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Kara

Is it wrong?

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Hey! Some weeks ago I started with my first Tulpa, because I have a depression and I just couldn't endure it anymore and needed someone who would be there and give me the strengh to overcome those problems. It's really feeling good to talk with him and he's a big help in making decisions, he even got me out of an pretty deep emotional depth. But those decisions are what I'm wondering about, because I know that I misunderstand (those misunderstandings are related to the depression) several things people say to me or think of me and my Tulpa for example told me yesterday to kind of cancel/reduce the communication in some relationships, because they do me no good. But how do I know, what they are really thinking if I have distorted understanding/interpretation? Is my Tulpa really telling me the right things or do these people mean absolutely no harm in reality? If someone has experience in Tulpas helping with mental illness I would be really really happy to hear about it :) I hope I didn't appear like a crybaby who just wants to complain about his problems, but I really don't know what to do anymore. And I don't want to talk with my Tulpa about it, because I don't want to disrespect his advices...

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If I’m reading the OP right, I’m guessing you have a tulpa that’s suggesting to you to absolve yourself, or reduce communication with others? And that you want to ask if his advice is actually some kind of subconscious relay of information of how you would conceptualize the behaviors of those individuals that your companion sees irrelevant in creating bonds with?

 

There could be many premises behind why your friend is suggesting these things to you:

 

- Maybe they feel neglected, and need more attention

 

- Maybe this is them just analyzing the experiences you have with these individuals, and is using implicit knowledge (keyword implicit since I can’t really give you an absolute assurance on this) to make the presumption that they’re (people in general I guess) not worth your time

 

 

- Deriving from the second probability, maybe it could be negative feelings you’ve had with these people, but just didn’t want to express them. Maybe you’re someone that wants to make people feel at ease in order to sustain the disposition that you’re not weak, or a crybaby, or something like that. So your tulpa may be someone that lets it out clear as day to you.

 

- Maybe your thoughts, and theirs are becoming conflated/combined with each other, and you feel this is justification for your claimed distorted understanding/interpretation (I’m not sure if you self-diagnosed that, or actually had that diagnosed by a professional; forgive me for presuming from conjecture here)

 

- Maybe this is the first time where you’re seeing genuine advice from your companion; them being earnest and blunt with you on how you are with interpersonal skills with others. And maybe you want to feel their advice is true, but at the same time, you question whether or not absolving yourself from them is any better.

 

Whatever the case, let’s dissect your situation here, and things you probably might have to clarify if what I’m saying is completely out of context to your concerns. In my personal opinion, maybe you you’re lacking in interpersonal skills, and may be using a justification that it’s a mental illness on your end; maybe it could be something you’ve had that’s been diagnosed and checked out by professionals. So I’m not sure if you’re just being hard on yourself, or in denial of something that your tulpa may be able to compensate for you in some way (e.g. interpersonal skills).

 

And as for advice, tulpa or human, and whether or not we should fulfill those suggestions will vary in opinions. Personally, you don’t have to be at their beck and call, and follow every suggestion. They’re just giving you another perspective, and you don’t have to let them be the sole source of handling your ways of assessing this concerns. You arguing, or not agreeing to certain things shouldn’t make you look like a crybaby; it’s just a testament that you want to have some backbone. It doesn’t have to be a circle jerk all the time with your tulpa to agree with every advice they give you. It’s just like anyone you interact with on personal, and controversial matters; you have your own schemata of things, and they have their own, and at the end of the day, no one really has to come to an agreement, but rather just be aware of the differences in views they have, and using that a supplement to add on to their knowledge base of perspectives and what have you.

 

Just like how you’re asking for advice, you don’t have to uphold to the suggestions given to you, even in this thread. If anything, I see the whole group thinking with tulpas as expanding your conceptual horizon of seeing things in a different angles, but still reigning in what resonates for you, and just you. You’re not disrespecting his existence because you can’t follow along with the suggestions, and if he feels this is the case, you could affirm to him that he’s as free to have his own opinions just like you are entitled to.

 

You could see this opportunity to see distinctions between him and you, and what makes him, him, you know? From personal experience, being able to handle differentiated point of views in the same body can be rough at first, but it can also be a vehicle for understanding the people you interact with. We can’t really know for sure what’s going on in people’s minds; we may be using conjecture, our experiences, and implying from those to derive a concept of who those people are. Some of us may be able to predict what others are doing in social environments, and some of us can go through trial-and-error without much of repeating that to reach a conclusion of judging somebody.

 

But even if the previous content mentioned above has a premise of a lack of interpersonal skills on your end, it could also just be the opposite, i.e., your tulpa isn’t really aware of what it means to be gregarious with others.

 

Maybe it could be that they’re able to detach themselves from what you consciously have to go through in your daily lifestyle; they probably go through an imaginary, objective point of view where it’s easy for them to question (maybe to the point of existential questioning) on the very nature as to why someone like you still actively seeks friendship with others despite knowing the probability of suffering, hardships, and other forms of adversities to be faced with. Maybe your tulpa feels that by being with them more, you can focus on mapping out your preferences, your weaknesses, absolutely everything you’re able to cognitively reflect on, and cutting out the bullshit we may have to go through with people we can’t really tap into their minds, and explore the depths of their psyche as easily we may believe our tulpas can.

 

Maybe it could be a way your tulpa expresses and hints to you to be more reflective about yourself, and maybe go through some analysis of the recollection of people you’ve interacted with. But at the same time, it seems that if your tulpa is willing to make a conclusion that interaction with certain people is irrelevant and worthless, you never know where they may feel this would be the case for everyone in general. It’s kind of like, for the lack of a better example, a girl/guy dating certain people, and having bad luck with those individuals, and making a conflated and hasty generalization that all girls/guys are too complicated, and a shitty mess to deal with.

 

It’s not surprising, to me at least, to see tulpas that may not hold much value into the novelty behind the danger with being gregarious with others, and having to suffer to some extent to establish a deeper connection with them; i.e., things that makes us human, and makes us do the things we do despite what may seem to be a futile journey in the long term.

 

 

Perspective #2:

 

 

Like many threads where individuals are conflicted with what seems to be incongruent thoughts (e.g. cognitive dissonance), it’s easy for them to self-diagnose that it’s a mental illness on their end when it could just be a predisposition to justify it as that as a crutch to deny themselves that they lack something; in this circumstance, interpersonal skills.

 

But something to keep in mind is that if you’re indecisive on what to do because of the different perspectives being expressed to you, you’re bound to face this inner conflict with yourself at some point, especially if you’re going along the lines of treating them as a sentient entity capable of having thoughts and opinions that may not resonate to what you feel validates “you.”

 

You could presume that it’s a mental illness on your end, but it could just be group thinking between you and your companion, and you’re not used to this kind of information that probably seems out of context from your point of view. It (the different advices and perspectives) can be a double-edged sword at times. In other words, it can be complicated and hectic because it may lead to indecisiveness, but at the same time, it can expand your horizon on conceptualizing perspectives to hopefully formulate balanced advice, and means of assessment when talking to these things with your tulpa.

 

You could also see this as part of what validates him, and setting a distinction that if something like this that isn’t resonating with your line of logic, it can be a breakthrough for you in validating his sentience, or whatever people do to create cumulative assurances that their tulpas are sentient. Your tulpa could be a bit one-sided of using a few experiential cases you’ve had with people that seemed to lead to bad events, and thus this suggestion of absolving yourself from gregarious interaction, and focusing more of finding out yourself from within rather than through others.

 

But for me personally, it’s all about finding some balance, and treating those perspectives as a vehicle in reaching balanced advice. You don’t have to conclude that it’s cognitive dissonance, because if you’re going to have someone else in your head with some backbone and an opinion, breaking that mental barrier of thinking your thoughts are incongruent, along with your morality compass and what have you is something you’ll have to map out with your tulpa.

 

Of course, this could be a mental ailment on your end, but if that’s the case, I guess I’m a nut job too for having tulpas with different views; views that may express gut-wrenching truths, and me who could easily be in your shoes trying to deny their opinions as true, and my ego creating layers upon layers upon layers to hide it away from my awareness.

 

I feel it’s an ongoing challenge in finding what’s right and wrong with life, along with tulpas, but I rather have more perspectives than being one-sided all the time to help create balanced means of assessment; you can still do all this, grow a backbone, and realize that having different views isn’t going to tarnish your respect for your companion.

 

If anything, I would present arguments as to why this can further respect, but everyone's different, man.

 

Edit:

 

 

Auto-correct seems to think "from" should be changed to "form." UGH

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Thanks for your answer, I didn't expect someone to give such a detailed reply.

I will start from the beginning:

 

If I’m reading the OP right, I’m guessing you have a tulpa that’s suggesting to you to absolve yourself, or reduce communication with others? And that you want to ask if his advice is actually some kind of subconscious relay of information of how you would conceptualize the behaviors of those individuals that your companion sees irrelevant in creating bonds with?

 

That's probably right, before he gave me that advice I already kind of thought about reducing certain communications. So it's not really subsconscious thought, but I guess I tried to evade it and push it in the back of my mind.

 

- Maybe this is them just analyzing the experiences you have with these individuals, and is using implicit knowledge (keyword implicit since I can’t really give you an absolute assurance on this) to make the presumption that they’re (people in general I guess) not worth your time

 

 

- Deriving from the second probability, maybe it could be negative feelings you’ve had with these people, but just didn’t want to express them. Maybe you’re someone that wants to make people feel at ease in order to sustain the disposition that you’re not weak, or a crybaby, or something like that. So your tulpa may be someone that lets it out clear as day to you.

 

Those two points describe the situation pretty good. I indeed had some negative feelings with those people and my Tulpa knows about that or at least about some cases. And that I didn't want to express them is right too, but that's because they probably aren't even aware of some things, they said. That unawareness is probably the root of my uncertainty.

 

Whatever the case, let’s dissect your situation here, and things you probably might have to clarify if what I’m saying is completely out of context to your concerns. In my personal opinion, maybe you you’re lacking in interpersonal skills, and may be using a justification that it’s a mental illness on your end; maybe it could be something you’ve had that’s been diagnosed and checked out by professionals. So I’m not sure if you’re just being hard on yourself, or in denial of something that your tulpa may be able to compensate for you in some way (e.g. interpersonal skills).

 

I diagnosed it by myself and while the depression is defenitely there you could be right about the interpersonal skills. After reading that I'm really starting to be sceptical about the mental-illness-thought. Maybe those misinterpretations are just there, because I'm lacking interpersonal skill, which could be certainly true (I don't like to look into people's eyes while talking, I get emberassed really quickly, I often don't know how to respond to some things and wonder if I will say something wrong, etc.).

 

And as for advice, tulpa or human, and whether or not we should fulfill those suggestions will vary in opinions. Personally, you don’t have to be at their beck and call, and follow every suggestion. They’re just giving you another perspective, and you don’t have to let them be the sole source of handling your ways of assessing this concerns. You arguing, or not agreeing to certain things shouldn’t make you look like a crybaby; it’s just a testament that you want to have some backbone. It doesn’t have to be a circle jerk all the time with your tulpa to agree with every advice they give you. It’s just like anyone you interact with on personal, and controversial matters; you have your own schemata of things, and they have their own, and at the end of the day, no one really has to come to an agreement, but rather just be aware of the differences in views they have, and using that a supplement to add on to their knowledge base of perspectives and what have you.

 

Just like how you’re asking for advice, you don’t have to uphold to the suggestions given to you, even in this thread. If anything, I see the whole group thinking with tulpas as expanding your conceptual horizon of seeing things in a different angles, but still reigning in what resonates for you, and just you. You’re not disrespecting his existence because you can’t follow along with the suggestions, and if he feels this is the case, you could affirm to him that he’s as free to have his own opinions just like you are entitled to.

 

You could see this opportunity to see distinctions between him and you, and what makes him, him, you know? From personal experience, being able to handle differentiated point of views in the same body can be rough at first, but it can also be a vehicle for understanding the people you interact with. We can’t really know for sure what’s going on in people’s minds; we may be using conjecture, our experiences, and implying from those to derive a concept of who those people are. Some of us may be able to predict what others are doing in social environments, and some of us can go through trial-and-error without much of repeating that to reach a conclusion of judging somebody.

 

I never saw it that way, I will definitely talk to my Tulpa about that. I guess I saw his suggestions as the only way I could go, but maybe I could try it by combining his thoughts and my thoughts to clear my mind and do the right thing. It makes me regret thinking of him like he has to solve my problems, it's sounds good to let him have opinions I don't share. I'm sure he will evolve to someone new if I do that.

 

Maybe it could be that they’re able to detach themselves from what you consciously have to go through in your daily lifestyle; they probably go through an imaginary, objective point of view where it’s easy for them to question (maybe to the point of existential questioning) on the very nature as to why someone like you still actively seeks friendship with others despite knowing the probability of suffering, hardships, and other forms of adversities to be faced with. Maybe your tulpa feels that by being with them more, you can focus on mapping out your preferences, your weaknesses, absolutely everything you’re able to cognitively reflect on, and cutting out the bullshit we may have to go through with people we can’t really tap into their minds, and explore the depths of their psyche as easily we may believe our tulpas can.

 

About reflecting myself: I did that at some points and that was only because of him. Maybe he knows he has that specific kind of view of the world, but still wants to do his best? Like I wrote, I will let him evolve his personality and so on. I'm curious what happens, if we both make process in changing ourselves, will he have a totally new opinion?

 

Like many threads where individuals are conflicted with what seems to be incongruent thoughts (e.g. cognitive dissonance), it’s easy for them to self-diagnose that it’s a mental illness on their end when it could just be a predisposition to justify it as that as a crutch to deny themselves that they lack something; in this circumstance, interpersonal skills.

 

But something to keep in mind is that if you’re indecisive on what to do because of the different perspectives being expressed to you, you’re bound to face this inner conflict with yourself at some point, especially if you’re going along the lines of treating them as a sentient entity capable of having thoughts and opinions that may not resonate to what you feel validates “you.”

 

You could presume that it’s a mental illness on your end, but it could just be group thinking between you and your companion, and you’re not used to this kind of information that probably seems out of context from your point of view. It (the different advices and perspectives) can be a double-edged sword at times. In other words, it can be complicated and hectic because it may lead to indecisiveness, but at the same time, it can expand your horizon on conceptualizing perspectives to hopefully formulate balanced advice, and means of assessment when talking to these things with your tulpa.

 

You could also see this as part of what validates him, and setting a distinction that if something like this that isn’t resonating with your line of logic, it can be a breakthrough for you in validating his sentience, or whatever people do to create cumulative assurances that their tulpas are sentient. Your tulpa could be a bit one-sided of using a few experiential cases you’ve had with people that seemed to lead to bad events, and thus this suggestion of absolving yourself from gregarious interaction, and focusing more of finding out yourself from within rather than through others.

 

But for me personally, it’s all about finding some balance, and treating those perspectives as a vehicle in reaching balanced advice. You don’t have to conclude that it’s cognitive dissonance, because if you’re going to have someone else in your head with some backbone and an opinion, breaking that mental barrier of thinking your thoughts are incongruent, along with your morality compass and what have you is something you’ll have to map out with your tulpa.

 

That explanation did really help, I think the different perspectives you experience in life are the cause for all problems, may it be physical or mental (in that case depressions) . Having a different opinion you can argue with while still keeping your own opinions alive I'm sure I will find more answers, with my Tulpa who opens my eyes and my own opinions who will soften some of his "harsher" opinions (for example his recommendation about reducing some communications). It will probably take some time until I'm 100% sure what to do, but you really helped me, thanks for your reply.

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