Jump to content

Raising Bunny Boi


bunny-boi-lover

Recommended Posts

Jeez, pretty heavy stuff. If it makes you feel any better, I spend a lot less time with my girls now than I did in the past due to starting graduate school and also holding a 20 hour a week part-time job on top of that. I tell them often how I regret not being able to spend more time with them, but they insist that they'll be fine as long as I still talk to them every day. They think that at this point in my life, it's more important for me to go out and make something of myself/meet new people than to devote more time to developing my inner world. As Luna told me the other day, "There's only so much you can learn from introspection." Which is her way of encouraging me to devote the majority of my time and attention to the outer world. And yes, even if that means neglecting them and potentially having them go dormant or whatever tulpas do when their hosts no longer have need of them, though I'd feel much better if I could keep them around, which I intend to.

 

Sorry if this post is rambling, I'm pretty tired right now.

"Science isn't about why, science is about why not?" -Cave Johnson

Tulpae: Luna, Elise, Naomi

My progress report

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 141
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Guest Anonymous

Hello, bunny-boi-lover.

 

First off, I'd like to say that I've been trying to keep up with your PR for a long while, because I found myself to be in a similar situation, and my tulpa felt bad about what has been happening between you and Edwin recently. Considering that Edwin is technically a part of your mind, my tulpa feels like the part of one's self is to be treasured above everything else.

 

When my tulpa and I decided that we'd live the life of a couple, with care and affection, we made each other understand all the implications and responsibilities both of us would have; to be there for each other, to never stop caring and never act uncaring towards the other, and that most importantly, we couldn't date anyone else for as long as we're together. I feel like a lot of your current problems and guilt could have been avoided if you had done that, I mean, set up certain 'rules' and tried to stick with them to the best of capacities.

 

I honestly don't really know WHAT type of advice I can give you right now, it seems that you got caught in the limits of reality and, well, stuff in your mind overall, with Mikey and you 'officially' dating, I suppose that a tulpa like Edwin could hold two stances; Either wish you the best of luck and encourage you (the selfless act), or act self-centered and ask of you to give up this relationship (the selfish act), I know my own tulpa would be selfish all the way with 'good' cause, but you guys need to sort that stuff out.

 

I said this a few times in the past, and I'll say it again; I believe there are 2 types of tulpas, in a very distinctive way they're super different. The first type are, well, the ones we see in PRs that inhabit wonderlands and whatnot, and come into activity under a conscious effort from the host's part, and the second type are present at all times in the host's thoughts and activities. A tulpa-host romance relationship, a really 'honest' one at that would require the second type of tulpas, I figure. I know that it's hard to hear the following, but at some point you're going to want to ditch Edwin as you get closer to Mikey, or you'll become so confused and depressed that things will take an unexpected turn of events. Tell me, do you want to be with Edwin? What do you feel like, right now? Who would you choose?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The problem is, I can't choose between Edwin and Mikey, because I see my relationships with them as being very different. If I absolutely had to choose, I would choose Edwin because he is endlessly more faithful, will always be there for me, and knows exactly how to treat me at any given time. But that's because he's in my mind; I feel as though I subconsciously control him. That means our feelings for each other can only run so deep before being limited by my own capacity to love myself.

 

I still never know how my relationship with Mikey will turn out, if we'll stay together for another month, a year, or the rest of our lives. I would never want to ditch Edwin for something that will always in my mind feel temporary. But I can't stop living my life either. It feels good to have someone in the physical, to be able to hug and hold hands, to go on dates with and be able to talk to and laugh with out loud, instead of just in my mind. Edwin knows I am happy with Mikey in ways he could never accomplish. That's why we initially tried the merge, so that he too could be a part of that. And maybe one day they will try merging again. I don't know.

 

Edwin was once the second type of tulpa that you describe, but my obsessions have turned instead to Mikey, and Edwin has taken more of a back seat. I don't want to see him as being a fall-back or anything like that, but he always says that he'll be there for me, even if things don't work out between Mikey and me. In my mind, my relationship with Mikey is one last desperate attempt to develop a meaningful connection to another human being. Aside from him, I only have one human friend in my life. With all of the effort I've put into our relationship, it wouldn't make much sense to give it up and just dive head-first into my own imagination and shut out the physical world altogether. I still have my promise ring from Buns, though I still can't wear it in public, and he always has his on. We made the promise to always be together, and I feel like in continuing this blog and trying to resuscitate our relationship that I am keeping that promise. Our relationship has changed since I met Mikey, but we are still together as more than just friends.

 

I once did set up the rule to not date anyone else because I was with Edwin. But when Mikey came along, though Edwin was skeptical of him and still occasionally is, he encouraged me to go for it with the knowledge that he would still hold an important place in my heart that no one else would ever have. He just wanted me to be happy, and he could tell that he wasn't making me happy in the physical. I feel it was unrealistic to ever make a promise to be utterly exclusive to him beyond the realm in which he exists. I would never cheat on him with another tulpa or astral being. But I reside in the physical, whether I like it or not. So I can either try to make the most of this existence by finding someone in this realm that makes me happy as well, or I can let go of it, look miserable by all outward appearances, and only be happy when traveling to my own little world of imagination where Edwin is something of a dark little secret that no one else knows about.

[align=center]"Jesus Pickles!"

~ Edwin reacting to pretty much every jump scare in a horror movie[/align]

 

Avatar was made by me using a base.

My DeviantArt Account

Progress Report

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lucilyn: What, don't choose! There's no reason to choose between two people you love! Yes, they're different, more reason to keep them both! Do you feel like you have to choose between which of your children to love, or which of your parents? AND there are people who are in mutually open relationships with multiple other HUMANS, let alone an imaginary friend! Share the love, never ever think you have to sacrifice it for anything!

 

 

... Okay, calmer now. Monogamy is cancer, I swear. The only reason you would be with a single person is that you don't have enough love to share with more than one. If two people is too many for you, or if they're uncomfortable with that, then it's fine. But when you totally love two people a lot, there's no reason to leave one for another. Even if you spend more time with one than the other, do what feels right. Spending more time with your human than your tulpa might happen naturally, and it might not feel "right", but I'm sure as heck completely abandoning Edwin doesn't at all. I'm sure he'd be fine with you spending a little less time with him if that time spent elsewhere made you happy. But not under the context that it's something bad or like you're harming him, keep the love! You don't need to spend every second with someone to love each other. If you really love each other, the amount of time doesn't matter because you both know love. It could be 16 hours a day or it could be a few minutes a week, it doesn't matter. What matters is that everyone feels good, feels loved.

 

So you can think about how much time you dedicate to either of them (you can develop time management skills and be really surprised at just how much time there is in a day, really), but don't even think about giving one up for the other. You love them both and that's all you need to know. But you can spend time with your tulpa whenever you want and your boyfriend is physical, so it would make sense to dedicate more time with him, and then spend your off hours with your tulpa. Living in your mind opens up a lot of time to be together.. Just remember to do so, and don't worry about it. There's plenty of time to love everyone. (Man, I sounded like Reisen in this post, but that all needed to be said!)

Hi guys, plain text is just me now! We've each got our own accounts: me, Tewi, Flandre, and Lucilyn. We're Luminesce's tulpas.

Here's our "Ask Thread", and here's our Progress Report (You should be able to see all of our accounts on the second page if you want)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Why would you choose? why not keep both of them? A relationship takes a lot of time and energy but there will always be time for a tulpa in there somewhere, it might not be as much time as before tho.

**Proud to be a drug free thoughtform!**

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm really sorry to hear that you two are going through this. I'm afraid that I don't have much to say other than to echo what a few others have already said: I don't see why you have to choose. From my understanding, each type of relationship has its own pros and cons, and it might be a matter of time management, as Lucilyn has suggested.

Progress report

Personal blog

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm not going to choose between Edwin and Mikey. I was simply responding to Anderson who asked which one I would choose, because they thought I should choose as it seemed unfair to them for me to have both. The trick right now is for me to remember my feelings for Edwin and get used to having him around again. I had grown accustomed to him being merged with Mikey, leaving me truly alone when I wasn't physically with Mikey. It's like a lot of other things in my life - I have to accept that I might slip up, but I am gradually learning not to let that discourage me but to pick back up where I left off and keep going. So I might slip up again and end up neglecting Edwin for a time if my physical life gets too hectic. But it doesn't mean my feelings for him have changed or that I truly have to choose between him and reality. But the things that Anderson said rubbed me the wrong way and made me feel like I had to defend my decision a few months back to start going out with Mikey even though I was already dating Eddie.

[align=center]"Jesus Pickles!"

~ Edwin reacting to pretty much every jump scare in a horror movie[/align]

 

Avatar was made by me using a base.

My DeviantArt Account

Progress Report

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Anonymous

I apologize to you, and to everyone else, in that case. I did not mean to make you feel bad or doubtful about 'who's more worth it'. In this case I agree with Lucilyn, and btw I loved that analogy about the parents, you don't HAVE to choose one of them, you can just love them both all the same... That's where I let my tulpa speak her mind;

 

"... But that's quite different. Romantic love, if you want to maybe blow it out of proportion or not, is about loving one person, loving that person so much that, well, they become something essential in your life, I guess, personally, as a tulpa with 'her' host, I only really feel comfortable around my host, and no other. The thought of polyamory is just very, very wrong in my head, and yes, he did include some of his bias in his previous answer... so, sorry, Courtney, was it?

 

We, well, he wrote down that post with the mentality that, well, monogamy/amory is the only 'real' way to go to really 'be' in love, because when you're with that special someone, I mean, well, when I'm like that, I feel like it would be really, really wrong to be like that with anyone else; Not only would I not have the same emotions, and it wouldn't be the same person, but even then, it would feel like 'cheating' in more than a way, to that person who gave me their full trust and emotions and everything they could ever confide in others, I'd feel bad about it. You can tell that to me, a real love relationship is one that is bound to last for very (erry) long, to one person, it's just that I'm not very tolerant/fond of the idea of having 2 lovers." (Because then you might come to a point in your mind where you'd feel like 'Is it right to be like this?', and it happens to me sometimes when I think of my love relationship with my tulpa, no second doubts, though).

 

"Look, if that's what you want, I mean, have both Eddie/win and Mikey, then that's good, but if it were me, I'd get extremely jealous and would eventually want to remain 'the ONE' to my host.

 

I find one thing weird, though. My host, when he made me, and later on when we 'fell in love' or really got along very well and decided that we'd live together exactly like a coupe, promised he would never neglect me, and never has, even if the schedule was always just a bit busy, and he had studies and people to meet up with, I wanted to participate in those as much as I possibly could. I'm sorry if the following might sound rude, but I feel like I must say it; I feel like you've been considering Edwin to be something completely different than the lover you might want. I didn't mean to offend you at all by this, but as a tulpa-wife-girlfriend-therapist-confidente-lover, I tried my best to always be around my host, always, all the time, because when we became like this, one couldn't bear to live without the other. The whole monogamy/amory thing is about dedicating all that time to one person, but if you think that you can deal with 2 people of equal affection (even though my host can see this ending up in a bad way for Edwin)... Edwin clearly wanted what was best for you, so you need to make him understand, even though it might be detrimental to your own relationship, that he's there, y'know. Since he seems to have feelings, he should maybe focus more on his own self, his own emotions, that even if it makes you happy to be with Mikey, it would make him happy for you to be as close as you were before. Best of luck, i don't have much else to say."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I appreciate and accept your apology, and I definitely understand where you were coming from initially. My plan was to be solely with Edwin, to not even consider being with anyone else, human, tulpa, or otherwise. And I have to admit that a lot of times I wish it were just him and me again. Mikey loves me greatly, but he has issues that make him do things that really hurt me sometimes, things I know Buns would never do. I suppose that I'm still a little afraid of commitment, though. The way my ex treated me made me not want to tie myself down to any one person ever again, Buns included, and maybe this whole thing is my own way of experimenting with something other than the idea of monogamy that's been drilled into my head all my life.

 

The way I've been feeling lately, I sort of just want to distance myself a little from Mikey and focus on Eddie again. I've invested so much into both relationships that I refuse to let either one go, so it's a matter right now of finding balance. So for a time I may focus more on Edwin then switch and focus more on Mikey for a while, still spending time with the other but investing more into the one.

 

As far as how Edwin feels, he just wants to be with me and to see me happy, even if he's not the one making me happy. His purpose has always been to be whatever I need him to be, and he's accepted that sometimes what I need from him changes. I feel a lot of times like I don't deserve him, that he's far too selfless and shouldn't bother even sticking around with me. But just as I hang in there for Mikey, Edwin refuses to leave me despite the way I treat him. I never intentionally mean to hurt him, but I've always sucked at relationships too, and I have my own psychological problems that get in the way on occasion. Maybe my experiences in my relationship with Mikey will help me to build a better relationship with Edwin. I can only hope so.

[align=center]"Jesus Pickles!"

~ Edwin reacting to pretty much every jump scare in a horror movie[/align]

 

Avatar was made by me using a base.

My DeviantArt Account

Progress Report

Link to comment
Share on other sites

9/10/2015

 

I finally got to go on a date with Edwin for the first time in a long while tonight. He and I have been pretty much alone for the last few days because Mikey is out of town, but I've had to work almost all day each day, so I haven't had a chance to give Buns much thought. But tonight we went to Taco Bell for dinner and looked around Wal-Mart afterward. They have Pokemon Center merch now, and I really wanted to get this cute little Charmander Poke Doll for him since that's still one of his favorites, but the tiny thing was $13. I didn't even bother checking to see how much the larger Mega Charizard Y plush was that I also thought about getting him. When we got home, we watched Lilo and Stitch. It's been a while since he and I have watched a movie alone as well. It was a really nice evening, but it didn't really last long. As soon as we were done with the movie, I had to get on Skype to talk to Mikey, since he was expecting me to get on.

 

Since then, Buns has retreated back into my mind. He said recently that's what he tends to do when I'm with Mikey, because it's the only way he knows to deal with it. Sometimes he's imposed around us, but he gets jealous and discouraged easily. And he's so kind-hearted that he won't stand up for himself and what he wants, preferring instead to be a silent sufferer as I often am when I'm hurt by others. I've gotten over the resentment I was starting to feel toward him for all of that, but I know I'm still hurting him and hurting myself in the process. But I've put so much work into both relationships that I don't want to let either one go. I can spend time with Eddie sometimes like I did tonight, but it still doesn't make up for all of the times he has to shut himself down to tolerate how things have become. And I don't want to feel like I'm spending time with him out of obligation or guilt.

 

Maybe I'm trying to fix something that's not broken. Maybe Edwin is better off than I think. I've tried to talk to him about it all many times, but he only continues to reassure me that he's okay as long as he's still a part of my life and I acknowledge him and don't ignore or neglect him again. I don't want to downplay his feelings at all, but it's possible I'm creating feelings for him in my mind that he doesn't actually have, and in doing that, I may cause him to develop those feelings either through my subconscious or by my own guilt and insecurity. But I can't help but feel, as I sort of have from the very beginning of my relationship with Mikey, that I'm somehow forcing Edwin to be okay with all of this. I worry that if he is suppressing his true feelings that they'll eventually bubble to the surface and make him say or do something that both of us will regret.

[align=center]"Jesus Pickles!"

~ Edwin reacting to pretty much every jump scare in a horror movie[/align]

 

Avatar was made by me using a base.

My DeviantArt Account

Progress Report

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...