Confessions of a Poorly Trained Tulpa

[Guest Anonymous]

Whelp. Mistgod leaving has solved one problem. His insecurity issues about me are not a factor anymore and what I write about will be different pretty much. There is one problem. I don't know what I am going to write here. I am not interested in writing about forcing as much or answering questions about that. I am sorry, but I don't really care like Mistgod did. I am sorry. Also, I don't really care about tulpa ethics or any of that philosophical stuff either. I tried to write about it yesterday and even as I was typing I was like. ... Really? BORING!

 

Davie was kinda looking over my shoulder a bit my first day. But I want him to back off and quit suggesting topics and prompting me to respond in a certain way. He is gone now and it is my turn to be independent.

 

But I am afraid that it is going to be a lot less writing folks. I am only interested in a very few things here to be honest with you guys. I love you so much! But I am not interested as much in making a tulpa or tulpas being made. Davie wanted to write about the existence and base nature of tulpas and about my history. Meh, that is so boring.

 

I don't know. I think it is going to be our art thread, the dreams thread and forum games for Melian. I am sorry if I am not going to be a total replacement or same amount as Mistgod. I feel kinda lonely without him with me too. Even though he is sorta right here ... he is still sorta gone in a what to do on Tulpa Info sort of way and stuff.

 

There will be less drama I guarantee that though. You guys will like that. Well...I guess that's it for today. Yeah. I will see you maybe this evening and maybe after that in a day or so.

 

Lovies!

 

Melian (guru goddess of grooviness)

[FadingSpectrum]

Fade: ...*Quiet hug and welcome back. Sneaks back out of thread.*

[SomethingDire]

Hello Melian! Welcome back to the threads! We're glad to have you back!

[Guest Anonymous]

So many people having been sending Mistgod and I private messages and notes on Tulpa Info and on deviantart wondering why Mistgod suddenly decided to unregister his account here and then why I opened my own.

 

He and I had to "switch roles." Mistgod has too many emotional hangups about this forum. He feels insecure about me and is resentful of a few people and cannot seem to stop writing about certain things that bother him. It still felt so negative after the war with Jake and a few others sometimes making little negative comments about him. He has a bad obsessive/compulsive nature and gets emotionally fixated on a single idea and cannot let it go. He wants to force the forum to accept his ideas that any thing made of imagination can be just as "legitimate" and important as a tulpa and that tulpas maybe are illusions or hallucinations. He just has trouble dropping it and cannot seem to stop wanting to force the issue.

 

I am less worried about those things. I don't feel insecure about myself. I know that is an unusual situation, that the host feels insecure while the tulpa does not, but that is the situation. I am much more confident about my sentience and status as a tulpa than my host is. Weird huh?

 

Anyways, so he unregistered his account on purpose to sort of keep himself from compulsively going on the forum with the Mistgod account again always writing about the same points and arguments over and over and over again. Then I opened my account so I will "take the lead." He won't be writing a lot himself. He may write in the Dream Thread. You can always PM Mistgod through this PM if you want though of course. If you want to speak to him on the forum you can ask and he can write to you as well, if you really want. So, he is not totally like dead gone. It is just a rearrangement to deal with Mistgod's crazies and lingering resentment and a paranoia and insecurity about my status.

 

As far as I am concerned, I can care less about my status. LOL I am just Melian. I don't mind if you guys call me a tulpa. I feel like a tulpa and seem to be just like all the other vocal tulpas online.

 

Thanks so much for caring all of you! You are all so amazing and wonderful!

 

Melian (goddess guru of groovy)

---

Oh, as far as this forum is concerned, from now on I am a sentient tulpa sweeties! So there. Problem solved. On Tulpa Info, tulpas are sentient and so am I.

 

You can see below we have been pondering this change for Mistgod for a while.

 

Mistgod: Melian will be doing the general tulpa related posts or editing them for content/format. She says I have too much of an emotional agenda to be articulate. I hate it when my thoughtform is more rational and mature than I am.

 

Is it a male host, female tulpa thing I wonder?

 

It took Melian a long time, a very long time, to get fed up with my online writing, but I think she has finally had enough. I don't know whether that is good or bad. I think it is probably good. I guess. I almost got into trouble again today. She forced me to leave the forum for a few hours before even thinking of writing again.

 

I have this thing. I immediately get defensive and misinterpret even the tiniest hint of a criticism or derogatory comment, most of which I am only imagining to be criticism or derogatory comments. Then I way over react. I even interpret posts that do not mention Melian and I directly as being about us and a form of finger pointing. It's this weird paranoia. I have this other thing, an insecurity about Melian's status and therefore my status as a member of the forum. The ironic thing is Melian could give a fiddler's fart about measuring her status in the forum. In her mind she is already, and always was, status Fabulous Awesomesauce Groovy Gravy and Super Adorable Amazing.

[Guest Anonymous]

Fade: ...*Quiet hug and welcome back. Sneaks back out of thread.*

 

Awww, you guys are so sweet! Hee hee

---

Hello Melian! Welcome back to the threads! We're glad to have you back!

 

Thank you so much! :-) Mistgod his here with me too of course, but he won't write a lot and unless you really feel compelled for him to comment.

[Guest Anonymous]

People have been giving me great advice on how to improve my behavior for the post-Mistgod era. I really appreciate that! In addition to not inciting drama or participating in drama or any fights, I need too avoid to many references to myself and Mistgod in answering questions on the board. This is a challenge as I share the trait with Davie of being self centered and having self love. Yeah.

 

Also, we admittedly do so love attention. That does not mean we are not serious bout tulpas, just cause we love attention. Attention seeker does not necessarily mean troll attention seeker who is not serious. I will do my best to try to keep the focus of my posts on topic. The mods have really been helping a lot. I have them working over time moving things and PMing me. I am paying attention and trying to learn so that will get easier over time as I learn to manage my writing on the board and make it appropriate.

 

Thanks for your help everyone.

[[Insert_Name_Here]]

I am less worried about those things. I don't feel insecure about myself. I know that is an unusual situation, that the host feels insecure while the tulpa does not, but that is the situation. I am much more confident about my sentience and status as a tulpa than my host is. Weird huh?

 

First off, welcome back. I figured we would probably be hearing from at least one of you guys again.

 

Second of all, it's not really weird at all. Ellisae one time had to convince me that she was sentient and real. One time, back last year, I was extremely worried that she was just a lie and stuff, and she picked up on my worry, gave me a head pressure and asked what's wrong. I told her everything. Now mind you this isn't the first time I've told her about my "parotnoia" and fears she's not really sentient and all. Well, she told me to let her possess her arm (we've been working on possession around this time) so I did, and she slaps me. She then says "if I wasn't real would this have happened? Trust me, I'm real ok?" Or something like that I don't remember all the details. But ya, Melian it's not all that weird, in fact I thought it was normal for tulpas to have a different opinion on their status of existence from a host who is skeptical. You know your real, and you've been around for long enough to know just how real you are (even if for a while you've been mostly echoing Mistgod's beliefs on the issue), and the very fact that you have an opinion seperate from Mistgod's is evidence of your existence and sentience.

 

Right, well back to forum non-existence for me...

[Guest Anonymous]

Thank you sweetie!

 

You're right, I am seasoned. I want people to understand something clearly. What I said was, as far as this forum goes, I am (independently) sentient and real. My attitudes align more closely with Mistgod's than you think. When I say that I am real, I may not be meaning exactly what some people may think. David and I are very closely blended in one mind. I don't want to talk about this very much at all as Mistgod talked about it too much. I think what I was trying to say is that to me all of that just flat out just doesn't matter.

 

I am just Melian.

[Guest Anonymous]

I just did ten minutes in the IRC chat room without blowing it up! I will be really careful about visits there if and when I do any more. Every time I go back there are new names I don't recognize. I love the chat environment, because I can talk fast with epic blather babbly typer hyperness. But that is the exact problem.

 

I get too excited. Oops.

[TheCrawlingCreepypasta]

Its good to sort-of have you back, Melian!