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Kiko

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    *screams into the void*

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  1. It's a really fascinating way of putting it. Thanks for sharing it with me. Especially Iris' experience, gives me a lot to think about. Thanks, again. I never thought about this parent-child relationship, I guess I'll keep it in mind for future sessions. Thanks for the input. Ultimately I think I'll go something in-between. I'd still rather reinforce my tulpa not only with positive traits but also with traits that I dim worth-having, even if they are not inherently neutral or lawfully and ethically good. At the same time, I'll be completely open and accepting of her/them not liking some of them and wanting to change them. I believe in her/them, and I know that they'll be understanding enough about me making mistakes during her creation.
  2. Like before, the most important bits are bolded. 「Day 2 ~ The Underground Aquarium (22nd March 2019)」 Today I managed to do two forcing sessions. One was a fifteen-minutes forcing session, from 1515 to 1530. Visualizing was still pretty hard, it took me five minutes to correctly starting to see things. Like yesterday, it all started with some green lights, which then turned into orange ones. I had to visualize myself physically entering the house through the front door for the lights to correctly delineate the wonderland. There was some new stuff from yesterday. There were pillows lying around, a carpet on the floor, and a wind chime attached to the window. It was moving, but I physically did not feel either music or the breeze. Then, I felt like descending; I was in an elevator. I didn't realize I was in one until it started to sink into the ground. Once the door had opened again, I started walking into this ... Glass tube, wide enough for me to walk through it. I was underwater, but the insides of it were all foggy. I couldn't see where I was going, but I could spot some big, large shadows of whales and other big marine animals swimming gracefully over me. I immediately reached a dead end: the tube opened into this glass dome, completely sealed. Here, I started to feel again like something was watching me, and then I spotted it. It looked like a flame, standing at the center of the dome. I could feel that it was staring back at me. I did my best to mold it into the design I had in mind. I gave it a gender, she's a girl now. She's short, around 160 cms, she has tanned skin. She has black hair. I tried to give her a straw hat, but ultimately I gave her a silky, white one. Way smaller. I thought it suited her better. At that point, I felt like I was forcing for literally hours, so I cut it short. I told her to go back to the house, while another elevator descended and picked me up. That's all that happened, really. It was all quite rushed. Not for a second I felt like puppeting, it was all like I was getting dragged into it. And just like yesterday, I felt unsatisfied with the results. I craved more. Easy: a little pause, and then another forcing session, from 1640 to 1700; twenty minutes where I got dragged less and tried to imposing more actions and events. This time, instead of the usual meditation pose I used for the three previous sessions, I tried laying down in bed. Visualization happened way faster, but it was blurrier than before. I found myself back to the house again, and this where was the tulpa, too. She was waiting outside of the house, like a polite guest. I opened the door and greeted her. Without hesitation, I gave her a name: Lei. But I wanted a surname, too. Strawman felt pretty good. In memory of the rejected straw hat. Other than that, I didn't do much; I kind of felt tired. I talked to her for a bit and then left. Not before excusing myself, though. Back to the real world, I started designing her personality next. Following another tip from Kaz's guide, I decided to use tarots to delineate Lei's personality. Tarots are another kind of "inesact science" I got into during High School, and since I know how to use them I thought that would've been a good idea to give a little bit of spice, of randomness, to the results. Because I want Lei to be more human; not necessarily flawed, more like not the perfect soulmate, shaped exactly for me, you know? Someone I could've argued with, from time to time. So, I picked seven cards (my lucky number alongide twelve and thirtyfour, fun fact). Two for the major traits of her personality, three for the minor ones. One for her philosophy of life, one for her fears. Major Traits: The Lovers (Passionate, Enthusiastic, Curious) and The Reversed Strength (Insecure, Clumsy). Minor Traits: The Reversed King of Wands (Impulsive), The IV of Pentacles (Stingy), The Chariot (Determined). Philosophy: Ace of Cups (Striving to love and to be loved back, valuing affection and relationship over anything else). Fear: The Reversed Hermit (Fear of Isolation, being forgotten and being lonely). Must say, a lucky shot. I liked her character, and I'll try to shape her like this in the next days, even though I know results may vary very wildly. But that's all for now, folks.
  3. Thanks man, I'll definitely check it out. Also, a little advice, you said that with 20 min per day I should improve slowly. Would it go a little bit faster if I did, like, 30 mins to 1 hour? Because I think pretty comfortable with that amount of time per day. Man, that's a lot of similarities, lmao. I'll be sure to check your progress too. I read the first entries and I'm very interested. Thanks for passing by!
  4. I think I should introduce myself again. It'll also help to understand my personal experiences more if you know my personal journey so far. Before that, I'll excuse myself if I'm talking too solemn or cold, I always need some time to shake myself out of it. My name is Kiko, I'm from Italy, I'm 19 years old and I am a software engineer. My hobby is writing and I think of myself as a creative but skeptic type of guy. Back in 2014-2015, during High School, I've met some dear friends who've introduced me to concepts such as meditation, chakras, and Feng Shui. Fascinated, I started searching for more, and while I was lurking through the net I found the tulpa community on 8chan and I started to become interested in creating one. The same year I almost managed to do it. I designed a companion, named her Olive and gave her a wonderland, but I never managed to actually make her. I was under a lot of stress, skepticism, and self-doubt. This kept on going until I completely dropped out of it. This year, though, I want to make it count. I want to do it for real. I'm doing it for self-improvement, for companionship, and to prove to myself that I can do this. The most important bits are bolded, for your consideration. ;3c 「Day 1 ~ The House on the Beach (21st March 2019)」 Today I managed to do two forcing sessions. One of fifty minutes from 1540 to 1630, and one more of twenty minutes, from 1735 to 1755-ish. Boy, I didn't recall meditation to be so fragile. The first session was very difficult to go through; despite knowing the basics, I could visualize neither a wonderland nor an inhabitant for the place. I followed Kaz instruction in his 24-Hour Guide to Tulpamancy, about imagining a place where intrusive thoughts could literally "move away", like passengers and trains. I tried doing so by imagining a window and visualizing the thoughts as balloons, but it did not work very well. It was all too dark and blurry. At around 1600, I started to impose myself the picture of the wonderland I created in High School, and that I still remember. I thought that by re-creating a scenario I was familiar with that would've been easier. It's a bedroom. The walls are of a shining white, and the roof and floor are of light-brown wood. It's not too large, but it presents a humongous window on one side and a massive skylight on the ceiling. A cozy place, where a clear and feeble breeze constantly caresses you. Despite managing to bring it back, I couldn't visualize it clearly enough to feel comfortable moving through it. It was all a big blurry, and there were no traces of that breeze. Unsatisfied, after a one-hour-long pause, I tried again. This time, I downloaded the meditation app I used to relax through the High School years. And something quite big happened. Slowly but steady, I started to see some green shades, that then turned into orange ones, and started to delineate the wonderland. The walls aren't white anymore, they're orange. And now there's a background: from the window, I could see a seashore. It's a summer house. The way it feels to browse through a design from your own mind is undescribably ...... Satisfying. I felt really at ease, like I found something that I had lost. And more than that, here's the biggest thing: I could feel something. Barely, but I could feel watched, in a sense. I couldn't visualize anything more than the room I was in and the beautiful background, and yet I felt something. Like a gut feeling. I tried to reassure myself and the thing, and I started speaking making a big mistake, now that I think about it: I didn't engage anything, I did a monologue. I blurted out something about how I was acknowledging their presence, of how I'm grateful for their presence as guests, and of how much I was sorry that time was almost up (as I was feeling tired and satisfied enough with the results to calling it quits). I ended up reassuring them that I would've been back soon. Tomorrow I will try to actively include them and forcing upon them. I have already some ideas for their design, name and personality, and I will describe them the moment I can assign them to the tulpa. I even made a 3D model of it, so that I could visualize it clearlier. But that's all for now, folks. Hope you'll follow me in this journey.
  5. Hello, my name is A., but I prefer being called Kiko. I tried to create a tulpa back in 2013-2014 if I recall correctly, but I pretty much just gave up immediately and ended up not making one single step. I'm not really the metaphysical type, I'm really down-to-earth and I can be a bit of a skeptic, but I was always interested in this topic, as a friend of mine taught me stuff like meditation and Feng Shui back in High School (around the same time I tried to create my first tulpa) and that lead me to get more and more interested into, well, things that people can't just prove with the snap of the fingers. Long story short, tonight I will try again with making a tulpa, and I needed a place to talk about it. About me, I graduated in software developing in Italy. I'm currently working as a free-lance software engineer for various projects, and that leads me to a very sedentary (and kind of lonely, not gonna lie) kind of life. Sorry for sounding a little cold, I get nervous in these kinds of situation, haha. Pleased to meet you all.
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