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fennecgirl

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    Ex-Tulpamancer

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  1. Hey. I don't know if you remember me (I won't be offended if you don't, if I'm honest I don't remember you either), but if you do then you might remember how dysfunctional our "system" was. I got into tulpamancy at the same age you did (back in 2012), when I somehow stumbled across tulpa.info and learned that the daydream characters/imaginary friends I had could be something more. It seemed like a dream come true, and I realized at least one of my "characters" was a tulpa already. Unfortunately completely relinquishing control so these characters could be tulpas and ~be themselves~ ended up being disastrous. I really bought into the mindset that doubt is bad and you have to accept every response that could be from your tulpa, that they're real conscious people and if you don't regularly give them attention and opportunities to do what they want in the real world then you're a bad host, all that jazz. My tulpas got warped by intrusive thoughts and also pretty much dictated how I lived my life, or at least what I did with my free time, and our "system" was rife with personal and interpersonal issues. I said goodbye to tulpamancy—and my tulpas—a couple years ago, and my mental health has hugely improved since. I do miss them from time to time, but I know what I really want back is our pre-tulpamancy days, and returning to what we had then hasn't been an option since, well, 2012. So I'm on my own for good now, as far as the number of people in my head is concerned.
  2. First question, have you asked him about this? I've had dreams about my tulpas which they had no recollection of after waking up, and I've had many dreams where I myself have acted very out of character. So I would mention the dream to your tulpa. Maybe you were just dreaming about him and he wasn't really there. Or maybe he was and thinks it was totally bizarre.
  3. Daydreaming is totally a legit form of tulpaforcing. Fun fact, Kayleigh (a daydream character turned tulpa) reached a level of autonomy where she was able to interrupt me regardless of what I was doing/paying attention to, and this was before we even knew what tulpamancy was. She also actively resisted being puppeted; again, before we knew about tulpamancy. So I wouldn't worry about accidentally creating a puppet. I imagine the more immersive your daydreams, the easier it is to develop a tulpa that way, intentionally or not.
  4. Sí, se puede. En el pasado he conocido a tulpas que fueron creados en esta manera. También, hay muchos escritores cuyos personajes hablan con ellos sin el control del autor. Es totalmente posible crear un tulpa por la creación de ficción, incluso sin la intención. No te preocupes por la consciencia. Yo creo que un tulpa no tiene consciencia de verdad, sólo es una ilusión. Sospecho que el problema es esto. Te concentras en no obligar a tu tulpa a hablar, y tu tulpa no habla. Una sensación de control es normal a veces, especialmente si tu tulpa no tiene el desarrollo avanzado, y si la resistes, es probable que no notes las respuestas de tu tulpa. Envíame un mensaje. Hablo castellano y tenía tulpas más de 6 años. Me alegraría ofrecerte mi ayuda.
  5. Yes. There's no use worrying over "unconscious parroting" or whatever. That's what a tulpa is. If you aren't consciously parroting, congrats, it's your tulpa.
  6. This is normal. Forcing helps, as others have said, and so does not stressing over it, meditating, shutting out distractions, getting enough sleep, etc. All sorts of factors can affect your ability to concentrate. Apparent "regression" in a tulpa who's receiving regular attention is often the result of an unfocused host.
  7. Most people who’ve been to therapy would disagree. Therapy isn’t about “spewing words” but rather helping you help yourself. Just having someone to talk to can be a huge help, plus said someone is trained and experienced and can walk you through coping techniques and other strategies to help you with your issues. (Not telling you what to do, but rather working with you to find what works best for you. Everyone’s different after all.) Plus, if you have insurance, it can cost you little to nothing. But hey, if you prefer being miserable, that’s your prerogative. I’m not going to force you.
  8. holy crap dude, I remember you and you suddenly it's 2012 again lol
  9. Hobbies? Maybe find a productive hobby if unproductive ones are stressing you out. Could be writing, drawing, programming, whatever floats your boat. Online school sucks. I endured four years of it. At least you can look forward to things being back to normal (hopefully) by next year? (All I had to look forward to was graduation.)
  10. Grieving is normal. Believe me. My tulpas had been with me for years when I quit (and in my case, it was me leaving them, so grief was the last thing I expected to feel), and, yeah, it was painful for awhile. I completely cut myself off from the tulpa community as well, so I had no one at all I could talk to about it. I don't know if it's any consolation to you, but some of us here do understand what it's like to lose a tulpa, in some cases permanently. The best thing you can do right now is move on. Easier said than done, I know. Allow yourself to grieve (i.e., don't beat yourself up over it or tell yourself you "shouldn't" be grieving), but try not to get caught up in it. Step away from the community. Occupy yourself with other things. Avoid reminders of her if you have to. (I avoided certain music, games, etc. for over a year. Still do, to a lesser extent.) I don't think it's wise to go back into tulpamancy. Yes, you can tell yourself you'll "do it right" this time, but look at what else you've said. It was stressful. You often wished you'd never started. Is that really something you want to return to? And what if your new tulpa reminds you too much of the mistakes you made with your first one that you regret? Sure, it's great to have a companion who knows you inside and out and is always there when you need/want them... but there are drawbacks, and I think you've spent enough time wishing you hadn't started to know that. That's what you should remember when the temptation hits to return. I gave into the temptation to reconnect with my tulpas the first time I reconnected with the tulpa community (about a year post-quitting). It was a huge mistake. I still get that temptation sometimes when I hang around this community too much (part of why I advocate distancing yourself, at least for now), but nowadays I just remind myself I know I'll regret it and dismiss the thought. By the way, the pain doesn't last. I know it feels like the pain will last forever because she's gone forever, but that isn't true. I was a mess for months after I stopped tulpamancy. Even after a year, I was still steering clear of reminders and struggling with the trauma tulpamancy caused me. But now? It's been a little over two years, and I couldn't be happier. I've embraced my singlethood and wouldn't trade it for the world. My life is my own again. I'm free of all the stress and guilt and drama that tulpamancy brought me. Do I sometimes wish I had a tulpa to share my life or even just pass the time with? Sure. But then I remember how stressful tulpamancy was, and how my tulpas dominated my life, and I realize that isn't what I want at all. Again, there's nothing wrong with grieving. It's normal. But in time your grief will fade, and you may realize being a singlet is pretty awesome once you've given yourself the chance to adjust back to that lifestyle.
  11. (I'm quoting from the creepypasta, but I assume the script is the same.) This is possible, and I'm pretty sure the researchers' explanation is correct. Nope. Sorry. While a tulpa may occasionally remember things you can't consciously recall, a tulpa can't give you eidetic memory, or even close. Are you even a tulpamancer if you don't carry out mental conversations with your tulpa in public? Tulpas can pick up on things the host isn't consciously aware of, but just like with remembering things, it isn't some fantastic ability you can always rely on. I'd say it's sort of factual, but exaggerated. Also, tulpas can misjudge people. Singlets can know themselves very well. Tulpamancers can have very little self-awareness. A tulpa can help you to understand yourself better, but self-awareness has more to do with introspection and maturity than whether or not you have a tulpa. Obeying the voice in your head without question is called schizophrenia, not tulpamancy. Paranoia could potentially cause this, but tulpas don't get "corrupted" unexpectedly. This goes past the point of believability. You don't concentrate on not thinking about something—doing so is counterproductive. Relaxing should make it go away, and actively trying to ignore it should stir up all sorts of intrusive thoughts. Generally, if you can't focus, you'll have a hard time making sense of what your tulpa's saying/doing. A tulpa can't cause you to hallucinate unless you've intentionally trained yourself to do so. Not possible. (I mean, I suppose you could train yourself to feel hallucinated pain... but why?) Tulpas don't have physical forms. This is completely impossible. So... the tulpa took physical form and became a serial killer? Absolutely not possible. Again, tulpas can't manifest physically.
  12. Something we used to do when we were getting the hang of it (and occasionally resorted to later if I was interfering too much) was to recite something like "I am [tulpa's name]. I am in control of the body. I am not fennec. They are no longer in control" and so forth. We didn't have a set script, but we'd say things along the lines of that, speaking in unison in our mindvoices. After a bit our mindvoices would merge and we'd basically become one person. It's really weird at first, but you get used to it. I guess that's technically merging, but the "result" of the merge would always be whoever was fronting, unless something pulled me back to the front, and handing your tulpa the controls is a lot easier when you effectively are your tulpa.
  13. I don't think my answer conflicts with Absideon's. A tulpa can, in a sense, take over when they want once swapping control becomes second nature—but the host still has to consent. It's more that the tulpa can request control nonverbally (or simply declare themself in charge), and the host can choose to give up control or refuse. With enough experience, it's pretty much instantaneous (which I think is what Absideon was getting at), but it still requires consent. Worst-case scenario, your tulpa barges in anyway... and then complains because they can't actually do anything unless you let them. Yeah. The sort of blending that results in identity confusion can only definitively be avoided by remaining the sole fronter. It should never happen outside the context of possession/switching. There's a milder form of blending that just happens and is totally normal, where sometimes the distinction between your thoughts and your tulpa's can blur. Conversations with people in your head tend to be "messier" than with other people, or maybe more fluid is a better term. Sometimes things are just understood without being put into words, and sometimes words are said but no one knows (or cares) who said them. There's no blending of identity/personality here, though. If you're discussing something one or both (or all) of you have strong, differing feelings about, it's going to be pretty clear who's saying what. On the other hand, say you're doing puzzles together, or even discussing something you share the same views on, you may find yourself "co-thinking", since you're on the same wavelength and individual perspectives (and thus being clear who's speaking) are basically irrelevant. I hope that makes sense. Any "answer" you get regarding the physiological effects of tulpamancy on the brain is going to be pure conjecture, since it hasn't been studied. But yes, actively paying attention to your tulpa does increase cognitive load. That isn't something particular to tulpamancy; focusing your thoughts on anything but the task at hand hurts your ability to perform said task. Though having your tulpa around when you're working on something isn't necessarily a detriment, since they can help (whether by suggesting a new angle to approach something from, remembering things you've forgotten, serving as a metaphorical rubber duck...) Your tulpa doesn't have to be present 24/7. In fact, it's really easy to forget they're even there when you're focused on something else. I'm very skeptical of any such stories. The only way I could see that happening is if the host very strongly believes that 1) evil tulpas are possible, 2) their tulpa is evil, and 3) an evil tulpa cannot be ignored. Severe, pre-existing mental illness could possibly cause that as well (OCD certainly screwed with mine, though none of them intentionally made my life hell). It definitely isn't a common occurrence, and the only prevention needed is realizing the idea of "evil tulpas" is basically an urban legend. Also, despite what many claim, tulpamancy isn't a "once you're in, you're in for life" deal. If things do go wrong, you can always just stop (and boy do I wish I'd known that earlier). Accidental tulpas come about in many ways, but they all share something in common: a host who believes tulpas can be created accidentally. Many will tell you sentience is what determines whether something is a tulpa or not. But how do you determine sentience? It can't be proven, and as far as I'm concerned, tulpas are an illusion anyway. It isn't sentience that sets them apart, but rather whether the host chooses to consider them sentient. (That only applies, of course, to those who consider tulpas to be sentient. For those who don't consider tulpas sentient, it's pretty obviously the host's decision whether they want to call any intrusive thoughtform a tulpa.) My point is, it's entirely up to you what you choose to accept as a tulpa. Found yourself with a "walk-in" you don't want? Ignore it. It's not a tulpa unless you decide it is.
  14. My understanding of endogenic systems is that they simply are plural and in many cases always have been. Unlike the tulpamancers who want to copy them because all the "cool kids" are plural. In the earlier days of (modern) tulpamancy, none of us considered ourselves plural. Endogenic plurality (then called healthy multiplicity) was talked about now and then, but it was seen as a similar yet distinct phenomenon that gave legitimacy to the idea that having multiple personalities/identities in one head isn't inherently a disorder. If you think about it, DID gives legitimacy to endogenic plurality, since studies on DID give documented evidence that having multiple personalities/identities in one head is possible. Yet, DID legitimizing endogenic plurality doesn't mean endogenics have DID—so why should plurality legitimizing tulpamancers mean tulpamancy equals plurality? Personally, I don't believe tulpamancy and plurality are the same thing at all; they're only superficially similar. A singlet who decides to effectively split their identity is not the same as a system who never developed a unified sense of identity but instead developed as multiple. Some plurals have never even had a designated "host" but managed the role collectively. As for my thoughts on "system": I don't like it. I'll use it if I have to, because there really isn't a good alternative, but I'll rephrase whenever I can to avoid the term. You can accuse me of not liking new ideas and terminology because I'm old or whatever, but I used to be adamant that I was plural and blah blah blah and anyone who said otherwise was gatekeeping. I'm not rejecting it because it's "new". I'm rejecting it because I went through a cringy phase of loudly appropriating plurality and later realized I'd been subconsciously roleplaying all along. Whoops.
  15. Awesome job making progress with possession! From my experience, host activity is the biggest barrier to possession. If you can bring yourself in tune with Shizuku's thoughts/identity (and suppress your own) while she's fronting, it should make it way easier for her to do more complicated things like you mentioned without so much host interference or confusion over who's doing what. I can give you some pointers if you'd like.
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