CM

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Just to update what I said last Friday, we've been doing a lot of digging and soul searching or whatever, until we found out that Danyla is most likely demigender, which is someone who identifies partly with a gender but not enough to fully be that gender, there's still a disconnect. They asked if it was okay if they only felt like they were half a boy, which is what led to me discovering that term. I did a little triangle thing for them where one point is male, second female and third agender, and we figured they'd be somewhere between male and agender but only just slightly towards female. Juuuust a tiny bit. So, a demiboy. I'm using they/them right now on this post to kinda see what that feels like, but they're fine with either they/them or he/him. But since they're cool with it I'll probably continue with the he/him going forward, maybe mix it up once in a while for fun or something. He looks very andogynous and probably will grow up that way as well, dresses in clothes with lots of ribbons and strings, wears simple string bracelets and a choker necklace sometimes. Colors are usually black, purple and grey, kinda matching the colors of his horns, hair and eyes lol. Anyway I just wanted to give an update on stuff, don't really have anything else to add.


CM - 30th April 1997 - Host of the system

Desmond - 21st April 2014

L - 5th May 2014

Nevira - 14th December 2014

Misa - 5th December 2015

Roska - 22nd July 2019

Danyla - 13th July 2020

Progress report  Art thread  Ask us anything lol

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I let Desmond go shopping again, it's been a while since he's done that and I figured it'd be ok, there's only a little bit of the month left and I have enough money to let him buy what he wants. He's really good with money, though, I gave him a budget and he always manages to get some actual food and sneak in something nice for me while not going over the spending limit. So I'm eating vanilla ice cream today thanks to him. 

 

Roska is growing up and kinda maturing in the process, which is to be expected. He's no longer interested in all the candy at the store, so we're not buying it nearly as often. And even when we do get something he doesn't always participate in eating it. It's kinda sad, it's been fun figuring out what he likes and doesn't like. All good things must come to an end, I guess. Even so, I think it'll take him a while to "break through" into the teenage years, which is fine by me and everyone else involved. He's also calmed down a bit, no more reckless flying and crashing, it's becoming a bit more graceful overall. He's big enough now that he might start showing up on the forums, mainly here or LOTPW, but probably only a little. We don't want to limit any conversations by bringing in a young tulpa. 


CM - 30th April 1997 - Host of the system

Desmond - 21st April 2014

L - 5th May 2014

Nevira - 14th December 2014

Misa - 5th December 2015

Roska - 22nd July 2019

Danyla - 13th July 2020

Progress report  Art thread  Ask us anything lol

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Found a new song to which I can force Desmond's speaking voice a little. At least the first half.
 

I like his voice but his tone and the "expression" of the voice is so different from this dude's tone and expression that there aren't that many songs that I can use on his channel. So it's always nice to find them lol.

 

I've been hanging out with Nevira a bit more, which she sorely needed. I feel like I've been neglecting her a little, which is easy to do since she doesn't seek attention herself. We went shopping and she criticized the condition of my apartment, 'cause it's always so messy and I don't really care about its appearance so stuff's just wherever. Good times. We snuggled a little in wonderland.

I don't know if I've ever mentioned it here, probably have, but Nevira is probably the closest thing I'll ever have to a relationship. We're kinda unofficially together since ages ago, she's the only person I could imagine who would understand my need for emotional distance. I mean of course she does, she's in the same brain as me. No one else would put up with it like she does, I don't think it would ever work in a relationship with another physical human being. Which I'm perfectly okay with, by the way, I've long since given up on that stuff and accepted myself as this imperfect being with extreme introversion and hermit tendencies. Schizoid personality disorder, I did get that diagnosis officially. Anyway, I'm rambling, I think. Long story short, me and Nevi are a thing, kinda. Close enough.

 

Desmond's doing okay. He's still depressed, but he has a lot of good days lately. Every now and then he gets really sad, but we know how to deal with it so it's okay. Recently there's been this weird loud noise from outside that sounds like a loud airplane flying by but it lasts too long and is way too frequent to be that and I've got no clue where it's coming from. Anyway, it's got him anxious and kinda freaked out, he's gotta thing about loud low rumbling noises, most of his fear of thunder is just from the noise and large vehicles scare him when they drive past because they're so loud. So that's a thing we're dealing with right now. Danyla kinda has a similar thing, though in his case it's any sudden noise that gives him a mini jumpscare.

Misa's been interacting with us a bit more. Basically she shows up whenever I remember that it's cold outside. Desmond, being the mild gymnophobe that he is, is still not over the fact that she's not wearing clothes, even though she's been around for almost 5 years and always nude. I guess he's gotten better about it, but it's still a bit of an issue for him. Roska and especially Danyla are just a bit baffled about it, being new and everything.


CM - 30th April 1997 - Host of the system

Desmond - 21st April 2014

L - 5th May 2014

Nevira - 14th December 2014

Misa - 5th December 2015

Roska - 22nd July 2019

Danyla - 13th July 2020

Progress report  Art thread  Ask us anything lol

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We had a fun time shopping today, I had Desmond and Roska with me and we took a bus to get to a city to get to a cheaper store. The savings from shopping there are big enough to cover the bus tickets so I felt pretty good about it. Desmond got really happy when I promised to buy him some gingerbread cookies. Have I ever mentioned how they're his favorite thing to eat? I probably have. It's kinda funny and cute at the same time. Roska saw some birds (great tits to be specific but I couldn't just write that lol) up close and was pretty stoked about it.

 

Danyla's personality is really starting to solidify, I'm getting a better sense of what he's like as a person. He's not so timid and shy anymore, but kinda minds his own business. Reminds me of L and Nevira. He likes to be present even if he doesn't say anything.

Roska has caught up with Misa in height. Both are about 150cm tall now. Danyla is somewhere between 130-140.

 

I don't have anything too exciting to write about, been spending a lot of time with all tulpas lately and I'm really happy about it. I finally feel like I'm just "one of them" again and not so separate as the host. Or something like that anyway.

 

I also found a list of Desmond's nicknames on my phone and updated it with the latest ones lol. Most of these are by one system that we've been friends with for years now and at some point I started writing them down 'cause there were so many.

 

Spoiler

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Desmond's been fronting more now since he's been playing ESO with them. I'm happy that he has something of a hobby now lol, a reason to front other than me wanting him to or just shopping. His friendship with them is also kinda heartwarming in general.


CM - 30th April 1997 - Host of the system

Desmond - 21st April 2014

L - 5th May 2014

Nevira - 14th December 2014

Misa - 5th December 2015

Roska - 22nd July 2019

Danyla - 13th July 2020

Progress report  Art thread  Ask us anything lol

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I felt that my dislike for social interaction was affecting how I interact with my tulpas so I've been working on it a little. I would rather just watch them interact with each other rather than involve myself in any conversations or anything, so it led to me kinda neglecting the less active tulpas who don't seek attention from me on their own, like Nevira, Misa and Danyla. L is kinda also part of that category, but he's glued to Desmond at all times so he gets his share of attention from that. My relationship with Danyla is still a bit distant because of this and they're kinda shy towards me, but it's gotten a bit better.

 

Danyla was sad for the first time some days ago. They had some anxiety and sadness relating to their gender identity and the knowledge that people exist who don't think their gender identity is real and valid, and who outright hate the nonbinary folk. Desmond and L helped them through it really well, and they felt better after a talk and a nap. It was a bit tough on Desmond, though, to see them like that, 'cause Dany is so small and sensitive. Still, it's a bit of a milestone I think. It took a while for Roska to start experiencing negative emotions as well, so I'll take it as a sign of progress and development.

 

Desmond's doing well, but he had some depression-like thoughts today that made him sad. He managed to shake it off a few times but it kept coming back, so his solution was to just embrace it and cry it out. It seemed to work and he felt better afterwards, so all's well that ends well, I guess. I'm still a bit worried 'cause it could be a sign that this winter is gonna give us depression again after all.


CM - 30th April 1997 - Host of the system

Desmond - 21st April 2014

L - 5th May 2014

Nevira - 14th December 2014

Misa - 5th December 2015

Roska - 22nd July 2019

Danyla - 13th July 2020

Progress report  Art thread  Ask us anything lol

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We're dipping our toes into depression again. Or, well, Desmond is. I'm still doing pretty good, but we'll see how long that lasts now that Desmond's mood is going up and down. He's having trouble believing that his friends are his friends and that they actually like him, which obviously sucks, but the feeling comes and goes. Most of the time he's in a good mood, but the mood swings are harsh and easily triggered.

 

Roska has been thinking about switching to do art. He wants to draw things for real, mostly birds I think. Or cool beetles. He's a bit iffy about the body's age, gender and overall state, that being overweight and unkempt. I'm giving a really flattering image of myself lol I swear I look relatively normal. Anyways, he's considering it and will probably get over his reservations enough to actually do it.

 

Since Dany started to have negative emotions, there's been plenty of it. They have a lot of anxiety to work through, right now the best way to deal with it has been hugs and naps. They seem very... fragile, I guess is the best word to describe it. I'm sure this will pass as time goes on and they develop further, and learn to deal with their feelings and all the bad things in the world.


CM - 30th April 1997 - Host of the system

Desmond - 21st April 2014

L - 5th May 2014

Nevira - 14th December 2014

Misa - 5th December 2015

Roska - 22nd July 2019

Danyla - 13th July 2020

Progress report  Art thread  Ask us anything lol

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Seasonal depression is a bitch. But it'll be my bitch eventually. Someday.

The only thing I like about this time of the year is Christmas, the rest of it can go to hell where it belongs. 

 

Anyway, I'm still feeling fine most of the time, so it's okay. 

 

Danyla's form has earrings now and they're super happy about it. They and Roska have been playing in the snow a lot, Roska especially has been excited about it again, now that he has someone to play with. 

 

I'm wondering if stuff like this would be better in a lounge thread rather than progress report, 'cause the only thing we really have to talk about is how and what everyone's doing. Actual progress just hardly ever happens, even with Danyla it's been rather smooth sailing. I feel like we're pretty much "done" with progress. 


CM - 30th April 1997 - Host of the system

Desmond - 21st April 2014 - Me!

L - 5th May 2014

Nevira - 14th December 2014

Misa - 5th December 2015

Roska - 22nd July 2019

Danyla - 13th July 2020

Progress report  Art thread  Ask us anything lol

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