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"I heard it in my Ghost."


Lt Sprinkulz

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You can skip the next 3 paragraphs if you just want the PR.

 

Hello, you may remember me. Maybe good, maybe bad. Maybe you don't even know who I am. Well, that's not why I'm here.

 

My last PR, in my eyes, was a complete disaster. I'd been going through a particularly rough patch of life, and consequently a lot of bad things happened in my head. I used the PR as an escape, a place where I could converse with some like minded people, instead it only turned into another problem. Not with the people, mind you, but with myself.

 

 

I have an enormously large amount of free time now, and it's looking to be permanent.

So, to recap what was actually meaningful abut the last PR.

 

I'd tried making a tulpa 3 years ago, never got into personality and my dream quickly sputtered and died. Fast forward to 2015.

 

January - On the 19th I bring Nebri, a female white furred anthro wolf, into my world. The long term goal that I made and still hold is that she'll be able to impose objects on the world, just for fun. What I didn't know at the time is that I was making her to, for lack of a better term, "replace" my lost brother. She was originally named Sabre, but quickly gained some mental influence and repeated several names in my thoughts until I settled on Jenna.

 

February, the month of minimal progress - I make the PR. Nebri, known as Jenna at that point, creates a servitor named Felix. He's practically useless but puts up a good conversation.

I remember a memory from my childhood when I made an unreal tournament character an imaginary friend, Jenna asks for her name to be changed to Nebri, hasn't changed since. Felix causes problems, I have Nebri absorb him.

 

March and April - I begin getting pestered by a sort of personification of my anger, my PR basically ends in the middle of the conflict.

He's gone, as soon as I ditched the PR he disappeared. I guess my mind likes theatrics.

 

So here we are. Take our story however you see fit.

 

Now that we've discussed the past, let's discuss the past. The missing time between the last post on my PR and today.

 

April and May - Nothing interesting. Life continues and I find myself having time to converse with Nebri again after some time.

 

Here's the important part.

The past two weeks. I've been making major strides in almost all directions at once. I find a reference picture for Nebri and she becomes much more vivid. Her voice becomes nearly entirely consistent. She asks me to try possession, and she's almost able to lift my entire hand off my bed without us having seen any guides. Imposition is still a work in progress.

 

Though I have to credit our progress to something that may split the audience: Marijuana. The last two weeks I was able to get stoned and have some mental time. Not as effective as it would've been had I been alone or if the other person didn't think of Nebri as a negative, but regardless, I made progress. Nebri communicated in such a way that I was no longer able to deny her existence, and was met with immediate confirmation from her as soon as I was sober.

Now, let me assure you that smoking isn't anything new in my life, and that I never made a habit of it before, it's just that I believed it would be beneficial for the both of us. Needless to say it helped...a lot.

 

Now I'm going to have some alone time after two weeks of having literally none of it.

 

Side note: it took me two days to remember and write all this out. Yikes.

Also, quote/title courtesy of Ghost in the Shell. The first movie, not the anime. If you've only seen the anime then you're missing out.

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Something odd happened today. I was watching Encounter with the Fourth Kind, and as one of the characters had an intense, loud flashback Nebri sprang into my head. She told me, "I like swimming around in your skull." Shivers went down my spine, my head felt like it was full of ginger ale, and I could almost feel her wrap her arms around me from behind.

She likes to tease me, but this was almost seductive. I try not to be sexual with her, but she's really been trying hard lately.

Love her to death, but it feels almost incestuous.

 

Anyways, this little event seemed to trigger a full blown sentience switch. She's butting in on my thoughts at random rather than just when I force. She asks more questions, and observes more about what's around me. I feel better about her actually being alive rather than me just being absolutely nuts.

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I'm not sure if it's because I had the stuffing scared out of me during meditation last night, or because she's exhausted from being so vivid yesterday, but Nebri has returned to speaking gibberish.

This kind of worries me because I finally got to a point in which I could honestly converse with her rather than her feed off my thoughts.

 

Has anyone else had their tulpa spontaneously disappear or temporaraly regress when they first become truely sentient?

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I've been busy selling, giving, and throwing things away in my house. And when I'm not busy I'm asleep.

 

Nebri still finds time to talk to me, either subliminally or in my dreams.

I do nothing but narrate most of the time. I guess it's something, but I'd rather do something that makes progress.

 

Anyone else find themselves lacking motivation when they're overly busy our exhausted?

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