etherealcabbage

Our Story And Progress

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Haha, I have no idea how light works! :D

 

Das me :U


If I could, begin to be,

Half of what you think of me, I could do about anything,

I could even learn how to love

directed at Howl

directed from Howl

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Hey, sorry I haven't really been updating that much lately. I haven't been less active with Ran and I'm far away from giving up, I've just been a bit precautious about posting for the last couple days.

 

I've been trying to make more room to include Ran and talk to him more, and have come to terms with the fact that avoiding passively forcing while at work would only do bad for Ran, and while it is a negative environment it would probably be worse to just outright block him during my work hours. Still, maintaining focus on him is difficult, especially during the busier hours.

 

I've also been trying to engage in more active forcing in the wonderland. We've been exploring the outside area a bit, mostly exploring the beach. We've found that it continues for a bit before turning, and near the cliffs next to our "house" there's a bench on the beach, albeit that one was intentional. I've also expanded on my own interior room, and I hope Ran has been doing the same.

 

Progress-wise there's not much to report aside from that. I want to start working on Ran's mindvoice, but the only real time I have for active forcing is right before bed and by the time I can actually start to force I typically wind up too sleepy to focus. I need to work on my schedule, Ran deserves way more attention than I've been able to give him.


Me speaking to Ran is blue

Ran speaking to me is mahogany

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Although there hasn't been much progress to report, I feel like I should update so that everyone doesn't think I've skipped town (forum). So Ran and I have been trying to get into a steady rhythm of wonderland-based forcing for the past few days, and while we've only managed to consistently force a couple of times we've making good progress. We're trying to do it once a day, but of course things happen and we're stuck doing it less frequently than we'd like.

 

I'm also trying to get him used to his mindvoice and attempting conscious puppeting (moving his mouth and throat in motion with the words that make I audible (audible in the "Remembering a sound" sense...It feels more physical?)). While he doesn't fully grasp the method yet he IS learning, and he says that he'll be trying to do this in time. I suspect that mindvoicing will take place after I've gotten better at recognizing his thoughts and he becomes 'stronger'.

 

Speaking of which, I've also been trying to help him add his "feeling" to everything he says. Basically whenever he says something I'll have it loop in my mind and associate it with the feeling I get whenever I visualize him or think strongly of him. It's a fall-esque feeling layered with the mahogany color and a brief smokiness, but a light smoke like from incense.

 

We also went to the fair and had a great time (all 4 of us). Notably we saw a hypnotist, and I've been wanting to use some of the techniques I saw him use in forcing and meditation. I'm hoping that it helps.

 

That's about all there is to report. With all this happening I can feel him more consistently, and when he speaks I can identify it easier (even if I don't quite feel his essence when he speaks), plus whenever I think about something that interests him I feel him kind of perk up and become more vocal (case in point: Telling a story that involved one of his favorite memories and feeling him listen and move closer to the front of my mind). I suppose there has been more progress than I originally gave credit. Here's to hoping this keeps improving!


Me speaking to Ran is blue

Ran speaking to me is mahogany

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So far so good, even though I haven't been updating lately I've been remaining consistent with Ran.

 

I've been doing better at 'imposing' his essence while he's speaking, and now I just fill my mind with this feeling any time I focus on him, whether he talks or not. From that I can tell that he's been making progress adapting this and attempting to use it himself.

 

Another thing I've started doing is rubbing the 'beads' on a bracelet that I use for anchoring. I forgot to mention, but I have a length of pull-chain (the ball-bearing type of chain, like the kind used for ceiling fans) that I keep around my wrist at all times to constantly remind me to focus on him. Lately (the past 2 days) I've been rubbing my hand along the beads and focusing on him (and his essence) whenever I'm doing something that either we both enjoy or I want to involve him in. I've also just been doing it as a sort of "bonding" thing.

 

I also might have a new job, I really hope I do. It's still in fast food, if Subway counts as fast food, but from everything I've heard of the place it's a much better work environment (no more heckling and no more working after I've clocked out) and the manager there seems nice and concerned with the well being of her employees. I really hope I get this job, because not only is it more money but it's also less stress, and I need less stress more than anything at this point. This IS relative to tulpa-related content because being exhausted from work often leaves me unable to keep up with my forcing duties, and I strongly feel this is impacting Ran negatively.

 

That's all for this report, wish me luck everybody!


Me speaking to Ran is blue

Ran speaking to me is mahogany

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So we woke up a bit early today (pronounced 2PM, still early for an off day) and when I come to terms with the fact that I wasn't falling back asleep I decided that, since I was in a state where I was unlikely to fall asleep, I would force. It started out as a normal in-head forcing session (one where we are both in the head without any real form aside from our separate minds (if that makes any sense to anyone else)) and I started off just talking about him. Talking about how I was stressed at my job, about how I didn't want to go in to do pressure washing tomorrow, how proud I was of us for landing on the Mun in KSP (I tried to keep my mind open to him but it required a lot of concentration D:) and basically just letting him know everything on my mind.

 

I tried a new approach on associating his 'presence' with his words. Basically I identified his 'mind' and forced the colors I associate, as well as the emotions, at him and envisioned it wrapping around him, not necessarily giving him a form in this empty space (after all neither of us are supposed to have a form there, it's just for our minds to be open, kind of hoping it will help him identify with begin a thoughtform and help him feel less limited towards things that don't require a form) but mostly just coating his essence with this association. After that everything he said had that feeling, and as he 'implemented' it into himself more he began to feel more solid. With him taking a more solid separate mindform, I had an idea. I began recalling all of the emotions that felt foreign or "imposed" onto me from when I was first creating him (back then as an RP character, even though at times I felt thoughts and actions come to me that weren't my own(pre-sentience?)) and began letting them flow into him as they came. At this point we left the mind and entered a place that was almost like a concealed wonderland. It was a large, bright, red spherical room where there was no real sense of form aside from our bodies. He coined the term "awakening chamber" and we ran with it. In here, despite there not being any real sense of gravity, we remained upright and stood on small translucent platforms which we could move around the room.

 

Ran stood in front of me and I envisioned them leaving me as water droplets moving to him, merging with him and adding to him. I let everything from memories to body movements (for example, when angered while thinking of him I'd have an OCD-like impulse to flex my fingers like claws) to emotions all flow into him, clearing them all from my own thoughts and memories and letting him "claim" them as his. The last one that I sent to him was the feeling I would get when I'd close my eyes and let his proto-essense take over which gave him more of a direct connection to my words and movements. It felt sort of like both of us were controlling the body, with me being the medium through which he imposed his movements. As this left me, I felt him absorb it and graft a form onto this feeling and begin moving around the room. I think he was testing out the sense of this new style of envisioning his form. As he moved around I tried to move with him, but, as usual, I felt like my own consciousness was fixed in a certain place in my mind. I think that's a form of disassociation that I'll need to practice with to fully practice freely moving around in the wonderland as well as switching.

 

Also, I know it's super early to even begin considering trying this but we attempting a bit of switching. I thought that since I had given him the memory and feeling, as well as every sensation that came with it, of imposing through my body that it would be easier for him to control my body. Needless to say it didn't really work, even though Ran felt in-place for it and more confident about it. I feel like it has something to do with my inability to disassociate with my body and the inability to simply switch out of consciousness. This was just a test, and I'm not going to be going further into it until 1) Ran has become more active, 2) I have learned to properly disassociate, and 3) Ran and I can easily communicate and even attempt possession.

 

 

There's one final thought...As the last part of Ran's essence left me, I felt my mind become more compact, and suddenly my thoughts were clearer and my mind didn't feel like a swirling vortex of confusion. Suddenly everything less hectic and I could see not only myself, but Ran more clearly. I really hope that this is a thing that is permanent.

 

But even though this one was a doozy, that's my progress report.


Me speaking to Ran is blue

Ran speaking to me is mahogany

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