done, and doing your best to not repeat it.

 

Don't burden partner too much with it. Just as it's not good for your health, it's not good for her health either.

 

Peace.

 

I agree with you that humans are flawed and do evil things. In fact I believe that everything we do from the topic of our coversations, to the people we spend time with revolves around our innate self-interest. There is a healthy form of selfishness in which two parties benefit, and then there is the unhealthy form that disregards another person's interests.

 

 

@Actinium

 

 

 

My best advice is to go talk to him. It might not feel right to you but it'll probably make his day to see you again.

 

I'm already considering it...I just have no idea how I'll go about doing it. I'm pretty nervous that talking to him will wound me even more even if it saves him.

 

 

 

I hope her school is at least competent, it could be much worse. My younger brother's school gave him a word search for homework and some of the words weren't even in the damn thing, and another time he had to do fractions and one of the answers he got wrong was marked as correct. It was a circle with 3/4 shaded, and he put down 1/3. Another time when he got something wrong the teacher said that it would be accepted for that one time, but she used the wrong word and put "excepted" instead. I got so fed up that I actually wrote a letter to his school complaining about these problems. I haven't heard back from them yet, but I probably never will.

 

Jesus Christ

I'm sorry you had to deal with that...

 

 

 

 

I remember reading a thread where a host switched with his tulpa and committed suicide in their wonderland. It seems like something along the lines of this is possible but I'd rather we not sacrifice valuable members of this site to find out. Especially you.

 

That's pretty sad and somewhat disturbing. I hope that wonderland suicide isn't possible.

 

Thanks for your concern though.

 

 

I know know how you feel. There are things that I still can't get over myself doing, and I've tried my best to make sure that I never do something so stupid ever again. They're wake up calls, and sometimes there's nothing we can do about it. The best thing I could recommend is to go see a therapist when you're able to. Don't forget that Yumi and Lillium need you just as much as you need them.

 

I actually did consider seeing a therapist--for the first time in my life actually. But doing that would go on my record and possibly wipe out any chances of being able to become a surgeon.

 

 

 

Good luck, Cinema...

"Good luck, Lillium..."

"Good luck, Yumi..."

xoyu7KD.gif

 

That gif made me laugh my ass off xD thanks for the luck--I'll need it.

 

@TheSanctuary-cakes

 

That's some awesome advice there!  I wholeheartedly agree with Flandre - the past is called that for a reason- it's gone- are there things that I massively regret? Of course there are - to give ya an idea my life is generally pretty awesome -  I've achieved most of the goals I set for myself, have a good group of friends - good job etc- I know a lot of people decided on the tulpa route because of life reasons but I didn't .  Either way sometimes I do find myself thinking about all the things I regret or horrible stuff I did in the past - but then I realise what's done is done and the bad feeling is basically my brains primitive way of trying to stop me doing those things again.  It's a reaction mechanism trying to protect you - once ya acknowledge the reason it has less hold over you - everyone makes mistakes but everyone can learn from them.  Be not who you were but who you aspire to be, be not what you were but what you are and can be. 

 

 

Absolutely perfect and spot-on advice. In fact, it was Reisenworthy. You just earned yourself the ~cakes suffix. Tell all of your friends and family about this!

 

 

Be awesome and things will often become awesome to balance it. The universe loves balance does it not?

 

Conventional wisdom with a scientific twist? Now you are just trying to impress me xD

Once again, thanks for your insight :)

 

 

@ReisOtherHalf

 

 

 

However, continuing to punish yourself long afterward helps no one, to say nothing of the fact that you don't deserve to hurt this way (at the very least, I can assure you that people have done FAR worse things than you have).

 

This is actually quite true...thank you for that reminder. There are some people who have to live with accidentally murdering someone, so my offenses are nothing compared to theirs.

 

(Ramble as much as you need to.  Get this stuff out.  Talk about it.  And definitely start to try to forgive yourself.  I have to remind my host of this one constantly.

I'm glad that you guys aren't annoyed by my rambling (yet). And I have already started forgiving myself thanks to Yumi and the support of you guys :3

 

Beyond all that, don't forget that you have people that love you and want you to flourish, not just Yumi and Lillium, but all of us here.)

 

D'aawwwwwwwww

 

 

@LittleTulpa

 

 

Man dude, lots o' shit happening to you. It will all pass, hopefully, not saying that you should not try to help with the situation. I also wouldnt go into any relationships until all of this passes, as it might just cause more drama.

 

*cough* Mary *cough*

 

Lol if only you could have witnessed the self-deprecative facepalm that I just did.

 

 

 

Day 161 

 

 

Thanks to Yumi's support, and the support of those who commented on this PR, I survived the onslaught of guilt that I had long ago unconsciously repressed.

I was in my kitchen at 1am, and I couldn't sleep because I felt like there was more to learn, and more to do. I started making coffee to stay up longer, but when I turned around, Yumi stood face to face with me as if to say "No. Your attention will be on me for the rest of the night." Of course I couldn't see her with my eyes, but I could see her perfectly with my mind's eyes. However, I didn't need to see her with my eyes because her damn near supernatural presence was enough for me.

 

 

I began talking to her and for every depressing fact I told her about my life, she had a counter for it. Under no circumstance was she going to let me feel bad for anything. I sat on my couch to talk with her and she said something along the lines of :

 

"All things that happened in the past are there to learn from, not suffer from. You know good and well that regret is an emotion that carries with it no benefit. What good will regression do you when you desire only progression? If believing that you deserve emotional pain is your way of penance, then you are wrong. True redemption lies within change and the ability to forgive yourself for the past." 

 

After her cute little monologue that pretty much wiped away whatever negativity remained, I went to bed. Instead of visiting the wonderland as I drifted off to sleep, I visited my memories. I witnessed every significant event in my life from a third-person perspective...Yumi commented on every tear-filled scene she witnessed. Whether I was the one in tears, or another person was in tears because of something I did, she pointed at who was in extreme pain and told me "Accept that this happened and move on. You can't physically visit the past for  a reason; it's meant to be left behind forever." 

 

It was extremely difficult to watch the memories. Some of the memories were so vivid that I could remember exactly what everyone was wearing in them. It was as if the events took place yesterday...Yumi was right that I need to accept that they happened and move on. Because if I'm not accepting the memories as they are, then I might accidentally repress them again. When an emotionally painful event occurs, I don't feel the pain of it until months, or even years later. When my grandma died, I didn't cry my eyes out until around 5 years later.

 

 

Me and Yumi's little memory hopping trip ended when I began to dream.

 

A peaceful dream about edible chocolate-chip ice-cream flavored shampoo.

 

 

And yes, it was delicious.

 

 

Thanks for the advice and support guys :) I'm expecting smooth sailing now that all of this happened. But then again...the universe likes to slap me in the face with a new issue every time I overcome an old one (As you guys have noticed).

 

On an off-topic note, lately I have been studying all kinds of mathematics to sharpen my mind and I learned half of one of Sebastian Bach's masterpieces (Invention) on the piano in two hours.

I have been called a musical genius by multiple music teachers and professional musicians, so I wonder if that ingenuity can carry over to other subjects...The brain is not organized neatly; every part is integral in nearly every mental process...Oh well. At least being a genius at something will give Yumi a healthy cognitive environment to live in.

 

 

Thanks for wishing me luck guys ( and Actinium lol)

"Sanity is the playground of the unimaginative."

 

Yumi + Cinema

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Day 162

 

YUMI NEWS

 

Or lack of news in this case...

 

I didn't make any significant progress with Yumi or Lillium.

I was supposed to spend the entire day passive forcing them both, but I had to go to my little brother's talent show. Yumi and I have been experimenting with communicating in dreams though!

 

The problem is that I don't know that it was Yumi speaking to me in the dream until I wake up.

 

This happens:

 

 

EVERY NIGHT.

 

 

When I was at the talent show, by sheer chance there was a spare seat to my left for Yumi and of course she took it. It was the first time I had been in an extremely crowded place in months, and I felt extremely uncomfortable and on edge because of all of the stimuli and body language I was registering all at once.

 

Yumi said: "So this is how humans are like?..." and I responded in my mindvoice: "Yep. Loud...rude...annoying...reliant on the validation of others..." she then said "Yeah I don't like them that much...They are all so weird." I kind of giggled at that out loud because at least she agrees with me about that. It's also funny that she bases normality on my personal habits due to her limited vantage point.

 

If a human is fidgety, unkempt, reserved, wears extremely baggy clothing, and carries a backpack full of psychology books no matter where they go, then she would consider them normal.

 

Every time I stared at a person, analyzing everything from their clothing, to their body language in relation to those around them, Yumi said "Why don't you ever stare at me like that? Stare at me!!!!" I then told her "Not now. You'll receive my stares later Yumi-cakes."

XD

 

 

Yes...Yumi is childish again...

it feels like just yesterday I was freaking out about her first words and now I'm just like "Yumi...for the love of everything on this Earth, stop being so damn annoying in such a cute way"

 

 

LILLIUM NEWS

 

Everytime I check the wonderland for Lillium, the bar is empty, and the bartender isn't there. She wandered off somewhere; presumably to explore the rest of the wonderland :3

 

I have a feeling that she is just fine. In fact, I know that she is enjoying the beauty and vastness of it as I write this :)

 

 

 

LIFE NEWS THAT NOBODY CARES ABOUT

 

 

At the talent show during the intermission, I was sitting down and a man scared the living sh**t out of me. The man was my grandpa, wearing all of his 24 karat gold jewelry. He is the senior vice president of a company that I'll keep a secret for the sake of anonymity. He is filthy rich, but very greedy.

 

It turns out that he drove all the way from North Carolina (a 2 day drive) to where I live for the sole reason of kindly telling me to stop ignoring him.

 

Isn't it weird how in my last post I mentioned how I wasn't even sure whether he was still alive and the next day he comes to pay me a surprise visit? He has picked me up every summer to bring me to his mansion ever since I was a toddler. He let me experience a lavish lifestyle for so many years to teach me: "If you follow God, then you can live like this."

 

When I wasn't riding in limousines and eating fancy food with him, I was living in a trailer hundreds of miles away being severely abused by my parents. So one half of my childhood was Heaven on Earth, and the other half was Hell on Earth.

 

If you think that I am a roleplayer at this point, I really don't blame you--I would think that I am a role player too (but that is a very role-playerish thing to say).

 

He also came to tell me that my family member whom I worked with in lawn maintenance for years is getting drafted into the NFL, so he hinted that I should remain very close with him.

 

My grandpa is also going to try to take me under his wing into his company :D if that happens, I'll have a chance of becoming a multi-millionaire! All I'll need is charisma and strategy to prosper in his business :)

 

 

So yeah. Before he left, he wrote me a check for 350$ to help me pay off my registration, and right now I'm studying quantum mechanics and figuring out how and when I'll work on Lillium. I'm not going to get my hopes up about his company taking me in, but it's still nice to know that I have a back-up plan if I change my mind about being a neurologist.

 

 

Wish me luck guys!

"Sanity is the playground of the unimaginative."

 

Yumi + Cinema

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...