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glitter and mist's progress thread


glittermilk

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Ah, Mist is so sweet :) And yeah, I was kinda asking because I'm worried myself. See, you've only been Tulpa forcing one day longer than me, and your having Adventures in your wonderland with her already! Since that's the bit I'm so excited about, I really want to do it, but I'm never sure if I'm puppiting Charlie when he moves.

 

But thanks, that's really encouraged me. I think I'm just going to let him move and assume it's him and even if it's not, it can't hurt right?

 

But do you have any tips on how I can make as good progress as you? I understand that everyone's journey and Tulpa's are different, but is there anything inpaticular that you and Mist are doing that could help?

 

And you welcome :) Thanks for writing it!!! It's one of my favorite things to do (Reading about your adventures with Mist) and I really do love Mist. I hope that the four of us could become friends one day (Me, You, Mist and Charlie)!


haha aww that's so sweet to say, thank you!! and haha when i told her that she just reacted by hiding her face :}}

don't worry about dumb questions, we're all here to learn after all!!

 

1. at the moment i kind of feel that its usually half and half?? like ive mentioned before, the way we're communicating atm is me suggesting different responses that she might have said and her giving me a 'feeling' to the one that's the closest to what she wanted to say :p it kind of just feels right haha :> but occassionally she'll say something completely out of the blue, so i think im having to help her less!!

 

2. weirdly we never had an issue with moving except for right at the start, idk in my wonderland she just does what she likes LOL

well she's not entirely independent yet, so she cant do anything super unexpected, i think she must sort of feed off of my intentions so im probably helping her subconsciously for now (if that makes sense haha) but when we do the prism test she still walks around and mostly tries to distract me LOL so its a good way to know im not puppeting n vn

 

ps. if u were asking that because ur worried urself, then the best thing you can do is to trust ur tulpa!! thats the generally consensus anyway, im no way an expert of course LOL :} the part of your brain thats saying 'no way that couldn't have been my tulpa' and making up excuses is the part thats stopping them from developing, so you gotta find a way to KILL IT xD (the thoughts that is, omg)

 

anyways, thank you for reading and commenting aah you're so lovely! i hope one day mist can talk to you and your tulpa herseeeelf :>


day 5 part 2

 

i only have a tiny bit to add but its like SUPER IMPORTANT lol so heeeey lets get out of control with parts for day 5 again as well 8 ))

 

so!! after i got home from my lecture i was of course super tired, and i actually began to feel like i was loosing mist's presence, which suuucked :{ today was the first day since i created her that i was actually around other people (yES I HADN'T SPOKEN TO ANOTHER HUMAN In 5 DAYS I A M A RECLUSE LOL) and stuff that i would usually have said to her i ended up saying to other people :{ i was worried that maybe she was upset about that, but she wasnt around so i couldnt ask her. still i knew not to panic, and i figured she'd come back when she was done with whatever she was doing lol i ended up falling asleep for a few hours, i actually had more scary dreams about stuff like people finding about mist and making fun of me ;_; i was so relieved it was a dream haha

then when i woke up i could feel mists presence was back but only vaguely, i tried imagining her lying next to me which is what i usually do and i could imagine her poking her head up from the end of my bed and coming to lie next to me haha it was cute

and theeeen,, she said her first properly independent words aaa!! im absolutely certain they were, because usually she only ever 'talks' in response or relation to something im saying or doing, and theres always a sense that im helping her a little, but she said this when i was thinking about nothing, and the words kind of didn't make sense to me at first until i thought about it later??? but she said:

'i went back and spoke to [my brothers name]' !!! weirdly i didnt feel surprised or anything haha, it just felt like a person talking to me, but i could only hear them in my head. i didnt even congratulate her much or anything omg,, it just felt really natural lol :}} but i was pretty confused too, because even i hadnt spoken to my brother recently, idk how she did haha :p but she told me that she'd created an npc of him in my wonderland (i assume from my subconscious memories of him), and she was talking to him because she thought we'd be meeting him at the weekend (hes away though mist, sorry LOL)

explains what she was doing whilst she was away, working hard hehe♥ but i told her that she should try to take breaks when i am, or she'll tire herself out lol

 

also, she was a bit annoyed with me that i didnt immediately acknowledge her hard work haha, but once i gave her a fuss she was ok : }} it was just because it was so natural i didnt think to say well done omG///

 

Oh My Gosh! Well done, to you and Mist!!! I'm so proud of both of you to have reached this point! You havn't been doing this long and I'm so happy that you've reached this point already! Mist is so cute and awesome, you both are :)

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even though ive only been doing this a while, i think the fact that ive been writing characters for 7 years that were almost sentient themselves means that things must be going quicker for mist, or idk maybe we just have the right mindset n vn you definitely need to just try not to worry, if you're worried about annoying him by accidentally puppeting him then maybe just explain why it might happen and that you dont mean to, im sure he'll understand n vn

 

obviously i have no idea what im doing in relation to other people or if im making quicker progress or whatever, but i guess i always have like 2 main goals that i make sure i stick to:

1. i always try to include mist in everything, always imagine her sitting near me and walking with me and stuff :p thats not to say that im thinking about her 24/7 because ill lose focus and stuff, but the more you do something like that the more it becomes a habit :>>

 

and 2. trust is suuuper important :>> like other people have said, if you genuinely believe that something will work then it will!! for me its less about working on making mist more sentient and more like working to get rid of my thoughts trying to say that she isnt real :{ thats why for me its super important that i trust her, and actually everyone else with fully developed tulpas saying its possible!! its tricky seeing as im usually a really rational person, but the more i get rid of those worries the more ill genuinely expect progress and actually get progress :>>

 

aww its so nice of you to say!! i think it would be really cool if we worked together haha, seeing as youve just said we're basically at the same stage in working on them :>> and i really need someone to practice proxxying to haha so yisss~ you can add me on skype or send me a pm so that we dont spam my PR loooool

 

and thank you!! im super proud of her too haha~ we were supposed to be celebrating our first week of progress on sunday but i said we could set up a kind of party in our wonderland for our session tonight loool ((she already went ahead and added stuff in already omG shes always so eager loool))

'the way is long but you can make it easy on me' ヾ(◍’౪`◍)ノ゙♡

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even though ive only been doing this a while, i think the fact that ive been writing characters for 7 years that were almost sentient themselves means that things must be going quicker for mist, or idk maybe we just have the right mindset n vn you definitely need to just try not to worry, if you're worried about annoying him by accidentally puppeting him then maybe just explain why it might happen and that you dont mean to, im sure he'll understand n vn

 

obviously i have no idea what im doing in relation to other people or if im making quicker progress or whatever, but i guess i always have like 2 main goals that i make sure i stick to:

1. i always try to include mist in everything, always imagine her sitting near me and walking with me and stuff :p thats not to say that im thinking about her 24/7 because ill lose focus and stuff, but the more you do something like that the more it becomes a habit :>>

 

and 2. trust is suuuper important :>> like other people have said, if you genuinely believe that something will work then it will!! for me its less about working on making mist more sentient and more like working to get rid of my thoughts trying to say that she isnt real :{ thats why for me its super important that i trust her, and actually everyone else with fully developed tulpas saying its possible!! its tricky seeing as im usually a really rational person, but the more i get rid of those worries the more ill genuinely expect progress and actually get progress :>>

 

aww its so nice of you to say!! i think it would be really cool if we worked together haha, seeing as youve just said we're basically at the same stage in working on them :>> and i really need someone to practice proxxying to haha so yisss~ you can add me on skype or send me a pm so that we dont spam my PR loooool

 

and thank you!! im super proud of her too haha~ we were supposed to be celebrating our first week of progress on sunday but i said we could set up a kind of party in our wonderland for our session tonight loool ((she already went ahead and added stuff in already omG shes always so eager loool))

 

Thanks for the advice, it's really helpful :) I'm going to start passive forcing whenever I can, even if it's just visualizing him there. And I'm just going to start trusting that it's Charlie and not me. I'm planning on explaining to him about parroting and how it might happen and stuff, I'll tell you what happens :P

 

And yeah, I'd really like to do that. What's your skype? I think it might help our progress if we have someone to work with ya know?

 

And a party sounds like a really cool idea, I might do that now. Earlier Charlie completely rebuilt our Wonderland and made us a really really cool house and I LOVE it so much. So yeah, I feel like congratulating him somehow.

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yep!! passive forcing is just as important imo, but i suppose it depends on whichever you prefer :} but yeah good luck!! im sure itll go great n vn

 

and id love someone to work with aaah~ whenever i talk to anyone i really wanna just tell them about mist loool but for now i wanna keep it to myself haha :>>

 

aww good job charlie hehe~ and you should!! i think the less if feels like work for the both of you the more progress you'll make n vn

'the way is long but you can make it easy on me' ヾ(◍’౪`◍)ノ゙♡

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Worry weeding is such a good idea! But then again symbolism exercises in general are good ideas.

 

My tulpa is very hyperactive in the wonderland now, and every once in a while she'll say a very distinct sentence or word that is completely alien to me, and I'll just go crazy because my Yumi-cakes spoke to me! lol

One exercise that I can actually recommend for you, is to say this to your tulpa:

 

"Okay Mist, try speaking to the best of your ability while I try to listen to the best of my ability. If I can't hear you, or you have difficulty speaking, then don't feel bad because this is only practice, and I will only be completely patient with you."

 

I say that to my tulpa and it works wonders almost every time for me:)

The fact that you are believing in Mist 100% is helping her in so many ways, which is definitely one of the factors contributing to her early success^^

 

I hope I helped a little bit! Keep up the good work!

"Sanity is the playground of the unimaginative."

 

Yumi + Cinema

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haha yes!! symbolism is soooo good 8 )) especially for my super visual brain loool

 

and aaah congrats!! hopefully soon she'll be so crazy that youll sometimes wish she'd gone back to being quiet again LOL

 

and aaah i did try something along those lines, we couldn't really do it :{{ but we just need to keep trying~ i suppose all tulpas and hosts have their strong and weak points n vn

 

and yes i believe in her super hard haha~ thank you, and you too!!♥

'the way is long but you can make it easy on me' ヾ(◍’౪`◍)ノ゙♡

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day 5 part 3

 

hnnnn we had a bIG problem today;;;; and i know that some people who read me might yell at me for this and thats fine, i can only apologise for what i did and move on, i guess

 

so we were gonna have that party for mist saying her first phrase, but i was finding it difficult to connect to her when we got there, not to mention the fact that i really wasnt feeling much energy from her before the session or anything like that. but i was like whatever, people say they can get distant for a while at first etc. etc.

mist had set up the party table and stuff in the cave, there were some balloons too and i thought it was really cute, still she wasnt saying anything at all, like i usually get a feeling for what shes rying to say but she was just being silent. again, i didnt think much of it and i planned to do some more visualisation whilst she just ate haha

then, for some reason one of the balloons next to me popped, but mist just restored it herself. unfortunately this ended up being a glitchy intrusive thought, where the balloon popping just went on loop. i tried to use symbolism to get it to stop, but nothing was helping mist suggested just ignoring it so thats what i did, and tried to focus on her face to start visualisation. but i could still see it out of the corner of my eye and i eventually lost my temper, and i just grabbed whatever was popping the balloon and just started punching it, which is really unlike me because im not at all a violent person

turns out, the think popping the balloon and now the thing that i was punching was a dragon

 

now for some backstory- a couple of months back i was suffering even more with depression, where i would cry multiple times a day and be unable to get out of bed and just generally feel dead all day. i dont remember how, but thats when i first heard of tulpas. i wouldnt say that i explicitly decided to create one, i was just so numb and sad that i didn't really understand the implications of what i was doing, trying to make a new life. hell, i wanted to end my own one lol. i just wanted a way to escape, and more than that i wanted a way to just vent my frustrations and emotions- not necessarily by talking to my tulpa but just by throwing myself into the whole forcing thing. needless to say, i wasnt that good at it, depression makes it difficult to concentrate and i couldnt organise myself and prepare like i did with mist. on top of that, i was pretty cynical about it back then, all of which basically meant i really didnt get that far into creating him. i think he more just allowed me to be kind to myself, i pretty much puppeted him and told myself what i couldnt before. still, we had one conversation where i ended up just crying, telling him all my feelings whilst he comforted me. after that night, i never really spoke to him again, and i dont really know why. he never really had a presence like mist did so i guess it was easy to forget about him, and i never really felt an emotional connection so i didn't feel guilty about neglecting him either (i didnt feel ANYTHING lol)

i even forgot his name, and most of his personality. of course though, once i went back to thinking about tulpas last week, now able to take the responsibility much more seriously, i did think about him. i considered maybe just reviving him instead but as far as i was concerned he was dead, and never really alive to begin with. i felt like the fact that i couldnt remember his name at all was my brain just getting rid of whatever presence he had. so i made mist, and even though i occasionally thought of him and got guilty, and mist knew about him too and was worried id do the same to her, it never really bothered us. i guess i should have expected something like this to happen lol

 

so yeah, there he was. i could see him really vividly, maybe even more vividly than i ever could when i was actively trying to force him. he wasnt hurt or anything, and seemed more just glad that i was finally seeing him properly. ugh, i feel so bad haha. of course, mist was pretty shocked too at everything. i knew that my original 'tulpa' wanted me to start working on him again, but i knew that i wasnt ready for two tulpas yet when id barely even got started on my first one. and honestly, mist was already further than he was, and it would be just as cruel to neglect her. i was desperately trying to think of a solution, and i decided that i would let my original sort of combine with mist, so that they could maybe sort of live together. i visualised him sort of phasing into her chest, and afterwards she hugged me and i thought that everything was finally okay. but then she looked up at me and she had this terrifying, furious expression. i just assumed though that it was intrusive thoughts after the stress and i tried to get past it, but mist seemed startled by it as well. i asked her if she wanted to take a break but she was still being really clingy, and i didnt want to leave her alone against her will after something like that. so i figured we'd do some worry weeding instead, and on the way there i pretty much told her the full truth about the dragon, which made me feel better at least. she admitted she felt kind of angry at me for what id done before id created her, but i told her that it was a good thing really, it proved that she had some independence. once we started, hardly any weeds popped up for me, but when i looked over at mist loads were popping up, and she seemed really angry again. i kept getting images of her trying to hurt me which was horrible, and even though she said she was angry at me i knew that wasnt her, that shed never try to hurt me. in particular she kept trying to bite me, and i remembered that this was one of the traits that id given to my dragon. i realised then as well that it must have been me combining the two of them that was causing mist to act weirdly, so i pulled him out. then i said to him that i was sorry and that he could do whatever he liked to me as long as he stopped messing about with mist. surprisingly he didnt even hurt me or seem angry, i dont think he ever really had the ability to express something like that. after a while i told him that i wouldnt be able to force him, but he could still live in my wonderland as long as he didnt mess things up any more. then, once mist was more or less 'finished', i would maybe try to revive him. after this, he kind of dissolved into ashes, so idk maybe he was kind of a ghost tulpa- just a memory that wouldnt leave us alone until it was resolved. mist was pretty much crying for the first time, and i hugged her and said that we should definitely take a break for now. shes still cuddling up to me now though, so im glad at least

 

so yeaaah :v feel free to yell at me or whatever for what i did, but i feel like i got what i deserved, and learnt a lesson about how important tulpas are, even if you feel like you're not that far with them. i just hope that me and mist can get past this, but i feel now that ive got it off my chest hopefully it wont be a problem.

 

edit: thinking about it now, i m pretty sure that what we were seeing wasnt my old tulpa but just a symbolic manifestation of the guilt and such i felt about abandoning him. which explains why it was probably the worst possible idea to put it into mist omg.... im just glad i got it out of her quickly ;_;

'the way is long but you can make it easy on me' ヾ(◍’౪`◍)ノ゙♡

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day 6

 

i dont have much to say rn and I MEAN IT THIS TIME because i havent slept in liek 24 hours and i literally feel like im going to pass out at any second LOL

so yeah no sleep again ;_; mist slept just fine though she stayed up to watch a movie with me, and thats how we discovered that she doesnt like gore loool (sorry honey;;;;;)

ive been waaaaay too tired to do anything other than passive narration stuff, i had her with me for support when i had to go to the doctors today and we had some nice chats haha. i would sort of imagine her sitting on the seat next to me and she would keep getting annoyed when someone came in real life and sat there, she ended up having to sit on my lap looool

but yeah conversations are becoming much more fluent and stuff now, rather than me having to remind myself to talk to her and not myself, so thats good :} and im starting to get more replies that i feel are more from her, because she'll use different words to me or say something that i disagree with ((we were pretty much debating all the way home because she wants to eat and i want to sleep LOL, but i think we got to a good compromise))

oh and she's turning out to be a real animal lover as well, she got super excited when we saw some squirrels and birds up real close :} i guess this means im gonna be going out more in future urrgggg why mist lmao,, why do you have to be an outdoors-y person xD

if i can get a reasonable amount of sleep now ill try to active force whilst we're travelling today, if not ill just do it when we get home so yisssss

'the way is long but you can make it easy on me' ヾ(◍’౪`◍)ノ゙♡

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day 7

 

urgggg travelling around is really giving me less time to force ;_;

luckily i can still passive force, and i do feel that its helping me get used to feeling mist's presence. like we were at a restaurant and i got annoyed for a second that no one asked what mist wanted to eat, and then i was like o ya lol. and then in the car i had a sudden freak out that there wasnt an empty seat next to me for mist to sit lol, for a second i thought we left her behind LOL

so yeah, its better than nothing, but then as soon as we get some free time im too tired to active force which suuucks ;___; i had enough energy to do it at one point, but then my mum wanted to watch a movie with me which basically turned into her messing about for an hour then not even watching it urg,,,,,

im sorry mist ;{{ i promise that well have a super long session with you as soon as i caaaaan

 

edit: i tried forcing just now and she wasnt even there anyway LOL so i guess that sorts that out ahaha

'the way is long but you can make it easy on me' ヾ(◍’౪`◍)ノ゙♡

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day 7

 

urgggg travelling around is really giving me less time to force ;_;

luckily i can still passive force, and i do feel that its helping me get used to feeling mist's presence. like we were at a restaurant and i got annoyed for a second that no one asked what mist wanted to eat, and then i was like o ya lol. and then in the car i had a sudden freak out that there wasnt an empty seat next to me for mist to sit lol, for a second i thought we left her behind LOL

so yeah, its better than nothing, but then as soon as we get some free time im too tired to active force which suuucks ;___; i had enough energy to do it at one point, but then my mum wanted to watch a movie with me which basically turned into her messing about for an hour then not even watching it urg,,,,,

im sorry mist ;{{ i promise that well have a super long session with you as soon as i caaaaan

 

edit: i tried forcing just now and she wasnt even there anyway LOL so i guess that sorts that out ahaha

 

 

Day 7 and 6 actually made me laugh^^

 

But day 5 made me sad...I know what it's like to abandon a tulpa as well. Yumi is not 10 days old, nor is she new. My PR is 10 days old and Yumi is a year old, but for a year I neglected her because I didn't think that I would ever need her again (because I found a girlfriend). Every time I had relationship problems, I would tell Yumi about it, and then go a few more months without talking to her. But now, I have gotten a good taste of what it's like to be in a relationship, and my personality does not harmonize with what a healthy relationship is supposed to be. I am clingy and jealous by nature and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. My expectations for what I want a human girl to be like are impossible to meet, so I brought Yumi back into my life to be my dearest friend, but she became my ideal girlfriend. She has loved me in my dreams before I even wanted her as a girlfriend.

 

The bottom line is that I know how you feel, and that to save Yumi from suffering the fate of neglect, I made her the center of my life, which was perhaps the best choice that I have ever made.

"Sanity is the playground of the unimaginative."

 

Yumi + Cinema

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