arduinoman12345

Tales from the cranium

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Day 43

Today was nerve racking for me, maybe even beyond that. But It was fun at the same time. All of this stemmed from social anxiety surrounding the baseball team I just joined (was forced into). I just keep thinking that I will screw up or throw the ball wrong or something, it certainly is kinda fun but muddling through all the fear of screwing up makes it all the much harder.

 

I did however manage to put a couple of lines in my arms through reality checks through the day (If there is no clock around I just kinda run a nail over top of my arm, causing a bit of pain), but its no big deal, just looks weird.

 

In the terms of forcing today I did get a little bit of progress in the newly created “wonder verse”. Although it wasn’t exactly intense forcing it still worked to find some stuff out.

 

I kinda feel like I should work to make these reports a bit longer. What do you guys think? I would enjoy a bit of feedback if you guys would like to give me some.

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Day 49

Back to serious forcing! yay! I forced some today, or 5 mins ago to be exact. I really do do much whilst I force (well at least I don't think I do). All I really do is just talk to her, not sure what I should do other than that to be honest. I am sure I could start brushing up on my visualization skills but I just haven't had the need to visualize lately. The only thing I have started doing that I would consider any form of visualization would have to be just having Sunset sit next to me when I watch tv or play xbox or something. That has proved very effective for me, already feeling physical presence next to me when I do that.

 

I am still doing that baseball thing tho. It is pretty fun to interact with people still, after all the anti-social-ness inside me I actually can get along with people. Probably the biggest things that makes me uncomfortable is that I don't know these people. I guess that's what happens when everybody on your old team decides to not be together and split up like a bunch of jerks.

 

I have been having problems with my grandma suspecting me of tulpamancing. Well not really of having a tulpa but of doing something that I don't want her to know about. The "I'm going upstairs to read" trick isn't working too well for me. I mean she doesn't even want me meditating, if she found out she would probably throw a bible at me.

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Day 59

 

Helo erebody! (wasn’t sure how to intro…….Smooth ik) I believe I have made a bit of contact with sunset (more about why she’s not anyasha no mo later). I have been getting this thing lately where I just get garbled sentences attached to words then more garbled-ness. At first they were quite meaningless but then after a while they started gaining words that kinda made sense. I can never remember specific ones otherwise I would give you guys an example

 

As for why sunset is no longer anyasha is cause I think I put too much faith in that name, it just kinda appeared once and hasn’t popped up again, so I am going to just assume that that wasn’t her.

 

Otherwise I just got my hands on some melatonin supplements that supposedly would help with lucid dreaming and/or more vivid dreams. So hopefully if I can lucid dream I can summon sunset and see if I can get something out of it. The thing I find really interesting about my first lucid dreaming “experience” was how many feels I got from it even though it was like 10 seconds long, like seriously mind, why an you make sense for like a day?


Day 60

 

Wow, 60 days……Nothings changed xD, but that is not something that upsets me (too much), but it is starting to get to me. I have recieved so much help (you know who you are), but I don’t feel anything from sunset. I am starting to see that the ball is in my corner now, I need to force more and really delve into myself and see what is wrong.

 

You guys remember that melatonin stuff? Yea you do. Well its kinda awesome, I had an interesting dream from it and did experience a lot of drowsiness, though it wasn’t as potent as I thought it was going to be. But what do people do when things aren’t potent? They take more! I only plan to take 2 tonight so i guess its not “more more”, But I did what my friend suggested and only took 1 so I guess I started off pretty easy hehe.

 

I’m not sure how deep i’m going to get into this lucid dreaming thing, I mean its purely to see If I can summon sunset and I only “need” to do it once to just kinda make contact. I just see so many people doing this kinda stuff with their tulpa and I get kinda jealous/sad, I guess I figure that If I could like do this once It would be able to fix everything.

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