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Tulpa Article?


Zer0.iNSaNiTY

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Zer0.iNSaNiTY

Alright. See the plan I had was to open with the parallel of most people having an imaginary friend when they were kids, and then jumping off of that. Currently it's this:

 

How many of you guys had an imaginary friend when you were little? You did, right? If you didn’t, I’m sorry, but you had a very sad childhood.

But that’s beside the point. If you didn’t have an imaginary friend, pretend you did. How would you play with them? They couldn’t move on their own, right? You controlled them to do things with you, and you just went along with it. Sure it was fun for a while, but at some point in time you grew out of it. But, what if those imaginary friends you had could act on their own? What if they could actually, legitimately talk to you? Here I introduce the topic of this article: tulpas.

 

Is that an alright introduction?

[Forseen]

{Muse}

|Alix|

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Looks like article for the magazine, or newspaper. If this is the objective, you can leave it. Good intro, seriously. Good point, explains basics of the concept to men out of the deal.

And may the fears keep away from you.

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Guest amber5885

Take the you had a sad childhood bit out and maybe change it to more of a "you didn't? Well then just humor me for a moment."

 

The Internet likes to latch onto things and I can see a "oh yeah? My childhood was awesome without being a psycho" discussion rather than a focus on what youre going for


OKay I had to jump onto my actual computer for this:

 

How many of you guys had an imaginary friend when you were little?

 

You did, right? If you didn’t, I’m sorry, but you had a very sad childhood. Unnecessary wording and kind of attacky.

 

A lot of people have had imaginary friends as children and if you didn't it's not hard to pretend that you did. After all, that's what imaginary friends were. (suggestion, feel free to change it)

 

If you did have an imaginary friend, how would you play with them?

 

They couldn’t move on their own, right? Suggestion rather than a question, you want the reader to be involved.

 

Could they speak on their own?

 

You controlled them to do things with you, and you just went along with it. Poor wording.

 

Did you control their actions or their movement? Or did they move and act on their own? (suggestion, feel free to change it.)

 

Sure it was fun for a while, but at some point in time you grew out of it. But, what if those imaginary friends you had could act on their own?

 

Remove red text, unnecessary.

 

 

What if they could actually, legitimately talk to you? Here I introduce the topic of this article: Tulpas.

 

This doesn't make sense. try "What if they could communicate with you using their own thoughts and ideas? Does it sound too good to be true?

Stick around and you may see for yourself that it is not because here is where I introduce the topic of this article: Tulpas.

 

 

 

 

These are my suggestions, feel free to take them or leave them but im not just a hack on the internet, im a professional author and I just wanted to help.

 

This is how it reads with the edits I suggested.

 

How many of you guys had an imaginary friend when you were little? A lot of people have had imaginary friends as children and if you didn't it's not hard to pretend that you did. After all, that's what imaginary friends were. If you did have an imaginary friend, how would you play with them? Could they speak on their own? Did you control their actions or their movement? Or did they move and act on their own? Sure it was fun for a while, but at some point in time you grew out of it. But, what if those imaginary friends could act on their own? What if they could communicate with you using their own thoughts and ideas? Does it sound too good to be true?

Stick around and you may see for yourself that it is not because here is where I introduce the topic of this article: Tulpas.

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How many of you guys had an imaginary friend when you were little? A lot of people have had imaginary friends as children and if you didn't it's not hard to pretend that you did. After all, that's what imaginary friends were. If you did have an imaginary friend, how would you play with them? Could they speak on their own? Did you control their actions or their movement? Or did they move and act on their own? Sure it was fun for a while, but at some point in time you grew out of it. But, what if those imaginary friends could act on their own? What if they could communicate with you using their own thoughts and ideas? Does it sound too good to be true?

Stick around and you may see for yourself that it is not because here is where I introduce the topic of this article: Tulpas.

 

I'd say try not to use "imaginary friend" in consecutive sentences. It sounds a little awkward.

 

Also, change "were" in "that's what imaginary friends were" to "are", as imaginary friends haven't changed since then.

 

I'd also take the bits asking if they could move and talk on their own out, because that takes the impact away from the bit at the end where you suggest that they can move and talk on their own.

 

I'd change "You guys" too, but that's just because I try not to be too informal. Perhaps "you guys" fits your audience better.

 

I'm not fond of that last sentence. I go to a writers' circle every week, and one of the best bits of advice I've gotten there is not to tell readers that something happened suddenly. When you say "Suddenly two men burst into the room, guns blazing," the word "suddenly" is basically telling the reader "Get ready to be surprised, because this next bit is really surprising!" And because the reader is told that they're about to be surprised, they're not really all that surprised, and they're feeling a bit let down because they're not as surprised as you told them that they'd be.

 

I feel like that last sentence is coming across like that. You're telling the reader what you're going to do next, rather than just doing it, and thus losing some of the impact you'd get by just doing it.

 

I'd put it a bit more like this:

 

Did you have an imaginary friend when you were little? Lots of people have, and if you didn't it's not hard to pretend that you did. After all, that's what imaginary friends are. If you did have an imaginary friend, how would you play with them? Did you control their actions or their movement? Did you make them talk to you? Sure it was fun for a while, but at some point in time you grew out of it. But, what if those imaginary friends could act on their own? What if they could communicate with you using their own thoughts and ideas? Does it sound too good to be true?

 

Let me tell you about tulpas.

"Some things have to be believed to be seen." - Ralph Hodgson

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Zer0.iNSaNiTY

Okay I kinda wrote that up in like five minutes so I guess I should've expected a lot of critique ^^; Quoting would look clumsy so I'm just gonna refer to each of y'all.

 

amber: My general writing style just comes off as kinda sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek like, especially with intros. It just happens =w=; Eheh. I'll fix the wording with your critique though, and probably change the bit about having a sad childhood, it does sound a little attack-y. With your edited version, I do agree with sushi that using the word imaginary friend so many times sounds kinda weird, but in general it is a good improvement.

 

sushi: Got it. Being informal is quite fine with the audience, so I'm probably gonna keep it. And yeah the ending sucks, like I said I typed it up in like five minutes and didn't really bother to edit it much, more writing out the general format than actually making a final piece ^^;

 

I'll go edit the intro and put it up again.


Alright this is what it's currently at:

 

How many of you guys had an imaginary friend when you were little? A lot of you, right? And if not, it shouldn’t be too hard to imagine what it would’ve been like. I mean, they are imaginary friends. You’d control every little movement they make, having them talk with you, walk with you, maybe play bowling with you. Sure it was fun for a while, but at some point in time you’d grow out of it.

But what if those imaginary friends could act on their own? What if they could truly talk and communicate with you? What if they could express their own ideas, and thoughts, and notions? Sound impossible?

Let me tell you about tulpas.

 

[Forseen]

{Muse}

|Alix|

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