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allonsy-tan

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  1. Hey, all. I discovered this whole phenomena about three, four months ago; after reading up on it as much as I could and debating for a while whether I was willing to make the commitment, I decided to go ahead and try to create a tulpa, starting in late May, early June. I've given her the name Violet. Basically, a friend advised me to read to my tulpa as a way of forcing, which I've been doing for at least an hour a day, pretty much every day, although I try to do more, in addition to just talking to her throughout the day about whatever happens to come up. I've begun the early stages of designing some sort of foundation for her personality, although everything I've found seems to be split between developing their personality as much as possible because this is what gives them their sentience, making the personality a vague outline for them to fill in as time goes on, or ignoring personality entirely for them to develop on their own. I went into one or two personality forcing sessions a bit half-assedly, and definitely feel I should work on it a bit more before trying again. Now, the thing is, I've found plenty of guides explaining methods, examples, etcetera etcetera, for once you're taking your first wee baby steps of tulpamancy; however I've found very few guides about learning how to crawl - they seem to go from "this is what a tulpa is and you make one by thinking KAY NOW WE'RE DOING VISUALIZATION". They never seem to talk about the first when you're tulpa is still a lil' abstract babby in the back of your mind. I read about these people 'sensing' their tulpas, in some way, shape or form, feeling that they're 'there'. After about two months of the forcing I've described, I haven't felt even a slight inkling of her being 'there'. I'm here wondering if I'm doing something incredibly, ridiculously wrong, if I'm just impatient and should just keep doing what I'm doing indefinitely until I start getting some sort of result, or, maybe, that I'm simply mentally incapable of creating a tulpa. Nevertheless, I'm completely confident that tulpa are real - the number of people who claim to have created tulpa, and the sheer time and effort put into trying help newcomers through guides, answering their questions, or even just moral support is amazing. This would have to be one of the greatest and most extensive trolls in internet history for it to be fake. One other thing has been bothering me - visualization. Many of the guides I've read instruct you to create a form before anything else - something simple, like a cloud, or a ball of light, or if you have their appearance completely worked out, doing that from the get-go. However, I seem to be 100% incapable of visualizing anything in my mind. As in, if you ask to to describe, say, a pokeball, the details immediately come to mind: a sphere that is red on the top half and white on the bottom half; but when you ask me to do something like close my eyes and imagine a pokeball, I see absolutely nothing. Just blackness, or varying shades of grey depending on the brightness of the light around me. I've tried, believe me, but I seem to be totally incapable of doing something like closing my eyes and seeing something like a wonderland, or even a little ball of light that would serve as a temporary form my my tulpa, much less impose that ball of light onto the world around me or something. Anybody have any advice whatsoever, or feel like yelling at me for being an unconfident, impatient nincompoop?
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