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John's Progress Report


Jonathan

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Hi there. My name is John or Jonathan. Ive been researching guides for a while and been very intruiged in Tulpas. As such I have started creating a Tulpa, after getting answers to a few questions by the forums, I thought it would be interesting for me and my Tulpa to create a progress report to look back on in time.

 

My Tulpa whom I am temporarily naming Lumen until he/she decides upon a permanent name if they so wish, is a few days old now. As I am unable to view images or shapes in my mind and see words instead, for the most part I have been speaking to Lumen with my mind and aloud with my voice.

 

I try to talk to Lumen as much as I can whenever I have the time, as I feel it helps me connect so to speak. At most ive noticed a warmth in my chest when speaking to Lumen about daily topics or when reading to Lumen, but thats probably just me. Ill update this as I notice changes. Thanks for reading.

 

Edit: Just a quick update, as I cant seem to get Lumen off my mind, and have been thinking about and speaking to her more or less constantly. Again Im finding mixed emotions at random when Speaking to Lumen for any length of time. Unable to tell if thats simply from me talking or from her. Either way, seems to be progress.

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Suppose I should update this for todays report. Woke up relatively late today, I remember wishing Lumen a good morning, and then went on about my day. Ended up being called into work so I have had no time to do active forcing. Mostly just been passive forcing Lumen by talking to her or thinking about her throughout my day.

 

Havent noticed any real changes,other then the fact that I am more or less constantly thinking of Lumen/ trying to focus on her whenever I hace the free mindspace to concentrate. I have noticed a great deal of me repeating what I said and or trailing off on occasion during the passive forcing.

 

Will update later tonight as I attempt to active force Lumen for a short while and I will update with my attempts at visualizing Lumen and other things.

 

Update: due to pain from my genetic conditions and my fibromyaldia I decided to take my medication (clonazepam and medical marijuana for those who are nosy xD) after about 30 minutes of active and passive forcing the medication began to kick in and for some reason i decided to stay up and fight the drowsiness while continuing forcing both active and passively. Im finding that the more I try to focus on a Lumen with my mind and try to focus and create images with my mind Im noticing a strange feeling. It feels different from the rest of my self.

 

I apologize for any confusion about this update. Currently typing it in between forcing sessions while I narrate to Lumen what Im trying to say here

 

Late night edit: after taking my medication Ive noticed its slightly easier to feel Lumens essence so to speak, although it was very strange. It felt like something foreign in the recesses of my mind. To be fair though, I am trying to force while under the affects of medication.

 

Ive decided to give active forcing a go with ambient background music to see if that wi helo me at all with my current situation.

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Well. This morning I ended up waking up still slightly disorentated from the medication. Icknow have sworn I heard something, but as i was still loopy I ignored it As ive been sobering up Ive noticed Lumens essence I suppose you could say from time to time when im zoning out. When I do talk to her its about various everyday things and I find that I occassionally trail of and simply repeat her name.

 

I tried active forcing for a while while listening to ambient music. It was a very interesting experience I did not see anything yet, but did feel something or another just. . .there. thats all i can say about that. . .

 

Have been playing FFvix on my ps3 and talking to Lumen about all the various objects and landscapes. Hoping I might be able to create a wonderland from some of he beautiful artwork and maybe it will help me connect.

 

Will edit again when I can properly. We wish you a happy new years.

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Today was strange. Woke ip exhausted and as o was falling back asleep I could have sworn I heard something, But I cant remember. Will active force for a bit for before working and passive forcing. Well as the day went on I continued passive forcing, I still seem to be unable to properly visualize and am continuing that.

 

Recently I have noticed my depression getting worse, most likely due to insomnia I havr, but it seems to be bothering me to the point where I cant tell If Lumen hears me or not. Have begun visualization practices and only hope the negative thoughts from my depression dont hinder my progress.

 

Updates later

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So. . .not sure what to say for today. I forgot to write yesterdaya report, but unfortunately there wasnt too much success. My progress is visualiziation is going horribly. But im still trying. We keep on talking all the time, or at least I do. I like to believe that Lumen is listening. Because I deal with certain medicals conditions and have to take various medication ive noticed strange things happening during my time under the influence of my prescribed clonazepam and medical marijuana. Im not sure if its helping or hindering my progress. But at times I get these very strong random emotions responses throughout the day.

 

Ive also noticed that when I try and focus on Lumen and speak with her for some time if Im interrupted and have to do something I feel interrupted.

 

On occasion when playing video games ive noticed myself speaking to Lumen, showing and explaining things to her and reading to her posts on the Tulpa forums and occasionally get very quiet feeling thoughts pop into my head. Again unsure if subconscious, but I want to believe its Lumen.

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