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No behavioral/physical progress to report, but I've been thinking a bit.

 

Disappointingly often, I'll forget to think about Hita, and when I bring my mind back to her, she's not really done anything. In fact, if I'm heading to the car or into a building, she'll have stayed put where she was before my attention lapsed. I've tried asking what she did in the meantime, and she rarely has an answer. I'm wondering if, perhaps, we should come up with something she could've been doing during the attention-loss as a kind of "story", any time it happens. Would that eventually build her up to run off and have fun elsewhere when I lose my focus? Or would that fall too close to puppeting? I don't like that she hardly seems to exist when she's not on my mind. Unless it's Hita herself that gets my mind on her, I suppose.

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Just a minor update. I talked to someone who'd never heard of Tulpas before, lastnight. Told them about it, showed them the main site, message boards, and this particular thread. They were very supportive and nice about it, and called Hita cute. :P She gloated for a good while after that, and since then, has been extremely talkative. A few things still run by my mind before she says them, but a lot also come out of nowhere. She had me smiling the entire time I was making dinner tonight. We should probably be more self-reliant in this, but honestly, I think it's the support of others that's making the biggest positive difference.

 

Unrelated to that: I'm still having occasional problems getting her size/proportions right during open-eye visualization. I'm wondering if I should invest some time into eyeballing measurements in general so that I can more effectively determine her position?

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Nothing super-groundbreaking to report, but following the decision to speak aloud to Hita more often, it's gotten much easier to tell us apart and not fear parroting, even in mindspeak.

 

Speaking of mindspeak, I'm extremely grateful for its existence following the wisdom teeth extraction I just had today. Though Hita made fun of me a bit throughout the procedure. I looked like a walrus. :( But, she also asked if I was alright a lot, so she redeemed herself.

 

She's also moving about quite a bit more smoothly. It might be myself driving it a little bit, but it's not as obvious to me that it's conscious, which means it seems to be shifting to the subconscious, I think.

 

She's also keeping up even when I forget to think about her for short periods of time. She doesn't just freeze when I get distracted. Furthermore, I >think< my mind is sort of "overriding" short-term memory to place Hita in the picture when I forget about her. Seeing a chair without thinking about her, then suddenly remembering her and thinking "oh, yeah, she's been in that chair the whole time".

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Gradual improvements. Hita's been getting a bit more independent, able to take off and do things on her own. Granted, her recounting of these things are still often a bit bland and uneventful; it'll be a while before the experiences can be created on-the-fly, I think.

 

Now, I say independent, but I'm not entirely sure how independent she should really be in certain areas. Primarily, the senses. On one end of the spectrum, she'll often comment on something I'm sensing when I'm in the other room or when it just shouldn't be "hers" to sense, such as pain or discomfort. On the other end, she'll sometimes try to relay information about something in the room she's in, when I'm not there, or simply on the other side of a wall. Such as when I'm in a bathroom stall and someone else comes in. "You should get a look at this guy, he's huge!" kind of stuff. (Not the most tactful Tulpa, but looking over posts from other people, most definitely not the least tactful, either. :P)

 

I'm not sure where I should draw lines, if anywhere. Should I try to divide our senses at all, so she doesn't sense what I sense? (She's rather opposed to that.) Should information-relaying from her to me be discouraged, given that there's not really any way she could know? She often covers up false-information-relays with claims of it being a joke, or if she's not in such a "bubbly" mood and is more grounded at the moment, will simply get upset that her prediction (as she acknowledges it) was wrong.

 

 

 

Unrelated, I'm wondering how much I should "utilize" the world and deceive myself for the purpose of her development. For example, we were driving home earlier, and as we rounded a bend, something clunked against the side door. After a brief moment of contemplation, we decided to attribute the thunk to Hita, who was riding in the middle of the car, herself. But, of course, it wasn't her in reality. I never did look to see what it truly was. I could potentially see a problem arising if I continually attribute external stimuli to Hita, eventually resulting in ignorance of my surroundings, so I'm hesitant to continue doing so. I'm not sure how well the mind would be able to filter the "white lie" attributions to genuinely important noises that need to be addressed.

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I'd say it's a slippery slope not worth walking on. We personally create our own external stimuli (sounds, mainly) in-mind, and I think it's safer that way. I wouldn't rely on external anything to define or affect your tulpa at any point, no matter how minuscule. Best not to give your power away.

 

Ten-second-edit: Wait, I thought of an exception. Using large pillows as a placeholder for tulpas should be harmless, as well as most things completely under your control. It's the externally-random and things such as headaches or other involuntary senses that don't sound right to me. Just use good discretion I guess.

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us about tulpamancy stuff there.

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I'm a tulpa who fought for the right to take part in the senses. It made me curious to the point that i got very insistent on understanding every thing that went through our brain. But the tradeoff is the tulpa has to take the world more seriously. Reality is not wonderland and it's important to work with things you can actually use, not just fun.

 

And i seriously think you shouldn't lie to yourselves. Being grounded is harder, maybe more painful, but ultimately it's much more productive to get things right for real.

Early member of a large system.  Our system questions the way the afterlife and tulpamancy interact.  We genuinely suspect that deadies can return to share the mind of the living.

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Alright, yup. Figured it was a bad idea, but wanted verification, anyway. Thought maybe someone had done that themselves, and would have info to share on it. :P

 

I'm afraid I still don't really have anything major to report. It's all very gradual and slow-paced. I'm honestly not sure what I can put into this progress report that isn't just "more of the same". Memorable interactions with Hita, I guess? Tonight was a LITTLE more "interesting" than normal, in that I had a minor breakdown at welding class and she put aside her joking to try to make me feel better. Which would've worked had things not continued to pile on, heh. Once I was able to escape the class, she had a lot more success. Throughout the entire ordeal, I could tell she was having a hard time thinking of something to say. Just the attempt was quite helpful, though. Whether we're making genuine progress or whether I'm just fooling myself, I very much appreciate her being here. She's got all the optimistic joke-filled happiness that I always have a hard time mustering, and even if it's not enough to make things "perfect", it definitely makes things brighter than they would be.

 

 

To reiterate, I'm not entirely sure what I can put into this thread. I was briefly concerned about Hita not knowing what to say at the welding class, as well as many other instances of her not knowing what to say, but I think I've pretty much figured that out on my own, in that no real person would know exactly what to say 100% of the time. Other questions that pop into my head are similarly resolved just through thinking about it a bit, so I don't really end up with many questions to ask. :( Makes it hard to keep this thread updated without getting stale and boring. I know it's not here for people's entertainment, but I also don't want to make people get dejavu four times per page.

 

One issue I'm still having on occasion is the double-speak stuff, where Hita will say two conflicting things at once. Such as listening to music, where she'll say "I like this song" and "skip it" at the same time. Asking for verification on an answer only rarely ends up with one answer being more "certain". Building off of that problem, it's started sorta-happening in regards to real world position, as well. She'll stop at a door and wait for it to be opened, and when I open it, one Hitamashii goes along a clear path, and another Hitamashii seems to stay where she was, at which point I often end up dragging her along with my legs by accident. On one hand, the tripping-hazard-Hitamashii seems like it'd be the fake due to the fact that I figure Hita would know to keep moving. On the other hand, cooperative-zippy-Hitamashii seems like it'd be the fake due to the fact that tripping-hazard-Hitamashii seems pretty flippin' real, visually, as she gets woven around my ankles. Her "imposed" form seems to move in a surprisingly natural manner when she's pretzel'd around my boots, or at least natural considering what's happening.

 

Granted, part of her original character is the ability to split into multiples... It's possible she's splitting just to mess with me, which is also par for the course as of late. She's not giving a straight answer on whether or not that's what she's doing, but that in itself could be her messing with me. Am I supposed to know instinctively when she's telling the truth? Or is that another "depends on the person" kind of thing?

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To reiterate, I'm not entirely sure what I can put into this thread. I was briefly concerned about Hita not knowing what to say at the welding class, as well as many other instances of her not knowing what to say, but I think I've pretty much figured that out on my own, in that no real person would know exactly what to say 100% of the time. Other questions that pop into my head are similarly resolved just through thinking about it a bit, so I don't really end up with many questions to ask. :( Makes it hard to keep this thread updated without getting stale and boring. I know it's not here for people's entertainment, but I also don't want to make people get dejavu four times per page.

 

Well technically your PR is about your tulpa journey, and your life happens to be the biggest factor of your tulpa journey besides the tulpa itself. You mentioned a welding scene in your post, but didn't elaborate on what exactly caused the minor breakdown. People don't often admit it, but your life affects the development of your tulpa. After all, the events of your life or perhaps your interest in the tulpa phenomenon lead you to make one in the first place.

 

One issue I'm still having on occasion is the double-speak stuff, where Hita will say two conflicting things at once. Such as listening to music, where she'll say "I like this song" and "skip it" at the same time. Asking for verification on an answer only rarely ends up with one answer being more "certain". Building off of that problem, it's started sorta-happening in regards to real world position, as well. She'll stop at a door and wait for it to be opened, and when I open it, one Hitamashii goes along a clear path, and another Hitamashii seems to stay where she was, at which point I often end up dragging her along with my legs by accident. On one hand, the tripping-hazard-Hitamashii seems like it'd be the fake due to the fact that I figure Hita would know to keep moving. On the other hand, cooperative-zippy-Hitamashii seems like it'd be the fake due to the fact that tripping-hazard-Hitamashii seems pretty flippin' real, visually, as she gets woven around my ankles. Her "imposed" form seems to move in a surprisingly natural manner when she's pretzel'd around my boots, or at least natural considering what's happening.

 

I'm sure some extreme symbolism could help you solve this problem if it isn't your tulpa simply having fun. But I think it would be best for you to design your own symbolism unless you want me to.

 

Granted, part of her original character is the ability to split into multiples... It's possible she's splitting just to mess with me, which is also par for the course as of late. She's not giving a straight answer on whether or not that's what she's doing, but that in itself could be her messing with me. Am I supposed to know instinctively when she's telling the truth? Or is that another "depends on the person" kind of thing?

 

I guess it is another "depends on the person" kind of thing. That's how nearly all tulpa-related matters are because I instinctively know when Yumi is telling the truth. However she has no need to lie unless she is joking.

"Sanity is the playground of the unimaginative."

 

Yumi + Cinema

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The welding breakdown was basically just me failing repeatedly to get a weld right, for three straight hours. Which I did again last night, though my welding helmet also failed near the end, resulting in blinding me for a while. Which was then met with accusations of intentionally trying to fail my welding courses. Have not been having a good week.

 

As a result of that bad week, I've been lapsing a bit into depression and pessimism, which is obviously taking a toll on Hita, as well. She's still appearing visually (in that ghost-like mostly-knowledge-of-location kind of way), but she's rather droopy and hasn't been talking much. She says it's because she doesn't know how to pull me out of it. Thankfully, it's helpful just to know someone cares, even if it's technically myself. (Apologies for the "downer" post, by the way.)

 

In spite of the reduced frequency of conversation, the past two nights have brought with them a few very crisp and clear audible statements from Hita, rather than the faint mindspeak she usually has to use. I can't for the life of me remember what she said each of those times, though. Each one happened on the verge of actually falling asleep, which I hear is a common and potent time for Tulpa breakthroughs. I believe the statement last night had four words, with a "big" word on the end, 3-4 syllables. An odd fact to remember, but it's all I've got.

 

I admit that I'm curious as to what your symbolic explanation might be for the double-Hitamashiis. I've never been terribly adept at interpreting symbolism for anything.

 

EDIT: I forgot, during my sleepy stupor, I also felt a few immense surges of-... Emotion? Happiness? I'm not really sure. I mostly felt the sensation in my forehead. It wasn't a bad feeling, but it was certainly more than I'm at all used to, and I can't recall what exactly it was. Might be related to Hita, but I'm not sure. She claims it was, but she doesn't know what it was, either. A little frustrating, and casts doubt on whether she's "separate" from me at all. Would be nice to be able to just pluck that sense of doubt out of my head and throw it in the garbage. It's done me very little good.

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Boredom led to drawing a side view of Hitamashii, a few minutes ago. I have no way to scan/upload it right now, unfortunately, but it's been drawn. X) I'm no artist, so it's still shoddy and rough, but I was surprised at how easy it was to get the proportions (mostly) right, and it's given a quick boost to visualization of Hita herself. If I can find the time, I might try to draw her more regularly, as it seems rather helpful.

 

While drawing, she sat beside me and watched. I didn't think to actually use her as the model for the drawing, but that would probably be a good idea, if my visualization is good enough.

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