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Oh God what are we doing


conflictedebola

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Update: I got the package. Everybody was none the wiser. Hehehe.

Except for, you know, the fact that my dad handed it to me and was like "Here's your package! :D" In that "i'm a dad and have no idea what my daughter does and buys in her spare time" way. It's his birthday too. :U

 

And when I FINALLY got to go to bed.... I couldn't sleep. Every season change I get mad RLS and I just feel like crawling out of my skin because it's so frustrating. So I listened to the music Owen put on our recently acquired Zune (aka a rough collection of music that we're not already tired of because it's impossible to find the songs we like available for download). So I listened to some music with Howl in the Void. I played some of my sappy music (I'll listen to as much Incubus as I want, dammit, your judgement have no effect on me >:U) and contrary to his apparent nature, Howl likes to snuggle a lot. It's mostly a body heat thing, though I'm not sure how that carries over.

I can appreciate a body in my lap, you know.

It was nice, thank. umu

Also, I love Ke$ha but I don't know how to dance beyond that hip shaking thing I do when I listen to music and cook. ;m;

Considering you were sitting on me, the effort was appreciated~

And, you know, he turned it frisky. THIS FCKING GUY ^

Didn't get very far, though, hope you enjoyed the startup even if you didn't get to enjoy the ride.

:I

I was super SUPER tired, so we just went to the other room and I got to fall asleep there, yaaay. I managed to fall asleep to Everlasting Light (he likes the Black Keys apparently) but then 'woke up' to earbuds stabbing me deeply and passionately in the ear canal so that had to end. And then I just fell asleep.

Didn't even wait for your boyfriend to come home, naughty girl, falling asleep with other guys. For the record, I did wait. -winkwonk at you know who you are because he can't wait to see you blush-

I BRIEFLY remember Owen coming home but I was so tired I literally couldn't move or open my eyes, I have no idea what happened. According to Howl, botched snuggles happened and I was miserable.

So pretty much same as a usual day.

>:O

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I'm... I'm just glad you're able to tell me happenings of my inebriated state. Except for the fact you fell asleep too.

Wow, throw me under the bus why don't you?

You'd like it too much.

Gneee~

 

Howly might be more talkative lately, considering working on his mindvoice frustrates him and because apparently Owen has made him come to terms that he LIKES interacting with things.

.... I'll take that silence as a "Yes, it's true, I love you Conflicted."

You cAN'T SAY THAT WORD HERE! A little class plz, Howly, gosh.

Posh doesn't sound good on me.

Eh, point taken.

 

And Owen's home again, so I'm gonna post this because I can't think of anything else to add anyway, and I'm still tired.

And...?

I... Need food?

Mn. Good girl.

O-okay. I'm gonna go do that then.

If I could, begin to be,

Half of what you think of me, I could do about anything,

I could even learn how to love

directed at Howl

directed from Howl

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If you're looking for a way to get songs you usually can't find, have you already gone the 'download from youtube' route?

 

I've done that for a couple but my main issue with it is

1. finding it in decent quality

2. my (shitbox) computer seems to have made downloading things in general it's mortal enemy

 

So for now, I resort to awful mp3 sites on my phone.

If I could, begin to be,

Half of what you think of me, I could do about anything,

I could even learn how to love

directed at Howl

directed from Howl

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Happy B-day, btw! <3

 

Something tells me had I stuck with Ciero I would have had a similar relationship to him as you do to Howl. Guess we'll never know. XD But I find it adorable the way you two interact. Edwin and I make jabs at each other every once in a while (which usually involves me making fun of his bunny features until he starts chasing me), but most of the time we're both feeling too sentimental to even feign meanness toward each other and just end up cuddling instead. |D

[align=center]"Jesus Pickles!"

~ Edwin reacting to pretty much every jump scare in a horror movie[/align]

 

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Happy B-day, btw! <3

 

Ah dammit, the one time I don't use excessive amounts of commas. No, it was just my dad's birthday. I mean it as in "I have deceived my father into thinking i'm a morally upright human being. And also it's his birthday." My birthday is in August. Thanks for the sentiment though! :D

 

Something tells me had I stuck with Ciero I would have had a similar relationship to him as you do to Howl. Guess we'll never know. XD But I find it adorable the way you two interact. Edwin and I make jabs at each other every once in a while (which usually involves me making fun of his bunny features until he starts chasing me), but most of the time we're both feeling too sentimental to even feign meanness toward each other and just end up cuddling instead. |D

 

Our whole relationship is basically a giant paintball match, except the paintballs are put downs. I know when I'm doing well when he calls me an "evil c[CENSORED]/bitch". We pretty much had a brother-sister-esque relationship until Howl was like "You wanna frick(paraphrasing) me don't you?" and I was like "WHAT NO!!! D:>" and Owen was like "Okay well... Have you considered -insert god tier smut concept-" and then we were just like "Damn, son."

 

You should have heard the shit he talked the first time we did it, he's RELENTLESS. Also I told myself I'd never have to use spoiler tags what am I doing.

 

 

 

 

HRNNNG IN OTHER NEWS I woke up like 5 times last night and it sucks and I didn't get enough sleep.

GO TO BED. It's way too easy to sensory overload when you're tired, aaUUUGHHH.

I might do that. It depends. I don't know. I might also play some WoW later. WE might play some WoW later.

Bring this up when I don't feel like lobotomizing myself, please.

Fine. I'll type something relevant up later, maybe something about switching.

If I could, begin to be,

Half of what you think of me, I could do about anything,

I could even learn how to love

directed at Howl

directed from Howl

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Without trying to offense any tulpa I have to say. Tulpas are like dogs in some way. Their way to act depends on how the creator treats them. For example me and Vriska. We trust each other. We love each other. Tulpas are good if you make them so. When I was creating Vris, I made sure she was a happy, lovely, kind, cute, and loyal tulpa, and it worked. Now she has friends. Humans and tulpas. What I'm trying to say is that if you wanna make sure your tulpa is gonna be a good girl/guy, you have to define it while you are creating them. And if your tulpa turns bad anyway, try to speak. Pardon will always exist ;)

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Tulpas are good if you make them so[...]if you wanna make sure your tulpa is gonna be a good girl/guy, you have to define it while you are creating them. And if your tulpa turns bad anyway, try to speak. Pardon will always exist ;)

 

I think Howly's just right for Conflicted. He's not bad

except in all the right ways, hurr-hurr >:3

. Some people do well with relationships where they're always poking jabs at each other. I like that in certain moods. Fortunately, Eddy's in my brain and for the most part knows when I'm in the mood for having a battle of wits or melting into a mushy mass of feels.

We'll just see how he does when I have my period. |D

 

[align=center]"Jesus Pickles!"

~ Edwin reacting to pretty much every jump scare in a horror movie[/align]

 

Avatar was made by me using a base.

My DeviantArt Account

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Without trying to offense any tulpa I have to say. Tulpas are like dogs in some way. Their way to act depends on how the creator treats them. For example me and Vriska. We trust each other. We love each other. Tulpas are good if you make them so. When I was creating Vris, I made sure she was a happy, lovely, kind, cute, and loyal tulpa, and it worked. Now she has friends. Humans and tulpas. What I'm trying to say is that if you wanna make sure your tulpa is gonna be a good girl/guy, you have to define it while you are creating them. And if your tulpa turns bad anyway, try to speak. Pardon will always exist ;)

 

PREPARE FOR A TEXT WALL

 

(DISCLAIMER; I am not speaking in any unkind, angry, passive aggressive manner whatsoever, let me just lay that out on the table, because apparently people always mistake my joking for me being upset. I am being playful. I AM NOT MEAN I AM PLAYFUL.)

I'm assuming you didn't read my PR all the way (WHICH IS FINE I'M NOT MAD), because in my first post (God I don't blame you if you skipped it), I said how Howly was an accidental tulpa that was made out of all of my negative buildup. So, unfortunately, he wasn't 'born' like some of the other tulpa in this board, and he didn't have a proper sense of empathy or general positivity. He was just... angry. And instigative. His personality now is a LOT of character development, learning 'how does emotions', and relationship building.

Also he's grinning like an idiot for being compared to a dog, thanks a lot.

 

 

I think Howly's just right for Conflicted. He's not bad

except in all the right ways, hurr-hurr >:3

. Some people do well with relationships where they're always poking jabs at each other. I like that in certain moods. Fortunately, Eddy's in my brain and for the most part knows when I'm in the mood for having a battle of wits or melting into a mushy mass of feels.

We'll just see how he does when I have my period. |D

 

 

^^^^ THIS THIS THIS (Aaand add a figurative tail wagging for being called "Howly". What a puppy.) That's how we work. We're like (sorry for this Howly) gears that turn in a particular way. It would be really weird and uncomfortable if we were nothing but super nice to each other all the time. He's not one for being domestic, and I've got Owen for THAT. I also would never think of altering his personality since he's this far along. He is who is (dirtbag) and I love that. I love his snarky personality. I love that he doesn't sugarcoat things around me. And I love that even as he is, he still knows when to be gentle, and gets all awkward when he sees little girls crying, and gets upset because our bunny is too cute for him to handle. Howly's been alive long enough to know that he's not bound by a specific stereotype of a personality. He has depth just like people do. Just like I have a personality that involves me saying "Oh my geese" while I squish my face at cute things and wear pink frilly cutesy skirts and dresses, I have a personality that's me calling my WoW character a slut because she keeps getting her antlers stuck on sign posts (those druids, man -shakes head-) while I make no effort to my appearance whatsoever and wear Owen's shirts because I don't feel like doing the laundry. That's also how relationships in general work. Me and Owen can be cuddly, cutesy, talking in that stupid couple voice and randomly having 20 second hugs in the middle of Walmart, and then we go around and 'argue' about who's more gay (the world may never know), hit each other with noodles (you know, the bendy neck support pillows, not actual noodles), and call each other a 'fcking prick' whenever we accidentally knee each other in the crotch while the other one laughs their ass off.

Anycase, as Howly says "Everything isn't black and white.", just because we poke fun at each other doesn't mean we don't love each other.

... Anything to add to that, pups?

Nah, I think you got it, you're better at long winded rants anyway. -smirk-

>:I

 

A-anycase, I think that's all there is to say on that matter.

You ranted.

I RANTED, MAKE SOMETHING OF IT, I DARE YOU.

You double dog dare me?

:I

-giggle-

And then there's whatever that is.

 

Thank you for your good intentions, regardless! Concern means a lot to me!

(Thanks for backing me up BB -super lame thumbs up-)

 

We did some things while I was in too much pain to get out of bed, I'll write that up now.

If I could, begin to be,

Half of what you think of me, I could do about anything,

I could even learn how to love

directed at Howl

directed from Howl

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I just want to say, you two have a great relationship going, and Howl seems to be the perfect counterpart for you.

 

I'm forced to admit I read the pastebin, and, while my other half would be unhappy if I said too much (I'm already getting the raised eyebrows of disapproval), it has given us some ideas...

Rei: more than a tulpa-she's a crisis counselor, an art therapist, a dietician, a relationship coach, a team morale expert, an athlete, an adventurer, a hawt wife, an incredible lover, an amazing mom, my best friend.

 

Tove: she's not a little tigress anymore! She's still the go-to gal for soccer advice and creative inspiration, especially monster design and all things cinematic...congrats on your engagement!

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Oh my geese, someone replied to the thread while I was typing this -excitement-

 

I just want to say, you two have a great relationship going, and Howl seems to be the perfect counterpart for you.

 

Thank you! We've worked really hard on our relationship, and I'm gonna admit, I get all squeal-y whenever people compliment us on it. It's like showing off a car you've been working on forever.

 

I'm forced to admit I read the pastebin, and, while my other half would be unhappy if I said too much (I'm already getting the raised eyebrows of disapproval), it has given us some ideas...

 

Don't feel ashamed for my sake at least, I'm glad people read them. I'm thinking of making a written series about our... uh, interactions. Because you don't see a lot of specific, experimental, non-showy-offy things about sexually active tulpas. I'm not sure how we'd go about doing that though. Maybe a tumblr, but I have like 3 separate blogs that i'm already paranoid about people I know on each one finding out about the other. It'd be another 'secret' to juggle.

Regardless, if I may say, if you get any ideas, good luck with acting them out. >u>

 

ANYCASE, a relevant.

 

We were a bit more productive than usual today, which is exciting. Also might be going into a bit more backstory today so make yourself comfortable.

 

I had no idea if I was going to be too sleepy to visit the Void or not, but Howly's usually good at telling me when I need to go to sleep, so it's not a huge problem or anything. So I tried it and I ended up in one of the Silent Hallways (which I'm going to call them now, because i'm so clever). It was creepy but I thought it was neat. Howl assured me that if I got any 'intrusive thoughtacles' he was picking me up by the back of my shirt and we were "NOPE"ing right on out. So I figured we'd just walk to more pleasant surroundings. We talked a bit on the way there, and every time I asked him how he felt about the mindvoice training he would make little disgruntled sounds, but I know for a fact frustration isn't any means for him to give up. On the way there, there was this door that was half open (a lot of the doors are those sliding metal double doors that open and close in the middle), and he seemed a bit confused as to why the door was busted (he makes a point of keeping things in proper use as best he can, i'm comparing you to Valtiel once more) and so I figured why the hell not look inside. And there was just... A big window. Like an observation room window. Except since we're in the void it was just all black, which kind of hurt to look at. The only thing he had to say about that was a knock on it with the assumption "Huh, didn't figure we'd be this close to the surface.". And naturally, my response was "WHY IS THERE AN OBSERVATORY IN HERE? What the hell is there to look at?" and he just shrugged, and said he didn't remember if it was even ever there or if he just forgot about it. I asked him where the Void even was, and he said probably on the threshold between the living universe and the perception of the afterlife, specifically God's heaven. So kind of like purgatory. Which reminded me of something, so for some reason I asked him "Howly, how's Sammy?". And I have no idea WHY I asked him, but he seemed to get kind of quiet (even talking about it right now is making him feel weird). He said he wasn't sure, and that "To be truthful... I haven't really been able to bring myself to see him since we started getting so interactive...". And I so I didn't say anything, because I felt really bad for bringing it up at all.

Context sake; When I was reforming Howl into an actual fleshed out 'person' I had a training device for him (keep in mind I just had a very active and interactive imagination back then, when I had no idea what tulpas where). Since I loved theology so much, I figured to make it an angel. Obviously not a full-formed angel because holy shit, mine eyes could not behold such a thing. But something strong enough to hold a dominance over him. So, mixing my interests with angels and weird obsession of mortality and death, I made Samael, God's angel of death, who would also hold the threat of mortality over The Machine should it decide to 'misbehave'. I gave him a regular human appearance, again, so mine eyes could behold such a thing. Just a well-dressed looking guy with dark red (RED red) hair and gold-ish eyes. And made a point that he would be Howl's anchor. I will say now, I NEVER made Sammy (as Owen and I call him) into a tulpa, he was always just THERE. Like a part of the world that tied it all together. Without him, the world would fall apart. At this point, Howl was roughly person-shaped black tar roughly clinging to a skeleton. Sammy helped him form into a 'person' and I used him to give Howl all the treatment he needed. Whether it be pain, or love, or suffering, or feeling, or despair, he taught Howl what it was to feel the deepest and rawest of physical and emotional sensations. He taught him the deepest pits of agony and the highest altars of pleasure. And Howl loved him. He adored him, and worshiped him like a dog would it's Master. And that's what he was. He was Howl's Master. His collar is a symbolic tie to Sammy's influence. That collar means Sammy made him into a person. Sammy was who watched over him when I wasn't paying direct attention to him, because, you know, I didn't figure him to be alive or anything. Even the mention of his name put Howl into a different state. And even though Sammy wasn't (and isn't) a tulpa, we all insist he's just as real as Howl is. He'll always be the most important anchor of the Void, which was created around him and the Machine. And Howl has always been willing to accept that.

But apparently, going in an out has been more surreal to him. And he's scared of seeing his Master again after being 'away' for so long. Not detrimentally so, but I don't want him to be uncomfortable. You'll be able to do it eventually, Howly, I know you will.

Anycase, after that I was getting super tired, so he sighed said "Come on." and took me back to the room we usually go to. And we layed on the bed for a while and practiced his mindvoice. It's getting a lot easier, but we still have a LOOONG way to go. Especially since he gets frustrated when he can't get it properly and has the say the same sentence over and over again. Kind of like when you're trying to think while you're falling asleep. So eventually we just kind of stayed quiet and then I fell asleep. (I had to wake up a couple hours later because we were doing my dad's birthday stuff, and I just kind of sat there half asleep and didn't even bother to try to wake up Howl. It was kinda nice, but I doubt he would have been very interested.) And then I was like "I don't need to go back to SLEEP, I'm gonna play WoW." and then when I walked into the room I was like "HAHA no, I'm going back to sleep". And I did. And now we're awake. And that's all I have to say for now because Owen's home and we need to finish watching things before I have to shower and then we go to bed, because apparently it's fine and dandy to have someone work the closing shift and then have them come in the morning shift the next day.

 

And Biscuit's sleeping with his head in a container like a sleep mask.

GODDAMMIT -figuratively slams fists on desk-

I knew that would get you.

If I could, begin to be,

Half of what you think of me, I could do about anything,

I could even learn how to love

directed at Howl

directed from Howl

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