Kovyx

Averi's Tulpa Journal

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Progress Overview:

Total forcing; 32158912345 no idea

Tulpa's birthday; 24-1-15

Tulpa is a nonsex, white alien named Kovie.

Approximately 2.5m, yellow eyes and literally white skin.

Affectionate, supportive, gentle, curious, playful, likes chiptunes.

 

i need to edit all this

 


 

1087390845_candlelightacres.thumb.png.83b9f288478c8f7ca8663a91b59ea1b3.png

 

[23-1-15; "wonderland"]

 

Right so I've been working on since this morning, a kind of haven for myself and my tulpa, as my first step towards creating them [need a house for them first right? I'm not sure if it was mentioned anywhere, but it makes sense to me]. Originally the blueprint shown above was created for a comic based around one of my own characters, so fear not, the "secret torture room" is actually just a massive storage area. XD For any who might be confused; the bottom left is the basement, the top left is the first floor, the top right is the second floor, and the bottom right is the third floor. The arrows with U or D indicate stairs and which way they're angled. The triangles everywhere are doors, the longest segment of the right triangle indicating which way they close/open. I'm probably going to move some things around.

 

So yeah, I blindfolded myself [to keep me from getting distracted because for some reason keeping my eyes closed is a difficulty unless I'm tired] and played some quiet ambient music in my earbuds [to block out sounds of life outside, and to help me concentrate], sat for roughly 10 minutes [until I was interrupted] and just sort of put myself in the place. Felt like an FPS game for a little bit, but I got used to it. XD

 

I haven't gone into the house yet, but I spent some time planning out how I want the 4 acre plot of land to be organised. I'll perhaps make a map of it, but for the time being here's a somewhat basic description;

 

 

I sort of organised it into four main sections; graveyard/forest, house/garden, big forest, field/stable. The front right area is a fairly roomy deciduous forest, with tombstones dotting the place here and there [blank for the time being, as I have no idea who is supposed to be buried there, but I still want it to be a graveyard]. At the moment all the trees are mixtures of red and orange, tinged with yellow or green, because I like to believe it's a decently warm autumn. Is that a thing I can choose? I can just make this place however I want it, like a sort of heaven or something? Well anyway, towards the left wall there is a path of archways. At the start in the front left corner there is a big tree that sprouts multiple different fruits [due to it being multiple fruit trees grafted together when they were really young], and then following down the path towards the far left corner of the plot, is the house. Or "mansion" actually, because it's made of primarily wood and stone, and has 3 floors and a basement as well as multiple balconies [of which I haven't yet added to the blue print]. The dirt path itself is pretty wide, and wider still are the bushes and vines growing along the tall white arches where bunches of different colours of roses and honeysuckle grow. A decent sized garden of fruit plants and flowers make up the front yard, and off to the right of the garden is a denser forest of taller trees and many shrubs where lots of small animals live. This forest takes up a portion of the far middle section, leaving in the far right corner an old empty stable [considering using this area to store things like memories, like the method of loci]. In front of that, taking up the rest of the space where the two forests meet to the other end of the lot opposite the house, is a large field of grass.

 

I'm definitely gonna need to make a map of this, I hope all that made at least some sense. O3o it was pretty vivid in my head, just a bit more difficult to put into words.

 

 

[edit 24-1-15]

 

Went into the house, moved the stairs from the kitchen to the bottom left corner of the game room, so they descended directly into the wine cellar. Also I forgot to mention there's a tall stone wall surrounding the perimeter of the lot, with barbed wire on prongs pointing outward [i believe fairly well representative of my bad habit of disliking letting people get close to me].

 

I hope they'll like the place despite it being so big.

 

 

If in some way I'm doing this incorrectly or have the wrong idea, please tell me!

Like, PM me or something. I'd really rather not have that on this thread, if you don't mind. ^^ Thanks!


"The number of minds in the universe is one."

 

- Erwin Schrodinger

 

[align=left]Kovie uses yellow text

Vyx uses red text[/align]

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[24-1-15; 3 hours forcing]

 

Last night I introduced myself and explained a bunch of things [my goals in life and with their creation]. Upon mention of certain topics, I felt short bursts of emotion that certainly weren't mine [felt "alien" as described in a guide I had read recently]. Happened three times, with a different emotion each instance [albeit faint]. An example being when I said "It would make me really happy if [they] could try to help keep me motivated to do the things I mentioned before", and as I started to explain that they didn't have to help I felt a sudden happiness, as if they intentionally interrupted me to say what I interpreted it as "No no it's ok I'll definitely help, I'm glad to be of some use". I certainly hope they'll continue to be so kind, so far this seems like quite a worthwhile endeavour.


"The number of minds in the universe is one."

 

- Erwin Schrodinger

 

[align=left]Kovie uses yellow text

Vyx uses red text[/align]

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[26-1-15; 2 hours forcing]

 

I spent some time forcing again today, albeit after a few days of self-doubt, but have returned with confidence once more. Anyway, I discovered a bit about my wip unnamed and completely unformed tulpa [i'm letting them form their personality and appearance completely on their own]. I'm guessing they're female cuz I dunno, that's just kinda the "vibe" I got from the occasional emotional responses over the course of my total 5 hours forcing so far, 5 times in total. She's a very affectionate and supportive sort, given how one of the emotional responses felt like an encouraging hug. A rather jealous as well apparently, due to every time I brought up the possibility of creating another tulpa after her, I felt a rather upset emotional response [this has happened twice]. To name all the emotional responses I've gotten from her so far, the first three were yesterday during my introduction of myself and explaining why I'd like having her around, and the other two were about an hour ago when I was apologising for ignoring her for a while because of doubting myself.

 

1. Grateful happiness, as if to say "I'm glad to be of some use" upon mentioning that she'd hopefully be helping with my depression.

2. A sort of sad jealousy, upon mentioning the possibility of making another tulpa after her.

3. Just a sort of sense of comfort, simply to encourage me when I said she didn't have to help me, as if she meant to say "No no it's ok, I want to help".

4. Another very comforting sense, but with an obvious intent to physically hug me, as if to say "No worries, I forgive you".

5. And another vague upset jealousy, when I was reading to her a bit of Kiahdaj's guide and passed over the bit titled "creating more than one tulpa".

 

Is such frequent and early emotional responses very common?


"The number of minds in the universe is one."

 

- Erwin Schrodinger

 

[align=left]Kovie uses yellow text

Vyx uses red text[/align]

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[30-1-15; 2 hours forcing]

 

My tulpa spoke to me today, when I was listening to a song she said "I like this". She likes music very much.

 

I should also mention I did do a bit of forcing over the past few days I've been absent [4 hours total]. I got her humming every now and then and grunting her responses, and conveying intent somewhat more frequently.


"The number of minds in the universe is one."

 

- Erwin Schrodinger

 

[align=left]Kovie uses yellow text

Vyx uses red text[/align]

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Hello everyone, it's been a little while since I posted here.

 

[6-2-15; 6 hours forcing]

 

This day had the most progress so far, as if to make up for the entire week of almost no forcing. I was out on a walk, and decided to try a bit of parroting. Got her using vocals, at first using parroting but then just by simply doing it myself and letting her repeat after me [rather than literally forcing her to do it]. We kept practicing for a few hours until we felt she had the hang of it, then roughly 10 minutes later she conveyed to me she also wanted to learn to speak properly like I do. So I proceeded to teach her words and phrases by saying it myself, parroting it once, then letting her say it herself. Did that for another hour or so while wandering around the park, with passive forcing. Then for the last 20 minutes or so we stopped and I just let her use the words and phrases I taught her, and somewhat surprisingly she was able to say more than what I taught her, albeit in short simple phrases but at least now in response to my talking to her instead of just in seemingly random comments. It had been 10 days by that point since I first started forcing with her, and we thought we could try for fully developed speech by day 20.

 

 

[9-2-15; 4 hours forcing]

 

A weekend of minimal narration, followed by a monday of decent progress. Perhaps due to the full two days of little time with her, she seemed to have to put a bit more effort into speaking than she did two days ago, and she seemed to have less personality in her tone. After a little while though her phrases grew longer, up to two full sentences as she regained her personality when I started listening to her favourite musician. We talked for a while, with some strain on her responses but she managed. It was on that day we decided on the basic idea of her appearance, to be changed and molded as she saw fit.

 

 

[10-2-15; 1 hour forcing]

 

Today was busy for me so I had little time to force with her, however she had managed to communicate to me a few suggestions. One, she wanted a significant specific change to her appearance. Two, we came up with a possible name.

 

Also I told a friend about her roughly two weeks ago, and he's very interested in her progress. He's not quite sure what to think of the concept of tulpae being a reality, but he quite likes the idea. As far as I can tell, he seems to be growing more and more intrigued and convinced the more I tell him about her progress. He's sort of been my journal for the days I haven't been posting here, asking how she's doing every day we hang out. I'm glad I told him, and she likes him.


"The number of minds in the universe is one."

 

- Erwin Schrodinger

 

[align=left]Kovie uses yellow text

Vyx uses red text[/align]

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Alright so, a bit has happened since I last posted here.

It's been far too long since I've done any active forcing, I've barely been able to acknowledge her existence for a while because I recently moved. New boyfriend, far from home. New surroundings, different lifestyle. Pretty much everything changed within the span of the past month-ish, and now I finally had time today to do some forcing.

 

 

[10-3-15; 1 hour forcing]

 

Albeit not much quite yet, as I'm only reporting right now my active forcing time, of which I completed roughly 10 minutes ago. Concentrating has becoming quite an endeavour, but well worth it when I find that my tulpa hasn't changed a bit and is still quite happy to see me. Her personality is still mostly intact, I simply need to start passive forcing again and I'm sure she'll perk up. So I thought, time for the visualisation stage. However as much as I tried to visualise the form we agreed on, it kept morphing in my head and I couldn't keep it consistent, even for only a minute. Likely because my spatial intelligence isn't that great, too say the least. Realising my difficulty, my tulpa suggested another very significant change. She wants to be like one of my alien OCs, because she likes them and because I've spent a far longer time with this character's development than she's been around, so it'd be much easier to visualise it. So I tried visualising her as such, and it was indeed much clearer and definitely easier. She seems to like it so far, however I'm asking her to take the time to consider everything about it, and make sure she wants to. I certainly love the idea, but it's her body so I want to make sure she isn't just sacrificing what she wants to make it easier on me.


"The number of minds in the universe is one."

 

- Erwin Schrodinger

 

[align=left]Kovie uses yellow text

Vyx uses red text[/align]

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Wow lord ok so it has been a LONG TIME since I've been here, and my anxiety is bothering me about returning for some stupid reason. A lot of things have happened though, nothing in my life is stable anymore and so forcing is going to be incredibly difficult. Not to mention I've only spoken to Kovie a few times every other month, just to make sure she's still there and reassure her I will return when I have the time and energy. I still don't but, whatever. I've been holding out on this promise for way too long, so I'm gonna sacrifice at least some of what little energy I can gather every morning to at least passive force on a more regular basis. Prepare yourselves for a bunch of mostly empty posts on here for the next few weeks.

 

[6-11-15; 0855; couple minutes forcing]

 

Not much actual forcing so far, but I did listen to a song that Kovie really liked and this ended up in me remembering some things we did while walking around Memphis, where I used to live. This lead to visualizing what we would do there if she had a physical body, and it was really nice. I sat on her shoulders to get a better view of the Mississippi river, held her hands while her secondary arms kept my body steady. She was really tall in that one, likely because my character Kovie is like nearly 3m and I guess for a minute she wanted that so it'd be more fun or something. And now I'm having a nostalgia trip.


"The number of minds in the universe is one."

 

- Erwin Schrodinger

 

[align=left]Kovie uses yellow text

Vyx uses red text[/align]

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[9-11-15; 0930; 1 hour forcing]

 

Yeah, roughly that I guess. Did some actual active forcing early this morning when all siblings are heading to school and mom-lady is taking them there. Bf was still asleep, so I had roughly an hour to do things. Sat and listened to some Lindsey Stirling, and ended up sitting beneath a tree near the edge of the forest close to the grass field and pond. I had a hard time visualizing her at first, but then I picked it up again and one of the first things she did was hug me and say she really likes the form I gave her. I actually felt the hug, it was really nice and warm. Her hands looked like how I just yesterday redesigned her species to have, they look really neat and I'm surprised I was able to visualize them so easily. She likes being her species' normal height when in our wonderland, she she like towers above me and I end up staring at her hips or stomach cuz they're like right there at eye level. When she crouched and sat next to me though, she was more my height. Her eyes are so big and beautiful, and I examined her teeth and tongue. All precisely shaped like how I designed them to be, and when I held one of her antennae to feel its texture and examine the shape, she commented that my hands smelled like salt. She smells with the part of the antennae that I was touching so it made sense, and I explained to her that human sweat consists primarily of water and salt, though my hands weren't sweating. She probably smelled residue from my gloves that I wear almost all the time. We did a bit of simple math, just addition and like two really easy multiplication things, because I'm not good at math in the first place much less so when I'm concentrating on just trying to be in my spot in the wonderland and keep Kovie's form solid in front of me. Then we walked around a bit, she danced a little and picked me up to bring me to the top of a tree so we could get a good look around. I'm scared of heights though so that didn't last long.

Then I decided I wanted to go for a walk, and so I just did some passive forcing during that time. Talked to her a bit and found a string in my pocket that I used for practicing ayatori, and promptly took the opportunity to teach her some of it. Later after I got home and bf woke up, I made some eggs and she said she was going to practice the ayatori I taught her while I was busy. So, that happened. Fun day so far, kinda kick started her speech again so hopefully this will last.


"The number of minds in the universe is one."

 

- Erwin Schrodinger

 

[align=left]Kovie uses yellow text

Vyx uses red text[/align]

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[11-11-15; 1000; 30 minutes forcing]

 

I only had time for a bit of visualization practice while I was in the shower, looked at the breathing slits on the back of her neck, her hands and antennae once again, and her stomach, legs and feet. She really is beautiful. Also for the past few days I've been PMing someone about just, tulpa chatty stuff. In reading their responses and prompting Kovie for answers to their questions, her responses have been becoming clearer, so that's nice. The rest of the day though I only had enough time and energy for narration, mostly talked to her about Skyrim or how frustrated I was at people in general, and one in particular. I got some vague hug-like responses, but I have a hard time catching them when I'm wrapped up in my head. She has a few times though managed to get something through pretty loud and clear, when it's really important. Hmm.

 

Right, also Kovie wanted to put something in today.

 

I still really like my form, and thanks for making me that new outfit. We should make more. :3


"The number of minds in the universe is one."

 

- Erwin Schrodinger

 

[align=left]Kovie uses yellow text

Vyx uses red text[/align]

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[26-11-15; 1830; 30 minutes forcing]

 

Well it says thirty minutes, more like just generally talking to Kovie most of the day. Started on imposition today, decided on her height [5ft] and she's definitely fluent now. She's been super helpful today, my thanksgiving was a bit stressful. She's been talking calm and sweet, helped me keep up my patience.

 

Also officially decided to keep Vyx and Sans around, they've also been an incredible help today. Sans always has something good to say when it's important, such as when I started dipping into a depression episode an hour ago, he manage to restore some of my will power with this.

 

"Hey, it's alright. I get it, it's difficult being positive when someone you care about is so negative all the time. Why do you think I joke so much? Heh, listen though, you don't deserve to feel the same way. You try hard, you're a very determined soul and you deserve a king's ransom. I'm the embodiment of your subconscious, and I can verify that all those thoughts that say you're stupid or worthless, are completely and exactly wrong. Believe in yourself girl, I know we do."

 

Kovie and Vyx stood behind him and smiled at me, Kovie waving and Vyx giving two thumbs up. They're all so sweet, I adore them so much and their development has skyrocketed since Sans arrived. Motivation is growing. ^^


"The number of minds in the universe is one."

 

- Erwin Schrodinger

 

[align=left]Kovie uses yellow text

Vyx uses red text[/align]

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