CM

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It's Roska's very first birthday! We went out to get pizza to celebrate. He's 10 years old now, in his appearance age, so like a fallout 3 protagonist would say: "not a child anymore" lol. (yes he is)

 

Danyla has started to switch his age around on his own now, and his face has become more expressive. So there's something there even if he doesn't speak yet, which is obviously great. He's switching between ages 3 to 6, so from very small to not quite so small (which is kinda weird to think about 'cause it's only 3 years difference but kids grow so fast early on that it's a world of a difference). 

 

Desmond's being the master of moodswings again, with depression hitting hard every now and again and extreme happiness in between episodes. I've got some decent medication now that seems to have helped my symptoms some, but they don't seem to be doing much for Desmond. He's been (redacted) to try to help with the roughest patches, but it doesn't help him like it does me and it just makes him feel even more miserable to the point that he wishes for death. Note, I don't approve of those types of activities, even if I'm guilty of them myself. Don't fall into that hole, it's hard to get out. Anyway, depression has been a part of him for several years now, as you can see if you read through the progress report at all, and we've learned to live with it a bit better over time, but it's still really sad when he gets like this. My tulpas are some of the very few people I actually give a damn about, so it really sucks that he has to go through the same stuff I did. 


CM - 30th April 1997 - Host of the system

Desmond - 21st April 2014

L - 5th May 2014

Nevira - 14th December 2014

Misa - 5th December 2015

Roska - 22nd July 2019

Danyla - 13th July 2020

Progress report  Art thread  Ask us anything lol

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It's actually starting to get really crowded in my head, it's hard to just focus on Dany. I actually have to make time out of my day to force him *shudders*... It was crowded when Misa came along, but then I got used to her and everything was fine. Then again with Roska, but then that became the norm. But it's kinda different now because instead of just Desmond being the active time consuming sort, Roska is also very active and time consuming.

 

We got Danyla talking with an active forcing session, which is nice. He's not mute after all 😄 He's still kind of a blank slate, though when asking simple questions like "whats your favorite color/animal?" (red / "maybe a cat") he does respond with simple answers. He doesn't care for bugs or plants, animals are ok. I'm looking forward to getting to know him better. He seems to be scared of Roska's pet duck

 

It's a small update but I'm kinda excited about the development. I feel like it's going to be quicker now that we've broken through the mute wall. I'll have to take him on shopping trips with us sometime.


CM - 30th April 1997 - Host of the system

Desmond - 21st April 2014

L - 5th May 2014

Nevira - 14th December 2014

Misa - 5th December 2015

Roska - 22nd July 2019

Danyla - 13th July 2020

Progress report  Art thread  Ask us anything lol

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Posted (edited)

I'm glad to hear you're doing well lately, and Desmond seems good too, so that's great. Good luck in the future. I have followed this PR for years and it's nice to see you doing a little better.

 

Misha wanted a pet early on, and she once thought about a baby tulpa, but there was a big "nope" from me.

 

As it turns out, Ren was kinda like Ashley and my 'creation', but she's a clone of Joy, so that's not really a typical family, plus everyone considers themselves sisters, and I'm just their Bear, but no relation or relationship, though I consider them my siblings too.

 

We do have an official pet, a snail named Snailey. He's rarely around, and he won't come when we call him. We have to make it rain in wonderland to coax him home.

 

Good luck with the big system too, we shrunk in January sort of and it was a huge relief to be four again.

 

Edited by Bear

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Has it really been years already? Damn, time does fly by I guess.

 

There's a lot of animals in our wonderland, there's griffins and fiends from The Witcher 3 because Misa finds them cute, and she also rides around on her pet ostrich. L has a crow that's more like a friend than a pet but a pet anyway, rarely around. Roska has a cage filled with sparrows and siskins and the duck I mentioned. I'm sure I've mentioned this all before but here's a recap anyway.

 

A quick recap on the relationships too while I'm at it and on the subject of baby tulpas; Desmond and L are married, Roska and Danyla are their kids, Misa is also L's adopted daughter (because he's fatherly like that) and she treats Desmond like the cool older brother. Nevira and Desmond are kinda like siblings, they bicker and banter but are good friends, and Nevira is a bit of a mother figure for the entire system and has a massive crush on L since forever but obviously won't act on it since he's taken and she's not his type (F's in the chat for Nevira lol). I'm just... well I'm host. There's no other way to describe it, really. Chosen family kinda thing I guess.

 

I would've noped at baby tulpas too a few years ago, just like Desmond did haha. He was always so much against it even during L's worst baby fevers. That he agreed to it now just shows how much he's grown emotionally, it's kinda amazing. He's mellowed with age and he's not even that old, like 24. Though I suppose that is a good age to mature a bit.


CM - 30th April 1997 - Host of the system

Desmond - 21st April 2014

L - 5th May 2014

Nevira - 14th December 2014

Misa - 5th December 2015

Roska - 22nd July 2019

Danyla - 13th July 2020

Progress report  Art thread  Ask us anything lol

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Danyla has started talking properly, though mostly only when spoken to. To get his personality to start properly forming we aged him up to 6 and plan to get to 9. He got scared when I tried to age him all the way up at once, so we're going slow. I don't want him getting stuck too young, and I feel like personality doesn't properly develop until a bit older.

 

So far we've only really found stuff he doesn't really care for, instead of stuff that he likes. He tried art but doesn't seem to really care about it much. He's not as into animals and bugs and cool rocks as Roska, not as much of a nature lover. He does seem a bit more fearful/timid than Roska who basically fears nothing these days, but he seems to have an overall positive attitude towards life, but that could just be him being young and new. Hopefully the fearfulness is not as bad as Desmond's.

Speaking of Desmond, I joked that maybe we should just make Dany a complete mix of him and L, and Desmond responded with "hah, a little bit of me is already too much", which is probably true, to be fair. Desmond can be kinda insufferable sometimes. Mostly in a good way.

 

I've taken Danyla with me when I walk my dogs, and he's sitting next to me as I write this, and this kind of forcing seems to be the most effective for us. I suck at meditating and immersing myself in wonderland these days, so it's best he's "out here" with me instead. Hopefully by hanging out with me when I'm out doing stuff he'll pick up new interests and traits and what not, I feel like it can only do him good. I'll have to go shopping soon because I'm running out of food at home, so that's a nice opportunity to hang out with him better. Actually, I think I might go today in a few hours. If anything interesting happens I'll be back to write about it.


CM - 30th April 1997 - Host of the system

Desmond - 21st April 2014

L - 5th May 2014

Nevira - 14th December 2014

Misa - 5th December 2015

Roska - 22nd July 2019

Danyla - 13th July 2020

Progress report  Art thread  Ask us anything lol

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I don't know how old Dany looks like right now, but older than 6 and younger than Roska. So somewhere in between there. His hair's all grown out and his horns are beginning to curve back to resemble the ones in the drawing I did earlier, that's in my art thread. He's shy, even towards me in the beginning because he spent most of his time around Desmond and L, but he's come around quite nicely by now. He seems very affectionate, likes to hug the others and nap together. It's unlikely he'll want to speak on the forums until much much later, if at all. Desmond decided ages ago that "gender expecations" had no place in this system, regarding how dads "aren't supposed to be" affectionate with their kids, especially sons, so these guys just snuggle to their hearts' content. Which is great, I'm happy for them.

Danyla likes gemstones, his eyes have turned into the shade of amethyst, when they were more like lavender before. His hair has also taken in a hint of purple, though it's still clearly grey. From the vibe I'm getting from him, I feel like he might be into witchcraft, so maybe I'll finally have someone to celebrate the sabbats with lol. The rest of them don't care about that stuff.

He's started to hang out with Roska more, which is nice. I remember him being so amazed when he realized that Roska is his brother 😄 it was cute.

 

Other than that's it's really been almost too quiet in our system. My sleep schedule is screwed up, I sleep twice a day, a couple of hours each time, and remain tired throughout the day and it's hard to get anything done. I don't really remember what I've been doing the past few days to keep myself occupied, but I don't think it involved my tulpas much. I should do better so I'd have longer and better updates to write. Now I'm just updating this to kinda keep myself from slipping up, I guess.


CM - 30th April 1997 - Host of the system

Desmond - 21st April 2014

L - 5th May 2014

Nevira - 14th December 2014

Misa - 5th December 2015

Roska - 22nd July 2019

Danyla - 13th July 2020

Progress report  Art thread  Ask us anything lol

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I'm hesitant to say that Danyla is shy and quiet and calm and all that, because Roska was too before we got him wings, and then it was almost like a switch was flipped. So I don't know if we just haven't found "the thing" for him yet that would bring out his true colors, so to speak. But for now he seems to be a quiet sort. He's kinda similar to Nevira in some ways, I guess it's the serious attitude that reminds me of her. He seems to like house plants and flowers, not so much the kind you find outdoors, his room in wonderland is filled with all sorts of plants now. He has one of those posters that have gemstones and their attributes and stuff listed, but because it's in wonderland it's super vague and I can't actually see any information on it, but I know what it's supposed to be.

 

We had planned for Roska to age in real time, but he's growing faster than that as a person so it wouldn't be fair to hinder it by forcing him to stay little. The change hasn't been drastic, but he's gone up maybe a year or two, so around 11-12. He's gotten a lot more confident lately. And a bit of a smartass, reminds me of Desmond.

Danyla is somewhere between 8 and 10, we haven't tried to figure out where exactly because it would be kinda useless right now. We'll figure it out eventually. He wants to stay behind Roska with his age because he wants to be the younger one like he's been so far. It wouldn't matter to anyone else if he went past him, because technically L is also younger than Desmond, by like two weeks, but at the same time he's older by 8 years due to the mental/appearance age that he has, and that's what we're focused on. So if Dany wanted to be the older brother he could easily do that.

 

As for the rest, nothing's really changed. Nothing ever really changes anymore. Desmond's been doing better lately, though he's been extra lazy and wants to just snuggle with L all the time and do nothing else. Nothing wrong with that I guess, but L doesn't wanna just be in bed the whole day so he doesn't get his wish. Misa is as unsociable as ever and never really around and Nevira's just doing her own thing, though always within reach.


CM - 30th April 1997 - Host of the system

Desmond - 21st April 2014

L - 5th May 2014

Nevira - 14th December 2014

Misa - 5th December 2015

Roska - 22nd July 2019

Danyla - 13th July 2020

Progress report  Art thread  Ask us anything lol

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Desmond: I went shopping again today (and didn't even buy anything ugh). It's been a long while since the last time I was fronting so it was kinda difficult. At times it was hard to tell where I end and host begins. It's a blurry line that just wouldn't stay still. Lack of practice. I should front more often but it's difficult 'cause I feel so uncomfortable in the body and kinda ashamed to be seen like that by the others, even though everyone knows I don't really look like that. Some kind of dysphoria I guess.

 

Related to that, I was wondering if it would help Desmond feel better fronting if I lost weight and built some muscle. You know, the less fat, the smaller the boobs? I don't care what my body looks like, so would it be weird if this was my only motivation? Though, I guess weird motivation is better than none at all when you're already a bit overweight. Dieting alone wouldn't be enough, my thyroid is a piece of crap and I blame it for my metabolism issues. I'd have to really work out to get results and I kinda already know it's not going to happen because yeah, I don't care about my looks or health that much and I'm not selfless enough to go through a big lifestyle change just to help someone else. Plus depression and related motivation problems. Suppose I could start out small. Nothing I could do about my height, gender or voice, so he's gonna be uncomfortable no matter what anyway.

 

Desmond's been really trying to be more active everywhere, but talking on the forum is still a bit of a struggle for him. I don't really know why and he won't specify, don't know if he knows either. It's not about the people on here or anything, I guess it's just the format. Him fronting was another attempt at more activity, and a somewhat succesful one. I'm trying to kick him towards talking on here a bit more.

I haven't taken my antipsychotic meds for a week (hush, I ran out and didn't remember to go buy more when the drug store was open) and I feel like my mind's a lot clearer. I'm dreading taking them again even though I'm not sure if they were the cause of my foggy brain or if it's just my hypothyroidism.


CM - 30th April 1997 - Host of the system

Desmond - 21st April 2014

L - 5th May 2014

Nevira - 14th December 2014

Misa - 5th December 2015

Roska - 22nd July 2019

Danyla - 13th July 2020

Progress report  Art thread  Ask us anything lol

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We're wondering if Danyla might be non-binary, or if he's just androgynous or otherwise less masculine in the way he expresses himself. He says he doesn't really mind being called a he, but would also feel at home with they/them pronouns. He's not entirely sure about how he feels about his gender right now (just that he's not a she), so we're exploring all options and stuff. He's lucky to be a tulpa, he can present himself in whatever shape or form he wants to. And he's lucky to be able to do it in a head that's so supportive of it, even if I personally still don't always understand everything. Lack of research. Though, I guess that's about to be remedied soon while dealing with this.

 

Other than that I feel like things are starting to normalize in my head, like my tulpas are "getting used to" my antipsychotic meds, which I felt somehow blocked them a little, and becoming more active again. It's autumn though, so Desmond and I might get all depressed again soon because winter is a terrible season for my mental health. Perfect timing to test my new antidepressants I suppose. I hope they work, I just want to be functional, I want to earn money so that I can spend it. I'm getting real tired of living paycheck to paycheck with nothing left over.


CM - 30th April 1997 - Host of the system

Desmond - 21st April 2014

L - 5th May 2014

Nevira - 14th December 2014

Misa - 5th December 2015

Roska - 22nd July 2019

Danyla - 13th July 2020

Progress report  Art thread  Ask us anything lol

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