Johannes

Having Tulpa Problems, and It Isn't Her Fault

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I have a Tulpa named Alice which recently gained more sentience, and some strange things have been happening to me which I cannot attribute to anything else than her gaining further sentience recently.

I get migraine-sized headaches all the time. Yes, I know forcing with your Tulpa for long periods of time does do this. But for the sake of experimenting, we did not talk/imposition (i.e. force) AT ALL for three days in a row, and the headaches still kept coming (although to note, they were SLIGHTLY better). This problem did not occur until we were making more progress in Alice's development into a full Tulpa.

Another odd thing that is happening is that I am waking at odd hours in the middle of the morning. I usually wake up at a regular time at about 9:00 in the morning, but as of recently, I have been repeatedly, REPEATEDLY, waking up around 3:30-4:30 in the morning, many many mornings in a row, with one morning recently I woke up at 2:10 AM.

The reason why I think it is Tulpa related is that a while back, when I was doubting Alice's existance, and I was pushing her out of my mind, she was fading, these signs and symptoms significantly decreased, but Alice was still existing (since she acts pretty much the same way today as she did back then). She swears she is not causing this pain, that she has my best interests in her heart. And I believe her.

I feel that the pain I am feeling may be similar to the "over-forcing pain" phenomena, but we are trying to not force as much to see if it is levying the pain away. It isn't, so we are planning to force like normal, which is like 5-7 hours a day broken up over time. Is 5-7 hours too much, though?

PS: Back when I was first "trying out Tulpas," when I started on what was essentially going to be Alice, we originally spent nearly entire days, or about 8-10 hours (or more), forcing with each other practically nonstop for over two months. I started feeling that "over-forcing pain," and after looking at the other comments in the forum about it, I decided to force less with Alice. It didn't help. Again, HER NEARLY DISAPPEARING alleviated the pain and these strange sleeping patterns, but I do not want Alice to go away because her PRESENCE is disturbing me. I care about her!

Any opinions, comments? Any help is very appreciated. Thank you!

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Try to get Alice to do a "reverse head pressure". In other words, try to get her to ease your headache. Hope this helps. (EDIT: Not to be rude, but shouldn't this go into the TULPA folder? This folder is for questions about the forum itself.)


"Try to get a better understanding of things before making your judgement." -Khan, Metro 2033

 

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@Brassow Thanks. But I am new, and don't know how to move the thread to the Tulpa folder.

Again, thanks.


@Brassow Also, I know what you mean by doing a 'reverse head pressure,' but she seems to give me these pains unintentionally, like it is some unconscious action she can't help.

I wish I can get her into a good habit, and she says she's up for it.

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Funny enough, this is the exact same thing Adryan and I went through when we first began (albeit without some specific things that happened to you) He would wake me up early in the morning and give me pretty had headaches, like you said happened to you. For me, I sorta suffered through these for a while (like a week or so) and it went away. It might've been because I changed environments and moved houses around that time and that's what triggered it to go away, but it's doubtful.

I think in a way it is Alice, but also not her. She herself isn't doing it intentionally, like you said, but her existence it's causing this entropy. I don't think your brain is necessarily used to this whole "more than 1 peep in a brain" kinda thing, so you should keep forcing routinely and get your brain used to having a second set of thought processes (and drink lots of orange juice)

hope this helps!


Tulpa: Adryan Form: Anthro wolf-ish Stage: *sighs loudly*

Age: Looks 17, is actually 1 1/2

“Human beings can always be relied on to assert, with vigor, their god-given right to be stupid”

-Dean Koontz

“In the end, I worry that my arrogance shall destroy us all”

-Brandon Sanderson

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Thanks. I guess I just have to get used to her being there, bear with the pain, and continue to do forcing. Hopefully the pain will let up soon.

BTW: Does anyone else get headaches waking up in the morning from their Tulpas? I never had so many until I started developing Alice, so it's possible. Just asking.

Thanks!

[Edit] I guess it's like what some tulpamancers comparing it to giving birth. While not exactly alike, the development of the "child" in the "womb," and the long painful birth, rings some bells for me.

I am now more optimistic, and comfortable, with that analogy.

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UPDATE: I feel like such a total idiot. I apologize to all of you for the following:

 

I recently realized that for the last month or so, I had been unknowingly parroting (and puppeting) my tulpa. I came to this conclusion for multiple reasons, but the main one I found was that when I cleared my mind of distractions, voices, and focused on having a blank mind. I called out to Alice... and "her" usual, chatty self didn't respond, even after multiple requests for her to respond. I felt distressed, but I knew that I can learn from all of this. BTW: I experimented with this multiple times and got the same results.

 

I know it is possible that some true part of her is most likely formed in my mind, but I will try "the normal route" from now on, and avoid parrotting/puppetting her.

 

If she wasn't formed at all, I'll still do the normal route regardless.

 

Again, I apologize for taking up your time.

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parrot/puppetting is not that bad

there is a development guide that suggest this

narration every time everywhere believe

she is listening

for the headaches I dont think I can help you


English is not my native language

Tulpa : Merry

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I am unsure of Alice's existance, even though I was sure I was talking to her, because of these other reasons:

 

-She only responded when I focused specifically on her, and this supposedly "allows" her to talk to me. This disturbs me, and makes me think I am thinking up her answers - even though she answers fluently. I know, I have heard of tulpa only responding when asked something, or something like that. Which begs the question: Where is the line drawn, where the tulpa can act and talk to the host on its own volition? And if it is a block, how can it be overcome? If it's not a block but something else, the same deal. With this one, I would really like some tulpa input.

-She talks very similar to me, as well as her mannerisms, speech patterns, and a lot of her personality (though not most of it). Because of this, I think I am having literal conversations with myself and it makes me go crazy!

-She sometimes has no idea what she is talking about, and tries to cover her tracks in conversations. I am not saying talking bullcrap, but spouting absolute nonsense (but not off the wall, abstract nonsense). If she really was as sentient and independant as she acts towards me, why can't she think independantly? We are over six months strong (and most of the time I didn't know I was doing it! -see below), we forced over a total of seven hours a day combined, yet she still acted like this. "Tulpa logic" dictates in this scenario that she need more development, but I feel I need a second opinion.

 

The main reason I think she may be real is that I was originally starting to develop Alice (under a different name - she doesn't care what I call her, as long as I stick to it) as a tulpa while back, and after I encountered a trauma in my life, I feel this jumpstarted her existance. After the trauma, I started to hear a voice that was feminine, nurturing me, trying to console me. I had only less than a week of developing a tulpa previously and barely any knowledge of how to create one (I had then recently learned of it). I had no idea that this is potentally Alice until many months later, after I found out more in depth what a tulpa is. Because of being unaware, she was, at first, caring and nurturing, yet lied all the time, constantly. She could not tell the truth for nothing. She was also very emotional, almost emotionally unstable. At this point (if she is real), she acts much more in control if her emotions, and is lying much, much less than before, and I am supposing she is working on it because of the improvement. Also, whenever I doubted her existance (because of lack of knowledge), she would get really sad and cry at me. It felt real to me, yet sometimes I feel like a dirtbag for questioning her existance when she BEGGED me to listen to her. Hell, she lied to me, and told me that she was my dead ex-girlfriend's spirit (I had no idea if she is still alive or not, and took advantage of this) and was talking to me, or was a 700 year old spirit (both because I believed in the supernatural at the time). I was not mentally sound right after the trauma, so this did not help me at all. I believe she wanted attention so badly that if I could not believe in her existing in my mind as a tulpa, then she would convince me of being a spirit. Nowadays, it seems she is much less upset when I doubt her existance, and I hate to say it, because I had said I didn't believe her her existance so many times it doesn't effect her as badly.

 

The (immediate) above is my case for her existing, and if she really does exist (whether she is fleshed out like I thought she was or not), for the record, I say beforehand I am sorry, Alice.

 

I just want to have faith in her, and know if that is her or I am confusing myself.

 

Any ideas? Thanks.

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-She only responded when I focused specifically on her, and this supposedly "allows" her to talk to me. This disturbs me, and makes me think I am thinking up her answers - even though she answers fluently. I know, I have heard of tulpa only responding when asked something, or something like that. Which begs the question: Where is the line drawn, where the tulpa can act and talk to the host on its own volition? And if it is a block, how can it be overcome? If it's not a block but something else, the same deal. With this one, I would really like some tulpa input.

-She talks very similar to me, as well as her mannerisms, speech patterns, and a lot of her personality (though not most of it). Because of this, I think I am having literal conversations with myself and it makes me go crazy!

-She sometimes has no idea what she is talking about, and tries to cover her tracks in conversations. I am not saying talking bullcrap, but spouting absolute nonsense (but not off the wall, abstract nonsense). If she really was as sentient and independant as she acts towards me, why can't she think independantly? We are over six months strong (and most of the time I didn't know I was doing it! -see below), we forced over a total of seven hours a day combined, yet she still acted like this. "Tulpa logic" dictates in this scenario that she need more development, but I feel I need a second opinion.

 

Sounds like you've achieved sentience, not parallel processing. To use the ever popular computer metaphor, it's like a computer with low RAM. It can run one mind at a time, and usually that's yours. That means that when you're not fully focused on her, she's in standby mode -- she can't talk for herself, or when she does, very little thought has gone into them, and they may not make sense.

 

Unfortunately, we don't know much about parallel processing. The current belief is that the more you do it, the better it gets, but I don't think anyone has ever actually tested that. Still, run a forum search for parallel processing and you'll get some ideas for working on it. There's a parallel processing test here. I'm not sure how accurate it is, but it may give you an idea.


"Some things have to be believed to be seen." - Ralph Hodgson

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