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acparker

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  1. Thank you Jackson, Amber and Toby for your replies. I screwed up. Despite my best efforts, I managed to give the wrong impression. Just once, I wish I could get it right the FIRST time. Let me try to clarify, although it's quite likely I'm just sticking my foot further into my mouth. I am not looking at the Tulpa as a fix or cure for my depression. I don't think that's possible. I don't think there is ANY cure for my depression, and I am looking for ways to continue to cope. With or without a Tulpa, I have no intention of stopping my treatments. I was, I am, thinking of the Tulpa as a separate entity, a friend, a trustworthy confidant, someone I could talk to, who would care about me, and treat me lovingly, someone who could help distract me from the constant negativity in my stream of consciousness. Perhaps even point out, from their point of view, the good. Someone who would love me enough to figuratively grab the knife away from me and/or hold me down until the suicidal feeling passes by whatever means a Tulpa can use. ECT helps prevent that from happening, but if it does, it would be nice to have this extra help. It's better than nothing, which is what I have now. If I could that, that is what would help my wife. Right now, she is basically the only support I can trust, and it's wearing her out. It would be of great help, and ease the burden she is carrying if I could find another trustworthy companion to confide my feelings in. So that it's not just her. I can only hope that that's clearer. I pray I didn't offend. Sincerely, Adam
  2. Hello, My name is Adam, and I have been doing a LOT of reading in the past 24 hours. In answer to prayer I have felt drawn to creating an alternate personality. Researching the topic led me here. And what I have read has been both encouraging and vexing. I have read through a couple of the creation guides and some of the threads, especially those talking about depression. But I am still feeling undecided about whether this is the way I should proceed, or if I should look elsewhere. I want to know whether or not a Tulpa could provide the interactions and/or services that I want. Background: I am over 40 years old, and have suffered from depression from childhood. Basically, between Dysthymic and Major Depressive episodes, I have been depressed for 30 years. I have gotten very good at hiding it behind a mask of charisma and humor. But faking it till you make it hasn't worked for me. I am seeing two psychiatrists, have tried at least one form of each of the major anti-depressants (MAOI, Tricyclic, SSRI, SNRI) and a couple of the atypical ones without any help. I have had ECT in the past, and will be starting another session of 12, 3 times a week, on Monday. I have been suicidal in the past, and while not currently suicidal, I end up thinking about suicide very frequently. (Read, at least 2 or 3 times a day.) What I am looking for is a Tulpa who: a. Can/will ease the burden on my wife by providing love and support. b. Can/will help counter the (very) negative self-thoughts about myself. c. Take over (switch?) with prior permission to prevent self-harm and/or suicidal actions. The basic personality traits that I would be looking to instill would be kind, caring, patient, loyal and protective. I was thinking that the time before and especially after the ECT treatment would be an excellent time to work on the creation. (forcing?) Given the more open-minded effect of the ECT (or anesthetic) that I noticed during the previous rounds. Also, it would give me something to do during the seemingly interminable 3 hour monitoring period afterward. Thank you in advance for your help and advice. It is greatly appreciated. Also, feel free to ask any questions you want. Sincerely, Adam
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