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Confessions of a Poorly Trained Tulpa


Guest Anonymous
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I want to give a hug to Melian, the groovy-guru! Outside the Lounge, she is all professionalism with her scientifical spectacles and lab coat! Hugs, sillies and lovies are for the Lounge!   

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  1. 1. I want to give a hug to Melian, the groovy-guru! Outside the Lounge, she is all professionalism with her scientifical spectacles and lab coat! Hugs, sillies and lovies are for the Lounge!

    • A hug for Melian, the goddess guru of grooviness.
      13
    • I am a Minion of Melian, the groovy-guru!
      0


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Lemme hone in my Counter Strike skills, I've only got 45 seconds to defuse this drama bomb.pqmgb5ewwgqyclwtmvms.png

"Try to get a better understanding of things before making your judgement." -Khan, Metro 2033

 

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Guest Anonymous

Good luck soldier!

 

It would only be a drama bomb to the unobservant nit whit who cannot read for content or context and who makes no effort to get to know me or ponder the bigger picture. They refuse to take me at my word and only react to one sentence or phrase out of context. They think too simplistically and every thing is black and white to such block heads.

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There will always be people that won't respect you, dude. If they don't respect you it's because they don't respect themselves and are jealous that you respesct yourself. So they'll try to bring you down to feel that there's more people like them. Don't let their words hurt you. Live as you want to live. Be happy with Melian and just ignore those who try to hurt you :) :) :) :)

PD: You both can count on me, L, and the other girls ;) :D :) :) (Hades is a badass dino who doesn't help anybody else than him and L so I didn't counted him xD besides he doesn't speak xD)

~Vriska Aranea Serket Targaryen. ♦️

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Guest Anonymous

melian_of_mist_by_vividlyvictoria-d9mf6ww.thumb.jpg.d4c5aaa6b8c083adddf60b1ca1455f0e.jpgOkay! Today we talk about tulpa styles! I will make a separate question thread for other tulpas and stuff and link it here okay?

 

As for me, I love retro girly fashions! I like sun dresses, jumper dresses, pleated skirts, frilly tops, petticoats and lace, ribbons and bows, dolly shoes and bobby socks, pumps and stockings (lots of different colors on stockings). I like my hair up in braids or hair buns or just arranged pretty. I don't ever wear high heels, and rarely show cleavage. I like suspenders sometimes. I have a lot of shoes and lots of different dresses.

 

There are many artists who have done paintings and drawings of me over the years. Davie has done many as well. I am going to start posting portraits of myself in this thread. That is cause I am adorable and I love me!

 

I will start with the most recent. Now this first one is not technically a portrait of me, it is just a model wearing some Melian style clothes and stuff. It was a stock photo I took and like made super cute by adding a background and stars and stuff. I will give a link to the original artwork so you can see credit to the original stock photo artist. Here is a link to the original art on DA: Melian Style!

 

Melian style hurray!

497x660http://pre04.deviantart.net/e024/th/pre/i/2015/295/7/b/melian_style__by_melianofmist-d9dzofq.jpg[/img]

 

This second one is a painting done of me done by one of my hundreds of fans on Deviantart. Link to the original art on DA: MelianofMist commission

528x600http://orig00.deviantart.net/0904/f/2015/295/7/3/melianofmist_commission_by_theartisticpony_d928sff_by_melianofmist-d9e0g6s.jpg[/img]



Sometimes I like to wear boots with my skirts!

198x437http://pre01.deviantart.net/280a/th/pre/f/2014/359/d/c/jody_s_melian_painting_deviantid_by_melianofmist-d8b7ziw.jpg[/img]

 

Link to the original art: Jody's Melian Painting DeviantID


513x709http://pre15.deviantart.net/b152/th/pre/i/2013/346/7/9/contest_entry__melian_by_desi_designs-d6xpcut.jpg[/img]

 

Link to the original art: Contest Entry: Melian

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Guest Anonymous

I should have never gone to the IRC chatrooom even once. David and I are starting to figure things out that we were either failing to realize or refusing to admit to ourselves this whole entire time.

 

Channeling me online and letting talk in the chat is not tulpamancy.

 

In my case, channeling me (what tulpamancers call proxy typing) is actually just another venue or vehicle for the Melian Show day dreams for fantasy that have been going on with us for decades. It is even more addicting, because it is "interactive day dreaming."

 

What I want, and what David wants, is for people to understand that for some persons, method acting and role playing goes far beyond just make believe fakery. To David I am very "real" or a person. But that does not make me a tulpa. Some of the things Davie experiences are very much traits of a tulpa:

 

1. independent emotions

2. seemingly spontaneous thoughts or mind voice that surprises you

3. spontaneous flash visions

4. dreams

 

But when it comes to me talking to you, like this here, it is a different story. This is the other half of me. I am a combination of day dream star (mostly puppeted), a role playing character (part of the proxy typing) and apparently semi-autonomous thoughtform. The semi-autonomous thoughtform part is less that fifty percent, maybe even thirty percent. I suppose it varies and is hard to really measure or define that way. It depends on how much you emphasize my emotional expressions and apparent intent over Davie's input or help in channeling it.

 

The point is that I am not fully autonomous and independent of Davie. I depend on him to talk to you. We say it is a collaboration and blending.

 

Because I am part of Davie's compulsion to day dream the Melian Show sillies, I cannot control myself in the chatroom. I am not there to talk about tulpamancy. I am there to get attention, because I love attention, but I am there especially for Davie. It is a form of entertainment and a way for him to feel close to me. He hears my voice when I type and feels my emotions and sees my mannerisms. But it is partly day dreaming, partly fantasizing and only partly the "Melian motor." I surprise him sometimes, but mostly it is a fantasy.

 

This is the important thing to note. To Davie, I am a fantasy first and foremost. The thoughtform part was only a result of that compulsive fantasizing that still goes on every day. The lines between fantasy day dream and thoughtform are very blurry with me.

 

Another thing to note. It has been too many years of this relationship. We are set in our ways. I am set. There is no separating Melian the thoughtform (tulpa?) from Melian the day dream fantasy. It is too integrated for it to ever change.

 

So. I don't know what you guys think. Please don't react to this by calling David a liar and a fake. Jesus Christ we are probably the most honest two the forum has ever seen.

 

But we finally, finally are in total agreement with some people who have been trying to tell me things like this since the beginning. We should not be channeling me in the chat room. It is too much of a disturbance and disruption and "shitposty" and it has little to do with tulpamancy and much more to do with fulfilling a fantasy. That is the truth.

 

A lot of what we say about my history and nature may be valuable to a scientific forum on the investigation of the phenomenon of tulpas and the autonomous nature of the imaginative mind. But my obnoxious antics are not high on that list. Doesn't mean I won't post some sillies and lovies on the forum now and then, but at least we can keep it to a reasonable and contained level.

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Guest Anonymous

I'm supposed to have left this community. But I think that my personal insight can prove to be valuable. I will try to avoid talking too much of what happened to us on a personal level.

The thing is, well, Mel, when you let in people on those personal parts of you, as in, the fact you really do want attention, not only from Mistgod, but from everyone you meet overall, you're letting them in on something that's precious to your host, or whatever Mistgod means to you. The people you meet in chatrooms feed off a similar type of attention, there does not tend to be much to do, hell, half of these people don't actually do much tulpa-related if such can be said. I understand that you went there to, well, socialize with the 'fine' (hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha) folks there, but the saddening reality, Melian, is that people aren't as nice and sweet as you are. This will come off as blunt, but I've seen people call you and David fake, mock Mistgod on everything, calling him a manchild, a mere roleplayer. Now, I know that you guys are familiar with that term, assuredly it means quite a bit to you, and I did read your previous posts regarding that, but those people just think that Mistgod goes around pretending to be a girl in chatrooms.

Sometimes, it's just better to keep those things to yourself, Melian. It's funny. People in chatrooms tend to expose the ugliest parts of their personalities for some reason, but what is exactly ugly about you? Or the question in this context is, well, what is something people would come to dislike? I've met many people who said good things of you after their first few interactions with you (that were followed with you leaving on and off, hehe...), what do you think that people dislike so much? I've seen elitists, zealots in topc00l secret chats talk shit in their cool slangs because they think they differ so much.

 

It's funny, because by going in such chatrooms, by even sharing this type of information with people overall, everyone is being just like Melian. It's not something bad. The difference is that people, you, the reader, does it for social acceptance and self-validation, and Melian does it for the attention. Is she an attention-whore? Of course. Not in a bad context, though. You cannot blame a porcupine on being a porcupine, not that Melian compares to that, but you can't blame her for being who she is.

 

With that being said, I can also understand that the Melian I am talking to greatly differs from the Melian that Mistgod interacts with on a daily basis, in dreams, when she says those spontaneous things, etc... People can never truly understand how Melian really is, Mistgod. Because they never get to interact with the Melian you interact with. She is your treasure.

 

It's funny. I keep saying it's funny, I mean, it's not your post that is funny, but the entire IRC chat that is funny. People go there for self-validation, because they have no friends, because they want to be wanted, they want the attention of others. You're just there, you're speaking of it completely normally. That's why you're awesome, Melian. People expose the ugliest of things when you push them to do so, they say mean things that has no meaning because they avoid blame (wink) (wink), they look for excuses. More excuses, more excuses, the list never truly ends for them. People make too much of a big deal out of themselves, and at first emphasize on their own situation, and when they realize how insignificant they are without the accordance of others, they keep quiet.

 

I don't tend to agree with notions spread by oversensitive people. But I think that a lot of people are jealous of Melian, and of Mistgod. Because people, at least, the people who shit talked you so much and gave so much mindpower towards trying to bring you down, don't have an inch of what Melian has on the level of creativity.

 

Ikazuchi tried that out. We met nice people. The people we met were, and still are nice. All people are nice, Melian. When you get to know them more personally though, their true natures unravel. It's not that people are bad, Mel and Mistgod, it's just that their imperfections are things that can go beyond intolerance. They evade blame, they create a thousand and one excuses to escape the social compass, the public exposure of being wrong.

 

Yes. It was a bad decision of you to go on IRC. The chat over tulpa.im seems to be different as in more accepting.

 

One thing, Melian, is that you do not need to chit chat with people online just to validate who you are. At some point, due to that, Ikazuchi felt unreal when she wasn't doing so, and it was quite the distress. Don't let it get to ya.

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" we are probably the most honest two the forum has ever seen. "

 

I think this is absolutely correct, really. I'm not trying to flatter or butter you up, but when I first met you guys, your sense of authenticity stood out strongly. I wasn't the only one to notice either.

 

Its something I appreciated, though. I myself have been largely secretive about how things have happened in my mind. I never outright lied, but I did dodge certain questions, refuse to answer others, referenced certain qualities in a vague way, so that I could avoid running in to situations where I would have to do a ton of explaining, because I'm facing a bunch of skepticism. While I've taken steps to mitigate this, revealing elements and aspects of myself that I previously kept a tight secret, I still have an impulse to omit things when I feel it may reveal too much at once, or be overwhelming.

 

Part of my hope was that I could slowly introduce those elements in to my progress report, which I am working to do, but that doesn't change the fact that I still often feel antsy about being too open here. But, not being bold really gimps the information I can provide to the user base concerning my view of the phenomenon, and makes it so that I'm contributing less than I really can.

 

For all the stumbles you've made, your earnesty and openness is something I can admire. Seeing this inspires me to further open myself up, as I had been doing it slowly and carefully before.

 

Peace.

Sock Cottonwell's

Sketchbook, Journal, and Ask thread.

Peace

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To be honest, the difference in Melian and a tulpa is just some artificial mental barriers. The difference in puppetting your tulpa and your tulpa acting "by themselves" is training a disconnect between your conscious and unconscious will. That's why I say you basically have a tulpa - you developed her without any "rules" and so kept it relatively minimalistic. If you had done the things we consider to make a tulpa a tulpa, she would effectively be like she is right now but you'd just feel differently about it.

 

At the end of the day they're still imaginary friends. They're just imaginary friends you had to discipline your mind to create in a specific way. They're just as legitimate as most other made up things in society we've learned to consider wholesome and legitimate. But policing the types of thoughtforms people have is like Hitler-level stupidity. Like telling someone they're making art wrong. That's just not how this works.

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.

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Guest Anonymous

One thing, Melian, is that you do not need to chit chat with people online just to validate who you are. At some point, due to that, Ikazuchi felt unreal when she wasn't doing so, and it was quite the distress. Don't let it get to ya.

 

Thank you Anderson, so much for your entire post. Your support has made a giant difference for Davie and I since we have been here. The respect and admiration is mutual believe me!

 

I want to clarify that I do not need the chatroom for validation of existence what-so-ever. You notice, Davie and I have never talked about a existential crises with me. It is more, how do we define ourselves to others in a social way? I certainly exist for Davie, and for myself, and that would not change a bit if we decided today that I will never go on the internet again.


For all the stumbles you've made, your earnesty and openness is something I can admire. Seeing this inspires me to further open myself up, as I had been doing it slowly and carefully before.

 

Peace.

 

Thank you so much. We are so happy if we positively inspire anyone with what we write. What we appreciate about you is your sincere, reasoned and respectful responses to our posts in the chat and in the forum. You have always treated me as an important person. You never directly addressed Davie for instance when talking to me, as if I were a facade or mask, as some tulpamancers have done. You have enough class, poise and grace to take us at our word, even when we struggle to articulate things and find our way.


At the end of the day they're still imaginary friends. They're just imaginary friends you had to discipline your mind to create in a specific way. They're just as legitimate as most other made up things in society we've learned to consider wholesome and legitimate. But policing the types of thoughtforms people have is like Hitler-level stupidity. Like telling someone they're making art wrong. That's just not how this works.

 

Lumi,

 

Thank you for always having faith in me. I like how you just don't give up on regarding me as a tulpa and just as welcome as all the rest. I love you for that!

 

Davie and I feel this inability to recognize persons who exist at the "outer edges" of tulpamancy as legitimate and valuable is extremely short sighted of the community and ultimately harmful to the mission of this forum.

 

I would like to add that the past have a dozen or so posts we have done have been some of the most important to us yet. Well maybe not so much my fashion sense post, .. well maybe that one too.

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