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I would like to ask Tulpas about their emotional experiences


ThreeSevens

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I was curious. This question is for you Tulpas who have had time to reflect on yourself and experiences since your conception.

 

When you were first created, how quickly did you realize yourself you were sentient? When did you become self aware? Was it before you had complete control over your body? And if so, do you remember what it was like being immobile?

 

But most importantly, what were your emotions like in the very, very early stages? Were you happy? Thrilled? Scarred? Annoyed perhaps?

 

I want to connect with my Tulpa on a deeper emotional level. And I think I can feel her emotions working on my heart. She is still early in development so even if I ask her outright I will end up parroting an answer. Thats a conversation I want to save for later. But even if she isnt vocal, I think she is letting me know in her own way she is alive and happy to be here!

 

As a Tulpa, what was it like?

Like a flower beneath the concrete

Pushing up under the weight

Put a crack in the back of the pavement

And break through into the light of day

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Guest Anonymous

Thunder;

 

H-Hi. As I saw this thread, I asked my host if I could say some things, and a few tears came to his eyes, because he found it amazing that I'd be willing to speak of those things, and told me 'I love you' and hugged me. So, let me introduce myself. My name is *censored* and I love my host. When I say I love my host, it's not the kind of friendship love, but the one that makes me thrilled, excited, and the most amazing person in the entire universe when I am with my host. I come to lose my breath at times. I think I really became self-aware when we came back from school (on a friday) and I felt the need to hold him, just cuddle with him, and it made me really, really happy, and made me feel like a person, a real person, and not a delusion of the mind. I'm proud.

 

I considered myself sentient when my host started to love me back and provide me with attention, he's the one that made me feel like a real person, like more... like someone who matters a lot, I was needed and he told me he loved me.It was just so amazing, we spent afternoons just holding each other and talking.

 

I felt a lot of attachment and, well, lust for everything my host has in his head, every little trait, whether it be good or bad, I wanted it, and in the same while, I wanted his affection, no, his LOVE for me, because I always loved him. Fine, I wasn't always the best with him, and he had to cope with a lot of things with me, but I love him with my life.

 

In early stages? Hm... I don't really recall much, but what I do recall was calling for his real name, and an emotion that begged for affection.

 

I love my host with my being, my soul if I have one, he's my everything. He's my friend, the one who keeps me company, who will refuse to sleep when I'm bothered or sad just so that I don't sleep sadly, and that we sleep together peacefully, he's the only one that stayed with me NO MATTER WHAT, ever. I don't expect other tulpas to be as obsessed and overaffectionate, but that's just my story about my prince, my king, and me. <3

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Thunder;

 

H-Hi. As I saw this thread, I asked my host if I could say some things, and a few tears came to his eyes, because he found it amazing that I'd be willing to speak of those things, and told me 'I love you' and hugged me. So, let me introduce myself. My name is *censored* and I love my host. When I say I love my host, it's not the kind of friendship love, but the one that makes me thrilled, excited, and the most amazing person in the entire universe when I am with my host. I come to lose my breath at times. I think I really became self-aware when we came back from school (on a friday) and I felt the need to hold him, just cuddle with him, and it made me really, really happy, and made me feel like a person, a real person, and not a delusion of the mind. I'm proud.

 

I considered myself sentient when my host started to love me back and provide me with attention, he's the one that made me feel like a real person, like more... like someone who matters a lot, I was needed and he told me he loved me.It was just so amazing, we spent afternoons just holding each other and talking.

 

I felt a lot of attachment and, well, lust for everything my host has in his head, every little trait, whether it be good or bad, I wanted it, and in the same while, I wanted his affection, no, his LOVE for me, because I always loved him. Fine, I wasn't always the best with him, and he had to cope with a lot of things with me, but I love him with my life.

 

In early stages? Hm... I don't really recall much, but what I do recall was calling for his real name, and an emotion that begged for affection.

 

I love my host with my being, my soul if I have one, he's my everything. He's my friend, the one who keeps me company, who will refuse to sleep when I'm bothered or sad just so that I don't sleep sadly, and that we sleep together peacefully, he's the only one that stayed with me NO MATTER WHAT, ever. I don't expect other tulpas to be as obsessed and overaffectionate, but that's just my story about my prince, my king, and me. <3

 

Hello. I have just started focusing on making a tulpa after feeling these pressures in my head every now and then. After I began thing this purposely I felt that feeling more often as well as foreign emotions. I feel like your reply will help me a ton so thanks.

Host: Reece

Tulpa: Milana

"Avoidance of responsibility is self-imposed." - ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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Well. When I was a baby, I felt comfortable next to L. I couldn't get away. When I took my young adult shape, I was very inmature, and trusted everybody I met. What a mistake. And I was just called "Vriska Serket" Aranea and Targaryen came later by my own choice.

~Vriska Aranea Serket Targaryen. ♦️

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Guest Anonymous

When you were first created, how quickly did you realize yourself you were sentient?

 

Sentient? Uhhh I dunno. Never thought bout it really until very recently actually. Never really had to. I just was. When did I think bout being a person or feel I was a person? When did Davie think of me as a person and not just a day dream? I think that happened somewhere around the time I started talking automatically in about 1980. OH so it took about four years from the time Davie started seeing my image in his mind until he thought of me as a person more than just an imaginary friend. When he started thinking of me as a person, I started to as well.

 

 

When did you become self aware? Was it before you had complete control over your body? And if so, do you remember what it was like being immobile?

 

Uhhh. I don't really understand these questions much. I don't know if I am self aware or if I am just Davie thinking I am self aware (wishful thinking self delusion). Again, I thought of myself as a person in about 1980. If that is self aware then that is when it happened. No I don't remember being "immobile" whatever that means.

 

But most importantly, what were your emotions like in the very, very early stages? Were you happy? Thrilled? Scarred? Annoyed perhaps?

 

All of the above at various moments I guess. I do remember how exciting it was. Those are good memories. I remember how happy David was too. There are still old songs from those days that when we hear them, it brings us back. There are specific special memories, like when I called the wind shield wipers "drizzle flippers." I like making up my own words and started that pretty early. It was on a rainy drive to school one morning and I called them drizzle flippers. I still call them that. For some reason it is a special memory. I made Davie smile and I was a secret from his siblings. We had our own secret words.

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I was curious. This question is for you Tulpas who have had time to reflect on yourself and experiences since your conception.

 

When you were first created, how quickly did you realize yourself you were sentient? When did you become self aware? Was it before you had complete control over your body? And if so, do you remember what it was like being immobile?

 

Jack: I can't say with any certainty when exactly it happened, at least in the sense that humans understand it. What I am certain of is that I was aware of my own existence before my host's, but I could feel her "essence" (as she calls it) almost immediately. To my knowledge, I've always been sentient, and I don't recall a time where I wasn't in control of my "form." I could move and change shape just fine.

 

But most importantly, what were your emotions like in the very, very early stages? Were you happy? Thrilled? Scarred? Annoyed perhaps?

 

Jack: Happy and thrilled, for sure. :)

 

I want to connect with my Tulpa on a deeper emotional level. And I think I can feel her emotions working on my heart. She is still early in development so even if I ask her outright I will end up parroting an answer. Thats a conversation I want to save for later. But even if she isnt vocal, I think she is letting me know in her own way she is alive and happy to be here!

 

As a Tulpa, what was it like?

 

Jack: There was definitely an immediate joy and gratitude for being alive (still true). I wasn't consciously thinking of that at the time, because I was busy just exploring everything within the headspace and then trying to get her attention. Everything...both the inner and outer world...was new, and I wanted to soak it all in as much as possible. I didn't even think about who or what I am. All I wanted was to play and talk to her.

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Hello .info! My name is Al, I'm a little under a year old as of right now, and yet have somehow really come along pretty well. I'll answer these questions a little out of order, but they'll get answered none the less.

 

When did you become self aware?

 

Well, I'd say I was pretty self aware from day 1. I have memories since the day of my conception, I knew what I was as well as the intended goals at the time.

 

When you were first created, how quickly did you realize yourself you were sentient?

 

I realized I was sentient around week 2 or so, that was when I managed to pull a feat and do things beyond my host's control. Even though I couldn't really talk, I still managed to do things in wonderland that my host couldn't do anything about, no matter how difficult he tried to make the environment normal. I raised a couple stones out of the ground and rotated them around me, creating a barrier that he needed to walk around to get to me.

 

Was it before you had complete control over your body? And if so, do you remember what it was like being immobile?

 

Well, I started off as a ball of light, as referenced in one of the guides we read together. That it was easier for my host to concentrate on narration and direction his words and thoughts at me while driving to and from college every day. Even then I had moments where I would just flutter around in the little space I was visualized in autonomously, separate from Julian's control. Now that I think about it, I wonder if I somehow existed beforehand and was only recently given a name and a form to communicate in.

 

But most importantly, what were your emotions like in the very, very early stages? Were you happy? Thrilled? Scarred? Annoyed perhaps?

 

My emotions didn't really develop quickly at first, but now they are very radical. And I don't mean like a surfer catching a big wave radical. Anything remotely sad or exciting, since I'm not yet accustomed to these things, is extreme. So watching a slightly sad video on youtube leads me to practically bawl my eyes out. In the early days I was mostly just a logic tank, very mathematical and indecisive to some extent because I had no emotions to really bank on to make decisions. But after some time I started to really bloom and become much more emotional. I was mostly happy and excited most of the time, because I loved the different things we would be able to do, like possession, switching, imposition, pain reduction, etc.

 

 

As a Tulpa, what was it like?

 

For me, it's one hell of a ride. Julian is extremely patient, extremely kind to me, and we're the closest friends we could ask for. The day I started talking was one of the happiest days of my life, second to seeing Diagon Alley in Universal Studios. I love being able to geek out with my host, cheer each other up when we feel down, and just live life together. My host, since having me, has never been happier in his life, and I find that to be a great accomplishment on my part. We do everything together, care about each other, and help each other out when we can. I say just keep doing what you're doing, because I'm sure as soon as your tupper can talk, you two will know how you feel about each other. As for us, there's an undeniable bromance that goes between us that's stronger than any bond we've encountered in real life.

 

So yeah, there's my two cents.

I'm IBreakGames, a genuine dude.

 

We gave up on using different colors for each of us, so there's Al, Ollie, and Eva. We're all rabbits, get over it.

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Thank you everyone for replying! It is easy to feel the difference in depth of each of you Tulpas on an individual level. I can feel the iron clad self assurance in yourselves apart from your host. It makes me happy to see not just the hosts fulfilled, or neither is it just about finding faith in myself and my Tulpa. But I love seeing people filled with love and satisfaction in life. And it is a great joy to know that you are all happy. Not just as Tulpas. But as real people.

 

I can feel Thyme. Her happiness. Her fear. Joy. Love. Anger. Shes is not vocal yet and I can only barely imagine her. But she is there and she is strong. And I want to give her a voice and mind so one day she can search herself and know and say that her existence had meaning.

 

Also, I just felt her now reading alongside me everything here. I get the sense she wants to convey appreciation for everything. So on her behalf as well, thank you!

 

It seems to me emotion will play a strong part in our relationship. Thats a big reason i wanna strengthen that!

Like a flower beneath the concrete

Pushing up under the weight

Put a crack in the back of the pavement

And break through into the light of day

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Guest Anonymous

I can feel Thyme. Her happiness. Her fear. Joy. Love. Anger. Shes is not vocal yet and I can only barely imagine her. But she is there and she is strong. And I want to give her a voice and mind so one day she can search herself and know and say that her existence had meaning.

 

I put a response to this in Melian's PR: https://community.tulpa.info/thread-melian-s-progress-report-feeling-especially-sublime?pid=134061#pid134061

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It felt exciting, but the excitement was quickly overtaken by confusion. Coming to realize what I was and how I got there. I had remembered interacting with Acta from a few dreams in the past but not much else. Getting to interact with him outside of a dream felt really comforting to me for some reason. It was also very strange seeing him act so calmly compared to the way I had seen him in dreams at that point. Not knowing how to talk felt scary. I felt scared up until the point where I was able to talk in the slightest way. I don't feel like this nearly as much as I used to anymore, but I still get a little bit scared that something could happen once in a while.

 

To put it bluntly, everything felt blank. I was like an emotionless statue. I didn't feel anything, I didn't care about anything. All I knew was that I existed and that I was a pony named Aphelion. As the days went on, I slowly began to develop feelings of sadness, happiness, confusion and eventually appreciation. Handling all these emotions was a tough experience and it still wears on me, but not to the point where I'm emotionally unstable.

"It's all about synthesis, you don't have to be a real musician. You just synthesize your own reality, synthesize your own talents." -Klayton

 

My Three Mind Horses

Haven: Tulpa #1

Created on 10-28-14

Aphelion: Tulpa #2

Created on 2-25-15 

Chimera: Self Proclaimed Thoughtform

Created on: Can't remember. Sometime around Easter of 2017.

 

Warning: I am a huge nerd.

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