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Sock's Daydream Diary


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Some really neat things have been going down over the past few hours.

 

Now, I've been trying to increase the amount of time I spend directly interacting with Midori, since I'd often find myself jumping out of meditation as fast as I jump in, and I doubt she appreciates me not sticking around for her to spend some good quality time with me. We've recently been doing more one-on-one session in a void so I could focus on her and only her when forcing. I think this works to tone down a few, but not all, of the intrusive thoughts an decrease brain power used on background. At the same time, though, I didn't completely discard my wonderland, because Midori seemed to like it and she'd often make changes to it. Many of them in recent times have been to add structures, and to spruce up the area with stone walkways and such. But this recent change...this takes the cake.

 

After our usual greetings in the void, I decided that a good way to lengthen the time we spend together would be to explore the wonderland a bit. So, I took Midori by her hand, had a door materialize to the garden, opened it up...

 

...and was met with a freaking ocean.

 

Now only an ocean, but an ocean with huge trees that vaguely resembled mushrooms coming out of it. I turned to Midori and asked her if this was her doing, and she nodded. I didn't know what to make of it, but it was most definitely something that begged to be checked out, so I conjured up a boat and had the two of us jump in and row into the ocean. After passing a few trees, we came across a large, dark forest coming from out of the ocean. As we kept rowing into the forest, Midori pointed out something in the tree tops, and I saw this red-eyed, thing scurrying around up there. I had no idea what it was, or why it was there, as I hadn't thought it up, but that only made the whole experience all the more amazing to me. While I was marveling over that, I suddenly felt a strange, cool feeling in my skull. This is often a sign that Midori is feeling negatively about something, so I went to check-up on how she was doing, only to find that she was being snatched up by a huge, black bird, another anomaly that I hadn't even imagine before hand. I was completely floored by this, not so much so that I didn't go and save my girl, but enough that after I got Midori out of the bird's clutched, I teleported us both to the void and had to post about it on here. It was simply amazing, and I wouldn't had believed it happened if I didn't see it with my own mind's eyes.

 

In other news, I'm starting to hear more and more of that same small voice responding to stuff I ask. I'm still keeping some skepticism that the voice might be either parroting or an intrusive thought (As those tend to speak, too), but I think it might be a sign that Midori is in the home stretch as far as vocalizing goes.

Sock Cottonwell's

Sketchbook, Journal, and Ask thread.

Peace

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A few small things that just hit me.

 

Earlier this week, I read one of Pronas' updates concerning him asking Kate to wake him up early in the morning. I looked to be a neat little test, so I asked Midori to do the same, at 3:00am specifically, though I wasn't really expecting a response from her at all, not being vocal and all. The first time I woke up at that time after asking, I had a set of rather odd dreams, concerning ants with purses and cross dressing, and I initially chalked me waking up to those. This dream excuse couldn't explain how I was waking up around the same time each and every day after I first asked her that, including today. I guess we should call this the alarm clock method, and use it as a way to test a tulpa's self-awareness, ha ha~.

 

I've recently been having trouble spending extended time on forcing. Not because I've been lacking things to solidify, but because my attention span has been very finicky as of late, and I've been jumping in for minutes at a time before hopping back out. I doubt this is something Midori likes at all, and this shortened attention span has been affecting other things I've been trying to do, like study and draw. As such, I tried to address it with having general meditation session, only with Midori visualized the entire time. I told her she could to whatever, and I'd try and focus on her. She opted to just sit next to me, which was inconvenient in a way since I had to "turn" to see her in my mind's eye. On the other hand, I found this to be a great opportunity to focus on feeling her presence in another way outside of tracking her specific pressure signature, or visualizing her. I did get some intrusive thoughts here and there, that tore my attention away from her, but they weren't nearly as bad as ones I've had before, and were rather easy to dispell.

 

It seems my claims of me parroting some of her voiceless speech may be getting some cracks in it, as I'm starting to hear it a bit more consistently, though nothing outside of meditation/forcing yet. I still have some healthy skepticism, but I think it's safe to feel some excitement that she may finally start becoming vocal soon.

Sock Cottonwell's

Sketchbook, Journal, and Ask thread.

Peace

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Yeah I did that alarm clock method too. I asked Leah to wake me up at 11:30AM so I have more time to spend with her. The thing is I do wake up, but I fall right back to sleep. Then I have this dream about roaches flying at me and I wake up at 12:00 on the dot. I don't know how much control she has with dreams and I spent a good time talking about dream in general. I also told her to see if she can give me hints about her in my dreams, but I don't want her inside them because I'm afraid it might hurt her.

 

I think Leah keeps making me have dreams about bugs to wake me up. I have been doing this alarm clock method for a week. Some days I was successful, waking up but falling back to sleep. I think Leah is getting mad that she wakes me up then I break that promise of spending time with her, but I fall right back to sleep and start dreaming again with bugs this time. I think this is Leah's way of punishing me for not keeping to my promise.

 

If I do this again, she might make me eat bugs in my dream.

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If I do this again, she might make me eat bugs in my dream.
"Now 2nd July, Leah is forcing me to take hairy spiders up my ass. Dunno how much longer I can survive these alarm clock experiments. I feel a stinging in my bum when I walk about so people think that I'm taking a crap. Hard punishment, indeed."
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I think Leah keeps making me have dreams about bugs to wake me up. I have been doing this alarm clock method for a week. Some days I was successful, waking up but falling back to sleep. I think Leah is getting mad that she wakes me up then I break that promise of spending time with her, but I fall right back to sleep and start dreaming again with bugs this time. I think this is Leah's way of punishing me for not keeping to my promise.

 

If I do this again, she might make me eat bugs in my dream.

 

Ha ha~ You should know it's not nice to break a promise to your imaginary lady, you know. Not that I'm not guilty of that, mind, but still...

 

[align=center]This session's Tulpa mix:

 

Karl-Carosella-DJ - Sunday Best Mix[/align]

 

Earlier today, I was sitting on a stool, in front of my computer as usual, when I noticed that I had this odd, warm and tingly feeling on my side. It covered a good portion of that bit of my body, and I felt something wrapping around my back, as well. The feeling was weak, but it was definitely present, and was something I definitely was not used to. I then recalled that a tulpa that was developed enough could "touch" their creator, and he/she would feel it. I had a bit of skepticism about this, naturally, so I stuck my hand out, and asked Midori to hold my hand.

 

The tingling sensation left my side, and went to the hand I held out.

 

The rest of this day was filled with me asking Midori to touch my arms, sides, face, etc., and freaking out when I felt that now familiar tingle on the place I asked her to touch. This happened both in an out of meditative states, and it really has me excited, almost as much as the prospect of having her speak. This all came to an absolute head when, during a meditation session with her visualized, I picked her up, and felt her weight. That...that simply blew my mind. I'm still having some trouble believing it happened, but I know what I felt. Even now, I can feel her, and it's just amazing to me. I'm going to be doing a good deal of testing with this for the next few days. The feeling is weak at the moment, but it's still very noticeable, and I want to do what I can to strengthen it.

 

I've been doing more concentration practice with Midori today, as well. For short, 30 minute sessions, I would just meditate with Midori visualized, and I would tell her to do what she wanted. In one of them, I told her that when I actually have her imposed into reality, I wanted to use her as a model for a drawing. This really got her excited, jumping up and down and just generally being giddy. Even when we actually got into the meditation portion of the session, she would pose about as if she was being used as a model for a full-body drawing. It was quite charming, and I'm honestly very excited for the day where she's imposed well enough that I can actually do that, as well. But first some speech, and I'll be doing some work on that soon.

Sock Cottonwell's

Sketchbook, Journal, and Ask thread.

Peace

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Did she say she created the ocean or did she perhaps only open up a path into a part of your subconscious you're not aware of otherwise? Maybe you were visiting the place she was when you dosed off a while ago.

 

That is a possibility. She nodded to it, but she doesn't speak at the moment, so I can't ask her to go in-depth much. I definitely will ask her about it when she is conversational, though.

Sock Cottonwell's

Sketchbook, Journal, and Ask thread.

Peace

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Wow you can feel her before she's even talking properly? That's pretty sweet man, I'm sorta at the same stage, just entering it. I was focusing on getting Flora to talk but maybe I will work a little on touch as well.

frt

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Like I said in an earlier post, the touch phase being accelerated has less to do with me actually working on and forcing it, and more with Midori herself being super cuddly and her basic greeting being to tackle-then-smooch. If she wasn't so hyper about showing her affection, I probably wouldn't be feeling her as much as I do now. I've been trying to kick start her speech for a while, and I think I'm seeing some progress based on lip movement, but I guess I still have to be patient.

Sock Cottonwell's

Sketchbook, Journal, and Ask thread.

Peace

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Let me tell you about my girl Ellenore...

 

For the past year, I've been playing a game called Dungeon Crawl Stone Soup, a freeware dungeon crawler. It's very fun and addictive, and I only recently stopped playing it because I'd sometimes spend an entire week on doing nothing but playing it. Very addictive.

 

In this game, my usual set-up was Human Transmuter, since I liked hybrids in this game, and shape shifting is an awesome spell school. Because I like creating characters and stories, I up and made something based around the set-up: a strong and sprightly young woman named Ellenore Expendable. She was an adventurous girl with no real past, she just popped into the dungeon to loot it, and nothing else really mattered because the setting was a roguelike, the gameplay was the story. As well, since Crawl was still a pretty hard game, she died quite a bit, thus her last name being "Expendable".

 

As time went on, I became more and more attached to the character, and I'd often imagine her having a myriad of adventures inside and out of Zot's dungeon. I'd see her in my mind's eye, beating down monsters with her fists, transforming and beating MORE monsters down with her fists, getting as much loot as she could, all sorts of stuff. It was rather entertaining, and though I never really wrote much down about her, she was regularly on my mind thanks to my over active imagination. I had done things like this before, with different characters all my life, and Ellenore was the latest and most recent of them.

 

I had been imagining Ellenore well before I had even heard of the concept of tulpa, and even when I started working on Midori, I still imagined Ellenore a good deal of the time when I didn't have Midori on the mind. At that time, I didn't really consider it would do anything special, so I kept imagining Ellenore with very little care, and continued to direct a good deal of thought and narration toward Midori.

 

So, why all this backstory? Well the previous night, right after I had a rather vivid and appropriately strange dream, I went to meditate to check up on Midori. So I sat down cross-legged, closed my eyes, started to visualize Midori in a void...

 

And a very ragged looking Ellenore appeared in her place.

 

I was pretty shocked when she first appeared, because I thought it was a hurt Midori. I thought that she may have walked into the dream and gotten beaten to a pulp by the subconscious. But, I noticed a few things that ticked me off that this was someone else. First thing, this person was significantly taller than Midori. Second, she was wearing a tattered red, knee length skirt, and her top had been torn revealing breasts that were a good deal larger than Midori's nearly flat chest. Her hair cut was also very different from Midori's and much longer. But, the final thing that tipped me off is that a few seconds later, Midori materialized in the void. It didn't take me even that long to realize who the battered girl that just fell into the void was, and a quick check of her eye color confirmed it.

 

I honestly couldn't believe what was going on at that moment, though Midori seemed to have an idea of who it was, and when I asked her about it out of meditation, she reacted positively to my question. For her part, Ellenore looked like a dead woman: she was on the ground limp, wouldn't react to anything I said, and would flop around when I moved her. Eventually, I imagined a couch, and had her and Midori sit on it together. I told them to stay there while I sort my mind out, and left the meditation session and went to sleep. If this was just some wild set of intrusive thoughts, they would surely be gone by the time I woke up next.

 

A few hours later...

 

I woke up again, with a thoroughly clear head. I checked a few videos, then remembered what happened not too long ago. So I went and meditated again, to see how things were going up there. I kept my thoughts as clear as I could when going in, to make sure I wasn't getting any false positives.

 

Lo and behold, both Midori and Ellenore were still there, sitting on the couch, the latter still looking pretty dead.

 

With that bit of doubt thoroughly crushed, I laid Ellenore down on a stretcher, and began to heal her, it is my mind, after all. This was the first instance where Ellenore showed any sort of response, as she grabbed my hand when I was about to lay it on her. She didn't reject it, though, and I was able to get her fixed up in short order. She immediately sat up right on the bench, with no prior thought from me as an input. I reached out to her again, and she grabbed my hand, placing it to her cheek.

 

Since then, I've been able to feel pressure signals from both Midori and Ellenore at the same time, though Ellenore's was a bit weaker. They both react when I say their respective names, and when I talk to Ellenore, it feels like I very much am speaking with another being, like it was with Midori after a while. Neither of them can speak at the moment, though they both move around a bit, and have been interacting with each other a lot since Ellenore woke up. They seem to be getting along okay, and have even taken to trying to play pranks on me based on some fears I had about the situation. They've been quite the cute pair since then, and it does put my mind at ease a bit.

 

But concerning Ellenore, she does seem a bit lost and confused from time to time when I check up on them both. I'm not sure exactly when she became aware of herself, or if she is at all. I want to have a one-on-one talk and forcing session with her later on today after I get some errands done. She's as much of a construct as Midori is, but she was massively parroted, with the whole set of mental plays with her as the central character thing, and I'm not sure if she's a tulpa or a servitor. If she is the latter, I'd like to find out how one would go about making her sentient, and eventually speak. I'm still having some issues believing this is happening, but if it is, it's quite amazing.

 

tl;dr - I accidently a second tupper, WAT DO?

 

Here's a months old doodle page of Ellenore for refference on what she looks like. She's changed a bit over the months, getting taller and a bit more muscular, but the design is still similar enough to what I'm seeing in my head.

Sock Cottonwell's

Sketchbook, Journal, and Ask thread.

Peace

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