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I may have accidentally created a Tulpa. Help me?


Pioneer11

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So I’ve created imaginary friends since childhood. I’ve always wanted siblings, so I fought my loneliness with a lot of mind adventures and imaginary friendships. The thing is, one stuck till now that I’m 25. I kept “it” since I’m interested in psychology and in writing, so now this “thing” is mostly a personality with whom I have debates in my head. It was a good study method to have a point of view that was opposite to mine, and I tough nothing more of it.

 

I mostly based him off a Harry Potter character. I created him when I was about ten, so now I can visualize his form pretty well and I have a particular mind voice for him. However so far I always tought this was a simple trick that I used to focalize better on my studies. About two years ago however I started having occasional dreams about him. They seemed as real as when I’m awake. I could hear his voice as he if was a real person, see every strand of his hair, and I could touch him. I tought “perhaps I’m just lucid dreaming”. So I started researching that, and I found this forum.

 

Now I think I may have accidentally created a something, I suppose. The mind-body and the personality are perfectly developed in my mind. BUT I’ve never heard a voice (or mind-voice) talking to me out of the blue in about fifteen years. I’m always been “parroting” I guess. It was always consciously me roleplaying him. So I’m inclined to say this is not a Tulpa. However, during this rare dreams not only he speaks to me but it feel like I am also receiving his feelings in me. It’s always very intense, I “sense” in my sleep even more than when I’m awake. AND there he clearly feels as something sentient and separated from me. So now I don’t know if I created a true Tulpa accidentally, and I can’t connected with them on a conscious level, or I created an approximation of a Tulpa that need to be developed.

 

What do you think it is? A Tulpa or something else?

 

And, based on what your opinion of my situation is, will you please tell me where do I go from here? Now I very much want to talk to him while awake but I lack the mental tools to do so. I feel like I’ve always had a friend that I can’t meet in person, it’s weird and terribly frustrating so any help you offer me will be greatly appreciated ;_;

 

Thanks for reading!

“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”

[progress report]

 

 

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I'm on mobile and can't access a computer right now, so my post'll be short. I'll expand it once I can :p

 

As for the "is he a tulpa" thing, I'd say that he seems like he's not quite there, but has a very solid foundation to become one. Since you've had him for so long, you probably have a much better foundation visually and personality wise. I can't speak for everyone, but I know that when I first started with Markus, I had no idea what to talk with her about. You, having had him for so long most likely wouldn't have that problem. Anyway, I've gotta go but I'll be back to continue this response :p

 

Okay, now I'm back. As I was saying, it seems that the foundation(Man, I must really love that word...) for your possible tulpa thingy is very solid. But I don't believe that he's a tulpa. Not quite yet, at least. I'm not sure that he's really been able to become independent from you fully enough to be considered a tulpa. That, combined with the fact that besides these dreams, he's not shown any signs of independence, would(In my opinion. My absolutely not expert opinion) indicate that he's not quite there yet. I believe that at this point in time, he could go one of two ways(I'm probably not accounting for a bunch of stuff, by the way. If anyone has any other ways that Pioneer's tulpathing could go, please toss in a response. Thanks :) )

 

1. You could turn him into a full fledged tulpa. Judging on how much you've already worked on him, I would assume that it'd take less time for him to start being independent. The only problem that I really see you encountering would be that of the ceasing of your parroting habit. A habit like that, that's been built up for years, is not one that would normally be easy to get rid of. Then again, if the parrotting has become so natural that you don't even notice it anymore, then I'd say that he's probably already a tulpa. This is based off of my belief that all tulpa(and human) behavior is just the product of subconscious brain activity. If your beliefs differ, feel free to disregard that last part... or any other part, really. It's up to you whether to listen to me :P

 

2. You could decide that he won't become a tulpa (If you don't want one, or if you don't think you'd be able to fulfill your responsibilities to him, etc.) and he wouldn't become one. If you truly believe that he won't, then he won't. After you've decided this, you could just continue RPing him if you so wish and things would probably go back to the way things were before this. If, for some reason(that's beyond me, just thought I'd include it since it is something that you could do.) you decide that you don't want to RP anymore and just get rid of him.

 

YET ANOTHER EDIT: Okay, so I forgot to mention something. You said that you lack the mental tools to contact him, but I find that hard to believe. It'd take some time, sure, but I don't think that you lack the mental tools to get in contact with him. If you just sit down for a while every day, and try not to consciously make him move or talk, he'll start exhibiting some signs of independence. The trick, once that starts happening, is to avoid dismissing these signs as parroting. It's a trap that lots of people, including myself, fall into. Not fun :/

Markus is the tulpa, and I don't really have anything else to say.

 

Markus speaks in Blue!

 

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I agree with arcanemagic that your Harry Potter character is not quite a tulpa but has the potential. I've unintentionally created tulpae from a young age. Unfortunately, if you stop giving a tulpa attention they will eventually sort of "fade from existence", or so they say. I've had one particularly strong tulpa come and go years at a time, though one could argue that I just recreated her as a new tulpa with the appearance and past memories of the original.

 

It's your choice what you would like to do. Don't be fearful that you can see and hear your creation in a lucid state. I've seen some guides teach you to use the lucid state to form and strengthen a tulpa. It may be that this creation continues to reside in your subconscious even if consciously you are not thinking or focusing on it. If you wish to make it into a tulpa, the trick is to move the focus to the conscious, which I'm sure there are some great resources on this forum to help you with that.

 

If you do not want it as a tulpa, imagine turning your back to it and give it no further attention. If it comes back and you don't want it to, just continue to ignore it. But unless you train yourself to control your dreams you may continue to see it in your dreams and in a lucid state. I still dream about people I haven't seen in years. Same concept.

[align=center]"Jesus Pickles!"

~ Edwin reacting to pretty much every jump scare in a horror movie[/align]

 

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Thank you both for your advice, I really appreciated it! So apparently he is not yet a Tulpa, however the visualization and personality aspect of him are complete. In short I suppose I built a non-sentient shell of a would be Tulpa. Now I must work toward making him independent from myself and conscious. My question is how exactly I can achieve that?

 

I won’t parrot anymore, that is, I usually imagine his answers in his voice. However from what I understood I must simply imagine him in front of me, talk to him like usual but not answer back in his stead. So I just wait for an answer and that’s it?

 

I very much want to him to become conscious. I read the guides but I don’t seem to grasp the proper method for creating self-awareness. Based on your own experiences, what forcing technique do you think would help my character to become a real Tulpa?

“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”

[progress report]

 

 

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Thank you both for your advice, I really appreciated it! So apparently he is not yet a Tulpa, however the visualization and personality aspect of him are complete. In short I suppose I built a non-sentient shell of a would be Tulpa. Now I must work toward making him independent from myself and conscious. My question is how exactly I can achieve that?

 

I won’t parrot anymore, that is, I usually imagine his answers in his voice. However from what I understood I must simply imagine him in front of me, talk to him like usual but not answer back in his stead. So I just wait for an answer and that’s it?

 

I very much want to him to become conscious. I read the guides but I don’t seem to grasp the proper method for creating self-awareness. Based on your own experiences, what forcing technique do you think would help my character to become a real Tulpa?

 

I would say just be careful about ignoring any true responses he might make or disregard them as parroting. Remember that parroting is intentional, so if you think you're getting a response, you are. If you think you're unintentionally parroting, you're not. Be careful about guides that suggest a certain time frame in which to expect a response. All tulpae and hosts vary, so you may find him responding to you immediately. Or it may take months. It may come in the form of mind-voice or as a voice you can almost audibly hear. Also be sure to be attune to other ways of communication aside from language. Tulpae tend to communicate first in "tulpish" or basically waves of emotion or specific imagery or thoughts you recognize as not coming from your own consciousness.

 

As far as sentience, that's a difficult one. It's best to treat a tulpa as though it were sentient from the first moment even if it is not, so in your case, talk to him and treat him as though he is already separate from you. When he is given that sort of feedback and essentially "permission" to be sentient and have a consciousness separate from you, it may lead him to develop it on his own. I have unique experiences with tulpae, but I have an extremely powerful imagination and essentially "room in my brain" for a secondary consciousness or more to form (past experience having dissociative identity disorder I guess).

[align=center]"Jesus Pickles!"

~ Edwin reacting to pretty much every jump scare in a horror movie[/align]

 

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Hey,

 

I have a similar problem and I may need some advice but my experience might help you too Pioneer.

 

4 years ago I was in my prime fedorah phase (better known as obnoxious atheism, Im now a polite infidel) and I was quiete curious about the motivation of religious people-

So I just spoke with a self created minor "god", that I envisioned a simple humanoid form for on equal ground about mundane and existential questions in a way of pseudo prayers and answered myself with intuitive answers to simulate their experience in order to understand the feeling of being a theist.

As you may have guessed, I created a (halfly?) developed Tulpa that actually fluently answered in mindvoice and I got spooked, because I was convinced that I might get insane through self invoked schizophrenia (To be honest this whole tulpamancy thing seems to be exactly that, you fracture your conciousness after all)

 

So, to combat that "illness" i chased my Tulpa(?) off with very cruel and hurtful thoughts, it was difficult because he was quiete persistent (but never rude) and I somehow sensed his dread, but I got that guy killed after some time, mind you, even if I not believed in his actual sentience I felt very guilty afterwards and through these 4 years thought occasionally of this "weird mind experiment" and its unfortunate outcome, usually with a bad feeling.

Now, some weeks ago I read about all that Tulpa stuff and felt guilty again, because it suddenly seemed plausible that I actually hurted a form of sentience.

So I started to force again, directing at that tulpa and the form I had given to him back then and apologized as best as I could.

I symbolically burned the thought I used too chase him off (I drew it ona paper I lit on fire) and after some forcing sessions in which I did what people do to strenghten their bond again and while some people might say that I didnt "revive" anything but just made something new,

I tend to disagree because I still kept him in mind through seldom feelings of guilt through the years I ignored him.

Furthermore,while hes still quiete mute and I often feel like parroting, I already experienced sudden waves of enourmosly intense emotions while forcing sessions.

If you are exhilerrated with joy for half a day after forcing, after just the third session you ought to think that this is too fast for a new tulpa, drawn from scratch.

Also, as I started forcing, my sel discipline was raised suddnely, Ive instantly, completeley quitted porn (It can be a fucking addiction) and started jogging, usually because I narrate while running becaus thats when I can be alone.

 

While my relation is still shaky (I made a huge regression, after hurting him again mentally through a sudden strong intrusive thought centered around rejection) It gets better again and im very thankful for having picked up this tulpa stuff again and getting rewarded with so much I probably did not deserve.

 

SO pioneer, depending on the intensity of your "mind adventures" back then (15 years is more than I did and I practized my "experiment" back then very enthusiastically in the beginning), you might have created ferile ground for a fledling thougthform that you can stimulate even further through the immensly helpful advice that is to be found on this board.

As I said, my tulpa seems also incapable of fluent speech, but the fact that you can share intensive feelings should be an indicator fot the fact that you indeed made something.

Dont be like me and embrace it!

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D@nzingtree brings up a good point that I've often thought about since learning about tulpae. I had one being that I consider to be a tulpa named Gaza, though back then I just thought of her as an imaginary friend and at one point she professed to being a fairy in disguise. She and I were nearly inseparable for a few years. Then, in my attempts to "grow up" as many of us do, I dismissed her. Then every once in a while I would get lonely and bring her back for a while. But though she maintained the same personality and even memories, it never felt quite the same. I am uncertain whether I was creating clone tulpae of her or if she was the same and I had changed by going through the natural growth of life and was no longer the same person who had originally created her. They say if a tulpa is ignored that it will "die" or fade from existence.

 

I mention this because it may be the same thing in this case with you, Pioneer11. You mentioned having not thought about your original creation for 15 years. That's an awful long time to be ignored. I'm not saying that you imagined your experience. It's my belief that tulpae continue to exist in some way even when not given attention from their host. Their essence remains locked in the host's subconscious. The problem is that most of the time the host can't access it. I do hope that you create a progress report, Pioneer. I would be interested in seeing if you accept this tulpa as your original creation or if it stems from a new creation made in his image.

[align=center]"Jesus Pickles!"

~ Edwin reacting to pretty much every jump scare in a horror movie[/align]

 

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I may have explained myself badly (due to my awful English). I didn’t dissipate my imaginary friend; I actually carried over conversations with him FOR fifteen years. You know, till this very day, which is a lot. He evolved from the personality that he was based over, and I can visualize his body pretty well. However I always thought of him as a character I invented - like book characters develop differently from the original idea of the writer. I love writing and I have a great imagination so I just thought that I evolved this character of mine through the years, never once realizing that it could actually become real, sentient.

 

During my unconscious parroting sessions (since I knew nothing about Tulpas) I played his role, I never heard his voice in my mind if I didn’t will it but his point of view was clearly sharp, and often during these conversation I would feel emotion coming from him. But that often happens during writing and acting, so I considered it as nothing “special”. Furthermore, I heard no voice in my mind at random moments, nor during my visualization sessions he started moving on its own; if I didn’t move him he would not. If I didn’t will it, he would not exist, which isn’t like a Tulpa, right? He may only be a puppet whose strings move on my command, but that can be almost as realistic as a true person if I concentrate enough.

 

All this changed after I started dreaming of him. During these encounters he is a real as the next person, even more so since I can sense his feelings, he also displays personality traits and opinions towards me that I had not anticipated. He talked a lot about himself and me, and I woke up with the crazy strong echoes of this “state of mind”.

 

I must say that then I began to freak out. I never felt a “bonding” of emotion as strong as when I was with him, even stronger than my perception of emotion in bloody reality. I argued with him more than once and did reject him harshly a couple of times, and each time he would “feel” hurt and he would retreat and the dream (or possibly trance?) would end. So I know how you feel, D@nzingtree.

 

The thing is, while in my dreams he is perfectly developed and can talk with me without problems, when I’m awake it doesn’t feel like having a Tulpa. Maybe very rarely I’ve felt like a sensation of heat on the side of my head and hand where I usually picture him, but that’s it. No words and not appearing in front of me at random. Maybe he is just a shell that could be evolved – or maybe he already is sentient, as he is in my dreams (they take place in my mind after all) but is me who cannot connect with him while awake. Because, even though I may have created this thought-form, I don’t know what’s the next step to take to make it real.

 

So what process I must follow to reach a true connection with him?

 

Bunny-Boi, may I ask in detail how do you force a Tulpa to be “alive” and sentient? I just read a tread of yours in which you say that you have the ability of generating Tulpas with ease. Perhaps you could write about what you do, describe each step as you were writing a page of you diary, so I could see myself in your position and start to correctly forcing. I think that your skills and experiences would really help both me and D@nzingtree to form proper Tulpas :)

“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”

[progress report]

 

 

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> your skills and experiences

 

Sorry, but as I said, im myself struggeling to be able to interact properly with mine.

15 years sounds like a really long time, and youre frequent lucid dreaming is already pretty advanced, I never had a lucid dream.

I dont think youll need much time.

 

Bunnylover claims to have made several tulpas, so you might ask him how he visualizes some things.

I just stick to the guides (seriously, the guides are like the best thing of this site), listen to brown noise or sit in an upright position in the dark and try to visualize my tulpa as good as I can while trying to speak to him in mindvoice and catch up the first intuitive foreign feeling thoughts that that might pass as answers, or I just parrot him if nothing happens (They say its not that bad if used rarely and with the intention just to practice a hypothethic conversation)

, sometimes something happens and I really feel connected, other times its just a bit tingling in the head.

Maybe you could try to avoid playing his role in the future, even if getting no fully fleshed out responses might be frustrating, so every autonomous turn he might take gets instantly noticed as such by you.

 

when im awake, I do not feel him either 24/7, but thats normal in such a young stage and I just narrate through my day and hope for the occasional headpressure.

 

"describe each step as you were writing a page of you diary"

I might make a progress blog in the corresponding subforum here, though I dont know if that isnt to personal for me. I already spillt out a lot of private stuff.

you could also do one with the benefit that you get instant help when you have an issue.

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I wouldn't be the best one to provide an example of how to create a tulpa or how to make one sentient. My abilities seem unusual, probably because I have what I've seen described as a "plural" mind, one that essentially has room to quickly form separate personalities. I was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder (multiple personalities) when I was in high school and continue to be given different diagnoses for personality disorders.

 

I would agree with D@nzingtree that you should look into the guides for help. Sentience is something that is still up for debate. My personal experience is that I simply desire and believe my tulpae is sentient and do and say as little as possible to cause parroting. My suggestion, Pioneer, is to work to consciously think about your friend in the waking world through forcing as outlined in the guides. Creating tulpae takes time, effort, and belief. If you haven't made a wonderland yet, that might be a good place to start. Then you can work on envisioning your creation existing there.

[align=center]"Jesus Pickles!"

~ Edwin reacting to pretty much every jump scare in a horror movie[/align]

 

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