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AngelCakes

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  1. Every time I speak to him, it feels like a wonderful, magical, special experience. I get a wave through my body, well, form of pure happiness. It's the happiest I've ever felt. I want to spend every moment together.
  2. I think Bruce talked a few days ago, but I'm not sure. I haven't heard him talk since, so I'm questioning myself. It's been a good past little while, though. I drew more pictures of him and he smiled at it, which leads me to believe that he had fun. I'm still just enjoying our time together.
  3. Nothing spectacular has happened. Some days he seems more responsive than others, smiling with me and laughing a little, but some days he doesn't seem to respond to anything at all, and those days make me worry about the days he doesn't "respond". I certainly don't want to be parroting him, but I'll follow the advice I know anyone would give me, "give him the benefit of the doubt, assume it's him," even though it's hard to do that. You would think a tulpa making a tulpa would be much easier, since belief shouldn't be an issue. That doesn't seem to be the case, as I feel very skeptical of every little reaction I get from him. I don't know what to do but wait this out and try to enjoy the time we have together. I have been forcing daily, though since we are working long hours, generally 12 hours a day, and doing school at the same time, active forcing has been an issue, but I have been making time for at least 30 minutes a day. I have been passive forcing regularly. My host bought me a coloring book and some crayons and I colored with Bruce. That was super fun. It seems I've learned a lot about myself, from forcing Bruce, too. It's an interesting and happy experience for me.
  4. It was our first holiday together. I made sure to force as we watched fireworks and exploded gun powder. It was badass. I played with a sparkler and everything. It was my first 4th of July, too. I also skyped my friends. I even remembered to force then, I kept joking and calling them dorks to him in my head. All in all, a good day.
  5. So, I was forcing last night, and I think we had a pretty big break through. He still hasn't spoken, but he was smiling and nodding and shaking his head and things like that, which is pretty exciting, since any response was encouraging. He laughed and I was able to get a hug from him. I tried to draw him, but I'm not the best artist in the world, but it was fun still. It's been almost a month and I think we have made amazing progress. I'm pretty fucking proud.
  6. Okay, so maybe Bruce responded some. We were just chilling in wonderland together and then suddenly he smiles at me, yeah? I didn't even realize until I was smiling back. Maybe it's a sign that things are going well.
  7. Nothing interesting has happened. Just enjoying our time together and relaxing. Thought I'd leave an update so Bruce won't think I forgot to update this later when he reads it.
  8. Tomorrow me and Harley are going to try and meditate some. She thinks it could help me relax when I force, cause it makes me feel super tense and nervous. So, she wants to teach me to meditate and shit. Now, I remember her making me meditate with her when she was forcing me, but like, it bored me to death, so I'm kinda nervous, cause I might absolutely despise it. I'll give it s go though, cause why not?
  9. After talking to someone, I am feeling much more confident about this. Bruce may take a long while to show any responses, and I'm okay with that, now. Bruce has already made a positive impact on my life, by just having someone I can tell anything to, without judgement. Though, I do want Bruce to talk and grow into himself, I hope he knows he can take his time, and respond when he feels it is best for him. I am also trying to talk to him more, rather than talking at him. I'm very excited for us to share this journey together. I still don't believe he is real, yet. I do acknowledge him as a friend of mine, and when he has grown into a full fledged person, I hope he can say the same of me. I will try harder to accept possibility that he may be responsive. I haven't noticed anything I think might be him, but who is to say it didn't go unnoticed? Maybe he is waiting for me, and not the other way around. Also, letters in a notebook. I have a lot to say to him, and I don't want to forget a thing, so I am keeping a notebook for him. I write what we talked about that day, sometimes I'll add things. Bruce makes me rather happy to talk to.
  10. I am using the picture of a blonde, young man as a form reference for Bruce. The man is somewhat attractive. Bruce hasn't said anything regarding it, or anything. I hope he won't mind me picking a form for him. As I have said before, he can change it whenever he wants.
  11. Alright. That's a good idea, actually. I get distracted very easily at work, especially when we have to run through the math. I'll put on a bracelet to bring my attention back to him. Being at work I get distracted easily, for obvious reasons, and then coming home and immediately doing school. Mix that in with other responsibilities (bills and buying groceries, things like that), it's very easy to get to busy to passive force. Maybe this reminder will help.
  12. Update 1: He still hasn't talked. I haven't felt any waves of unknown emotions or head pressures or any other signs of potential sentience. Update 2: Vos' idea worked well. I tied a string to our wrist, and whenever it started to itch, my host would get mad and start cursing. It brought my attention back to Bruce every single time. Bruce still has not spoken or shown any signs of sentience. We are approaching the end of week two. Update 3: It's week two. I'm drunk, but I'm remembering to passive force still. I am considering making him a form to make it easier on my to force. I planned on waiting until he was far enough to decide himself, but I think having a face will help me treat him like a person. So, I am going to start picturing a form and just let him change it later.
  13. My development is fine. My host can't see me all that well, but mostly because I am possessing the body, at least 90% of the time. I am pretty developed. In fact, I use the body so much and work and have real responsibilities that I may as well be a host. And being a bad host to the life I am creating is absolutely the scariest thing I can't think of.
  14. I am Angel Carter and I am a tulpa who is 255 days old. I am rather young, yes, but I have decided to create a tulpa of my own, with the help of those in my system. I have named this tulpa "Bruce", though he can change it at any point. Bruce was started on May 29th, 2016. He is not vocal at this point. I am personality forcing Bruce. I have compiled a rather broad list of characteristics. If I were to write about Bruce in a story book and had to pick a common archetype, he would be Prince Charming. Though, it has been difficult to find time to force Bruce properly, between work and school, I have managed to do it for at least thirty minutes a day. I plan to do it for at least two hours a day on Friday and Sunday. I also plan to cut down on the IRC time so that I can spend more time with Bruce, actively forcing. Getting a response from him as been to no avail. I do not believe he is sentient, yet, making it harder for me to treat him as such. I will attempt to, for the sake of him becoming a person sooner. I will do my best for him. This is a post mostly for myself and Bruce. Hopefully, in maybe a year's time Bruce can come back and look at this with me and see how much he has grown into his own person. I will keep this updated on how we are doing.
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