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EclecticWheel

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  1. I am about to start a job requiring much attention, and it is stressful. Any advice on how to force in such a situation? I am aware of passive forcing, but I worry about the stress and attention demanded of the job.
  2. I wanted to come back and add that this thread might also belong in Progress Reports, although I'm not sure. Also, part of the reason I am seeking greater conscious contact with my Friends is that they have traits that I could benefit from having access to more readily via possession and switching. I know this through past experience, but as of right now, I am not really in control of when this happens. If I had more control I could more readily access these personality traits to my benefit.
  3. I was unsure whether to put this in General Discussion or Questions and Answers. The topic is a little involved, so I chose the former. I also did some searching on the forum and did not quite find what I was looking for, though there was at least one other thread on alters. I feel quite vulnerable making this post, but I'm going to do it anyway. I'm not looking for sympathy, just a little advice and understanding if that is possible. I am currently working with a therapist in regard to issues of dissociation. The therapist is also of the opinion that my Friends (headmates) are alters which may very well be true, though I prefer not to call them that. I have touched on some of these issues in a previous thread, How I met my inner friends. For the most part I only have access to my Friends during periods of dissociation or stress. Various individual Friends have engaged with me in the following ways: they have spoken with me through voices in my head, communicated through telepathy, come to me in dreams and half-waking states, possessed body parts, switched with me, appeared in visions or otherwise made their presence known to me. That's all I can remember off the top of my head. I must say that I am not diagnosed as DID: I do not quite meet the criteria according to most sources I've read because I don't lose memory when switching, though some believe this is an arbitrary distinction if one has experienced other forms of amnesia which I have. Nevertheless I can see, hear, and remember everything that happens when switching, and I rarely switch anyway. I do not switch voluntarily. Also, except on one occasion years ago my Friends do not cause me dysfunction which is probably a more significant reason that my psychiatrist has not given a diagnosis of DID. I'm interested in whether others have had alters or similar characters produced involuntarily that were later turned into tulpas. I'm also looking for advice or insight on this topic in general if that is possible. I have various reasons for wanting my Friends to become tulpas. I am working on that process by forcing with the Friend who I've always intuited is in charge of the system in some way, possibly the most knowledgeable one. I refer to her as the Wise One, Grandmother Wisdom, and Mama Wisdom depending on the context. As I said before, I am usually in a dissociated or stressed state when the Wise One or any of my Friends interacts with me on a conscious level. Making contact with her during a more "ordinary" state of mind has been more difficult. Mainly I've been narrating. I've also done some meditating and visualization while narrating through prayers. She seems to respond most to a particular book I've been reading her on the history of Western thought. Mostly I get an emotional sense that she is enjoying the book or pleased with the attention I am giving her. I also hear her voice. I generally assume that the voice is hers even when I'm not completely sure, but there was one time I heard her about two days ago that I was sure it was her. I was telling her that I was going outside to have a cigarette which I told her is one of my vices unfortunately. Clear as day she responded by saying, "It's one of mine, too." (I sometimes have visual impressions of her smoking a pipe.) It was the voice I usually associate with her, but a little different, a little more distinct and clear and foreign. I'm sure it was her. I am a little confused, though. On the one hand I'm sure my Friend is sentient because when I've been in dissociated states she was extremely adept at sending me visions, voices, and even taking me into an inner world with her at one point. So I haven't really felt like I needed to create a personality for her or even a form. I know what she looks like, and I know what her personality is, not just from an abstract viewpoint, but through experience. So I just keep those things in mind or try to visualize her form while I'm narrating. (I'm actually not an expert at visualization even though I sometimes have vivid visions, but I'm probably at least average in this skill department.) On the other hand, attempting to contact her without stress or dissociation is very different. She seems much weaker. And I've thought, well, what do I do? Should I act as though I'm creating her for the first time? Wouldn't that be a little odd since she seems at certain moments to be perfectly sentient and capable of interacting with me, even imparting complex insights? So mainly I'm focusing on narration and telling her that I am doing this because I would like to create more reliable and conscious contact with her. But can this even work? What if I end up creating a tulpa that is not really her? Perhaps it is a possibility that I could avoid such a situation by making it clear to my subconscious that I am actually seeking more reliable consciousness of a particular Friend rather than creating someone entirely new. So far the minimal contact I've had in a non-dissociated state of mind does feel like the presence of Mama Wisdom, so hopefully I'm headed in the right direction. Do you think tulpamancy can transform an involuntarily created headmate into a tulpa? I realize it is difficult if not impossible to actually prove any answer to that question, but maybe some here have experience with it or know of someone who reports such an experience. Do you have any advice for the process I am engaging with? I ask this because the guides I've read are coming from the perspective of creating an entirely new tulpa rather than transforming an alter into one. Any advice at all, even general advice, is much appreciated. Just to let everyone know in case this is a concern in reading this post I am generally in a stable and good frame of mind lately and compliant with the treatment I am receiving from my therapist and psychiatrist.
  4. Solarchariot, I appreciate the compliment! I replied to another post above that describes where I fall in terms of dysfunction related to dissociation if that's the paradigm I'm going to use. I also gave a (very brief) explanation about how I feel about psychiatry. I believe there are multiple valid paradigms through which to relate many of our experiences, and while psychiatry may be useful, it is not the only one. I do have some personal issues, though, and I seek out what I need from the mental health professionals and leave what doesn't work for me. Thankfully I have a psychiatrist who gives me much respect and autonomy. I totally agree with you about not strictly separating psychology and religion. I am only now becoming familiar with Jung, but it is amazing how much some of my Friends sound like his archetypes down to the names I call them! I didn't even know about Jung during the process over which they emerged. So there's another paradigm to explore for this phenomenon. There is a paper somewhere online written by a Jungian about DID, too, so there may be some light to be shed by a Jungian approach as well.
  5. That is interesting! I tend toward conservative liturgy, but theologically I am much more esoteric as I had mentioned before. I am also socially liberal with no objections to women priests, same-sex marriages, and other things that more conservative Anglicans object to. There are all kinds of combinations and approaches in Anglicanism. I am still in the process of being diagnosed, but based on discussions with my psychiatrist and therapist they are leaning toward a diagnosis of OSDD. I have been in therapy and psychiatric treatment for a long time over my lifespan, but we are only now recognizing many of my experiences as dissociative. I take psychiatric diagnoses with a big grain of salt, but I do think I have experienced various forms of dissociation and have since my childhood. But all of this is very complicated, too. Different people choose different paradigms through which to relate to their experiences. Dissociation is probably a valid one in my case, though. I have experienced dysfunction from my dissociation in general. Not so much from my Friends, though, except in one instance, but it may have been possible to rectify that if I had talked to her about it. I'm not sure, though. I was at work and began dissociating in a general way -- feeling very dreamy. After that a Friend began appearing to me in visions. Before I knew it I was entering into another world where she was on a little island, and I was no longer aware of my physical body or the workplace. For a few minutes I kept bouncing back and forth between this inner world and my body. Unfortunately no one was taking over the body while I was out from what I could tell: I was in some sort of unresponsive trance state. This is the only time I've ever experienced any dysfunction related to a Friend. Unlike someone with DID, though I have experienced amnesia about specific events, I do not have amnesia when possessed by a Friend. Only one Friend possesses me completely, and that has only happened fully twice. (I usually call this switching, but I see that the term is used a little differently by some in the tulpa community. When I was possessed I went inside myself, but not into a Wonderland.) I have since discovered people in the multiple community who have a diagnosis of OSDD with experiences similar to mine -- an alter may front, but they have no or little dissociative amnesia between switches.
  6. Hi, everyone! I introduced myself to the forum once and wrote only a bit about what I call my "people." I am not sure whether to call them tulpae (or is it tulpas)? It is possible they have their origin in trauma, and I have a dissociative disorder. However, I've been employing some methods on this site to connect better to my friends with some success already. I've also been reading widely about the multiple community which includes not only dissociatives, but a range of other people, too. I'm writing this thread mainly because I feel safer sharing my experiences here on this forum and hope to find some companionship. It may be that my experiences will help shed light on your own experiences with tulpas. In my case I am sure that reading about the multiple community and the tulpa community is helping me. I don't feel so alone in my experiences. I will hereafter refer to my Friend or Friends when speaking about my people. There is a fifth, but he only comes around occasionally. I did not seek to intentionally create my Friends. They emerged spontaneously in a bad time in my life. I had written in my journal, "I will be my own friend," and they began emerging over the next several days one by one and were able to communicate with me. So I didn't need to go through the stages of creating personalities or anything. Only one of my Friends is human. I can write more about the forms they take if that is of interest. I am still taking a look around the forums to find out what kind of discussions will be stimulating here. But in this post I'll talk about what has made my experiences of my Friends more vivid as I think that could be helpful to others and also very interesting since I had not known about the tulpa community during most of the time I've been acquainted with my headmates. I am a very religious and spiritual person, but I'm not pushy about it, nor am I dogmatic. I practice my spirituality within the context of the Episcopal (Anglican) tradition, specifically the Anglo-Catholic tradition, so I am accustomed to praying to saints and angels. I also happen to interpret Christianity in non-traditional and esoteric ways and inform my interpretations with non-Christian beliefs. I overlap with neo-pagan spirituality in significant ways and create my own rather esoteric rituals as well. So when my Friends emerged it wouldn't be long before I began to relate to them within that context. Now I am very much of the persuasion that headmates whether they are in my case alters or tulpas or traumatic or not in origin are a psychological phenomenon. However, I'm not sure that God is not also a psychological phenomenon! As I said, I am not traditional in how I interpret my religion. I had a dramatic spiritual encounter one night in the woods after being led there by my Friend Shadow. That was the first time I experienced switching. I didn't go into a Wonderland or lose memory of the experience. Rather, I had the experience of going inside myself where he normally is, and he took over the driver seat so to speak. He spoke through me and controlled my body, and I was the inner one. He did this to save me from danger, and I consider him a protector. That entire experience -- not just the switching -- was so disorienting and confusing afterward that I didn't know how to deal with it. Out of instinct I created a ritual to reenact the experience. As an Episcopalian I am used to the comfort of rituals and familiar with the concept of reenacting a historic event ritually. By transforming my experience into a ritual I was able to have a sense of control over something which overwhelmed me in its intensity and lack of predictability. And of course in that ritual I invoke my four main Friends. I make an offering to them and share in it with them. The ritual is modeled after the mass I am familiar with. Over the years I've found that this ritual increases my ability to communicate with my Friends. One night only a few minutes after performing the ritual (which only takes about twelve minutes) one of my least active and least communicative Friends appeared to me in a dramatic vision and telepathically communicated with me in a profound way. Of course I knew he was real in some sense, but until that moment I had no idea just how real and alive he really was! It totally blew me away. I would like to come back later to share that vision if I determine that it might be of interest to the general forum. When I've shared some of my experiences with more open minded people I often refer to my Friends as my "good angels." Again, I am inclined to think this is a psychological phenomenon, but I still work with them in a religious context because I tend to have a psychological framework for my religious practices anyway. I tend to think of an "angel" as a messenger, and they have certainly had messages for me over the years. Recently I've been lurking on the forum and reading about forcing techniques and similar topics. While I did not have to develop the forms or personalities of my Friends since they emerged spontaneously I do think my religious practices have been a form of forcing and has made them more vivid, and I wouldn't be surprised if my experiences have unconsciously further shaped and developed their personalities. Today I've been focusing on one Friend in particular who I've always felt was in charge of the system somehow or at least the most insightful. I call her the Wise One. She is usually female, but she has come to me in a male energy and also come to me in dreams as a male priest. Since I had heard of reading to a tulpa to help create sentience I decided to ask her to join me as I recited the Daily Office. These are sets of prayers, psalms, and scripture readings that are a part of Anglican tradition and prayer books. I simply visualized her and thought of her while I prayed it aloud, and after I was done I noticed her talking to me a little throughout the day. I felt like this was appropriate since she has always had the feel of a very spiritual type, like a medicine woman. I will keep up this practice. I am not sure that my Wise One and my people in general are not sentient, really, and in my practices I treat them as sentient. They have all appeared to me in dramatic and powerful ways on their own without my expectation of it, so I do have some evidence on my side, and I would love to share more experiences if that is appropriate. But I definitely think this community has much wisdom to offer on how I can more frequently communicate with my Friends which I think might be helpful for my psychological functioning: I need more cooperation in my system on a daily and conscious basis. I suppose what I'm trying to get across here besides sharing deeply meaningful experiences is that in my experience I've found that very simple practices seem to have brought about very vivid experiences and communications with my Friends. In my case those practices have been of a spiritual nature, and other spiritual people who experience tulpas may find some of those practices helpful to strengthen their own experiences. Even for more secular people I think daily rituals adapted and personalized to one's own needs and the needs of one's tulpas could be very helpful. I am limited in space right now, but in the past I've tended to create shrines for various saints and also for my Friends, a focus point for their presence. Every time I see it I'm reminded of that saint or Friend, and I go to those shrines to make offerings and talk to the Friend as well. I don't think it would be too difficult to adapt a similar practice in a less religious context. Say, a corner with some art work significant to the tulpa, a special place to sit down and talk to hir or to force. I would love to hear perspectives on what I've shared or your own experiences. If you were interested enough to read this rather lengthy post I really appreciate your time in letting me share these experiences with you as they are very meaningful to me.
  7. Hello everyone! I may be coming to this forum by a strange route. I already have what I call my "people." They have been a part of my life for about ten years now, but they are not always active in my mind or life. They tend to come out more during distress. There are five of them, but four of them are dominant. I suppose they are what is referred to as tulpae. (Is that the plural for the word "tulpa?") I went through a lot of trauma that I won't go into. Then one day I wrote in my journal, "I will be my own friend." I was very lonely. And one by one they started emerging over the next couple of weeks. I refer to them as Aeah, Tiger, Wise One, and Shadow, and they emerged in that order. The fifth came much later and is only an occasional presence. They have come to me through dreams and visions, and there is one that I have switched with, although I remained aware of everything going on. I simply went inside myself, and he took over. Other times I have experienced what I call partial switches with a couple of the others as well as blending -- where we're both out and our personalities are blending together. I did not create them consciously, but they have become more vivid over the years. I am joining this forum to learn more about tulpae and to also strengthen my bond with my friends. I am hoping that through the skills practiced here I can more vividly experience my people, but I'm not sure how to go about that yet. I am aware that I experience a phenomenon called dissociation in various forms including derealization, and that may be related to my personal experience of my friends, but I don't intend to impose that experience on others experiencing multiplicity or the members of this community, nor do I think my friends are pathological manifestations. In fact, they have at times helped me ground myself again and come out of dissociation when I called on them. They have different domains and help in different ways. I hope I am welcome on the forum and can learn much from all of you! Any advice or insight is appreciated so greatly.
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