Jump to content

Cas and Sam's adventures


Stanheights

Recommended Posts

Long time no see!

 

We haven't made much progress lately, but we have talked quite a lot as always (Even though we've had days that have been harder). I've gotten worse at feeling everyone's presence, though, which is really bad.

 

I've decided to put all meditation business on hold until I've graduated next week because I've just got too much on my mind to actually get down to doing things. I know it's probably disappointing to read this since we haven't made very great progress in a while, but I'm taking this in my pace and stuff. And that takes a while.

 

I just wanted to write that so the people who still read this know that this summer I'll go hard and really work on visualization and everything more.

Tulpa/s:

Sam (Birthday: July 22) - Blonde/black hair, light skin, tall, introverted, caring, cuddly. Zodiac sign: Cancer.

Mandy (Birthday: January 24) - Red hair, pale skin, outgoing, extroverted, loud, a badass meme queen. Zodiac sign: Aquarius

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...
  • Replies 311
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Today's Sam's first birthday! I guess he's one year old now, or technically twenty (if he even wants to age like that).

 

I've been doing this thing for a year now which feels.. big, I guess, even though it's been hard and not much progress has been made (mostly thanks to me and my brain). But, pretty much the first thing I learned when I joined this community is that progress can take a long time, maybe even years sometimes, and that's okay. A thing I admire about other tulpamancers is that everyone just.. seems to do things in their own personal pace. That's really nice.

 

What's not okay, however, is that I suck. I feel like I'm a really bad host and though no one else in the brain squad would agree with that, I feel it. I haven't done things enough and I haven't spent enough energy on all this and I feel ashamed for that. Incredibly ashamed, actually, even though I guess it has a lot to do with how I'm wired.

 

In exactly one month I'll start school again and while that could mean less communication, I actually have a lot of hope for the situation since lots of things have changed. Let's just say we'll spend a lot of time on our own waiting for busses and whatnot which is perfect for talking and trying to figure out where everyone is in the room with me in my opinion.

 

I've actually meditated once this summer (yay!) and that helped a lot with communication and has made it easier to hear everyone. So, with more meditation comes more hearing and better communication, I suppose. I think I have some kind of mental block when they're all speaking longer sentences, though, and as always there's that pinch of annoying doubt. I honestly don't want to allow myself to write "I'll try to do x once or twice a week" anymore because I think that's actually dragging me down more. I think it's better to just keep plans like that between me and my tulpas. I should probably look up various guides on things here, though, as I've said about a thousand times before.

 

Anyway, back to the happy things, it's Sam's birthday! He's asleep right now so I'll let him read this when he wakes up, but I'm just so happy he's in my life. He's supported me a lot and is almost always there when I go outside which helps with my anxiety and I hope that in some way I help him, too. I haven't always been the bestest of friends and I tend to shut him and Tyler and Mandy out sometimes (both intentionally and not, mostly not) and I sure haven't been the best host, but I am trying and I will keep trying because I don't want to lose Sam or anyone else. I hope we'll all just live a really long and happy life together, because I'm not sure what I'd do without Sam and the others at this point. My life would be much less interesting without them, I think, and I just don't want to be without them. I don't want to live a life where Sam doesn't peek over my shoulder sometimes to look at what I'm doing or reading and I don't want to have this boring life where none of my little brain mates are around me at school or elsewhere.

 

I dunno, you guys. I'm just happy I have Sam, Mandy and Tyler with me and I'm happy I found out about tulpamancy a little bit more than a year ago.

Tulpa/s:

Sam (Birthday: July 22) - Blonde/black hair, light skin, tall, introverted, caring, cuddly. Zodiac sign: Cancer.

Mandy (Birthday: January 24) - Red hair, pale skin, outgoing, extroverted, loud, a badass meme queen. Zodiac sign: Aquarius

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...