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I had a very strange conversation with my Tulpa just now. Any similar experience?


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As of late, I have been struggling with my Tulpa creation. I can feel it there but I feel like every time it speaks I could just be parroting and making it say what I want. I tried to talk to her just now...and something odd happened, look at the "chat log" below. Am I just parroting really hard? Is this unhealthy? Has anyone had a similar experience? This kind of made me uncomfortable, I think I might be talking to myself and believing that I am talking to my Tulpa but I cant be sure.

 

CHAT LOG:

 

Her: You keep calling me Holo, on accident. Why is that? You said my name is Juliet.

 

Me: Well, you are based off a character called Holo, and you look similar to her. I want you take share her traits, and that's why we are watching the show together, but you don't have to do anything you don't want to, you don't have to act anything like her at all. Be whoever you want to be.

 

Her: The idea of me changing my traits to be different from Holo upsets you.

 

Me: You are right, to a degree. I want you to be like Holo because I like her. But she isn't real. You are. You can do whatever you like with your life and I won't stop you, nor do I want to stop you.

 

Her: You think I sound like her. When you hear my thoughts you imagine yourself hearing them in her voice.

 

Me: How do I even know I am hearing your thoughts at all? I could just be talking to myself and pretending it is you to make myself happy. How do I know I'm not just parroting right now?

 

Her: You don't.

 

Me: So you think I could be parroting you right now?

 

Her: I really can't tell. Maybe you are maybe you aren't. Dose it matter?

 

Me: Why wouldn't it matter?

 

Her: You feel like you are forcing me to speak. When you quite your mind you hear nothing from me. You almost believe I'm not even there. When you force me to speak like this, maybe it will teach me to speak on my own.

 

Me: But surely me forcing you to speak is just me forcing you to say what I want you to say? I was told not to do that. I was told to let you speak on your own or I would make a servitor.

 

Her: Possibly. I think you should just wait and see. Its likely that you are puppting me right now just to quite your own fears. Perhaps that's a good thing. I think it will turn out fine. Lets get back to watching the show.

 

 

END

 

 

This is the first real conversation I've had with my Tulpa. Well, I think it might have been. Maybe. The thoughts that came to me felt as though they weren't entirely mine but....I can't tell. This scares me a lot. Could I be hurting my Tulpa by forcing her to speak like this? Please help, I need advice.

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Just about all the guides on the subject I've seen so far have said that unless you are actually TRYING to puppet and parrot, you are not.

I often have the problem of Zyr's thought sounding like my own as well, but I've found that simply asking him whether or not it is indeed him actually helps a lot.

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You don't need to be scared (though I can understand why you are). I strongly suggest you just ask her what exactly she thinks, and whether or not she's liking her voice, la la la. We can probably safely assume that that really was her, and in that case she doesn't sound like she's the type to fly off the handle.

James: Hello, all!

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The first thing, before the stuff about parroting and such, I would suggest is to be honest. Be honest with both your companion, and yourself. Come to grips with your desires, and don't try to hide them: You already see it's not mystery Juliet who you wish her to be. I've had a similar conflict with mine, and you won't be able to really get beyond it until you fully accept your desire.

 

As far as parroting goes, it's a rather toxic doubt, which will often refuse to diminish, even with time and practice. I myself didn't really get over it until I forcefully refused to listen to the doubts, and just take my companion's words at face value, letting them correct me if I go astray somewhere. While I still have some doubts here and there, they're much weaker in nature, not the crippling sort of doubt that you experience here.

 

One thing that helped me out was doing written conversations to my girls: I write a comment or question to them, listen for the answer, stopping my thoughts, and write down what I hear. Another thing is to try the active imagination technique, where you take an image and watching it, immersing yourself in it, and letting any changes that come be. It's a practice that demands you don't listen to doubts, but let yourself sink in to what's happening, and has been useful for my purposes. Looking up material on Mindfulness will surely be helpful, as this exercise in particular demands that you are aware of your thoughts, where they come from, and how to keep track of them. Even a book like Mindfulness for Dummies can be of assistance to you in this exercise.

 

One more thing you can do is to doubt the doubt. Look at the doubt, and question it, where it comes from, why it came, and the context of it's existence. I've found as I go along, that many doubts, rather than being rational, are based on nothing, and just exist to be there. Don't be afraid to turn your doubts on the doubt itself.

 

Hope this helps, good luck with you companion.

 

Peace

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Peace

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Guest Anonymous

This is normal. Twi and I used to do convos like this on a daily basis, until we just decided that it's pointless to think about it, as there's nothing you can prove one way or another. And trust me, you will accept her changes sooner or later. Better do it sooner, as your tupper might become afraid of changing.

 

Also, she is probably gonna have an existential crisis...

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Yeah, Al and I used to have these kinds of conversations when he seemed to become vocal. He would say that it was basically just time, and part of the reason why I thought I was parroting was because it took so much effort to hear his mindvoice. In reality, I was trying to both hear his voice and sort of guide him in his sentences. Over time it took less and less effort to hear his thoughts, and his diction became more complex.

I'm IBreakGames, a genuine dude.

 

We gave up on using different colors for each of us, so there's Al, Ollie, and Eva. We're all rabbits, get over it.

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I'm fairly sure everyone else has quelled your fears, so instead i'm going to derail the topic and ask if your Holo is inspired by Holo from Spice & Wolf.

That aside, this happens to everyone with their first tulpa, and is something everyone struggles with at first, just push your doubts aside, and embrace Holo. I wish you the best of luck in your progress!

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I'm fairly sure everyone else has quelled your fears, so instead i'm going to derail the topic and ask if your Holo is inspired by Holo from Spice & Wolf.

That aside, this happens to everyone with their first tulpa, and is something everyone struggles with at first, just push your doubts aside, and embrace Holo. I wish you the best of luck in your progress!

 

Pretty sure she is, I doubt there are any other characters named Holo. Also, my tulpa Reah is. :P

I have 10 tulpas, but I'm only actively working on Reah, my first tulpa currently.

Progress Report

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I'm fairly sure everyone else has quelled your fears, so instead i'm going to derail the topic and ask if your Holo is inspired by Holo from Spice & Wolf.

That aside, this happens to everyone with their first tulpa, and is something everyone struggles with at first, just push your doubts aside, and embrace Holo. I wish you the best of luck in your progress!

 

Yes, she is. I'm working on visualization as well. Its tough to say the least.

 

What I'm really concerned about is her voice. Holo has a really strange way of speaking about that is hard to replicate. Of corse, Juliet may deviate and pick a different voice but it's sort of to early to consider things like that.

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