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Akinkinit

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  1. The only one in my system that would have a view on this would be Xiri. She originally came to me from a recurring dream I had where we were a bird flying through a forest. Although my perception at the time was that I was the bird, it seemed like the bird became separate at some undisclosed point, which is then what became Xiri. So answering this requires a few assumptions on our part. Assuming that the bird at some point became Xiri, and assuming that I continued having the dream after that point, would she have rathered staying as the bird in the dream over becoming first a soulbond and then a tulpa? Letting her use the body for a bit to answer this: "Hell no I wouldn't want to stay as a bird! That would have become super boring just doing the same thing over and over again! I don't even use that stupid form anymore because of how freaking limiting it is! Like imaging not having hands, just imagine it! And even then, there wasn't anyone else in that dream, so who would I even freaking talk to?!" The second question actually has come up before in my system, and all of the head ghosts have their own take on it. If the way they get their own organism involves keeping a telepathic link to each other, then they are all for it. If that isn't the case, then Noriko would get her own organism first, and Sabari would go second. Anzu and Xiri would then wait to see if the others regretted their choice before getting their own organism Although Anzu states she would be pretty hesitant getting her own body separate from mine. Xiri would totally do it though unless Noriko said it sucked. (Also, a side note on what Xiri said. To get the full Xiri Experience©, assume what she said was written in bolded caps-lock, and with a higher font size. She is very loud.)
  2. @TurboSimmie In Noriko's case, she decided to become a shapeshifter by herself over something I asked her to be. Years ago (like 2015ish), there was another progress report where a host mentioned something about their tulpa and fire. I forget exactly what. But I remember that Noriko started setting herself on fire as a sort of flame atronach after reading it. She probably changed her form several times prior to this point, but that was really the moment she started going hard into shapeshifting. There was an incident just now with Noriko which is noteworthy. Lunch today was a rice dish with curry chicken, prepared in what is essentially a glorified toaster oven. The last time I made this, the rice stuck to the tray. So Noriko wanted me to try putting cooking spray on the tray prior to adding the rice and water. Which sounded incredibly silly. However, trying it today, the rice didn't stick, and it actually tasted better. So as part of the deal in her suggesting that, I am putting this on the internet for all to see: she was right. Sabari agreed with me that it wasn't going to work, but we were both wrong.
  3. Noriko's first words were something to the effect of "Well then why are you putting a kink in it?" in relation to a headphone cable getting jumbled up. Hence the username. Sabari's first word was "Hi". I forget what Anzu's / Xiri's actual first word was because they were made so long ago. I'm pretty sure Xiri said "s'up dude" or something to that effect when she came back. And Anzu just did a wave.
  4. Standard yearly update to let everyone know that I'm not dead and that the head ghosts are still kicking around. Worth noting is that the whole "cat girl" thing Sabari mentioned in the last entry turned out to be a fad that passed after a few months. I think it was around March or so that they stopped using those forms and went back to their regular forms. Noriko still whips her cat form out from time to time though. However, she's basically a shapeshifter, so she adds it to the dozen or so forms which she rotates out every now and then. Documenting them in detail has been a sure fire way to either get her to stop using them or change them completely in the past, so I'll just summarize: The cat girl form described above A flame atronach form An egyptian princess form A lamia form (which she thankfully uses rarely) A dark blue kind of elf form Plus a bunch of variations on the above The family dynamic thing also settled into the following: Sabari is the daughter of Noriko and me Xiri is a sister to Sabari Noriko and Xiri are both wives to me Anzu has some nondescript relation with Sabari and to the rest of the head ghosts. She's related to Sabari, and she's related differently to the others, but none of us can think of a term. Really we just refer to her as "the elf", and she thinks that is an acceptable enough term. In terms of general attention, Noriko still gets most of it. Xiri gets the next largest amount, then Sabari, and finally Anzu. I make it a point to say good morning and good night to each of them. All of them besides Anzu make their presence known throughout the day to comment on something or to interact with me. Anzu will only do that if I talk to her first, but that's always been a thing with her since she came back. And she seems fine with the arrangement.
  5. Today marks seven years since Sabari has been created. I can't really call it a birthday since she wasn't actually born. And plus, she considers herself to be ageless, so the whole concept of a birthday doesn't really make sense for her. But we still celebrate the anniversary of her creation with a cake, fancy lunch from somewhere, and a bottle of wine. I do the same with the other head ghosts too. And they all have their own preferences as to what they get / eat. Granted, they can't actually eat anything, but I can eat it and visualize them eating it too. Although they can also experience the tastes of things on their own without me having to specifically visualize them doing so. But they do get a stronger sense of taste if I visualize them eating something with me. These are what we generally get on each of their respective creation days: Sabari gets tiramisu or vanilla cake, toasted ravioli from a specific Italian restaurant, and champagne. Noriko gets a chocolate cake, Rhode Island style calamari, and whatever kind of red wine she picks out. Neither of us really know anything about wine though. Anzu gets cupcakes (preferably the kind with filling inside of them), a steak dish, and beer (she wants me to pick out a kind I like and share it with her). Xiri gets whatever she feels like getting and then complains about what she got for the entire day. Good natured complaining though. On the subject of creation dates, I've been trying to recall the exact times they were created too. I'm pretty sure Noriko was created around noon or slightly afterwards, maybe like 1 - 2 pm. Sabari was created overnight by Noriko, but the first time I actually saw her was when I woke up in the morning around 8 am, so we count that as the time. This was also the case with Xiri when she was first made since she came out of a dream, but it would have been closer to 6 am back then. And she came back from being inactive at night, maybe around 9 pm. Anzu was initially created in the afternoon, and she came back from being inactive in the afternoon too. So probably around 4 pm both times.
  6. My favorite restaurant is unironically a chain called 99 Restaurants. I am not a high class man. ^ Their username brought about a very interesting argument between me and Xiri about what said username might mean. < Has been procrastinating by watching YouTube videos for today and most of yesterday. v Toilet paper: should it hang under or over the roll?
  7. I currently have a romantic relationship with two of my tulpas (Noriko and Xiri). It's been maybe 5 years with Noriko and about 2.5 with Xiri. And in the past, I had a romantic relationship with my other two as well, though not at the same time. I should start off by saying that every system is different. What's true or what works in one system might not work in another. And of course every tulpa / host is going to approach a romantic relationship differently. But here's what's been my experience: Tulpas have the tendency to love their hosts. This can manifest as either platonic love or romantic love. But whatever type it manifests as, one type isn't any more strong than the other. It's just different. Whatever type of love there's going to be between a host and a tulpa, it's going to happen. You might think that dating is going to be a thought out decision between both parties, with time given to think it over. But that hasn't been my experience. On a related note, you could also say that the host needs to be mature before pursing such a relationship. But love never waits for maturity. I wouldn't worry about maturity too much as long as the tulpa is sentient and willing to have a romantic relationship. Neither Anzu nor Sabari have any misgivings about switching between romantic and platonic love. It was for different reasons for each of them, and kind of a long story at that. But as long as the host and tulpa realize that it's just the type of love changing and not the love itself, I wouldn't worry about the potential of a breakup. Everyone will be fine with it, eventually if not immediately. Every single one of my head ghosts has / had different wants and needs for a romantic relationship. This includes expectations, alone time, how they want to be intimate, and really everything else that would come along with a relationship to a person in another organism. Maybe these ground rules get defined before dating, but they can be defined when dating too. However, they absolutely need to be explicitly defined, and early on at that. I sense my head ghosts the best with my sense of touch. I've read other hosts say that as well. Really, with some practice, physical intimacy can be achieved with a tulpa, and it can be achieved very well. I'd also argue that it's pretty self explanatory, and that an interested tulpa can figure a lot of it out on their own, even if their host doesn't get it right away. TL;DR If your friend wants a romantic relationship with their tulpa, and their tulpa wants it too, then as long as the tulpa is sentient, it'll be fine. Don't worry about it being too soon. Just set ground rules and expectations early on.
  8. @Bear As best as I can determine, Xiri does switching the same basic way that Sabari does it. She just didn't know how to do said way at first. Still not exactly sure why, outside of the general "head ghosts are freaking weird, yo" answer. --------------------------------- Xiri and I have still been doing some switching here and there. As I said above, it's the same basic way that Sabari does it. However, it feels more "violent" when Xiri does it. With Sabari it's like she just teleports into the driver's seat with almost no effort whatsoever. Xiri also does a sort of teleport thing, but I swear a feel a sense of physical recoil when she does it. There's been a few times where the process has knocked me off balance. She's gotten better with the fine motor control. And it's at the point where she can type well enough. However, we're not really interested right now in having me make an account on here for her. There are two main reasons for this: Browsing / posting on the forum is an opportunity for me and all four of the head ghosts to just hang out. Usually I hang out with one or two of them at once throughout the day, but here is a time when everyone is present. To her, it's not the same when I'm not in the front and it's Sabari doing stuff. So there's a general lack of interest on that front. The best way I can put it is that, well, she's Xiri. I trust her, and I know she wouldn't intentionally say anything that would get me banned. But to say she's argumentative would be an understatement. And I don't think the complete lack of malice to her words would really come across over text and to people who aren't aware of what's she's like. --------------------------------- Recent events have made me think about how each of the head ghosts consider the from they take. On one extreme end, Xiri doesn't want to look any different to how she looks now. Ever. She looks the same as she basically always has, excluding the time she was a bird., And also excluding the time she looked like a draenei, but we have agreed to never talk about that in detail ever again. Anzu has a similar opinion to Xiri but she's a bit more flexible. She'll experiment with her form on rare occasions, and she doesn't look the same as she used to look when I first made her. But unless something drastic happens, I don't see her ever not being the cute drow elf she is today. Sabari is kind of in the middle. The form she takes is important to her. And she takes pride in the way she looks and that she designed it herself. But what she looks like exactly isn't as important to her as it is to Xiri. I could totally see her looking different at some later point. All I know is that it's not going to be anything I pick out for her. Although I got a "your opinion does matter to me on that front, dude" after I typed that. Noriko is on the other extreme end in that she couldn't care less about what she looks like. And thinking about it, this has most likely always been the case with her. There was an incident back in 2015 where she insisted on having brown eyes. But that was more so due to her feeling that I wasn't listening to her (and her favorite color being brown). Noriko has changed forms more than any of the other head ghosts by far. Sabari used to change forms often as well, until she "settled down" in her words and figured out what she wanted to look like. However, Noriko has yet to settle down in that regard. At first I thought this was her experimenting with what she likes. Yet it's more than that: Noriko actively likes making herself look different. She'd be the type to wish for shapeshfiting as a superpower. Which brings me to why this came up in the first place. A few days ago, I was playing a game centered around monster girls. In this game, there's this cat monster girl which I think looks very pretty. Dark grey skin, black fur from the thighs down and on the arms, a long black tail, and blue cat eyes with black sclera. Not full on furry, but more in that direction than the typical cat girl. This game allows for certain "interactions" with the monster girls, and I was doing said interactions with this one a lot. Noriko picked up on this, and while she claims that jealousy had no part in her decision, she took the form of that character**. And she really does look amazing in that form. However, it took me by surprise as I thought she was perfectly happy with being an elf. To which she said that she was, but that her exact form wasn't that important to her. As long as I think it looks good, she's happy with it. And changing her form adds excitement in her eyes (which I agree with). ** Noriko wanted me to explicitly mention that while the character from the game is in the anime style, her version isn't. She looks like the real life equivalent of the character.
  9. My favorite book is The God Wave by Patrick Hernstreet. It's a pretty neat piece of science fiction. Highly recommend. What's your favorite music album, and does the answer to that change depending on what mood you're in?
  10. @Bear Well, Sabari has no issues with switching. I actually never thought to try going into the wonderland when she's in the front. I'll have to look into how to do that. The way we do it is that she manifests her presence into the room and I literally just switch places with her. Or she just poofs into the figurative driver's seat and I just sit back and watch. But yeah, wonderlands are pretty cool. Interestingly enough, I have the opposite mindset of you there with regards to the body. My view is that I as well as the head ghosts aren't a part of the organism (body), but the organism itself. Although all the head ghosts besides Sabari believe they center themselves in a specific part of the organism. ------------------------------------------------- Xiri learning to switch made me realize another surprising thing. If I already know how to switch myself with one of the head ghosts, then why does it matter which head ghost it is? Why can Sabari switch but Xiri couldn't? I mean, the knowledge on how to do it is all there. And I wouldn't have thought it's partitioned off in any way. But yet switching kind of shows each of the head ghosts must have different pathways they can use inside the organism to do stuff. Which I can kind of believe. After all, all of the head ghosts have different roles, so why wouldn't they use / be familiar with different things internally? At any rate, Xiri finally figured out how to switch places with me this morning. She did it multiple times and stayed switched in for as long as she wanted, minus a few times when I booted her out. She was really excited moving around, but her control over the limbs and such is still a work in progress. I remember it being the same case with Sabari and should be resolved with practice. Before switching I asked her not to yell. But of course one of the first things she did was yell "DUDE WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST TELL ME TO DO IT THAT WAY?!" at Sabari. Although she didn't quite get the vocal cords to work right so it came out as basically mouth movements. There were then a few times I accidentally booted her out, followed by her stumbling around the apartment as she was figuring out how to balance properly. She also made and drank a seltzer drink (which she liked) and ate a big milk chocolate covered pretzel (that I got just for her and she really liked) while in the front. There was also a lot more mouth movement yelling at both me and the other head ghosts. But kind hearted yelling. She even got some actual words out. So it was quite a successful switching session. She's also been switching in randomly at several parts throughout the day (even while typing this). Which confirms that like Sabari, she also doesn't need explicit permission to switch. She's been doing it so much that my head feels weird, which I also remember happening with Sabari until she calmed down with it.
  11. Something actually progress related happened last night. Sabari and I were discussing the whole switch process when I decided to ask the other head ghosts if they wanted to learn how to switch. Specifically on a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 = "Hell No" and 10 = "Hell Yeah". Noriko and Anzu both gave an answer of 0 rather quickly, although Anzu later revised her answer to a 1. Xiri gave an answer of 5 and maybe 6. The first surprising thing there is Xiri having an opinion that isn't a 1 or a 10 on any scale. But then she started arguing, and rather passionately at that, that she can in fact have middle of the road feelings on something. Switching just so happens to be one of them. The second thing that was surprising is that Xiri didn't really care about switching until recently. Anzu did, but she later decided that she'd actually rather not. I asked Xiri what changed her mind and the answer I got was essentially a "because fuck you, that's why". In a well meaning sense though. So I had Sabari demonstrate a few times how she switches to the front. Which I agree was less than helpful because she's so fluent at it that it's basically effortless at this point. It's still this same basic process, just a whole lot quicker. Now I understand that each tulpa may have their own way of doing something. But seeing how Sabari did it somehow made Xiri think the way she should do it was to run into me. And when it didn't work the first time she did it faster to the point I imagined her falling on her ass. Which of course brought a round of laughter that only made her mad. And that led to more attempts of trying to run into me faster, falling over, and getting even more mad. I swear that I even felt her run into me and almost staggered because of it. The whole thing was truly hilarious. Although she's still kind of mad we laughed, but in the understanding way. We then took a break for an hour or so to reassess the process. What ended up sort of working is that she turned herself into a glowing green ball and threw herself into me. I say it sort of worked because she freaked herself out doing that and started yelling at me to "throw her back out" So I imagined the same green ball and threw it which made her reappear in her usual form. The whole thing only lasted a few seconds, but she felt that she "got stuck" and freaked out about that. We haven't tried it since, but she has said she's willing to try again. She just wants to wait a few days before doing so.
  12. @Ido It is nice having a tulpa do a sort of guard duty for sure. Although nowadays it's more cute than anything when Anzu does it. And it sounds like a similar case when you do it from how you described. --------------------------------------------- One of the perks to a wonderland that I didn’t realize is that it gave the head ghosts a place to develop talents. Sure, before the wonderland, Sabari did a bunch of drawings while Noriko liked setting things on hypothetical fire. That plus diving around in my subconscious. However, they were both kind of limited to the physical space around me. I tried having wonderlands in the past, and none really went anywhere due to lack of interest. Previously I also blamed energy problems on not having a wonderland. But really that was actually a lack of interest thing. And that was how things were until Sabari designed a wonderland by herself. And I am continually amazed with the amount of detail it has. My previous wonderlands were set in nondescript outdoor areas with minimally detailed living areas. Not this one. It is set on a huge island in the South Pacific. There’s a large mountain on the right hand side, which feeds a river that leads into the ocean over a waterfall. There’s all sorts of vegetation, an entire pod of capybaras that all have distinct forms and names, a pair of dogs to serve as capybara herders, and a lot of foot paths. The island has distinct weather patterns which occur automatically. It has two large yet single story houses which are set around a slightly smaller house that serves as a common hanging out area. Each house has its own set of furniture, its own living room / bedroom, and is packed with windows to the outside. Noriko and Xiri use the house on the south side, while Anzu and Sabari use the one on the north side. The common area (which we call The Donut because it looks like one shape wise) has a fully equipped gym (mainly used by Noriko and sometimes Anzu) and a game room. And in the center is a patio area with lounge chairs and hammocks. There’s a covered pass from the patio leading to the east which has a swimming pool as well as a hot tub. And on the west side is a similar path to the start of most of the outdoor trails. And let me reiterate this: Sabari designed the whole thing BY HERSELF. I wasn’t involved, and I don’t think the other head ghosts were involved either, although they later helped pick out the furniture of their respective houses. I didn’t even know she was making a wonderland. She literally just asked me one day if I “wanted to see something cool”, and then unveiled the whole thing. It's like a general pattern with Sabari. I didn't have a set wonderland until Sabari made one. And I didn't switch until Sabari convinced me (and Noriko) that it was something she could do without causing any issues. I’ll describe how the head ghosts use the wonderland in another entry. Because they each use it in different ways.
  13. I like dark chocolate myself. Xiri likes milk chocolate, Noriko likes chocolate period, Sabari would prefer chocolate in drink form, while Anzu is largely indifferent. ^ appears to be a tulpa of science, which is commendable. < can't get that stupid jeep gang song out of his head v favorite mobile game (or video game if you don't play mobile games)
  14. @Yakumo Capybaras are pretty cute looking for sure. Sabari started really liking them during the whole pandemic thing. Since that has been abating, I've been getting regular "we going to the zoo yet?" messages from her. Seeing them in their native area must have been pretty cool though. Sabari wanted me to express just how jealous she is that you got to see them like that. ------------------------------------------- Describing what Anzu is like now requires describing what she used to be like when she was first created. I've kind of alluded to what she was made for and what she did in previous posts, but never in full detail. So here is my attempt to do so. Although I warn you, it's going to be a heavy read. You might not want to read it if you’re in a bad place right now. Which brings me to what Anzu is like now. The most important thing is that she is completely free of her previous responsibility to deal with my anger. And the way she acts now is how I think she would’ve acted if I had never asked her to do that in the first place. Which makes me feel a little guilty, but also like a past wrong has been righted in a sense. She's not really that much different from how I described in the last entry I made about her. She dresses differently, and she doesn't use her bird form at all anymore. But overall, she's a total bro. And she is so incredibly cute. She not only gets along with all the other head ghosts, but they all love her immensely. She still has the sense of loyalty to me. In fact, Sabari often jokingly comments that I just have Anzu on loan to her. She also still has the unique ability to silence intrusive thoughts, more so than the other head ghosts. Only difference is they aren't silenced by violence like before. Symbolism is instead used to make them more benign. Anzu still only appears if I explicitly talk to or call her up. And she wears a black ring with dark purple swirls on her left ring finger to symbolize her relationship. I also imagine having a matching one on my left ring finger. It's purposely on the left finger to note our relationship as different from the one I have with Noriko and Xiri, but none the less strong.
  15. Here are just the differences I can think of off the top of my head. Xiri loves to argue while I try to avoid arguments at all costs. Anzu really likes marshmallows while I think they are mediocre. Sabari hates greasy pizzas but I like them, especially a good pepperoni. Noriko would probably kill a man if it meant access to peanut butter cups. I think they're good but they aren't my favorite type of sweet anymore. Noriko's favorite genres of music are Heavy Metal and Darkwave. I like those genres but they aren't my favorites. Sabari for some reason likes pistachio ice cream. I don't. Anzu doesn't care for music much, and with the music she does like, she prefers live recordings over anything else. I'm an audiophile and don't like live recordings at all. Xiri likes milk chocolate while I prefer dark chocolate. She's also the type to want me to chew on the dark chocolate instead of suck on it, which is an absolute heresy.
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