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Hannibal

What would you recommend?

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Funny enough I started working on my tulpa right as I got a new job. The funny part is that before the job I was unemployed for a year and a half. But fudge it I said, I want a tupper and damn it, I will get me one! So I jumped in without considering the following:

 

A) The job preatty much wears me out compleatly. Its in shifts, I work on machines that one must take extra precaution when dealing with them, have to do jump quickly from precision testing of the product to hard lifting and doing checks of alot of things in between.

 

B) I cant deal with stress good. If one were to make a mistake here, it would be costly. Very costly. So you can imagine how one would act when suddenly there is a short time limit to do something that has little expirience in.

 

C) Restless mind. I can more or less concentrate when Im rested, but thats not the case lately. Im tierd, worn out and my body has gone a complete transformation that I thought it would not be possible in a month. I have weaken greatly both in mind and body.

 

Im curently doing visualisation with what I think is a sentient tupper. After a little show she did 2 days ago, Im certain more than ever. Still have reasonable doubts. See, my restless and quite tired mind keeps me from focusing on my tulpa and because of it I really cant tell what my tulpa is going through.

 

Now that you more or less know what Im going through, my question is this. What would you do? Quit the job? Oh god yes, that would be perfect... But I cant. I owe some people money. No, not some loan sharks or anything like that, just some people have took care of me when I had nothing, so I feel that I owe em alot. So no quitting jobs for at least 2 more months. Meditate? Maybe. But I need to start with something like "Meditation for retards" and preatty much do alot of it before I can do them properly. But what do I do in between? I mean, I cant just not do forcing until I train my self to have a calm mind. Shure I narrate throughout the day, but I cant leave my tupper hanging like that.

 

So what do I do?


Is actually Leo.

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What's with the horrible spelling and grammar all of a sudden?

 

Anyway, passive forcing and self-hypnosis are what I recommend for you. Passive forcing basically means that you're forcing a little bit all the time instead of doing specific sessions, conventionally imposing while doing so as well. Self-hypnosis just means that you'd sit down for half an hour a day repeating to yourself a sentence that tells you that you're gonna get through this or something. Something positive, at any rate. "I'm a faggot." perhaps. Okay, I'm being sarcastic, but you get the idea.

 

More importantly, I recommend the crème brûlée.

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Making poisons. Just kidding. Making pills

Hate it with all my guts. The only good thing in my life right now is my tupper. Everything else went to shit.

Finding "mental" balance... Peace of mind... Whatever...

 

And the bad spelling? Welp, I was in a rush. I mean, I woke up, drank coffie, forced, eaten, made lunch for later, made this thread, than rushed to work.


Is actually Leo.

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Making pills

Hate it with all my guts.

This active hatred drains you. This winter I was working 12-14 hours a day. Without breaks. And I hated my work too. It is amusing, because I can work 20 hours and won't feel exhausted if I really enjoy it. Later workload got easier, but I was still exhausted. Because hatred remained.

The only good thing in my life right now is my tupper

Its good you have at least one good thing in your life. But theres more, I am sure. You just have to learn about it.

You will have to endure 2 months. Or you can

Work with your hatred, or reasons behind hatred. You don't have to like your work, but at least do your work in neutral state of mind. I don't know your circumstances, so you will have to find out what causes your hatred by yourself.

And you will have to learn how to enjoy good things like - food, fresh water, sun, 5 min. break, music, strangers who smile, your tulpa waltzing in the background. Other things - just stay neutral and let these thing flow through you like water. Just let things happen without overracting, living through it in your imagination again and again. Try concentrating on present actions without letting them catch you. Everything will fly away. I am sure that you can learn how to concentrate on present in 1 week only paying attention to your thoughts, focusing your attention on present. And some people call that state of mind meditation. You will be surprised that your work passes by without efforts and struggling.

If you really exhausted and considering quiting job. Remember that once you die you will have to let go your job, friends, debts. It is not a big deal. If those people were truly kind to you, you will eventually repay them without doubt.

I hope your tulpa will be able to help you sooner.

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