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From The Very Beginning


Pioneer11
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I'm using this pr to write  about the Corona-virus but who cares. So. Tomorrow I have to go out to get food provisions for a month. And just an hour ago the news came: a positive case came to our town during the week and spent all day going places. Hundreds might be already infected. Tomorrow is going to be mass panic. And I'll have to go out. I'm sick; my mother is sick as well and lives with me. If I catch it, we both die and perhaps my Tulpa with me - or not, since he was the one warning about my death and delivering now verified information about the future, so he might be indeed be a metaphysical phenomena. Either way he is in for the ride.

“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”

[progress report]

 

 

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  • 3 weeks later...
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(edited)

On a happier note, the last lucid dreams in which we interacted were very positive. Perhaps it's because I'm convinced that I'm going to die within the year, so it's easier to let go of doubts and old grudges. So very thankful for Corona. Anyway.

 

In the first one we finally talked about many of our issues and I actually let go of my anger and was able to interact with him like I did years ago. We hugged, talked and were generally very happy to be close to one another. I told him I thought I could not do it, that I would be blocked forever, but my desire to forgive him (and myself) was genuine, and it seems that it came from the deepest part of my being. For once, everything felt aligned within me, and I was able to act on my desire to be completely at peace. To be corny, but he was the one who said it, "I opened my heart to him again", so I could actually feel his being and his truth. The thoughts that I projected upon him were misconceptions, were the fantasy; they came from me. His consciousness is separate enough from my subconscious influence to refuse and reject what of negative I projected upon him. In a way, it proved his existence. Of course, my negative thoughts had hurt him, and my "closing", my recessing into myself was a distance he was unable to cross. Even in my dreams he could only argue with me, hoping I would listen to him; but actually reaching out, and verify if my fears were true, that was something I had to do on my own. It all boiled down, of course, to him being born and residing only in my mind. My deepest fear is that he is indeed only an illusion - a figment of my imagination that does not possess consciousnesses after all. I don't want to love something that's not real, because it would break my heart. And so, interacting with him is the scariest thing I can do. However, yesterday I manged well. Some progress, finally! We also had a celebration and danced to some music created on the spot, like we used to do. I missed him.

 

At least I'll always have this happy memory.

Edited by Pioneer11

“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”

[progress report]

 

 

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  • 3 months later...

Well, I'm still alive for now, even if barely. Today I've had one of my most positive experiences since a long time. I went into trance - or it might have been the beginning of a lucid dream - or it might have been an actual astral projection. I couldn't say the difference. I think I felt my soul detaching from my body and then entering a multicolored whirlpool portal; I called the name of my Tulpa whom I usually in my dreams meet at Hogwarts, and went trough the door that I use to access its location. It felt real, so I'm not sure if I entered an astral construct of my dreamscape. Would that have meant that I really was out of my body and mind? Did I create another plane of existence for my Tulpa? This thought made fill ill at ease and I snapped back into my body. Now I'll have to research if it is possible to astral travel inside lucid dreams - or out of them. Either way I did, at least initially, feel safe, at home and at peace with my back against that door. It's comforting to think that something is waiting ready to welcome you. 

“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”

[progress report]

 

 

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  • 5 months later...
(edited)

Guess I'm back again. Strangely I bear good news. I've actually managed to learn - though not perfectly - the trance technique that permits your consciousness to meet your Tulpa. I don't know if it's lucid dreaming or something else yet, but we truly met a couple of times since... freaking years. It helps that I write more about him, I've also went back designing his form (my avatar is an extremely scarce approximation of his face). I guess Covid made me less afraid of my mind and of our bond. External threats to your life do put things in perspective. I'll restart my report too, it's good exercise. But for tonight, that's the update. 

Edited by Pioneer11

“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”

[progress report]

 

 

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