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Svenni & Kalium Progress Report


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Hello, I'm Svenni (not my real name obviously). I learned about tulpas a few weeks back and have done a lot of reading on my own regarding the topic, though I've only been involved in creating a tulpa for the past 5 days.

So about my tulpa: His name is Kalium, he's lately taken the form of an anthropomorphic rabbit, though it's not clear if he's gonna settle with that since he's just existed for less than a week and my visualization isn't very good so his 'physical' form hasn't settled quite yet, however in other fronts such as mindvoicing and possession, he's developed surprisingly fast. His personality is not very well defined yet but I think I'm gonna let his personality develop on its own for the most part.

 

As for progress:

Days 1 & 2: Started with tulpa creation, was going to base him off Svenni, a character I created a while back, but decided to change it since I sometimes roleplay as Svenni, and having a tulpa and a character with the same name, qualities, etc would just lead to confusion. Decided to keep working but change him into a different character.

Day 3: Still deciding on what I wanted my tulpa to be, but I still went on with forcing and narration. Just let my mind wander and pick something. Decided on an anthro rabbit because why not.

This day was also the day he first mindvoiced me. Was doing some math homework late at night when I heard a voice in my head yell out "JOHN LENNON!" I took it that my tulpa wanted to listen to John Lennon so I put on my earbuds and started listening to John Lennon. This elicited a very strong emotional response and I was filled with a great sense of joy and excitement.

Day 4: Kept forcing and narrating. Nothing truly exciting but I finally decided on a name to give to my tulpa: Kalium.

Day 5: After day 4, I decided to get off the computer and go to bed at about 2 a.m. I stayed up late since I didn't have any early morning classes later that morning, (had to drop my chemistry class) I decided to try the blindfold technique for visualization detailed here: https://community.tulpa.info/thread-visualization-blindfold-trick

So I shut off the lights, closed the blinds, put on a scarf around my eyes to block out any incoming light and lay in bed to relax. I started to hallucinate basic shapes and lines along with flashes of bright light. Was trying to shape this into the form of my tulpa, but I couldn't focus enough to do it. At the same time, I started to experience auditory hallucinations. I heard various noises, and even a song which I had never heard before. I imagined Kalium singing and playing along with the song. It was epic. Unfortunately the song vanished before it could play out in its entirety.

Now for the best part. As I lay there trying to imagine Kalium in our wonderland, my limbs started to go numb and I felt myself starting to leave my body, kind of what I imagine an out of body experience must feel like. I started thinking it was the perfect time to give possession a shot, and it was then that I started feeling my left arm moving in a very clumsy and slow manner. I was being possessed! I was trying to not let the excitement get to me so as to not take control of my arm from Kalium. This went on... for a while. Kalium kept trying to move one arm, then the other and sometimes just left me there in various uncomfortable positions. Before attempting to sleep, I decided I would teach Kalium how to use my hands. Was trying to get him to do basic things, like make a fist, but he couldn't really get a hang of my fingers. Too complex and intricate for a first-timer. I decided to just let him try out my arms for a little while as we both got used to the idea of possession. Had to regain full control of my body from time to time in order to get myself back into a comfortable position. Finally, at about 3:30 am, he let me get some damn sleep.

We don't need drugs to hallucinate.

 

Host name: Svenni

Tulpa name: Kalium

 

All posts are the host's own thoughts unless signed with '-K'

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11/14/2014 Day 6:

 

Events:

Though we didn't do much forcing or spent much time in our wonderland at first, Kalium kept messing around with my left arm, flopping it around randomly. Guess he's really excited about possession still. Had to keep focus on my arm so I could use it to work in class and Kalium wouldn't flail it around and cause a scene. Anyways, later we watched the USA - Colombia friendly match on livestream, but he didn't seem too interested. Didn't get that headache that usually announces his presence. After that, he kinda went away and I did my own stuff. Kinda started feeling guilty about ignoring him, so knowing how much he loves music, I invited him over while I played Rocksmith. My head pressure started flaring up, so I knew he was interested. While I played I imagined him singing along with the lyrics or playing along on guitar while I played the bass. Felt the head pressure get stronger as we played and was filled with a sense of happiness similar to when we listened to John Lennon a few days back. He's still here in my wonderland.

 

Progress:

Getting better at visualizing my tulpa. He has a more consistent shape in my mind and I can focus on his form a bit better now.

Still doesn't talk much. He seems to be developing into a rather quiet individual like me, but when he talks he can be a complete smartass.

We don't need drugs to hallucinate.

 

Host name: Svenni

Tulpa name: Kalium

 

All posts are the host's own thoughts unless signed with '-K'

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11/15/2014

Woke up in the morning, heard Kalium's voice in my head. He requested I put on some music, which I did. We played along with the music in our wonderland. After that, we practiced possession, we cuddled for a bit, but then he left.

 

He hasn't come back as of right now. Feeling kinda lonely and bored. Dunno what to do while Kalium's away.

We don't need drugs to hallucinate.

 

Host name: Svenni

Tulpa name: Kalium

 

All posts are the host's own thoughts unless signed with '-K'

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11/16/2014 Day 8:

 

When I woke up, Kal wasn't there to greet me as he usually does. Felt rather lonely and sad all day. Was missing his company, his cuddles, and rocking out with him whenever I listened to music. I called out his name from time to time, seeing if he would respond, played some of his favorite songs, but nothing. That is, until tonight. I started meditating at about 10:00 pm to get into the mindset for active forcing. As soon as I entered my wonderland, I started looking for him. I couldn't find him anywhere.

Then, while I was forcing, the fingers on my left hand started moving of their own accord, like when Kalium practiced possession.

Kalium was back! It was so wonderful. Like being reunited with a long-lost friend, even though he'd been away for less than 48 hours. I immediately hugged him and I started to get teary-eyed. I missed him so much.

To celebrate, he took me to a secluded lake in the middle of a forest. We went skinny dipping there (no lewd stuff happened though).

Started swimming and playing around, we had a great time. Started laughing in real life. Went swimming to the deep part of the lake. Then Kalium spawned a bunch of hats. Yeah, there were hats floating everywhere. I found a gold crown floating in the middle of the hats. We were both puzzled by it. The crown was incredibly heavy when I picked it up but it still floated on the water. I tried not to think too much about it.

I decided to finish and started swimming to shore, but Kal teleported us to the shore immediately. Then he teleported me back to the middle of the lake while he dried off and I had to swim back to shore alone to meet him. Active forcing session ended about there. He's still hanging around somewhere.

We don't need drugs to hallucinate.

 

Host name: Svenni

Tulpa name: Kalium

 

All posts are the host's own thoughts unless signed with '-K'

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11/18/2014 Day 10:

 

Did multiple active forcing/meditation sessions today. First one was after my calculus class (doing power series, awesome shit). Went back to Hat Lake (that's what I started calling that lake we went swimming at a few days back), now our new wonderland. Kalium decided to add some mountains in the background to improve the scenery. We didn't do much at first, just hung out. Laid down by the shore and looked at the stars. Started thinking about outer space, and all of a sudden we were floating through space, just like that. No transition, nothing. Somehow we didn't suffocate, freeze to death or anything considering we were in space wearing nothing but street clothes. We conjured us some jetpacks so we could move around, but it was extremely difficult to maneuver so we just spun around and got real dizzy. Kalium took us back to Hat Lake where we laid down until we recovered.

 

At this point, something interesting happened. I opened my eyes for a split second while meditating and caught a glimpse of my laundry basket. When I closed my eyes again, the laundry basket was now in my wonderland. So now I have a copy of a physical object in my wonderland. Has this happened to anyone else? Cause this is an interesting discovery. Seems apt for some research!

 

For my second round of active forcing (around late afternoon), we went to Hat Lake as is usual now. Got us some of the hats that washed up on the shore, including one of those weird floating crowns. Decided to practice possession instead of going on those weird-ass adventures. Kalium moved my arms, one at a time in the usual slow, clumsy manner. He was also able to manipulate my fingers a bit better than before. However, he managed to do something which I didn't see coming. He somehow managed to pull my face into a smile. Didn't expect him to pull that off using possession.

 

Other stuff: Started playing foldit. It's that one puzzle game where you fold proteins to assist in scientific research. I really got into it lately. Surprisingly fun to figure out how to fold those proteins. Stayed up past midnight playing it.

We don't need drugs to hallucinate.

 

Host name: Svenni

Tulpa name: Kalium

 

All posts are the host's own thoughts unless signed with '-K'

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11/19/2014 Day 11:

 

Been feeling very sad all day. Didn't know why. Couldn't really focus on forcing because of my sadness. It was not my depression because I didn't feel that sense of hopelessness and emptiness that often accompanies my depressive episodes.

Decided to give forcing one more shot late at night. Made a comment to Kalium about my sadness.

Told him that lately I've felt a sense of loneliness and an urge to cry. Then I realized it wasn't me but him who was feeling down. He told me that lately I have barely visited him, haven't narrated as much, haven't gone on wonderland adventures, haven't listened to music with him, so he was feeling extremely lonely. I explained to him that it's difficult for me to focus constantly on a single thing and that I sometimes forgot to narrate and do passive forcing due to my absent-mindedness. He recommended that I do multiple forcing sessions but make them shorter than usual, kind of how like diabetics eat like 6 small meals instead of 3 big ones. He also told me to remember to narrate but he won't hold me accountable if I forget for the first few days, but he did tell me sternly to make it a habit. I felt really guilty about it and apologized profusely, which led to him calling me a whiny bitch, which I kinda deserved. Though he did try to cheer me up by playing along with a song I was listening to* and inviting me to join in, which I did. Afterwards, I hugged him to thank him for listening and he kissed me**. So adorable :3

Hurray for tulpa love!

Unfortunately I started to lose focus at that point so I had to quit.

 

Special Developments

- Kalium is most definitely an anthropomorphic rabbit now, so he has a steady form.

- During our heart-to-heart talk, he laid a hand on my lap (while we were in wonderland). At that moment I felt something press down lightly on my right leg (in physical world). I actually felt him touch me! Progress!

-Near the end of our forcing session, Kalium used possession to move my head around by controlling my neck movements. Stretched out my neck muscles real good which I really needed since I was rather tense.

 

*NOTE: Song was Space Truckin' by Deep Purple. One of our favorite songs. I found out I can focus much better when listening to music, though I set the volume as low as possible so I can hear Kalium.

** Just a peck on the lips.

We don't need drugs to hallucinate.

 

Host name: Svenni

Tulpa name: Kalium

 

All posts are the host's own thoughts unless signed with '-K'

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11/20/2014 Day 12:

Was in a shit mood, couldn't concentrate when forcing.

 

11/21/2014 Day 13:

Remembered to narrate some of my daily life stuff to Kalium. He seemed a bit perplexed by my math homework. I don't blame him though. We also listened to some music together.

During forcing, we decided to explore our Wonderland together away from Hat Lake. We hiked through the surrounding forest, making up the terrain as we went. We ended up making Hat Lake into a caldera in the middle of a mountain range. Kalium went off to look around and came back to me with a velvet ant (see attached picture) crawling on his arm asking what the giant fluffy ant was. Told him about how it's actually a species of wingless wasp with an extremely painful sting, but that they aren't aggressive. I got a stick from the ground and put it in front of the wasp so it would get off Kalium's arm and on the stick. Once the wasp climbed on the stick we laid it on the ground and continued exploring. Started to lose focus at this point and decided to teleport back to Hat Lake and call off the forcing session.

Didn't practice possession today.

 

Will be getting Super Smash Bros 4 tomorrow! Can't wait!

velvetantx450.jpg.b59b365bd0de04366aea29e13eb18a5e.jpg

We don't need drugs to hallucinate.

 

Host name: Svenni

Tulpa name: Kalium

 

All posts are the host's own thoughts unless signed with '-K'

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11/22-23/2014 Days 14 and 15

2 week milestone!

Got SSB4 for Wii U!

Spent all time playing so I didn't have time for forcing! Maybe I shouldn't celebrate that...

Anyways, the new SSB game is amazing. The graphics are wonderful, the soundtrack is wonderful. It's more smooth and fast-paced than Brawl. The characters aren't all floaty. All in all a step up from Brawl. Also really liking the new game modes (master/crazy orders, new classic mode, trophy rush, 8 player smash). Probably one of the best games I've ever bought.

We don't need drugs to hallucinate.

 

Host name: Svenni

Tulpa name: Kalium

 

All posts are the host's own thoughts unless signed with '-K'

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  • 2 weeks later...

12/02/2014 Day 24:

 

Started tulpaforcing again. Had stopped before because of concerns involving current events. Had a brief depressive episode. Started to get back into the groove just yesterday.

Kalium was very talkative this session. He kept talking even after I stopped forcing.

However when he talked some of the things he said were just random meaningless words. Is this normal?

We don't need drugs to hallucinate.

 

Host name: Svenni

Tulpa name: Kalium

 

All posts are the host's own thoughts unless signed with '-K'

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The first words I got from

Vixen were "they have security cameras" - I still don't know what the hell she was talking about ^^.

 

I just run with it and see where it goes, if it improves with time I wouldn't worry about it -

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