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5th May 2017

 

And L turned 3 as well. Or 29 in physical age. Time flies. :D

 

Don't really have anything else update-worthy so I thought I might as well go on and ramble a bit about Desmond and L's relationship, or what I've noticed about it recently.

For a really long time, L always placed others before himself, be it in well-being, happiness, opinions, anything. He allowed everything that made others happy even if it really upset him, and refused to let his opinions stop others from doing what they felt like doing, no matter what. He never talked back to anyone, never told anyone if he didn't like something or that he disagreed. I know it may sound kind and permissive or something like that to some, but even I know it doesn't really work when you're in a relationship. He got hurt a lot sometimes but he didn't say anything and it just piled up until he eventually snapped, and then instantly felt terrible about it and got really sad. Then some time later he put his happy face back on and refused to talk about his feelings at all.

Repeat that cycle a couple of times and Desmond eventually coaxed him into talking about stuff, and L gradually became more willing to give his opinion on things even if it went against someone else's. Nowadays they talk a lot about things and are more open with each other, and I feel like they know pretty much everything there is to know about what the other likes and stuff. It's pretty amazing to see tbh. There are still some things that L won't talk about easily, and he's still more likely to hide any and all negative feelings than to express them. He usually mentions them later once he's out of the situation, though, so I guess it's not that bad. He still doesn't allow himself to be angry about anything, he's always sad instead of pissed if something annoys him. He gets sad and frustrated when he realizes he's about to be pissed, he's kind of scared of that emotion. Some work left to be done I guess.

 

Yeah, just something I realized one night while I was looking at them being all cute and talking and thought ''Oh they're doing so well lately'' and cried a little :'D They make me emotional. I'm pretty emotional about my tulpas in general quite often though, that's just a thing with me I guess.

CM - They/them - 30th April 1997 - Host of the system

Desmond - He/him - 21st April 2014

L - He/him - 5th May 2014

Nevira - She/her - 14th December 2014

Misa - She/her - 5th December 2015

Roska - He/him - 22nd July 2019

Danyla - They/them - 13th July 2020

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That's a really happy post. :)

 

Awww

 

Heh, yeah, should have those every once in a while :D should really start writing more on here but it's hard to find anything to write about that I haven't already written about before.

CM - They/them - 30th April 1997 - Host of the system

Desmond - He/him - 21st April 2014

L - He/him - 5th May 2014

Nevira - She/her - 14th December 2014

Misa - She/her - 5th December 2015

Roska - He/him - 22nd July 2019

Danyla - They/them - 13th July 2020

Progress report  Art thread  Our lounge thread

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6th May 2017

 

L got bored and decided to shave off his beard. Desmond did not approve :D He stared at him with a look of "What have you done?!"  and started whining about how he preferred the beard and ended up sulking over it later, though his sulking's usually exaggerated and not because he's actually upset but because he wants to get the point across. :'D It doesn't matter that we all know he's faking some of it and he knows that we know, he does it anyway because that's just what he does. Same with how he complains a lot.

L promised to let the beard grow back in and honestly, I'm relieved because he looks so strange without it xD I'm so used to him having it that it's like he becomes 5 years younger when it's not on his face. Even if it is just the chin.

CM - They/them - 30th April 1997 - Host of the system

Desmond - He/him - 21st April 2014

L - He/him - 5th May 2014

Nevira - She/her - 14th December 2014

Misa - She/her - 5th December 2015

Roska - He/him - 22nd July 2019

Danyla - They/them - 13th July 2020

Progress report  Art thread  Our lounge thread

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It's easy enough to draw whenever, just have to leave out the beard and it's done :D I'll do that someday but it's been hard to get into drawing tulpas lately so meh

CM - They/them - 30th April 1997 - Host of the system

Desmond - He/him - 21st April 2014

L - He/him - 5th May 2014

Nevira - She/her - 14th December 2014

Misa - She/her - 5th December 2015

Roska - He/him - 22nd July 2019

Danyla - They/them - 13th July 2020

Progress report  Art thread  Our lounge thread

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  • 2 weeks later...

16th May 2017 - Day 1122

 

Really wanna write something here but I've no idea what. Nothing really significant has happened lately. With tulpas anyway, and the only interesting thing happening in my life recently was getting called to an entrance interview to a "university of applied sciences" (don't know what it's like in different countries, hence the link). Trying to get in for art school things... 

 

We're all doing quite well mentally speaking at the moment. We'll see how that changes when I either get or don't get into the school. If I don't get in I'd just be unemployed with no skill or education to do anything but art and my art skills are far from good enough in my eyes to even get a simple commission .__. So I'd be screwed. Would be no problem to work as a cashier or something like that if social situations like that didn't give me anxiety. Last time I almost had to greet people and talk to them in a job I had a panic attack so :D nope. If I do get in it can go both ways really. I might get super stressed and anxious around new people and new teachers but still, I know it's the better option. So I really do hope I get in.

 

 

I left this post open while I went out shopping with Desmond and L (Ikea wheeee) to see if I'd get anything to write out of that trip. Well, Desmond jokingly whined about stuff that I can't write here because it's kinda NSFW and well yeah, then he suddenly went "Shit, am I being pushy? I'm sorry I didn't mean to! ;-;" and got really upset about it while L tried assuring him everything's ok :'D Mood swings are a thing with him. It's all ok now though, he got over it really quickly lol. And went right back to whining :D

 

Nothing else right now... Gonna try coming back tomorrow because something does happen every day and I just keep forgetting everything while I wait for things to pile up to make a bigger post.

CM - They/them - 30th April 1997 - Host of the system

Desmond - He/him - 21st April 2014

L - He/him - 5th May 2014

Nevira - She/her - 14th December 2014

Misa - She/her - 5th December 2015

Roska - He/him - 22nd July 2019

Danyla - They/them - 13th July 2020

Progress report  Art thread  Our lounge thread

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  • 3 weeks later...
(edited)

3rd June 2017

 

I don't really have anything worth updating hahah

 

But I didn't think this belonged to the art thread because it's a video game character creation thing and not a drawing or a 3D model that I made myself or anything of the sort, so...

 

I tried to recreate L and Desmond in Black Desert Online. (Desmond character looks so derpy in preview pics because his eyebrows get kinda f'd up for some reason :D)

 

2017-06-02_1886617383.thumb.jpg.39c98305755b6e52100ba57b0f1cd383.jpg  2017-06-03_1889336798.thumb.jpg.e5ed54bba05fbc6c33c3dc597e9bc75a.jpg

 

They've both got some stuff that I couldn't get right, like L's upper eyelid is supposed to be really "prominent" (don't know if that's the correct word) and here it's just kinda hiding. Desmond's face is just plain difficult. I couldn't remove the stubble because it's part of the skin texture, but Desmond's unable to grow facial hair in real life. So he always has a very smooth face 😄 And then there are some other non-matching facial traits and stuff but that's honestly the best I could do with it. Hairstyles are not entirely correct as you may or may not know from my art but I think that's kind of obvious when it comes to things like these.

Edited by CM

CM - They/them - 30th April 1997 - Host of the system

Desmond - He/him - 21st April 2014

L - He/him - 5th May 2014

Nevira - She/her - 14th December 2014

Misa - She/her - 5th December 2015

Roska - He/him - 22nd July 2019

Danyla - They/them - 13th July 2020

Progress report  Art thread  Our lounge thread

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I've decided to stop talking to certain people in my life... At least in the group chat they're all in and at least for now. It's an unpopular option, but I'm giving up.

They admitted they had forgotten about Misa and Nevira because they hadn't come up in any conversations lately, as well as host's pets, and said that they would forget L too, if he didn't come up every now and then through me. So what makes me any different... If I'm quiet for long enough I'm sure they're just gonna forget that I even exist. So I don't see a point trying to be friends with people who won't miss me when I'm gone. I don't mean anything to them. I'm just a tulpa...

I know it's gonna be difficult to not appear in the chat. But I just don't want to anymore. I've told host to not mention me at all if possible and just talk about the other tulpas. I have other people to talk to, people who actually want to talk to me.

I'm really not happy about this decision but I just can't do that shit anymore. The last straw was when they, yet again, referred to me as a fox in a conversation, even though I haven't been one for over a year by now. They used past tense, though, and when host pointed out that I'm not a fox they used "well he used to be" as an excuse. I'm sorry but do you remind a transgender person that they used to be referred to as the opposite gender? Do you just say "well back then your name was___"? I think not. I know it's not the same thing but I thought I had made it clear that the fact that I used to have a fox form is very uncomfortable to me and is something I would rather just forget. I just wished they'd respect that. It's making me hate having a tail, but my tail is the one thing in my body that I really love.

CM - They/them - 30th April 1997 - Host of the system

Desmond - He/him - 21st April 2014

L - He/him - 5th May 2014

Nevira - She/her - 14th December 2014

Misa - She/her - 5th December 2015

Roska - He/him - 22nd July 2019

Danyla - They/them - 13th July 2020

Progress report  Art thread  Our lounge thread

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