KHost

Do tulpas really need attention to survive?

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[align=justify]The following reflection comes from both my tulpa K and myself. We hope it can contribute to the research on tulpamancy. Thanks for reading!

 

One of the basic assumptions of tulpamancy is that tulpas need the host's attention to survive. But is it really the case?

Lurking around this forum, we have seen many instances of tulpas withstanding days and even months without any interaction with their host; we have also heard about supposedly “killed” tulpas coming back from oblivion as if nothing happened.

Could it be, then, that the attention-to-survive principle is not accurate? What is it that tulpas really need to make their existence long-lasting?

 

We start from an assumption on what tulpas are: tulpas are mental constructs created by humans. Since they are created by humans, their personality will be human-like. As a consequence, it is highly likely that on a social and emotional level, the interaction between a tulpa and a host will follow the same basic patterns and inner workings of a human-to-human relationship. Of course there are some major differences, but as far as developing a personal relationship goes, we can safely assume that both humans and tulpas, in general, like the same things: support, trust, respect, love and so on.

 

Now, what are the key factors that make two people stick together?

To begin with, a very important factor is “likeness”. We all know that humans tend to associate with people who have common traits with them; and if they associate with people who are very different from them, it is because they see something valuable and admirable in this difference. Basically, our friends and lovers will either be “like” ourselves or will have some kind of “agreeable difference”.

It's reasonable to say that most hosts will naturally create a tulpa that falls under one of these two categories. Nevertheless, tulpas still disappear or get killed by their hosts: we can see that “likeness” does not guarantee a tulpa's survival; it helps, but this is not what they “need” to keep living.

 

However, there are two more key factors (at least) that make human relationships last, and we think that these two factors are really decisive for tulpas as well. They are:

 

1) A common history. The greatest bonds between people come not just from spending a lot of time in company, but also from living through a lot of intense experiences together. Supporting each other in the face of difficulties, sharing successes and joys and sorrows, speaking their minds to each other, fighting and making up: the milestones of a relationship are made of moments of deep emotional involvement. It is unlikely that a bond between two people will strenghten without a practical demonstration that both parties can rely on each other in moments of need. Hence, a tulpa needs to give his/her host concrete support over a long period of time, and vice versa, to make their relationship deeper and more stable. This could seem obvious, but it has very important consequences when it comes to forcing and tulpamancy in general: we'll come to that in a minute.

 

2) A common purpose. A theatre company wants to bring their show to the stage. A politician's staff wants their candidate to win the elections. Parents want their children to go to college and get a good job. Even two complete strangers can establish a deep and functional relationship in no time, if they have a common goal. Tulpas and hosts are no exception. Many tulpas were born – admittedly or not – to support their hosts in different areas of their life: important decisions, ambitious projects, social relations, work, and everything one could imagine. This is not a shame; just like many humans contribute to society through their jobs, it is perfectly normal for a tulpa to contribute to his/her host's life in his/her unique way. The tulpa's purpose can be big and complex or small and focused, but the goal he/she shares with the host makes their relationship stronger and long-lasting.

 

TL;DR

 

In conclusion, we believe that tulpas do not need generic “attention” in itself to survive. They need, more precisely, a strong relationship with their host. And this is achieved by sharing intense experiences and common goals. Tulpas that reach this status can live for days and months without even meeting their host, and still stay completely healthy; just like two best friends will still have a strong bond even if they've been apart for a long time.

 

MORE REFLECTIONS

 

What are the consequences of our conclusions? Here is some food for thought:

 

- When forcing, the keyword is quantity or quality? It could be more useful to force one hour and share a meaningful experience, than forcing five hours without doing anything relevant. Also, counting hours could be a practice of very little use.

 

- What is “progress” in tulpamancy? Hosts usually say they have made “progress” when they achieve better visualization, or successfully switch, and so on. But is it really the case? We believe that, in the end, these techniques are just tools, not objectives. The real “progress” a host has to make is in his/her common history and common purpose with his/her tulpa. To this end, note that a relatively simple practice like passive forcing could be far more useful than complex methods like possession and switching.

 

- Fighting and arguing, and later getting over it, are essential steps in a tulpa-host relationship. Knowing that you can have very conflicting viewpoints and still stick together is essential in a long-lasting relationship. Also, sex – when not abusive – could be another factor in establishing a solid relationship. It's unmistakably a positive and intense experience, and it's a cornerstone of many human couples' lives. Some couples are even entirely based on sexual attraction. There is no reason to underestimate the role of sex in tulpamancy as well.

 

Of course, our reflections didn't come from nothing: in one form or another, we all have come across these topics on this forum. What we tried to do is organize them in a coherent thought, in the hope of pushing forward the research on tulpamancy. We would love to hear your opinions, viewpoints and corrections. Thank you again for reading![/align]


While I was rushing downward to the lowland,

Before mine eyes did one present himself,

Who seemed from long-continued silence hoarse.

When I beheld him in the desert vast,

“Have pity on me,” unto him I cried,

“Whiche’er thou art, or shade or real man!”

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Nice post, K and host.

 

It's a good concept to think of; instead of living on attention, they live on love, is what you're saying? A good relationship?

It's definitely something to think about, and it's good to know that our community is one that tries to learn more about tulpae, not simply dismiss them as who we know.

 

 

I agree, yes; it could definitely be the relationship that they live on, not the amount of attention we give them.


PR

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This is definitely a thought provoking thread; I'll share my opinion. What a Tulpa needs to survive is subjective to whatever the host and Tulpa think. Hence the reason why some members' Tulpae report horrific experiences during prolonged attention deprivation, and others seem to be fine. Nonetheless, I think we can agree there is a base of all Tulpaforcing with certain laws that seem to be universal, regardless of the Tulpa and host. Thanks to your research, we've gotten a step closer to figuring it out. With that being said, do you feel these conclusions justify a host giving up on their Tupper prior to interaction a little more?


Me: So, talk to me about why I'm your dream boy.

Him: This is going to be a short conversation.

Me: Ha, ha, ha! That's so mean!

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Really quick, I've never meant to imply a tulpa would "die" when I say they need attention to survive. I meant they need to be paid attention to exist, for any development to take place, for any healthy relationship. As soon as you start paying them attention again they should be the same as ever, or at least soon after. If not upset over the lack of said existence for a time.

 

 

In conclusion, we believe that tulpas do not need generic “attention” in itself to survive. They need, more precisely, a strong relationship with their host.

 

I... can't remember the last time I read something on this forum that actually taught me something directly related to tulpas, or in this case reinforced something I didn't quite realize before. My tulpas and I have an extremely close relationship, even though my natural motivation issues lead to me spending very little time with them by the forum's standards. We never really forced before starting imposition and talk far less often than I'd like. Yet at the same time, they mean the world to me, they can give perfect advice on the spot after days of silence, and we still enjoy the time we spend together immensely as sparse as it is.

And it's an even better point that the reverse may be a problem plaguing other tulpamancers.

 

What is “progress” in tulpamancy? Hosts usually say they have made “progress” when they achieve better visualization, or successfully switch, and so on. But is it really the case? We believe that, in the end, these techniques are just tools, not objectives. The real “progress” a host has to make is in his/her common history and common purpose with his/her tulpa.

 

I don't know if I'd say "common history and purpose" here, but purpose is close. Quality of the relationship is immensely important and I'm surprised no one's really talked about it before. I really think you've stumbled on something ~new here, good job.

 

Fighting and arguing, and later getting over it, are essential steps in a tulpa-host relationship.

 

Also I've never done this. I think once again it has something to do with the oddities of my tulpas' existences, but I've never once remotely thought of arguing with something they said. They innately know what I need to hear, what I really think is true, and how to express themselves best. Of course I'm the exception here, I don't doubt that may apply to others. But are tulpa relationships really so directly similar to human ones? Don't they differ in biological/psychological ways, ie. thoughts coming from your own mind versus another? I'm kind of lazy busy right now but I'll leave you to think about that.


Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.

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I suppose thoughts coming from your own mind vs those from Another is a lot down to how much of their personality is from you and how much they developed as a result of their surrounding and environment.. If there was a lot of input in defining them and they had full access to mental faculties like your own memory then yeah I would think that there would be a difference, but if they didn't and instead developed completely organically from scratch maybe not so much?

 

Hmm. It is indeed thought provoking though, and does seem to make some sense. I know IRL decent quality time with someone once a week is more likely to form a bond I treasure and look forward to than seeing someone every day for mundane reasons.

 

Hell i spent loads of time with people at school but the only ones I cared about when school was done were those I had a special connection with. Those I had memorable or significant experiences with to tie us together.

 

Why would a tulpa which relies on the same physical chemistry be so different..

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Thank you all for reading!

 

With that being said, do you feel these conclusions justify a host giving up on their Tupper prior to interaction a little more?

 

We both think that giving up on a tulpa is a very personal thing (just like creating one) that depends on a lot of circumstances... it's not something we can universally justify or condemn, it depends on case by case. That's how we feel, anyway.

 

But are tulpa relationships really so directly similar to human ones? Don't they differ in biological/psychological ways, ie. thoughts coming from your own mind versus another?

 

Yes, they probably differ in many ways! And maybe the research on tulpas should reflect more on what these differences are... But when we talk about building mutual trust, making a relationship stronger etc. we think that tulpas and humans work the same way: share meaningful experiences, find a common purpose.


While I was rushing downward to the lowland,

Before mine eyes did one present himself,

Who seemed from long-continued silence hoarse.

When I beheld him in the desert vast,

“Have pity on me,” unto him I cried,

“Whiche’er thou art, or shade or real man!”

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I suppose while under development they perhaps do not yet have those powerful experiences and times shared to hold them alone, so there is more than likely some truth to that yes.

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Guest amber5885

I actually like the emphasis on quality not quantity. Toby and I have gone long stretches of time without talking an he's been just fine.

 

Toby: I suppose on some level I do need some basic form of attention once in a while. But it's not for survival. I don't think my life depends on her interaction. I do however think that if she's ignoring me or can't speak with me I naturally wouldn't hang around because well..... Would you hang out with a friend who isnt talking to you?

 

I think it's only necissary in the beginning to be force fed copious amounts of affection but after a certain point in time we should be able to sustain ourselves. After all we are meant to be our own people an people do not require the validation of others to survive.

 

The friendship maybe but not the person,

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