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Theory going practic


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Hello, everybody, who reads this. Yes, you too. Everybody is welcome, though I won't talk too much. I'm the silent type of person, yet I have a sedatephobia. If you want to say or ask something, just call me Tim.

 

I've been in process of creation for 3.5 months. But for that term, I did not have very much progress. First posts should be a fast look backwards. Why postS? My evil plan - as I know by myself, many small periods of time feel smaller than one big, even if they're the same in length.

 

So, first days. One of the most important periods of creation of anything, because the hardest thing is to start. My first look at Tulpas was given to me by russian Lurkmore. Love the "Random page" button. It got me hooked, so I watched all other relevant internet pages, that were listed. Guides, guides, creepypastas, forum, creepypasta, other creepypasta. Yet I'm not so easily scared by walls of text, especially ones made to scare me. So, combinin everything I found, I started a creation process. How? Well, first, I got a notebook. Why? Easy. One of guides I saw was saying, that, before start of my crusade for fully functional Tulpa, I need to make a basic description, with time making it more advanced. So, I started to think, what will it be, before I noted. But then, happened something I would never forget. My first question to myself was "What creature should my Tulpa be?" Surprisingly, answer came in seconds - water dragoness. First thought - WTF. Tried to change it, but, actually, first option stuck in my mind as the one and only. Never had such before, in my imagination, I keep refining everything for days. Well, I dealt with it, and second question was harder - what name to pick. I did not want something basic, or anything. No, I was stubborn, so I kept on trying to make MAH OWN NAME. What came out? Again, stuck in my mind, Rihanna. Now I was sure I heard it somewhere, yet did not remember where, so I accepted it and moved on. List of personality and abilities was extremely TL; DR, so the most basic here: After thinking about it for two days, added polymorph, almost instantly added telepathy, personality was in much like main character in one book series, author Max Frei, and that basically sums up everything. (I don't know if his books are translated into other languages from Russian, but if they were, I suggest you to read it, very funny books. Yet still no match for the Terry Pratchett, of course.)

 

And, after about three days thinking about her personality and writing it up, I finally took on forcing.

 

 

End for now. Maybe I'll tell you another part of this *extremely boring* story later.

And may the fears keep away from you.

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So, in previous episode...

Sorry, just kidding. I don't like flashbacks actually. So, I've already told about the start of the whole thing for me, right? Now you'll hear another *boring* part of my story. Still flashbacking, like, 3 months and all.

 

Okay. So, it was August, when I begun. At first, I was doing passive and active methods in parallel. Some say, passive is more difficult, because you can't concentrate on more than one thing simultaneously. Lies, at least, for me. I did have no difficulties holding some part of my attention at my tulpa. While in active, I've been doing narrative part. My first goals were (and remain) sentience and vocal part. Actually, a bit later, when I finally came home (it all started, when I was at countryside with my granny), I realised, that I did the right thing, adding telepathy in ability list. At least I don't seem crazy. Also, some thoughts about appearance. Yet still remembering, that I made her polymorph, I worked, for now, only on two forms: dragon(basic) and human. At first, I thought about anthro form instead of human, but found it hard to concentrate on it. And second problem comes in - I'm complete zero in drawing. I can write some good things, yes, but I think I'll have problem with visualisation part of creation. But no worries for now, because I still haven't completed even the sentience part. And one more problem - I was actually trying to make (or enter, I don't know the right term for first attempt of it) the wonderland. But looks like I have a failure here - I can't even come close to the trance state. No way. Looks like my resistance to psychic pressure played a bad joke on me this time. As for now, almost completely abandoned idea.

 

So, good bye for now, fellas, and thanks for all the attention to my TL; DR manner. When it comes to it, I usually don't have much to tell, but when I have, it's hard to stop me.

And may the fears keep away from you.

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Heh heh. Final round. Third part of the flashback. But there's almost nothing to say, except I 've got a few responses from Ri.

I won't list here ones, that could be only me in attempt to make *boring* story less boring.

So, by the start of September I entered the 9th grade. That meant I'll have no time for my tulpa, so I came to fully passive forcing at that point. Now there were more talks, yet they were relatively short. And actually first response was about 3rd-4th september. First, I had a dream. I don't remember, what it was, the only thing I remembered is that there was a character pretty similar to my tulpa, even the purple eyes. And when I woke up, I heard a voice in my head: "I was here." WTF immediately, satisfaction with at least some result bit later. And second response was at about 17th October. Actually, I was telling some kind of story in my mind, and I constantly heared somebody asking about details.

And what for now, it's a bit more often, that's all. She's sometimes commenting my actions, or people behavior or anatomy, comparing with dragons. (I would never do cross-species comparassment, actually, so I'm sure it's her. Also, some details I couldn't even think about.).

 

As for now, maybe, it's end. I'm not the blogger guy, *sarkasm*I won't write how I scratched my back. *sarkasm off*. I'm gonna write only about some serious progress. So, good bye for now, fellas.

And may the fears keep away from you.

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From the time I last posted about, I didn't make significant progress. For now, Ri talks a bit more often, than before, and I still have problems with wonderland, but now I'm trying different technique - to force it the same way we all here force tulpas. Well, If I can't do wonderland in one way, I will succed in another. At least I hope so.

And, why am I writing? There have been 2 things I'd like to ask your opinion on what could it be. Let's get started?

First one was in before last Thursday. It was a very hard day, and when I was going to sleep, I (or not me - did not know for sure) really felt my wings hurting from tiredness. 2 seconds ago the other thing hit my head - I DO NOT HAVE WINGS. Well, it was a bit strange, but for now, I think it was funny.

Second was last week, Tuesday-Wednesday. In Tuesday, I was at school, walking to my next lesson, when suddenly I realised I was seeing something else, not only usual walls. Yet I couldn't see it clearly, what I saw was just a white. It was overlaying with what I saw in RL, so I did not pay much attention. Yet it was creepy a bit. But in the Wednesday, on our Geography lesson, it repeated(last time for now). Again, I did not see clearly, yet I've seen some kind of a forest overlaying with the reality. Brickmaker again turned on. Still a bit scared about it.

If anybody knows, what this might be, please answer. It was surprisingly scary experience.

Well, maybe, not so scary, but still unpleasant a bit.

And may the fears keep away from you.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Well, looks like I am 4 months in it and no visible progress. How disappointing.

But I can wait. Well, at least I think so. I still did not succeed with meditation or wonderland. Except of "numbness", I feel only dumbness. So, I was trying to make it come at least in my dreams. But even if it did, I almost never remember my dreams. Yes, I've tried everything you can say me. This is the border I need to cross by my own.

It's getting harder to concentrate on Rihanna, than before, and headaches became a habit. I don't know why. Yet may it be progress sign?

And, though I don't like to whine, but looks like I'm getting dumber now. Geometry this year became for me a total nightmare. 2/12 for the first test, 6/12 for second, just did 3 and sure it won't be more than 7. Well, I'm screwed. But hey, don't even try to make me think it's because of tulpa. I began it, I'll finish it. That's the only thing I am sure of now.

Oh wait. My creed is "You can be sure only in following statement: you can't be sure in anything". My head just produced another load of philosophy.

And may the fears keep away from you.

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TheSanctuary

Just a blatant stab in the dark, but you did say you were actively forcing your wonderland - so maybe that's what you were seeing? Hard to say for sure. Keep at it good fellow!

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  • 3 weeks later...

I feel like I'm losing touch with her. The moment I understood that voice in my head were only my thoughts... It was little scary. In this moment I felt like I was completely alone. My more rational side was trying to say me that I am not, but as always, I couldn't accept this for some reason. I... I feel like I'm lying to myself. That's awful. But surprisingly for me, it made me only feel like I need to work at it harder, better, stronger (no faster, sorry, excessive hurry can only make things worse).

And what is scaring me out - now I often feel like I want to fly. For real. To have wings. All other connected things you can think of. But what's strange, in the same time, I'm afraid of heights. Not panically, but it still scares me much. And I feel like I'm torn apart - one half of me wants to fly, other part wants to stay on the ground.

I don't know what can it be connected to, but it's for some reason REALLY scaring me. A lot.

And may the fears keep away from you.

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  • 5 months later...
Timofey

Oh, the school year is over. Almost didn't notice. Not much from before. Actually, had some trouble even remembering how the concept is called, because I didn't use the word "Tulpa" in my conversations with Ri. Felt like it would build the same wall we're trying to break. Maybe I was right after all. She just is somewhere in my head now constantly. We talk almost any time we can, feels good. Well, still more interesting than talking to myself in first steps. Would be hell of a lot of trouble with visualising in future. But now I just stick to my guns and continue with sentience. It can never be perfect, but being at least ¾ through helps a lot, don't you think?

Lot of things changed from that time, y'know, time ain't waiting for no one. Started practicing rune magic recently. Don't ask me why, I want to know it myself. And you know, DIS RLY WORKS. Well, not on a large scale, but still. And then shit happened. Night calls out to me. As strange as it seems, but I can not say it in other words. As well as the fact something started to guard me. Again, can't explain it in other words. Got a whole lot luckier since the first NIGHTCALL.*no pun intended, but even so, it's a great track*

*Kiselyov-face* Coincidence? I don't think so.

Rihanna doesn't as well. She said, "Sometimes people like night, sometimes night likes people." Seems like a great quote to end this episode. Maybe see you later, maybe not, who knows.

And may the fears keep away from you.

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