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Cas and Sam's adventures


Stanheights

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Yeah, I kind of stayed home today, too.

 

I didn't fall asleep until a bit too late last night and I felt a cold coming on so I stayed home from school and slept. Not sure if that was a good or a bad idea, but that's what I did.

 

I haven't talked very much to Sam and Mandy because I've been sleeping and playing video games and I've also talked to friends. I feel incredibly bad about it and I know I need to step my communication game up. Really need to do that.

 

I'll try to talk to them or at least narrate or something for the rest of the day and tomorrow and yeah.

Tulpa/s:

Sam (Birthday: July 22) - Blonde/black hair, light skin, tall, introverted, caring, cuddly. Zodiac sign: Cancer.

Mandy (Birthday: January 24) - Red hair, pale skin, outgoing, extroverted, loud, a badass meme queen. Zodiac sign: Aquarius

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Today was fairly nice. We had this roleplaying thing going on at our school (For like the firs time ever) so me and Sam kind of co-op'ed there?

 

I'm not entirely sure if we did, but I knew he was there and stuff. Mandy wasn't around as much, but since she doesn't really like school that's understandable.

 

I'm incredibly tired right now and Sam is, too, so I'm not sure if we'll do much together today. We'll see.

 

And tomorrow's the last day of school and then we have a break. My plans changed a bit so we're actually gonna go see a movie on friday and my best friend won't come over until sometime next week, and that means I get to spend some time with Mandy and Sam alone! that's really good. I'll try to look up some stuff we can do other than watch movies and videos together. It'll be fun.

Tulpa/s:

Sam (Birthday: July 22) - Blonde/black hair, light skin, tall, introverted, caring, cuddly. Zodiac sign: Cancer.

Mandy (Birthday: January 24) - Red hair, pale skin, outgoing, extroverted, loud, a badass meme queen. Zodiac sign: Aquarius

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Today went fairly well, I think.

 

I talked quite a lot to some of my classmates and I'm pretty sure Sam or Mandy or both of them had something to do with that. They probably helped me a bit.

 

Now we're on a break and there probably won't be much talking today, because one of my best friends is gonna stay here for the night and then tomorrow we're going into town to watch a movie at the cinema. I'll probably ask Sam and Mandy if they wanna watch it too and if they do they do, but yeah. Not sure if there will be much talking today. We'll see.

 

However, after tomorrow I think we'll get to talk more since I'll be alone til wednesday or something next week.

 

But yeah, today was good.

Tulpa/s:

Sam (Birthday: July 22) - Blonde/black hair, light skin, tall, introverted, caring, cuddly. Zodiac sign: Cancer.

Mandy (Birthday: January 24) - Red hair, pale skin, outgoing, extroverted, loud, a badass meme queen. Zodiac sign: Aquarius

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I've decided to post less on this thread, because I feel I just write too much about things that don't really matter and that don't fit in and I'm sure most people who read this can agree. I'm not sure when I'll really post again, but I guess I'll do it when I feel we've made some kind of progress.

 

Before I "leave", I would like to explain something, though. I want to explain why I've written things here almost every single day since I found out about this forum and about tulpas. The reason why I've done that is because I'm mentally ill. I'm pretty mentally ill and I usually can't do things at all if I don't make it a habit or something I do every single day. And I think it's pretty easy to figure out that if you have to do something every day it's hard to figure out things to write about which is one of the reasons I've written a little too much about myself and my own personal life and not so much about.. well, progress.

 

So part of my life ever since I started this has been going on here every day and writing something about my tulpas or the reasons why I didn't have time to talk to them on that specific day (and etc) and waiting for that golden little thing called "making progress". That unfortunately hasn't happened as much as I would like, but if there's something all three of us in here are good at, it's hoping. At least me and Sam are pretty good at that.

 

That's the reason why this has become almost more of 'a daily dose of Cas' rather than 'the adventures/progress of Cas, Mandy and Sam'. And I honestly apologize for that since I guess there are certain rules here and there are certain ways your progress report's supposed to be. I apologize and I'll try to post less from now on and make sure that when I do write something here it's about our progress and not things that don't matter.

 

See ya.

Tulpa/s:

Sam (Birthday: July 22) - Blonde/black hair, light skin, tall, introverted, caring, cuddly. Zodiac sign: Cancer.

Mandy (Birthday: January 24) - Red hair, pale skin, outgoing, extroverted, loud, a badass meme queen. Zodiac sign: Aquarius

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If it helps you, nobody cares about how detrimental it is to the community, trust me. If anything, you're taking the attention of people for, what, a few minutes at most daily for them to read this thread; that's nothing too bad, and people have it much worse when it comes to 'sharing their lives' on this forum.. If it does help you, there is no shame in posting about it and not about 'progress'. And maybe, maybe people like this daily dose; nobody else posts about their lives the way you do (in a way that it keeps the reader wanting consistently and moderately to know what goes on with you). You're making people care and not in a bad way. If you want to post about your personal life then the mods will end up moving your thread to the lounge or some other section of the forum, but if it helps you with your mental illness? You should not bar yourself from doing it.

A wise man once said: 'Before judging a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away, and you've got new shoes.'

 

Graced are those who could avoid this phenomenon. This is perhaps the worst expression of evil in humanity's history, but who am I to judge?

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If it helps you, nobody cares about how detrimental it is to the community, trust me. If anything, you're taking the attention of people for, what, a few minutes at most daily for them to read this thread; that's nothing too bad, and people have it much worse when it comes to 'sharing their lives' on this forum.. If it does help you, there is no shame in posting about it and not about 'progress'. And maybe, maybe people like this daily dose; nobody else posts about their lives the way you do (in a way that it keeps the reader wanting consistently and moderately to know what goes on with you). You're making people care and not in a bad way. If you want to post about your personal life then the mods will end up moving your thread to the lounge or some other section of the forum, but if it helps you with your mental illness? You should not bar yourself from doing it.

 

I just want to say thank you for writing that. I've felt kind of discouraged about posting on here for a while (even though I've still done it), and what you wrote there made me feel a bit better. I've decided to at least try and just write my progress down here for a while, though, so I guess we'll see how that goes.

And when it comes to my mental illness I think I can manage to just write down the daily things somewhere else, like on my phone or in a notebook. But yeah, I'll try to keep this a progress-only thread for a while and see how it works out for me.

Tulpa/s:

Sam (Birthday: July 22) - Blonde/black hair, light skin, tall, introverted, caring, cuddly. Zodiac sign: Cancer.

Mandy (Birthday: January 24) - Red hair, pale skin, outgoing, extroverted, loud, a badass meme queen. Zodiac sign: Aquarius

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Hey. I'm just back to give a bit of an update on what's going on with me, Sam and Mandy.

 

I'm fairly sure this counts as progress, or at least it's something I feel is really worth mentioning, so I'm just gonna write it here.

 

I think Mandy's the one who's been the most "attached" to this place even though she's the newest and she haven't really seen much here. Ever since we "left" she's been pretty quiet and that's worried me.

 

A weird thing I've felt almost physically is that the left side of my head has been heavier than the right and the only real explanation I can think of for that is that Sam's there and his thoughts have been more present and therefore heavier. Mandy hasn't made much of a presence, and like I said, that's made me worry quite a lot. She hasn't talked very much and I should probably discuss that with her and see what's up.

 

I have however talked quite a lot to Sam this week and I've felt his presence almost all the time. That's really good and I hope we can keep that up.

 

I've decided to try and meditate (just meditate and nothing else to practice clearing my mind) at least once a week, maybe more if I feel like I can handle that. I'm also gonna get my stuff together and start practicing visualization because I've noticed that the things I see in dreamscape are kind of unclear sometimes. I'm also going to make a list of some smaller things we can start doing as soon as possible to practice communicating and other things.

 

So, hopefully there will be some more updates and progress in this thread from now on, though they probably won't happen every single day.

Tulpa/s:

Sam (Birthday: July 22) - Blonde/black hair, light skin, tall, introverted, caring, cuddly. Zodiac sign: Cancer.

Mandy (Birthday: January 24) - Red hair, pale skin, outgoing, extroverted, loud, a badass meme queen. Zodiac sign: Aquarius

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  • 2 weeks later...

Heyy, I'm back again with a little update thing.

 

I let Mandy and Sam decide what days I'm meditating on this week. Sam said Tuesday, today, and Mandy said Friday. So today I've actually meditated and I feel like my thoughts are a bit more.. separated? they don't feel as heavy, at least. I actually managed to not think about anything for 8 minutes or so which is pretty great. I let them decide for how long I'm meditating, too, and Sam originally said 10 minutes but around 7 minutes in or so he said "You're doing it, Cas!" which I heard pretty clearly and a while after that I asked him if I could stop and he said yes.

I probably need to work a bit on my patience with these things.

 

A thing we've done for communication (ish) is say the "eenie, meenie, miney, moe" rhyme thing together and we all have one word each, though Mandy's kind of stretched that and says quite a lot sometimes.. but I guess we all do that. So that's a little thing we've been doing and I find it's worked out pretty well and it's made responses quicker. It's also pretty great because it's something I have time with basically anytime and it doesn't take much energy from me, so it's good. Me and Sam also build small sentences together sometimes, but we don't do that a lot. I might come up with something else we can do (other than talking, of course) so there's some variation in it.

 

I haven't quite worked out something I can do for visualization practice yet, but I kind of want to do something that'll really work for me. I'm not entirely sure when I'll start practicing but hopefully sometime soon.

 

But yeah, that's a little update for ya. I think we've made at least some progress and if we keep going like this we'll make even more!

Tulpa/s:

Sam (Birthday: July 22) - Blonde/black hair, light skin, tall, introverted, caring, cuddly. Zodiac sign: Cancer.

Mandy (Birthday: January 24) - Red hair, pale skin, outgoing, extroverted, loud, a badass meme queen. Zodiac sign: Aquarius

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Alright, it's time for a little update again.

 

I think I've gotten a bit better at visualization without practice, and I think it's because I've sorta meditated a little before going into the black space or dreamscape. I just breathe for a while and clear my thoughts and it works pretty well.

 

As with communication, that hasn't been going much better. I'm not sure why exactly because I can't think of any clear reason why, I just.. haven't talked to Mandy and Sam much. That's gonna change, though.

 

I didn't meditate as I should've last week, but this week I'm gonna try harder. I'm thinking I can decide the days and they can decide for how long, because I've noticed I don't work as hard if I let Sam and Mandy decide exactly when. I don't know why that is either, but yeah. I'll start with two times a week and see where it goes from there and if my listening abilities get better.

 

A pretty big thing that's happened is that there's someone new around. I don't know how he got "in" or who made him or if anyone even made him, but he's here and he responds like any other tulpa, except he's.. not a tulpa? I don't know. His name is Tyler and I spent some time talking to him last night. He says he got here yesterday and I don't think he knows how he got here either.

 

I've actually introduced him to Sam and Mandy and they get along pretty well. Mandy even briefly talked to either him or Sam today which was kind of new, because I don't see them interacting with each other much.

 

So.. yeah. There's a new kid around. He's definitely not intrusive thoughts, because I know how my intrusive thoughts are. They're basically like attacks and disappear almost as quick as they come. And they're usually violent, and Tyler's definitely not violent. He described himself as calm and some other things and he generally gives off a chill vibe. He basically described himself to me yesterday and with tulpas it's usually the other way around at first so he's kind of.. strange. Or well, his presence is weird because I don't know how he got here. But he's here and yeah.

 

Today I made a bigger effort than usual to talk to everyone and I think it went really well, especially since someone on social media asked them how they were doing so they got to answer by themselves. I also let them control my writing hand and write their names and things. I think answering questions is good for them and for me since I get to practice listening to them and fully making out what they mean, so we're probably gonna start doing small quizzes sometime later.

 

Overall I think we've made at least a bit progress even though I have this fear that they'll suddenly disappear and even though I doubt from time to time. There's definitely not as much doubt as before, though, so that's good. We're good.

Tulpa/s:

Sam (Birthday: July 22) - Blonde/black hair, light skin, tall, introverted, caring, cuddly. Zodiac sign: Cancer.

Mandy (Birthday: January 24) - Red hair, pale skin, outgoing, extroverted, loud, a badass meme queen. Zodiac sign: Aquarius

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hello! time for one of my small updates again.

 

Things have been kind of hard lately because I've doubted a lot and felt bad a lot and I think it's affected Sam and the others a lot, too.

 

Talking has however been really great since Tyler came around and all of us talked a lot in the beginning. These last couple of days have been kind of bad, though.

 

A good thing (I guess) is that Sam has come forward a couple of times when I've been close to dissociating and he even helped me through some stuff when I was legitimately dissociating a lot once. That's never really happened before so that's a really good thing and I think we can count that as progress.

 

Tyler co-op'd with me once this week and it caused me/us to get a bit hyper but I couldn't really expect much else since Tyler is a bit of a child sometimes. Mandy was also around and co-op'd once (I think?) and that made me/us grumpy and more quick to anger and violence and things. I guess how they affect me while they're steering too is good to know and shows signs of progress.

 

I haven't held any of my promises to myself and the others which sucks. I will give meditating and practicing visualization a try next week, though. At least once, hopefully more. I need to take this in my own pace I think, otherwise I'll just run into a wall and stop. I also need to maybe realize that there will be some days that are quieter than others? I mean, the peeps themselves have said they don't want to talk sometimes and I should try to accept that we won't make a huge amount of progress every single day. I need to get out of that habit of feeling bad when nothing major or big happens.

 

I have a lot to learn honestly, but I'll get there eventually.

Tulpa/s:

Sam (Birthday: July 22) - Blonde/black hair, light skin, tall, introverted, caring, cuddly. Zodiac sign: Cancer.

Mandy (Birthday: January 24) - Red hair, pale skin, outgoing, extroverted, loud, a badass meme queen. Zodiac sign: Aquarius

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