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ForeverBizaRRe

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  1. "And did they get you to trade Your heroes for ghosts? Hot ashes for trees? Hot air for a cool breeze? Cold comfort for change? And did you exchange A walk on part in the war For a lead role in a cage? How I wish, how I wish you were here" I think I found Lex's favourite song last week. We were listening to some music when I felt something wonderful in my stomach. That feel was absolutely joyous. I think it was his first emotional response I got after his revival. Another great thing is that I finally got rid of intrusive thoughts (sadly, not my parrotnoia). Speaking of parroting, I worry about it less and less. But I wonder for how long? Also being in wonderland is getting more pleasant. It's like pure freedom. I can do whatever I want, be whatever I want and be wherever I want. Or more like be wherever we want. Perhaps the most memorable forcing session was when I decided I could last longer while listening to some music. Like a whole album by someone I really like. So, my choice for possibly more effective forcing was Black Holes And Revelations by Muse. I'm just a bit mad about Muse. . Forcing was, erm, weird. But it was the first time when I stayed in wonderland for 45 minutes. ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED! Uh. We also have more conservations. I mean, some days we speak more, others we don't at all. But all I can say is PING PONG RULES! Yesterday we had an interesting conversation. OK. More like one interesting sentence from Lex. I was asking random things and I thought I should ask something about sentience. I asked him something like "For how long can you hear me?". As a response I got "Since you were twelve." I was shocked. REALLY SHOCKED! I mean, I used him as my daydreaming character. I loved to daydream since my childhood. I created characters, developed their stories. But Lex was the main one. I don't remember when I created him exactly. But I kept developing him, changing his story, appearance, even names . And I was actually twelve, when I created him the way he's now. Or that's when I started to develop him more that way. About that time, I also started to think what if he's an actual person living in another universe, and I just create a life for him. Of course, it was just another mind fucking. But daaaaaamn. Like damn. I never thought that he could've been some form of a tulpa then. A really positive thing is that I don't have to wonder why Lex choses that shitty voice I made back then, over the others I show him. Oh another damn and achievement. I've just written my longest post in this forum . Done.
  2. Uh Yeah... So I tried binaural records last week. And the most shocking thing is that they actually helped. For the first time in two weeks, we had some quite effective forcing sessions. Using binaural records: Day 1 I was quite skeptical that it will work, because I tried binaural records some time ago, but all they did was distracting me. When I went to our wonderland, it was blurry and it was changing constantly (I really don't know how to explain it in the other way). Also Lex wasn't in a good mood, so we ended up fighting and hating each other. I got tired of it and came back to physical world. After a few hours I decided to come there again. I said that I'm really sorry for everything and hugged him. Somehow we ended up creating a new wonderland. When I said that I have to go, he hugged me and kissed me into lips. I asked him what was that and heard him saying silently "That's what friends do. Isn't it?" Day 2 We spent some time simply sitting by each other and talking. Well, more like I was speaking and Lex was listening. I still can't hear him talking most of the time. It's like my mind is blocking all the words he's saying or I start to hear him saying something, but when I realise it, my mind simply blocks his response or I just finish saying it. Day 3 Tried forcing without binaural records. At first I got some random thoughts, but then they vanished. We did lots of crazy thing in wonderland. At first we started to fight by throwing fireballs at each other. It was really cool, but hey it's wonderland. We can do whatever the fuck we want. So it evolved into some crazy avatar type battle. Needless to say, it was fun. That's probably everything. See ya! ^^
  3. And all that time I thought it's better to use wonderland... Thank you a lot for clearing things up ^^
  4. The thing is that I can visualize my tulpa perfectly in this world. But in wonderland it gets, well, I don't know, weird? I simply visualize Lex near me, but then I also see him in another place. I've heard that it happens for some people when they try to puppet their tulpas. But I don't even intend to puppet him (or maybe I just don't release that I do). It's been like this since I started tulpaforcing. Not exactly, but in a very similar way. Of course, some time we've spent in wonderland was really great. We made a lot of progress about two weeks ago. Everything looked so real in there. But after a week of this greatness, everything just stopped. So it's been two weeks since our last normal forcing in wonderland. Btw, thanks for feedback. And I guess I should give those binaural beats a try.
  5. Lex. Except his hair style is slightly different and his eyes are a bit brighter.
  6. Thank you a lot! ^^ I actually started to get those real responses, when I realised that I can't make my tulpa do what he doesn't want or can't do at the moment. Because a year ago, when I had just started tulpamancy, I assumed that every random thought I got was him, even most of the time I was sure it was simply me. So I think that after some time you'll do everything fine ^^ The thing is that I try to force every day passive or active, but I just can't force myself to write something. Even, about a month ago, some interesting things happened. Yup, I'm lazy :D
  7. Ugh, I haven't posted there for quite a long time. So basically all I did last week was narrating. Like narrating about people I really hate, about school, which I really hate, about some random things and things we're going to do after some time. Well, I also went to our wonderland. Once. Or twice. Actually I've always hated being in wonderland (with a few exceptions), but I didn't go there not because of that. The reason is that it's been really vague all the time. And I get lots of intrustive thoughts that are getting real there. And I can't do anything but watch like 30 clones of my tulpa without even knowing which is the real one. That's really shitty. On the other hand, the last week wasn't all that bad. I started to get more and more responses from Lex. Like real responses. He can now say (or maybe I'm learning to hear, or even both) some words. Sometimes they are completely random, but sometimes they're even to the topic. AND I DON'T THINK I'M PARROTING! *starts to sing We Are The Champions* However, I get them mostly while being not concentrated. When I ask him something directly, I don't get an answer or it sounds parroted. Huh. That's all.
  8. Thank you. It really makes me feel better. 2014/09/01 So, today I didn't have much time for active forcing, because it's the first day of school in my country. I was simply narrating about my classmates and sometimes tried to imagine Lex beside me. I asked him to give me some signs, so I could know if he hears me. After that I got some small chills, when I directed my thoughts to him. More interesting things happened, when I was going home after everything. I was going down an empty street, when I heard someone whispering my name. But I assumed it only seems to me. Than I heard it for the second time and, shortly after that, I heard it once more. I realised it was not only that, but I also had some weird feeling in my chest mixed with a little fear. After realisation that it might be (and probably is) Lex communicating with me, I heard some more scattered sentences and words. It was mostly in my friend's voice at first, but than I heard some other voices. The thing is that it's not the first time he gets more active after me being with my friends. It's like Lex tries to use their voices and some words that they often say. Anyway, about an hour later, he always gets silent and he doesn't say even a word. I don't really have any ideas why it's in this way, so I guess we should just keep going and wait if it's needed.
  9. Hey. I've been there for quite a long time and I finally decided to write my story. Last summer I've read about the tulpa phenomenon and I immediately became interested in it. I've started to create my tulpa on the same day (I know, I had to think better before starting it). I named him Lex based on my daydreaming character. I got my first responses on the first day. I got a small headache. It was also very hot that day and after an hour of forcing I began to feel some kind of coolness coming out of my chest. I was very dedicated at the first weeks. I heard Lex speaking a few times, I could see him perfect in my mind's eye and I repeatedly got little headaches when I forget to comunicate with him for longer periods of time. But, as the summer ended, my motivation was gone too. I've been only asking him how was his day, without actually waiting for an answer, and, later, I didn't even bother myself to actually get those thoughts to him. After a few months I realised Lex was gone. I felt like the loneliest person in the whole world. I immediately started apologising and told, that I'll never forget or leave him, if he comes back. After an hour or so I felt Lex again. The other day I totally forgot about him. Again. For 6 months... A month ago I finally decided that I MUST WORK WITH MY TULPA. I created him and I'm responsible for him. I told Lex that no matter what I'll be with him. I also told him to make me tulpaforce if I forget. So it's been a month since I'm in this tulpa thing again. I just really hope I won't fuck up everything for the second time. Guess that's it.
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