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I had a very scary incident occur last night while in wonderland. Edwin's been unusually broody lately, which just isn't like him. We'd been conversing for a long time before I asked him what was bothering me. What he said terrified me; he told me something felt wrong in him and, in his own words, that he was dying inside. I panicked for a moment then regained my senses. I told him he has control over himself and can change it, but he told me he's tried and can't. I convinced him that he was fine, either that it was a natural change of some sort he was going through that just didn't feel comfortable or that all of this was my mind creating drama out of boredom. My mind has done that in the past with tulpae, making them argue with me for no reason or causing them to get sick or injured to a certain extent. Everything always ends up fine after a day or two, though. I don't know why, but as I've said before, I hate drama and wouldn't stir it up intentionally.

 

Edwin seemed satisfied with those explanations and went back to his cheerful self. But not even a moment later, he dropped to his knees with a pained grunt. Our wonderland faded into black smoke and I was left in complete darkness, unable to find Edwin or even the way out of my own mind, completely dissociated from my body. I groped about in the darkness for what felt like an eternity, calling for Edwin, before he finally called back. He grabbed my hand in the darkness, and we embraced, both of us confused and terrified. We didn't know what was happening, but Edwin commented that he felt pain in his gut before it all happened.

 

Gradually a light appeared before us. It became blinding, like watching the sun rise on a clear horizon. Soon we were in the field of our wonderland. Everything had returned, and it was like nothing was ever wrong. We tried to shake off the incident and go back to enjoying ourselves. But it left me completely worn out. I was literally dozing off while physically sitting up.

 

Edwin suggested maybe I rest and take a break from doing anything with him for a few days, but I don't think I could stand being away from him for even a few hours. So we've moved to him imposing in the ways I'm accustomed to so that it doesn't put a strain on my mind.

 

I know that regardless of what happened he's okay, that he's not sick or dying or anything. I refuse to let that happen. But why did all of this go on? I've done more intense forcing with Eddy than I have with any other tulpa. He's more "real" now than any other I've had, even though he's still so new. Have I just been forcing too hard lately? Am I pushing myself and my mind too far? Has anyone else had a similarly frightening experience? Or could this be a case of something else interfering? I am a natural medium and have been known to attract some very nasty parasites from the aether.

[align=center]"Jesus Pickles!"

~ Edwin reacting to pretty much every jump scare in a horror movie[/align]

 

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I've heard several authors suggest that things that happen in the wonderland can be interpreted in the way that dreams can. That may also apply to tulpas as well. I won't pretend to be able to interpret what happened to you, but that's a way you might look at it.

"Some things have to be believed to be seen." - Ralph Hodgson

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I've heard several authors suggest that things that happen in the wonderland can be interpreted in the way that dreams can. That may also apply to tulpas as well. I won't pretend to be able to interpret what happened to you, but that's a way you might look at it.

 

So, less of a literal glitch and more of a symbolic representation of something going on? Intriguing... Do you by chance have any links to specific articles? Otherwise I'll scour the forum later when I have more time.

[align=center]"Jesus Pickles!"

~ Edwin reacting to pretty much every jump scare in a horror movie[/align]

 

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So, less of a literal glitch and more of a symbolic representation of something going on? Intriguing... Do you by chance have any links to specific articles? Otherwise I'll scour the forum later when I have more time.

 

That's from some of the books I've reviewed in my PR. In particular, Mastering Your Hidden Self and The Book of Wizardry both say something along those lines. In the first book, wonderlands are called tikis, and in the second book, he's describing a specific kind of wonderland he calls the Wizard's Castle. But the sections of both books that I've quoted mention that idea, and I wouldn't be surprised if it cropped up in some other books too.

"Some things have to be believed to be seen." - Ralph Hodgson

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I'm just going to throw this out there. It's good that you're keeping in mind that you're in control and nothing has to happen if you don't want it to. And the wonderland-blackout could've been a lot of things, fatigue included. But I feel like you should know that I, as logical as I am, have fallen for my mind's tricks before. My tulpas' developments have often been influenced by music, ever since those two songs practically created Reisen. But about a year ago, this song gave me an anxiety attack. I couldn't keep it from influencing our actual thoughts, or from thinking it was how Reisen felt. She later told me none of the song mattered and that she loved me regardless, but that song remained a source of anxiety for.. well.. up until last night. I've listened to it maybe ten times over the period of a year, and just last night I was able to fit its message into a positive light.

 

Anyways. It's really great that you know you have power over these things, but just remember you're not invincible because of it. Parts of your brain will still do things that may be too difficult for you to control at first. I think with time you can get it all under control, but you never know when some rogue subconscious thoughts may make it through your subconscious mind's logic filter with "I want this"s. If anything in your mind causes you any stress, it might be a good idea to make a sort of "I refuse this, I choose to be happy" master-thought to fall back on. For me, that's my love of Reisen and Reisen's love for me, which becomes a sort of circle of power. It can be whatever you want for you. Just make sure that no matter what happens, you have a way to take back control from any invasive thoughts, no matter how legitimate they seem.

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.

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If anything in your mind causes you any stress, it might be a good idea to make a sort of "I refuse this, I choose to be happy" master-thought to fall back on.

 

Maybe I'll just build a bomb shelter in my wonderland using that idea. :I

[align=center]"Jesus Pickles!"

~ Edwin reacting to pretty much every jump scare in a horror movie[/align]

 

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Was this late at night; were you tired/think you may have been tired? I remember reading somewhere (can't remember for the life of me) that weird events happen in your wonderland when you fall asleep and dream, and I also remember that a tulpa said in a survey that her host fell asleep once during forcing and this created several weird effects like massive storms and such that terrified her (she said she was young at the time). Maybe you were dreaming in your wonderland and neither you or Edwin realized it. That seems to me to be able to explain the weird event of your wonderland but not how your tulpa was feeling sick beforehand.

 

Anyway, I agree with Reisen's point that you need to know you have power over your thoughts.

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Was this late at night; were you tired/think you may have been tired? I remember reading somewhere (can't remember for the life of me) that weird events happen in your wonderland when you fall asleep and dream...

 

It was probably around 11, bed time but not too late. I was definitely tired, more in the sense of my mind being exhausted than me being physically fatigued. So I'm going to guess that's what caused it. I know I was awake during the incident. I've fallen asleep in my wonderland a lot of times, sometimes intentionally, and it never seems to really alter anything.

 

Sometimes I doze and sort of go in and out. I think it's sort of like when that happens I sometimes get a body double that remains in wonderland like a placeholder until I gain consciousness enough to choose to be in the physical or in wonderland. Other times I fade out like Edwin does when he goes from imposing to wonderland.

 

There was one time not long after I made Edwin that I fell asleep in my wonderland and got forcefully kicked out to the point that it jerked me awake. It took a long while for me to be able to get back in too. But that's the only other weird incident.

[align=center]"Jesus Pickles!"

~ Edwin reacting to pretty much every jump scare in a horror movie[/align]

 

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The thing about the wonderland disappearing/ having a mind of its own has happened to me recently too. I was in the wonderland with my tulpa (I haven't been in there in about a week at that time) but it was really hard to visualize it. All of a sudden everything started getting all wavy like heat would, and the house and landscape began to crumble like a cookie. I was like nope and jumped back out of the wonderland, (seeing with my real eyes) and then I got sucked back in. Its kinda like trying to stay awake in the morning when your lying in bed; you're trying your hardest to keep your eyes open but they feel super heavy and then they close shut again. Thats how hard it was to stay out of the wonderland. After about two minutes though I got out for real and stayed out. I don't think the cause can have to do with the about of time you spend forcing, because you said you've been forcing a lot recently. Stuff just happens I guess.

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