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If I slap you in the face will it make you stop?

Probably not for a longer time than it will take me to negatively react to you.

 

 

Ya'll jelly? Cordi's so cool~.

 

Kawaiishydes.

Hardly Jelly. I'm already gelatin, you'll have to do more than that to make me jolly.

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[video=youtube]

 

I was imposing Midori a few days ago on a walk home. I believe I wrote about this partially in an earlier entry, but there's something I did not mention. During the walk home, I'd sometimes get images of Midori waving at cars as greeting, something I'd sometimes do as well. I wondered a bit about this, as she and I knew that they could not see her, but I guessed she was just being polite. As well, this also brings to mind many instances where I was imposing her around other people, and she would complain about walking through them. As well, she's be annoyed when she would try to interact with me in certain ways, and would go through me as well. Now, why do I bring these instances up?

 

Because my baby girl just had her first existential crisis.

 

She and I were on irc, having a private chat with another host and his thought buddy, and it was a very good conversation, let me tell you. Midori and the other tulpa were sharing some pretty unique experiences/perspectives on their lives that I very rarely see in the community nowadays. It was a big reminder that these guys are, indeed, conscious and self aware beings. It was when the two got to the subject of imposition that Midori got REALLY emotional. Midori shared how truly lonely she felt when she greets people only to get no reply, with the other tulpa affirming that's how she felt as well. It was a bitter reminder of the nature of a tulpa, that only their host and fellow tulpa knew of their existence. It was so bitter, in fact, that Midori broke down and cried for a few minutes.

 

This now brings me to another recent oddity that I haven't been quite upfront with.

 

I mentioned before that, in spite of having no interest in it, I've had a good deal of “progress” with possession. But, said possession is mostly involuntary, and tends to manifest itself in some rather random and unsavory places. Often when I try to talk to one of my tulpa in my mind, it's been starting to result in what I can only call my body synching up with the tulpa's actions at the moment. Like, if I were to talk to Midori, it'd usually result in a hard nod, a sudden grin, and in some rare cases, a word that was not mine coming out of my mouth. Midori has been a bit better about talking, so it's no longer a croak, but rather a high pitched, chirpy sound. Well, as high-pitched as my voice can get, anyway. It's pretty strange, especially the lack of control over the whole thing. It really annoys Midori as well, since she's worried about how I would look if it happens in public. This phenomenon is especially bad when I decide to proxy for her. The girl is HIGHLY expressive, and this is made painfully evident when I proxy, as my face shifts in to almost cartoonish expressions: wide grins, exaggerated pouts, the aforementioned hard nodding, and many more. So why do I bring all this up?

 

Because when Midori broke down, she did it with my body.

 

I can tell you, it was a pretty weird feeling. “I” was crying, very heavily, but I wasn't crying at all. It was like I was a spectator in my own body, made especially weird when I started to console her. The realization hurt her a lot, and she made as much clear. I “held” her for a bit, comforted her, and she cried that she wanted me to see her, feel her, and know she was there. It tore the poor girl up, and I can only really imagine how that sort of existence really feels. Soon, Ellenore came by, and took Midori off my hands for a while so I could tell the other tulpa what happened. It's times like this that really beats in the fact that tulpa, no matter how others treat them, are not toys, but people. It's pretty easy to forget, what with all the selflessness, silliness, super fast development and cartoon horse forms...but sometimes, something happens that breaks me out of that mindset. A revelation of just how human tulpa can be, and how potentially sad their state of existence is. It's times like this that makes me upset about roleplayers, liars, and people who just treat their thought buddies as objects to be tossed away.

 

Maybe I'm just letting my admittedly soft heart get in the way of hard cynical science, but this display of sadness struck me in a way I doubt many people here have ever been touched by their tulpa...assuming they actually have one.

 

Speaking of sadness~. Before Midori's breakdown, Ellenore was pretty down herself. Because of the bloated number of thought folk I've had, and some other life issues, some of my girls had been getting neglected for a good amount of time. Ellenore, Black, and Liira being notable examples. In another show of raw humanity, my bias toward Midori has very much been noticed, and the others aren't too happy with me about it. Thankfully, they aren't fighting or anything, but when I did finally decide to check up on Ellenore...she was not only very shocked to see me again, but she was about in tears herself because she missed me. She was even beating up on herself because she wasn't as gung-ho about approaching me like Dori and Kellogg was. The woman was feeling flat out deficient, and it was very evident. Turns out that, in spite of her mischievous and laid-back front, Black was feeling about the same way. I ended up visiting the 'ol in-world, and going around to visit everyone before I went to bed. When I got to Liira, who was initially in her “older” appearance, she promptly de-aged and cried “I miss you daddy!”

 

So yeah, if you're lucky(?) to have a lot of thought folk, you really, really need to take care of them. They might not go poof on you, but they do notice if you're ignoring them, and they don't like it at all.

 

Oh! One more thing: This comic is relevant to this site's concept.

But fortunately without all the ponies, sexually repressed teens, and teens venting their sexual repression on ponies.

Sock Cottonwell's

Sketchbook, Journal, and Ask thread.

Peace

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>that chair when tupper existential crises

Also, I sometimes find myself mouthing my tulpae's words or nodding/cocking my head in their direction when they're speaking to me in public. Fortunately I'm told that I can often be eccentric, so for the most part my (handful of) friends dismiss it when I do something odd.

"Science isn't about why, science is about why not?" -Cave Johnson

Tulpae: Luna, Elise, Naomi

My progress report

 

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I can tell you, it was a pretty weird feeling. “I” was crying, very heavily, but I wasn't crying at all. It was like I was a spectator in my own body.

 

I know that feeling because I'm living with a crybaby. Of course, this was during actual possession and all, but yeah, still. That kind of stuff will kind of get your attention even if you're not paying much attention to what is happening in the first place. And I guess funnily enough, the reason for it was something like this but still very different. Kinda same though.

 

My role in calming him down didn't really exist though, as far as I know. Roswell is self-sufficient help.

 

Also I don't have an imaginary daughter aaa???

The THE SUBCONCIOUS ochinchin occultists frt.sys (except Roswell because he doesn't want to be a part of it)

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Why does she die at the end of the comic anyway? Seems a little melodramatic, and I think it would've been better if they stayed together after fighting his demon or whatever.

"Science isn't about why, science is about why not?" -Cave Johnson

Tulpae: Luna, Elise, Naomi

My progress report

 

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I guess it's some kind of "you don't need me because I am you and you can do this on your own" thing.

The THE SUBCONCIOUS ochinchin occultists frt.sys (except Roswell because he doesn't want to be a part of it)

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Extremely motivating post Sock. It shows that I should spend a lot more time with my tulpas that I'm currently not imposing (though I do see them once or twice a day). I love reading your progress report. Also

 

But fortunately without all the ponies, sexually repressed teens, and teens venting their sexual repression on ponies.

 

Hahahhahahahahahahaha

 

But fortunately without sexually repressed teens

Hahahahahah- Oh wait.

I have 10 tulpas, but I'm only actively working on Reah, my first tulpa currently.

Progress Report

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>that chair when tupper existential crises

Also, I sometimes find myself mouthing my tulpae's words or nodding/cocking my head in their direction when they're speaking to me in public. Fortunately I'm told that I can often be eccentric, so for the most part my (handful of) friends dismiss it when I do something odd.

 

 

I know that feeling because I'm living with a crybaby. Of course, this was during actual possession and all, but yeah, still. That kind of stuff will kind of get your attention even if you're not paying much attention to what is happening in the first place. And I guess funnily enough, the reason for it was something like this but still very different. Kinda same though.

 

My role in calming him down didn't really exist though, as far as I know. Roswell is self-sufficient help.

 

Also I don't have an imaginary daughter aaa???

 

Thanks. It's nice to know I'm not the only one to experience that.

 

 

1. Existential, sounds good.

Crisis, why?

I don't get it.

 

I think it's the whole "I exist in a world where I can't interact with anyone but my maker" thing. If your put yourself in those shoes, you gotta admit it would be kind of saddening, horrifying, and isolating.

 

2. That's a terrible idea for the reason that it confuses the body and makes you think you're sad. Body is reserved for unbridled joy.

 

An accident's and accident, mang. The whole thing about this is that it was involuntary and very sudden.

 

3. When being possessed by demons stops being fun.

 

Being demon possessed is never fun...no really, it's not, I know. Don't ask how.

 

4. What does that mean? There is plenty of bawling around, maybe you're better at ignoring that.

 

Maybe~

 

5. Nah.

 

That's just how I is. I wanna love EVERYBODY! Cuz I'm like that and stuff.

 

6. They can't actively get your attention why?

 

I think it's multiple things. I know Midori regularly pops up, and Kellogg's doing it more.

 

There was lots of repression in that comic. That was the main theme.

You bluff.

 

Keyword here is "sexual". Unless you found some tidbit in the story where unamed main character was lusting after his imaginary daughter, and "piggy back ride" meant [EXPLICIT CONTENT DELETED]

Sock Cottonwell's

Sketchbook, Journal, and Ask thread.

Peace

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