arduinoman12345

Tales from the cranium

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Day 13

I actually worked on stuff today! I have finally come to terms with myself and and the mindset that sunset is definitely there and that I have had too much proof to say otherwise. I simply cant let myself slip up again

 

One of the biggest factors that helped me get rid of all this doubt was to first look back on what I did before and what caused the huge regression we had. I have leaned on the “she’s not there” doubt and I think I have at least resolved some of the problem

 

I did 2 small forcing sessions and in one I came to the conclusion that this entire time sunset had been trying to get through to me through possession and twitching of my hands and feet. I know for certain that this is her because the twitches have only occurred when I talk to her passively and actively.

 

When talking to her while watching tv I forget what It was I said was sweet but after I did so I immediately hear “suite” (We were watching something on like a getaway island or something so it made sense) so she is also showing signs of increased connectivity.

 

While forcing and getting progress I noticed that I have had feelings of happiness well up inside me to know that she and I have been getting more “in tune” with each other. I simple can not allow myself to feed these feelings because of the fear that I will only lose her again later.

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Day 14

I started off today rather flustered at the fact that I had to get up and go to church, that didn't stop me from forcing tho (hehe). I wasn't sure if I would be able to actually sit down and force for that long, but ay! That didn't stop me! I did do a lot of commenting on the teaching though and I got a few twitches, but not that much.

 

I have been analyzing how and when the twitches occur, they mostly occur when forcing from what I have noticed which probably means that it is sunset posessing me. I plan on trying different positions when I force to see if it has something to do with a pinched nerve or something (I really hope it doesnt).

 

I finally think I have broken this wall in progress we have been having through a combination of doubt elimination and forcing. One of the major things I need to fix with forcing still is to figure out how I can get "more into" my sessions. I can get very deep into it when I am at but other times when i'm at my mom's house I cant get a very good connection. I think it might have to do with overall negativity at my mom's house. Such as "oh, im going there? I don't do well forcing there". Cogito ergo sum and all that.

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I have noticed from my own experience that the environment that you force in, as well as your mood, plays a major factor in your tulpa's progression. I never tulpaforce when I'm stressed out because it's the mental equivalent of running against the wind. However, when you are in a stressful situation your brain sends out hormones that sear events into your memory. So theorhetically speaking, forcing during times of extreme stress can sear your tulpa into your memory and give her a more permanent and intimate place in your brain as a result.

 

 

I used to tulpaforce in church as well when Yumi was young lol


"Sanity is the playground of the unimaginative."

 

Yumi + Cinema

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Day 15

I got a day off of school today! I did not do much forcing (yet) but I had a very interesting thing happen at the very end of my first session. I was doing some possession work, albeit I wasn't making any progress I still continued on. I told her to see if she could move my right arm in any way, at first I didn't get anything. I was just moving around in the wonderland and BOOM, my right arm absolutely jolts upward about 3 or so inches off my bed. It freaked me out/ surprised me so much that I had to stop the session. I am so glad that I am getting more evidence of sunset's existence, although I can feel deep down inside my mind that it does not quell my doubts.

 

I wasn't too diligent on keeping my mind on sunset most of the day, I got way into drawing mike from Five Night's At Freddy's. I never have really had a problem of keeping sunset in my mind, so when I read about how some new tulpamancers have problems with keeping their tulpa in mind I can not really relate too well with them.

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Day 17

I really don't feel like writing a prog report today but I know I must. I find that pushing myself is easy until the moment comes where I don't want do so it anymore.

 

These last two days have been spent forcing a connection between me and sunset, I was going do three one hour sessions yesterday (day 16) but I was too busy doing what I wanted to do at the time (I really hate myself for stuff like that).

 

I really haven't put too much into forcing recently (I am listening to some super chill music right now so get ready for some deep stuff lol). I have been putting a lot into my own existence, so to speak. I have been analyzing the feelings I experience in relation to who and what I encounter, my main focus being sunset of course. I have seen (and felt) a lot of foreign feelings (more unknown than foreign), I have went to the skype chat in help of one of my feelings today in particular. I feel these odd feelings where I am, say, talking to someone or viewing something and all of a sudden, for a split second feel as though you are just watching the world unfold, displaced in existence and there is nothing you can do about it. I have been told this is depersonalization, a form of disassociation. Normally I have heard people do not enjoy this feeling of displacement in any way, but for me, I enjoy it very much. After further discussion I have been told that this could be a sign of depression. I think this is a very good explanation.

 

I have never felt too depressed, like ever. I sometimes feel very sad and cathartic, but I have never called it depression. I just must have been pushing these feelings down and ignoring them, waiting for them to show themselves. The depression links to this joy in disassociation is along the lines of liking to escape and not have to be seen and not be existent.

 

But anyway, I hope you enjoyed this little insight into me. I hope it helps you all understand more about my tulpamancy journey.

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Day 23

Wow......I cant believe that I just wen through a gap that big in progress reportage, but anyways Im back!

 

In my "days off" I did absolutely nothing! yay!.........I began my sorrowful absence by being a selfish asshole and didnt't force for literally 5 or 6 days, I honestly don't know what happened either, and I wouldn't even count the not forcing thingy as over yet as I haven't even forced today.

 

I don't really know what happened the first day though, I just kinda woke up and had a massive urge against forcing. It felt like something was (and still is, but less powerful) pushing me to not force. I mean, I have forced in the past few days but all I could manage to squeeze out per session was like 7 minutes.

 

Probably the worst thing about this all is that sunset has been vocalizing for the first time, so far Ive counted twice that were definitely her. I always pictured her first words as feeling like me but they were very separated from my own. One of the biggest thoughts in my mind right now is that why did she not contact me like at all during the time before her first words? I mean I only had communication with her the first week with head pressures, but after that they stopped altogether. I feel I have a better grip on the situation now though.

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I don't really know what happened the first day though, I just kinda woke up and had a massive urge against forcing. It felt like something was (and still is, but less powerful) pushing me to not force. I mean, I have forced in the past few days but all I could manage to squeeze out per session was like 7 minutes.

 

This happens to me as well, and from talking to my tulpas, it's really not that big of a deal. Noriko has said on multiple occasions that she does not want me to "force" an active forcing session. If the motivation isn't there, it isn't there.

 

Really, a tulpa is like anyone else. They like attention. Just give them a few thoughts here and there, and while yeah, they might not develop as quickly, they'll be happy.


Currently share myself with four other entities.

Noriko was created on December 15, 2014.  Sabari was created by Noriko on January 22, 2015.

Anzu was reborn on May 23, 2016.  Xiri returned on June 16, 2018.  Both had been inactive since 2012.

Progress Report | Ask a Question Thread

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day 40

Well im (hopefully) back, I really didnt do much these past few weeks really. Except recently I did do a bit of reading to sunset and didnt make any real progress.

 

I really do need to start actually forcing, I never really have put myself up to forcing like I want too (1 hour a day). I feel like I did that I could make a lot of progress if I did, besides, it'd be good for me to get off of "the electronics".

 

Anyway, I did a bit of schoolwork and whatnot today and did a bit of talking to sunset and had head pressures! They were kinda sorta strong and I felt a lot from her at the time. So I can kinda deduce from that that she is still there and didn't dissapate (not that I expected her to).

 

I have managed to convince myself that I am not forcing wrong yesterday, mostly leaning on the fact that I had head pressures. One of my biggest "urks" in tulpamancy right now was probably when I did not realize that what I was having was head pressures, but whatever, now is the time to change that!

 

(by the way, if you feel like following my tumblr go right ahead, but all I really do is reblog tumblr stuff and have a prog report there, copied from here of course xD tulpasuch.tumblr.com )

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Day 41 (Lucid dreaming yayyyyyy!!)

Today marks the day I finally achieved lucidity in a dream, although it was not through any technique known to me. I was dreaming normally and then all of a sudden I like skipped a "dream frame" (like when a dream just kinda skips into another dream) and I was standing in the backyard of our house. My best friend was there for some reason, Immediately after noticing this I also noticed that I was dreaming for no apparent reason. Then my second thought after that was about how vivid the dream was beginning to get, all of the colors becoming brighter and my immersment in it all starting to become more attached. I took another look around and looked in the direction of our house and attempted to summon sunset. That is what finally stopped the dream, my vision turned black immediately and cut out as I awoke, smiling as I did so.

 

The whole experience afterwards send me into a giddy mess and I am still getting vibes from it. Also in getting a glimpse into this amazing phenomena I have started to do reality checks throughout the day so I will begin to count the times I have become lucid......so that will be fun lol.

 

Otherwise I did a bit of forcing today, although I did not get much done I still forced for the 2nd time in a long time. I basically started off just talking to her and listening to This Time Around by Koan Sound (great song by the way). Didn't get anything but I felt pretty good because of the song.

 

I apologize if I annoy you with my writing scheme, I am not very good at writing these things and I don't think I ever will be. But, if you can gather information to help your journey, then I am very glad I could be of service!

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Day 42'

I have been feelin pretty good today, even though I did not force much. All I did was was a few words here and there, but forcing nonetheless.

 

Yesterday I trashed our wonderland, it was a great place for the both of us and now it is gone…But it was for the better, better how you ask? Better because I completely designed the first wonderland, I figure with the new one I would let sunset run the show. Heck, if I lived in somebody’s head and had a space that I could do anything in I would definitely put a lot in.

 

The new wonderland right now isn’t more than a white room with a chair in the center, so far I haven’t noticed any changes but I expect some to come soon. And when they do it will give me a chance to interact with sunset a bit.

 

Lately I have been doing alot more lucid dreaming stuff than……well….ever lol. Ever since I got a taste of what it is like to be lucid I have been going nuts over it. So far I have done like ~10 reality checks every hour. Not sure why I am so good at remembering to do it but I think its the same reason I always have sunset in my mind.

 

I have been looking forward to the summer. I will be able to do a ton of passive forcing while mowing our lawn (we have a farm). With that notion it really pushes me into thinking about the future. I have been thinking about what it will be like on day 100…. or maybe even day 500, I really makes me wonder If I will ever get out of this slump. I will probably look back on these days and remember how stupid I was for not knowing how to fix it, I will look at myself as a different person. But right now I need to work at it.

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