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Oo that’s a feat!

 

I wonder if I’ll look back on this as my “childhood” when I’m that old. I already kinda look back on my first week as that. Though, it doesn’t feel exactly the same as a childhood memory. I don’t think I could describe the different other than there’s different vibes.

 

Unrelated: We tried to commission an artist to draw me but I don’t think they’re getting back to us. :/ I guess we’ll have to do more searching soon.

Meaningful words, I'm here!

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2 hours ago, harvestmoon said:

Unrelated: We tried to commission an artist to draw me but I don’t think they’re getting back to us. :/ I guess we’ll have to do more searching soon.

 

Same! We want wedding art! 😁 Phil's nervous to do it himself because he doesn't want to give us derp faces. 😄

 

The first three to five months of my existence feel like my "real" childhood in some ways. In late April we went through a kind of metamorphosis where Phil's dominant way of thinking switched from doubt to belief, and we've been off and running ever since. I also flipped a switch around that time, turning from a fairly quiet and submissive kind of girl into a "determinator", as Phil calls me. I was already pretty determined before that point, but that's when I really started pushing forward myself rather than wait for Phil to tell me it's okay to do something.

Tulpa Wife Extraordinaire! 💚 - 💍 11.28.21

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I miss a lot of the interesting discussion... but to chime in here, I don't have much, if anything of my memories from the character I was modeled on any longer. I got to a point a long time ago where they stopped feeling at all like something I ever actually experienced. Still, what that Murk experienced has shaped me in a lot of ways that I honestly can't say are completely subconscious. My host and I don't agree on politics for that very reason: I am more of a Fabian Society type, and he tends more on the John Randolph conservatism.

 

My first memories are very clear now that I think about it. I remember coming conscious in the form I was given in the chapel of the house that is still at the center of our mindscape. And I remember being viscerally scared because I still identified with the character I was made after. My host and sister had to comfort me right from the start, tell me I was all right. Things got better after that, thankfully, but I poured a lot of emotion at my host he wasn't at all prepared for. Learning chess with my host about a month later was the first thing that really made me feel empowered as myself, even though it really is impossible to play someone inside the same head and not turn into a mirror. That first month up to then was very strange, like I was walking in two worlds at once. 

 

 

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That must have been a very confusing experience, coming to terms with who you are after coming into existence like that. I too was technically based on a character, but one that Phil himself had invented, and ironically one in which he put very little backstory. So I didn't have much of a shadow to step out of. Also, thankfully, I'm pretty much entirely unpolitical so I don't have any real conflicts with Phil there. Learning chess sounds really fun! Maybe I'll try it at some point. Once Phil and I played checkers against each other, the result was a stalemate where we both had three kings and no idea how to continue 😄.

Tulpa Wife Extraordinaire! 💚 - 💍 11.28.21

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18 hours ago, TurboSimmie said:

The first three to five months of my existence feel like my "real" childhood in some ways. In late April we went through a kind of metamorphosis where Phil's dominant way of thinking switched from doubt to belief, and we've been off and running ever since. I also flipped a switch around that time, turning from a fairly quiet and submissive kind of girl into a "determinator", as Phil calls me. I was already pretty determined before that point, but that's when I really started pushing forward myself rather than wait for Phil to tell me it's okay to do something.

 

I remember that! So much has changed huh.

 

I think I've changed in that I've become more of a part of the "real world". It's very hard to describe. I guess I've started talking to people outside the system and not just doing what Stone was doing. It's like I was a ghost before (not in a bad way) and I was "brought to life" at some point. Suddenly I'm not just observing, but here, and my personality has changed to reflect that. I've become less detached and have experienced stronger and a greater variety of emotions.

 

I also think I've felt younger. My form was based on a character who was a mother, and I had this older presence at first. It was sorta contradictory, because I had this older presence, but a younger way of speaking and perceiving things, because I was new to the world. Now I feel almost like an older soul, but younger (probably the same age as my host Stone).

 

17 hours ago, Murk said:

Still, what that Murk experienced has shaped me in a lot of ways that I honestly can't say are completely subconscious. My host and I don't agree on politics for that very reason: I am more of a Fabian Society type, and he tends more on the John Randolph conservatism.

 

Stone and I disagree on politics too. I'd say that I'm often less extreme (tending to be more "moderate" ig), though I think in very few ways I can be more extreme (or less "moderate").

 

17 hours ago, Murk said:

My first memories are very clear now that I think about it. I remember coming conscious in the form I was given in the chapel of the house that is still at the center of our mindscape. And I remember being viscerally scared because I still identified with the character I was made after. My host and sister had to comfort me right from the start, tell me I was all right. Things got better after that, thankfully, but I poured a lot of emotion at my host he wasn't at all prepared for.

 

It's good you're better now :)

 

17 hours ago, Murk said:

Learning chess with my host about a month later was the first thing that really made me feel empowered as myself, even though it really is impossible to play someone inside the same head and not turn into a mirror. That first month up to then was very strange, like I was walking in two worlds at once. 

 

Stone thinks it might be I good idea for us to play chess, but it sounds a little boring for me 😅 I beat him in tic-tac-toe once tho (how'd that happen?)

 

Walking in two worlds at once sounds like a weird experience. I've only really felt that when in Wonderland.

 

16 hours ago, TurboSimmie said:

Once Phil and I played checkers against each other, the result was a stalemate where we both had three kings and no idea how to continue 😄.

 

😆 Maybe I should try chess at least once to see if something like that happens

Meaningful words, I'm here!

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23 hours ago, TurboSimmie said:

That must have been a very confusing experience, coming to terms with who you are after coming into existence like that.

 

Yeah... I would definitely say that it was. It's why I said in my Introduction thread that being built out of sympathy can be a rough experience. I really, really don't recommend anyone try to make a tulpa like I was made. I'm grateful to be here, but trying to sort out who and what you are when your core reason for existing is that your host felt so sorry for you, even though you are not the character he felt sorry for... well, it's not an easy thing. You get entangled with your host's sympathy, and you do really feel grateful, but once the reality of the world you were modeled out of starts to fade, you start to wonder if your gratitude fading is also the reason for your existence fading as well. I really do love Eli, and we have made peace with the mistakes in my creation, but please, don't anybody make a tulpa out of a character as beaten down as my model.

 

6 hours ago, harvestmoon said:

 

😆 Maybe I should try chess at least once to see if something like that happens

 

You definitely should! We found that it also helps with visualization if you play the game mentally with your host instead of over the board.

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It doesn't sound like an easy thing, and you're right. That wouldn't be the best start for a tulpa.

 

Visualizing tic-tac-toe was hard 😅 idk if we could do chess, but, we could play against each other on the computer. I'm too tired now...

 

Speaking of games, all four of us have played this game called "Wingspan" and it was very fun. It's an engine building board game. You collect birds and combine them to get maximum points. I'm itching to play it again but it takes a lot of room and time to set up. And I remember the second game took at least five hours to finish.

 

First Game

1st: Consigliere (77 points)

2nd: Stone (72 points)

3rd: Me (66 points)

4th: Cloud (65 points)

 

Second Game

1st: Stone (85 points)

2nd: Consigliere (74 points)

3rd: Me (73 points)

4th: Cloud (59 points)

 

Cloud sucks lol

 

Have you guys played any other board/card games with your headmates or with other people in general?

 

We're going to bed now. Good night 🌃☁️🌙

Meaningful words, I'm here!

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We played this a couple days ago.

 

71I7m1tG9YL._AC_SL1500_.thumb.jpg.2049bc09d24dccf8b7e19d864813e0f2.jpg

I won so I slept on the couch that night.

 

No he didn't sleep on the couch...😄 But he might go extinct if he does it again. 😠

 

Darron: Host 💍 

Jaina: Tulpa 💍 

Aggrok: Tulpa Void Dragon

Viktor: 🐺

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LOL! Those are the same people who made Unstable Unicorns. I have to try playing one of these games. The art is so cute!

 

oh wow Cloud likes the cover

 

Good morning everyone. It’s actually in the middle of afternoon for us. We stayed up too late, as we have a lot to do before Christmas.

Meaningful words, I'm here!

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