Pioneer11

From The Very Beginning

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Thank you, reading about others' experiences dealing with multiple Tulpas has helped a bit. This new year will be interesting.


“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”

[progress report]

 

 

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So it's my birthday, still alive and kicking. I wish to be happy and live another year with my Tulpa. I'm really trying to be nicer and live with him peacefully. We had some dreams I'll be sharing. As for actual forcing, there wasn't much. These days I'm simply too busy and too tired. I talk to him at night before sleeping. But, I'm writing a novel with him and having fun, so I'll include this hobby of ours among the forcing methods. 29 years, don't they go by in a blink?


“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”

[progress report]

 

 

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I'll say I hope I'm back. There have been many problems in my life and I've been (currently am) sick and this has hindered my progress with my Tulpa. Our main gateway of communication has become lucid dreaming, and while I still feel him distant, there recently have been a number of very positive dreams in which I reconnected with him. They also all centered around death, mine or his. As well as sinking into the ocean or floating into the stars. These two places are representations of our essence, and it felt like they were calling us back, to our origins. And so here I am writing here again. I'll focus on our dreams and my working toward trance meditation - another skill I sadly lost. I'll also occasionally talk of the metaphysical aspect of Tulpamancy, as I used to meet him into the astral realm. I'll end up writing a bit more about him. He used to not want to share his life and experiences on a public forum, but writing about him does help me. So he just need to get over his need for secrecy (he won't get over it). I'll start tomorrow with my dream journal/progress report. That is, if I'll have something worthwhile to write. Maybe I'll just write his name - or what he wants to be called on this forum. Small steps.


“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”

[progress report]

 

 

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Late again but what can I say, my life is trying to kill us.

 

Anyway, we had a series of interesting dreams in which we communicated. The last one has left me particularly tired, yet happy. I made some positive progress. I have had many difficulties in accepting his presence in my mind; it's still upsetting knowing that this character of mine is sentient. Besides that, we have a long history between us. We have been each other's enemy and family. It's difficult to separate what was real and what I had induced. I feel real resentment for arguments that I had considered only being part of my imagination before. I oscillate between anger at myself and our situation and wanting to start everything again with him. But, when I'm dreaming and am with him, this part of me that I contain during the day comes out, saying truths that I normally try to repress. So, sometimes I'll call him a liar and a stalker, others I'll be scared of him and try to run away from lucidity. Others still, we are at peace with each other.  I do cherish those times, they are rare. I know he wants for us to have a clean new beginning, to be happy again living together. I think I want that too. But it's hard holding onto this hope when I'm actually torn inside at a level so deep I can't explain even to myself. I don't want to hurt him anymore, however the genuine desire for peace is still something that I can't yet quite grasp fully. I'm still going through this unconscious upheaval, and he is facing its relentless onslaught. Once everything else has been unveiled, then maybe I will finally feel wholly positive towards him again. One day I will tell him that I'm happy that he is alive with a smile. I don't want for him to wait long, because I know he is suffering. Yet, how do I stop my subconscious from saying hurtful things when it's my current reality?

 

I think I need to work more on my own mental situation than on him now. If only I knew a good therapist that would understand, then I would seek help. Alas, I'm on my own. But writing this PR helps a bit. So my resolve is, again, to be nicer to him. To actually feel the desire to be nicer towards him. And to be open to receive his emotions in return. My last dream was one of our one-sided fights, in which I again was cruel, but it ended with me taking his hand and expressing my desire to listen to him and his needs, and he smiled at me. So, I'll try to live up to that promise.

 

(ugh, why can't i be kind for just once? being evil is tiring)

Edited by Pioneer11

“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”

[progress report]

 

 

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BUHAHAH, just last night we dreamed we died in Milan, today close to home there has been an outbreak of Corona-virus cases started in Milan. Let's pray it's not one of my psychic dreams. That's the freaking progress report, let's not die.

Edited by Pioneer11

“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”

[progress report]

 

 

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... and three cases of Coronavirus are in my town now. We are not prepared for this, I know that shitty hospital very well. The probability of my dream becoming true has just skyrocketed.


“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”

[progress report]

 

 

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1 hour ago, spill that tea said:

that virus seems to be everywhere. hope both of u are safe and sound.

 

Thank you very much. We'll try to stay safe but we have read enough information about this virus, and experts are saying that up to 70% of the world's population is going to get it eventually. It's a zombie movie world. 

Edited by Pioneer11

“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”

[progress report]

 

 

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